Craigslist post gets a reaction

[STR8UP]

But in this situation, I never got the slightest inkling of low IL so I was shocked by the disappearance. I'm usually very in tune when their vibes. Yet, my "dj training" and personal experience tells me not to delude myself into wasting too much time on this woman or convince myself there's something where there isn't. So the two thoughts collide.

A lot of women have a man that they absolutely PINE for. Every other guy who crosses their path is subject to the gravitational pull that is exerted on the woman by this OTHER man.

So basically, maybe she doesn't hear from this guy for a few weeks, she meets you, you two get along great, then BAM! he calls her up out of the blue and all of her attention gets focused on HIM.

Not saying this is always the case, but I know for a fact it is one of the many reasons a woman could have for displaying this type of behavior.

 

[Mr. Me]

It is an indicator of low interest. I don't believe women are ditzy creatures subject to the gravitational pull of others. Let me explain. I believe that they do what they do for a reason, and it's not because they have no control over themselves and therefore are "pulled away" by shiny bright objects that cross their path by way of other people. I believe that if they are thus pulled away, then it's because they have a somewhat higher interest in that rather than in you.

It seems to me that what's really being discussed here is not a woman's inability to consistently demonstrate her high interest, but rather, you're discussing her attention ebbs and flows. And I think in some cases, low interest and attention ebb are being confused as to be the same thing, or high interest and attention flow are likewise being confused.

Onto the CL ad itself: I've been posting different types of ads on CL since I last reported, and found that the "qualifier" type ad doesn't yield the best results. An interesting experiment, but there are better ads to run. It seems to me that painting a word picture of being fun and a challenge - being a rarity in the typical babble that's out there - is the way to go.

I think also the reason for the drop offs during the subsequent follow up has nothing to do with the original ads that brought them in but more about how it's being handled and of course, their interest level. Given that it's online, there's also the missing physical chemistry factor and also the fudging of facts the "girl" may be involved in that she doesn't wish to expose or perhaps she's just in it for the attention.

 

[STR8UP]

It is an indicator of low interest. I don't believe women are ditzy creatures subject to the gravitational pull of others. Let me explain. I believe that they do what they do for a reason, and it's not because they have no control over themselves and therefore are "pulled away" by shiny bright objects that cross their path by way of other people. I believe that if they are thus pulled away, then it's because they have a somewhat higher interest in that rather than in you.

Exactly. They aren't irrational or "ditzy", they are following THEIR attraction mechanism. But they ARE being pulled away.

Remember....women tend to always have a "batter up", a "man on deck", a man (or men) "in the hole", and a whole team of bench warmers waiting their turn at bat.

It's when you THINK you are the "batter up" when you are really the guy on deck or in the hole....that's when you have these kinds of problems.

 

[ketostix]

Exactly. They aren't irrational or "ditzy", they are following THEIR attraction mechanism. But they ARE being pulled away.

Remember....women tend to always have a "batter up", a "man on deck", a man (or men) "in the hole", and a whole team of bench warmers waiting their turn at bat.

It's when you THINK you are the "batter up" when you are really the guy on deck or in the hole....that's when you have these kinds of problems.

Exactly. And if and when she is truely and fully attracted to one of the guys, most women will start cutting off their other guys.

 

[STR8UP]

Exactly. And if and when she is truely and fully attracted to one of the guys, most women will start cutting off their other guys.

I have been on both sides of the equation recently.

With the lebanese chick who i found out was desperately wanting to get back with her ex who had left her for another woman (cut a chick high and dry like that and she will want you forever), and on the other end with the 22 yr old who no doubt would be willing to drop her fiancee in a second if I were to want a relationship with her.

Another one is my buddy's ex g/f who I have fooled around with a few times. I found out that he was still fukking her, and all of a sudden it made sense why she wouldn't put out.

The trick is to make sure that you REALIZE what your status is with a particular chick and proceed accordingly. This isn't to say that you can't raise your rank, but you gotta weigh out the effort vs the reward because sometimes it doesn't matter what you do, you will never make it to the batter's box with a particular woman.

 

[ketostix]

The trick is to make sure that you REALIZE what your status is with a particular chick and proceed accordingly. This isn't to say that you can't raise your rank, but you gotta weigh out the effort vs the reward because sometimes it doesn't matter what you do, you will never make it to the batter's box with a particular woman.

Totally agree with your post. And realizing your status and whether and how you can raise your rank is the trick. A lot of times it's just a matter of timing. Sometimes it's best to let things play out while you pursue other options.

 

[STR8UP]

Totally agree with your post. And realizing your status and whether and how you can raise your rank is the trick. A lot of times it's just a matter of timing. Sometimes it's best to let things play out while you pursue other options.

That's why I always say NEVER BURN BRIDGES!

Unless a chick commits a capital offense, just push her off to the side. If you make a "break", the door closes. If you always leave the window cracked, you never know.

I'm even considering contacting the lebanese chick telling her that my date cancelled for a party thats coming up and see if she's interested, even though i pretty much told her last time that it's her move. It never hurts to throw it out there cause you never know when you might catch her at the right time.

 

[guru1000]

One of the most prevalent misunderstandings amonst men in general and members of this forum in particular is that women who act erratically like the woman above, or who behave in an unpredictable manner, are doing so from LOW INTEREST level. If it were only that simple..!
This belief ( in low or lowered IL) is mostly a projection by men onto women.

Any man who behaved in this way towards a woman would probably do so because or LOW interest level in her. Conversely, we would likely focus our energy and attention CONSISTENTLY on a woman in whom we had HIGH interest level... And so we conclude that a woman who treats us casually or is erratic and undependable has LOW interest level in us.

Not so, gentlemen.

Women are easily pulled every which way by the myriad forces in their lives.
Where men are single minded in their pursuit of a goal ( a HB perhaps) and will prioritise accordingly , women allow their time and energy to be diverted and hijacked by the demands of friends, sisters, family ,children, school , the cat the dog or the emotional state of the parrot...or the dean..et al.

Watch how easily women are pulled into conversations with others(even strangers) when you and she are doing social things together.
How many times have you been ready to head out for a dinner date, you are standing in her kitchen chatting, and she takes a phone call from a G/f or her sister.
What does she do even if she knows that you are late for your table reservation? She CATERS to the wishes and the needs of the caller, and YOU and your plans then come second for the duration of the call.
Women CATER to the demands and pressure from others in their life.
Have you ever been frustrated by her apparent inability to say NO to others who want something from her ?
Women naturally ATTEND to others. THey try to please everybody (but in so doing sometimes neglect or sabotage their LTR )

Women's greatest social fear is disapproval from others - even a stranger's opinion of her is highly regarded....sometimes to the extent that a stranger's demands ( or feelings) are put ahead of her man's wishes. THis frustrates the heck out of me ( and lot of men I suspect).
Women are terrible at apportioning loyalty and priority. The notion of PRIMACY in an intimate relationshio is poorly processed by MOST women and badly practised .
ASk every divorced man you know whether he felt highly valued by his Ex wife. Ask him whether she made the business of their marriage, her priority- the "main event", over and above the demands of others .

So even a woman who MAY have a high IL in you will sometimes appear to act as if she is indifferent by neglecting you or even flaking on plans for no legitimate reason.
COmbine these external forces acting on her with her habitual "worry wart" nature and you get BEWILDERING behavior..
There is no simple answer, men ... there is no CURE for this dilemma. Women mostly act to relieve the immediate emotional pressure that they feel from others ,and NOT on what will create the best long term benefit..

That is the way they are.

This thinking definitely EMPOWERS you with justifying flaking.

I'm not knocking it. However, let's paint a scenario. Leonardo Decaprio asks a HB8 to dinner. Does she flake?

I know this is rather extreme. My point is if a girl has a HIGH IL, 95% of the time she will not flake. Moderate to low IL may FLAKE.

Naturally, the key is to DHV at the initial encounter and take off. How you justify it after that is up to you.

I know this. When a girl is GAGA eyed when I first meet her, she NEVER flakes.

 

[Colossus]

More CL fun

As long as thread is still going, I have some good stuff to add.

I recently revised my original post (the 'arrogant bastard', hehe), and wrote something more reflective of who I atually am. The responses have been great...several replies an hour for a couple of days.

Here's the ad. I find that there are TWO types of women who respond to this type of criteria-list:

-The interested and intruiged: those who give nothing but positive feedback, good personal descriptions, and pics on demand. Essentially the ones who qualify themselves and want to know more.

-The panty-twisters. No matter how many disclaimers I throw in, there are always the opinionated, "how dare you, you're not perfect!!" types who just cant resist sending their two cents about why I am an arrogant bastard.

I am a 26 year old guy from out west. I am currently on the long road to a career in medicine. I am very serious about it and I know what I have to do to get there.
I have many interests and pursuits--bodybuilding, medicine, surgery, backpacking, survival, hiking, free-climbing, snowboarding, MMA, music, craft beers, and writing.
I am at a point in my life where building a career is very important to me. I do not need a girlfriend; I would only like one who can add positively to my life. I am under no pre-conditioned obligation to get married or have children by “x” age. When the time is right I will choose. I’d like a girl I can have fun with and share ideas and philosophies. I am a scientist at heart, so I analyze everything.

Here’s a well-defined idea of what I am looking for in a woman:

-You should be between 5’0” and 5’9”, and no more than 135 lbs. Scoff if you want; they’re just my preferences. BBW’s don’t melt my butter. I like a girl who enjoys working out and improving herself. Race isn’t really an issue. Cool girls can come in all colors.

-You should be independent, ok in your own skin, and genuinely passionate. I like a woman who is intelligent enough to be good company, and has the ability to view things objectively.

-A lot of women claim to be “outdoorsy”, but very few truly enjoy rugged time outside, rain or shine. I’m not saying you have to come gut a deer with me, but don’t be afraid to get dirty.

-I am not interested in women obsessed with their pet(s). It freaks me out. Do not send me pictures of your Fluffy or Charlie or Bowser or whatever the hell its name is. I don’t want to make love to your lap dog. I’m sure it’s adorable, but it is a freaking pet (and if were honest an abject money pit).

-I will not seriously consider dating a woman who has a lot of hang ups about sex. If you are fussy about it now, the writing is on the wall that it will NOT get any better with time.

-I do not believe in soulmates. It is a myth that is propagated by western culture. There are potentially thousands of people you could have a fulfilling relationship with throughout your life. I am not a heartless thug, but the concept of “the one” is retarded. Please don’t subscribe to this idea.

-Please don’t be a feminist or have any feminist ideals. It is no better than radical chauvinism. I believe in the natural order of men and women. Feminism only subverts that balance. There is nothing wrong with a woman being the keeper of the home and children. If that statement irks you, then you are probably not for me.

-I really like genuine, down to earth, quiet-shy types. I know that’s a hat trick of clichés, but I just don’t dig Barbie girls. And this is probably the only time you will hear a man say this, but I do not date overtly hot women. They tend to make horrible girlfriends.

-No attached women please. Take care of your dirty laundry first.
-Lastly, I am not looking for anyone who is overly career-minded. Due to the demanding nature of my own career path, a relationship where both of us are gunning for the top would simply not work.

Hopefully there is a few of you out there. If you are offended by this list and feel the need to send me a flame, save it. I know my criteria is offensive to some people and a few tiny little arrows shot my way are not going to accomplish anything other than waste your time. Use it to find someone you like, not send childish retorts.

And a few of the snarkier replies:

Hey there,

I read your very long post on craigslist and I was intrigued. I may not fit every single criteria you listed, but noone is perfect, not even you....I dont understand what you mean about being hung up about sex? Is that all you want, or you just dont want a girl to be crazy about it? Well I hope to hear from you soon.

In response to your personal ad, I just wanted to let you know that 135 lbs is not very feasible for women who are 5'9. I'm that tall, and I weigh 140-145 and I am considered thin. My wish is that men would get a realistic view on women's weight and know what real women weigh. 135+ is not fat or BBW for us tall ladies. Also, its hard to be "comfortable in your own skin" when men like yourself are putting severe restrictions on what is acceptable for our weight.

Healthy is what looks best. That's probably what you should have written. You'd have won more points with chicks like me if you had.

...as if I want points from heffers.

The best one yet was from a 24-year old European PhD student. Totally agreed with all of my views about feminism and the natural order of things. They (european women) really are different; more cultured, more feminine, more respectful of their men. Heck, I should get her to post here!

 

[STR8UP]

The best one yet was from a 24-year old European PhD student. Totally agreed with all of my views about feminism and the natural order of things. They (european women) really are different; more cultured, more feminine, more respectful of their men. Heck, I should get her to post here!

I'm feeling lazy as ever, but I'm considering writing up something a little different to post to see what happens.

i agree with the european women. Give me ten years and I will FIND MY BRIDE in eastern europe! LOL

 

[STR8UP]

BTW....I re-posted the original ad and just got another response from a 37 (yikes) year old.

I'll hit her up tomorrow and see what happens.

 

[Bonhomme]

n response to your personal ad, I just wanted to let you know that 135 lbs is not very feasible for women who are 5'9. I'm that tall, and I weigh 140-145 and I am considered thin. My wish is that men would get a realistic view on women's weight and know what real women weigh. 135+ is not fat or BBW for us tall ladies. Also, its hard to be "comfortable in your own skin" when men like yourself are putting severe restrictions on what is acceptable for our weight.

Healthy is what looks best. That's probably what you should have written. You'd have won more points with chicks like me if you had.

That gal made some good points. I dated one gal who was 5'7" and said she was 145lb, and I'd have never guessed it. She was certainly not chubby, by any means. Pretty damn well-proportioned (she was pretty athletic). Muscle mass is denser than fat, after all. Below 135lb is pretty damn thin for 5'9" ...

 

[Mr. Me]

I'm even considering contacting the lebanese chick telling her that my date cancelled for a party thats coming up and see if she's interested...

I re-posted the original ad

For a guy who so recently lamented the state of affairs, I'm surprised you keep doing the same things over again and expecting better results.

Also, its hard to be "comfortable in your own skin" when men like yourself are putting severe restrictions on what is acceptable for our weight.

Happened to catch this little "blame the man for the woman's problem" in her quote.

I recently revised my original post (the 'arrogant bastard', hehe)...
I find that there are TWO types of women who respond to this type of criteria-list...
there are always the opinionated, "how dare you, you're not perfect!!" types who just cant resist sending their two cents about why I am an arrogant bastard.

I wonder if you wouldn't hear from them if you didn't have "negative talk" in your ad that you suspect will "irk" some readers. "Bbws don't melt my butter" and "Feminism only subverts that balance" views needn't be discussed in a personals ad. Certainly in an OpEd page, but not a personals ad as those ads are meant to attract the ones you want. If you're getting email from others, then that's who you're attracting. I see it as marketing, so if you're getting a different sector responding, your ad needs tweaking. "You're somewhere between 5'0" and 5'9" and fit, in shape" and "I like being with a cultured woman who revels in her femininity" may be sufficient, for example.

Keep in mind that even those you seek can get turned off by the words you use, even if it doesn't apply to them.

They (European women) really are different; more cultured, more feminine, more respectful of their men.

They sure seem to be. Plus they look really cool smoking thin little cigarettes. Meeting them is the challenge. If they live here for any amount of time, there's the danger that they've been exposed to the U.S. mentality. Then they become like those virus ravaged mutants in "I Am Legend", except meaner.

I was out the other night and trying to hit on a typical local woman who, after a few tries, she was just being the typical b*tch. The night before, I met a gal from the Ukraine, she was great. What a difference in attitudes. I was dating a latina recently, all she wanted to do was make sure I was having a great time with her.

I have a cousin who recently flew to China to meet a gal he was corresponding with and they're going to get married! I think that's too far to travel, I'll go down to the East Village to meet asians. So now one of the things I'm doing is finding out where the Europeans in town tend to congregate so that I can mingle with them.

 

[STR8UP]

For a guy who so recently lamented the state of affairs, I'm surprised you keep doing the same things over again and expecting better results.

That's the whole point. You can do anything you want as long as you have no expectations. At this point I have ZERO expectations from this particular person.

It never hurts to "touch base" from time to time because a woman's situation changes and it is very possible that your initial contact was just "bad timing" and you might find yourself in the right place at the right time if you keep the lines open.

 

[Mr. Me]

You can do anything you want as long as you have no expectations.

Nice dodge. Not having expectations is great, but doing the same things over and over again that haven't quite best worked out before - bad choices - is really what this is about.

"it is very possible that your initial contact was just "bad timing"

Is that what you think it was in your case? A case of bad timing? Let's see, she's in a very long distance relationship, engaged to some guy, but sleeping in panties in your bed, giving you vibes. So, in my book, she's got issues or she can't be trusted, and you want to revisit her? That's okay if all you want to do is get laid, but more than that from her, I don't like what she's doing. A gal that gets engaged to some guy who she hardly ever sees because he only lives a million miles away is typically a gal avoiding a real relationship. A gal who tells me she's engaged to marry a guy but is sleeping in my bed doesn't have integrity. And I don't listen to men's excuses for women's behavior. Instead, I believe their behavior.

Rather than bad timing, I think it's about making the same bad choices.

 

[Colossus]

I wonder if you wouldn't hear from them if you didn't have "negative talk" in your ad that you suspect will "irk" some readers. "Bbws don't melt my butter" and "Feminism only subverts that balance" views needn't be discussed in a personals ad. Certainly in an OpEd page, but not a personals ad as those ads are meant to attract the ones you want. If you're getting email from others, then that's who you're attracting. I see it as marketing, so if you're getting a different sector responding, your ad needs tweaking. "You're somewhere between 5'0" and 5'9" and fit, in shape" and "I like being with a cultured woman who revels in her femininity" may be sufficient, for example.

Keep in mind that even those you seek can get turned off by the words you use, even if it doesn't apply to them.

Im not much of a sugar-coater. I could see tweaking my vernacular for the purpose of attracting a more diverse pool of responders, and maybe I will try that in the future. But Ive already spent enough time on it; the majority of my energy is better spent doing actual approaches. Online stuff should be supplemental.

 

[STR8UP]

Is that what you think it was in your case? A case of bad timing? Let's see, she's in a very long distance relationship, engaged to some guy, but sleeping in panties in your bed, giving you vibes. So, in my book, she's got issues or she can't be trusted, and you want to revisit her? That's okay if all you want to do is get laid, but more than that from her, I don't like what she's doing. A gal that gets engaged to some guy who she hardly ever sees because he only lives a million miles away is typically a gal avoiding a real relationship. A gal who tells me she's engaged to marry a guy but is sleeping in my bed doesn't have integrity. And I don't listen to men's excuses for women's behavior. Instead, I believe their behavior.

Rather than bad timing, I think it's about making the same bad choices.

I am talking about the 33 yr old lebanese chick who I heard wants to get back with her ex husband. You are talking about the 22 y/o who is engaged to someone else but wants me. Two different girls.

 

[Mr. Me]

Thanks for pointing that out. In more than one way, I'm relieved that I didn't have the facts straight.

Okay, so, you want to get together a woman who is still attached to her ex? Still a bad choice in my book.

Im not much of a sugar-coater. I could see tweaking my vernacular for the purpose of attracting a more diverse pool of responders, and maybe I will try that in the future. But Ive already spent enough time on it; the majority of my energy is better spent doing actual approaches.

I'm continually surprised by the excuses people make for themselves.

It's not a matter of "sugar coating" and/or trying to attract a more diverse group. It's a matter of working smarter to attract a niche group. I guess if you're looking to make better use of your energy and time, then it would be productive to tweak your ad for best results, rather than spend the time writing out the kind of stuff that repels some and invites flames that you then spend your time reading and then posting about.

 

[STR8UP]

Thanks for pointing that out. In more than one way, I'm relieved that I didn't have the facts straight.

Okay, so, you want to get together a woman who is still attached to her ex? Still a bad choice in my book.

I'm not looking for a wife. Point is, I have zero invested in her and I know who I am dealing with so if I contact her I can care less about the outcome. I think I'm actually going to just invite a few other girls and tell them to bring some hot friends instead though, hehe

 

[ketostix]

I'm not looking for a wife. Point is, I have zero invested in her and I know who I am dealing with so if I contact her I can care less about the outcome. I think I'm actually going to just invite a few other girls and tell them to bring some hot friends instead though, hehe

I think you were right in the first place Str8up about hitting up Middle-eastern chick. Do both. Invite middle-eastern chick to a meetup at a different time and place. I mean all it takes on you part is a few seconds to text or a minute or two for a call. What's there to lose really? Isn't that what you're saying?