Boot Camp for The Mature Man

[Mantra]

Hey al77.
I think you really need to start looking at the way you're talking to yourself.
Train yourself to catch yourself every time you criticise yourself in your thoughts. We create our reality and our experience of reality with our thinking all the time. Check out some Anthony Robbins stuff!!!!
You could have given yourself some positive feedback after your "Hi" to the girl in the library. If you got a funny look from her or whatever, who cares, she might be scared, be having a bad hair day, have just split up from a boyfriend or whatever. You need to jump in as soon as the self critic rears his ugly head and say, nay force yourself to say "I am an urban warrior, the mack daddy supreme!!! I boldly do things that others only dream about! I am dynamic, courageous and happy!"

Get the drift? It may seem like BS in the beginning, but after a while it will become a habit, and soon it will start to CREATE you a new identity.

Don't give up.....keep thinking action, positive reinforcement, action, positive reinforcement etc and soon you will radiate a new positive, attractive energy.

Keep going!!!!!

 

[allan976]

DJ Boot Camp,

Week 2, Day 4 (rough guesstimate; I started bootcamp recently but haven't kept a 'log' till today).

Went to grocery store at 4:30 PM right after work. Saw pretty girl in the pasta aisle (HB 7, full figured as in big buxomed but not fat, pretty face with zero makeup, mid twenties). Asked her which sauce she recommended, blah blah blah...'what's your name'...blah blah blah....continued a conversation with her for about three minutes or so. This girl becomes noticeably flustered as we speak: she starts stuttering, smiles nervously, and has difficulty keeping up a lively conversation (due to nervousness?). She mentions she is going to some 'new age' type talk and retreat. I tell her to give me her number if she wants to talk about various 'new age' speakers and books.

She pauses for maybe five seconds, then offers: 'well, I have a boyfriend...and I'll be out of town for four weeks...' I say I'm not asking about her boyfriend, I'm asking about her...' she says 'well it was nice talking to you, maybe I'll see you around here at grocery store x in the future.'

Lesson learned 1: girls love being picked up, whether they have a boyfriend (real or imagined) or not.

Lesson learned 2: girls in Los Angeles don't say 'no.' They say 'maybe' or 'maybe next time' or 'I have a boyfriend.' This is about as close as you'll get to a 'thank you.' It's like a note of appreciation for the PUA regardless of outcome; they know it's difficult for a man to make an approach, so any rebuff will be very gentle.

Lesson 3: Being 'rejected' is virtually painless. My attitude after not getting the number, without spinning this at all was: 'her loss.'

Lesson 4: this girl seemed uncertain and highly nervous, about what exactly I don't know. Is she afraid of offending me, is she second guessing her relationship with her man, what is it?

Critique of my PUA/number close attempt are welcome!

 

[allan976]

Two and a half minute PUA with exit

DJ Boot Camp,

Week 2, Day 3 (Wednesday)

Went to grocery store at 4:30 PM after hitting the gym (field report on the gym PUA pending). I grab a few items from the fresh fruit/veggie aisle. Get in line behind a cute, young blonde (HB8, 5' 8", very thin, but 'borderline' in terms of age).

Me: "Excuse me," I say to her as I drop my fruits/veggies on the counter. She leans out of the way slightly. "I didn't mean to barge past you like that," I say jokingly. She looks at me and smiles broadly.

Me: I notice she's purchasing some sushi. "That looks good," I say.

Her: "Yeah," she says smiling, looking at me over her shoulder for a second.

Me: "It's expensive though," I say immediately to keep the conversation flowing (this is an 'upscale' grocery store).

Her: "Yeah it is, but it's a lot less expensive than the sushi I buy at my favorite sushi restaurant..." This girl is completely at ease, very friendly, and apparently cultured and intelligent if she frequents sushi restaurants, especially at her age.

Me: "Hey, what's your name?" I ask to establish a little more rapport since the clerk has just about finished ringing up her purchase.

Her: "Angie," she says, smiling, speaking very quietly, shyly. I extend my hand for a handshake. She gives me a noncommittal, limp noodle handshake.

Me: I'm getting suspicious about her age after glancing at her a few times now. "So you go to school around here?" I'm situated near a university, so if she says 'yes,' I know she's over 18.

Her: "ummmmmm," her voice is now even quieter than when she stated her name, and her voice is uneven, almost quaking: "I go to X high...."

Me: (Damm! I knew she was around 18, but just above or below, but now my suspicions are confirmed. Time to exit.) "Take it easy!" I say to her without looking at her, giving her the cue to exit stage right.

Lesson learned 1: cute blondes are outgoing, fun, confident (hey, it's just a hypothesis I'll test many, many times later on-- with the 18 and over crowd only of course).

 

[allan976]

AM I THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH BOOT CAMP?

DJ Boot Camp,

Week 2, Day 2 + 3 (Tuesday + Wednesday)

Tuesday @ 9 PM: head out to grocery store to pick up some juice and water. Notice a HB7 blonde, 5' 7" approaching store from about 30 feet away from me in the parking lot. I stare in her direction as we walk to the entrance.

I grab my two items but also attend to the HB7 blonde's whereabouts. Do I talk to her? What do I talk about? I am anxious as hell. I look for the shortest line and by coincidence HB7 is the last person in line in the shortest line. She looks delicious in a tight pink blouse and tight fitting khakis. Can't help but think of fornication as I eye her body, but speculate she might be stuck up. I get irritated now because blonde mid-20's HB7 is blocking me from putting my items on the counter.

Me: "Excuse me," I grouse.
HB7: "sorry," she offers politely, looking back at me for a half second.

After a few seconds, I notice she looks at me a second time, directly into my eyes. I look into her eyes immediately and she breaks eye contact as soon as our eyes meet. I'm getting anxious to talk to her now.

Me: "Whoo, boy is this line moving...
HB: "yeah" she cuts me off before I finish; she has turned her head over her shoulder, smiling.
Me: "....slow." She's nervous I think, and she's smiling. Damn, maybe she's friendly. I thought she would be stuck up.

I can't muster the courage to talk with her further at this point. The lady cashier cards her. "Sure!" HB says, offering her ID in a very pleasant manner.

Lesson learned 1: Guy talks to girl. Guy is nervous. Guy is horny. Girl is nervous. Therefore, girl is horny too? Girl is nervous and horny? And she is friendly to boot? Epiphany: girl is friendly, nervous, and horny! Why the hell didn't I talk to her some more!!!

------------------

Wednesday @ 3 PM.
Go to gym planning to work on a brunette 20 yr old, 5' 9" HB7.5. As a BAFC to RAFC, I neglected even talking to this girl for nearly three months even though she stared at me and smiled the first time she ever saw me.

I see her two minutes after I enter the gym and scan the general area. I am too nervous to speak to her immediately. I get on the stairmaster. HB7.5 walks past behind me, and stares in my general direction over her shoulder, but avoids eye contact.

After 20 minutes, I'm so anxious to talk to her, I get off the stairmaster and walk in her direction. She's cleaning the desks at the front counter.

Me: "they're working you too hard around here!"

HB: Smiles, looking at me over her shoulder but still working.

Me: "How do you like working here?"

HB: "I really like it alot. The people here are really friendly."

Me: "So do you have anything fun planned after work?"

HB: Stops working now. Stares and smiles, shaking her head saying "no."

Me: I freeze up. Why did she stop working, I wonder. "Did you go on spring break?"

HB: "Yea, I went to x and x." She seems to be losing interest now; she's answering but not looking at me anymore. HB has finished cleaning up. "It was nice meeting you," she says nodding, smiling over her shoulder.

Me: Feeling devastated. Second guessing myself. Did I talk to her too long? Did I bore her?

Lesson learned 2: HB7.5 gave me an opening to invite her to do something fun after work. I choked. Bottom line: Don't choke next time.

PS: are there any other boot camp participants here? Post!

 

[allan976]

CONFIDENCE SOARS, CONFIDENCE CRUMBLES, BOOTCAMP CHRONICLES, CONTINUED

DJ Boot Camp,

Week 2, Day 5 + 6 (Friday + Saturday)

Friday 2 PM
I'm winding up a week of initiating short conversations with strangers. I'm getting antsy to move on to number closes, and my confidence is soaring.

After lunch, I get some work done at a cafe. See Asian female, perhaps a 7 or so in looks at adjacent table, about 20 years old. Ask her what she is studying; she says she's studying accounting. She begins smiling, plays with hair incessantly, stroking, pulling with a nervous shy smile. We talk about where she goes to school, her major, blah blah blah. After about 5 minutes, we both get back to studying. Friday 5 PM. Head out to visit some friends...

Lesson learned 1: stroking hair, nervous smile are 'buying signals.'

****

Saturday 4 PM: check out a movie: Sin City! My friend bails on me but I'm determined to see it anyway, even if I have to go alone. The movie is terrific, but I'm starting to feel down since I don't have plans for Saturday night. I decide to go to a cafe in the evening, just to get out of the house.

I get to the cafe feeling more AFC than ever (or at least during the last few weeks). It's a total sausage fest unfortunately, with only two female customers in the house. Just when I've about given up hope, I see an awfully cute HB7 working as the cafe hostess. She gives me a big smile, then looks down when I make eye contact and smile in return. Aaaah, my confidence is restored. I wrap up week 2 short conversations with a 5 minute conversation with this girl. She's an actor, blah blah blah, maybe 18 or 19 or so. Just an adorable gal. I might try to get a phone number next week. Hard to gauge her interest level after the conversation.

Friends, post! Post! Post! Anyone else bootcamping?

 

[allan976]

DON'T QUIT!

DJ Boot Camp,

Week 3, Day 1, 2, 3 (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday)

I am breathing a HUGE sigh of relief. I thought week 3 was the start of training in number closes. I wasn't sure I was ready! Instead, we're still at the 'talking' stage, which reduces my anxiety greatly.

Week 3, Day 1, Monday 6 PM.

I'm at the gym. I'm not quite ready for a week of number closing attempts, but having misread the boot camp schedule, I give it a go anyway. See a cute dirty blonde mounting an exercise bike to my left. Take a quick glance to check out her face and bod. Nice. Meg Ryan face (maybe not quite as cute) and very nice tan legs. I'm guessing she's 20. She looks back at me after noticing me checking her out. It's more of a double take than a look of interest.

'Excuse me, which channel is that on? (she's watching the simpsons).'

'It's on channel x,' she says but doesn't smile or look at me.

'I was always wondering what the hype about that show was about,' I say, trying to force/initiate a conversation.

She says nothing. I try again anyway.

'So what's so interesting about this show?'

'Well, it's......blah blah blah and it's also blah blah blah.'

We continue on for about 7 or 8 minutes talking about miscellaneous topics. She never seems nervous, doesn't smile except for very brief half smiles, and just generally seems lukewarm towards me. Regardless, I keep trying to keep the conversation going. Eventually, I get her to talk whenever I stop, but it's more because she's into the conversation rather than because of any interest in me, as I will discover later. I ask her what she likes to do in her free time. She mentions that she likes to go shopping.

'Well, I better get going,' I say at about the 10 minute mark in the conversation. 'Give me your number and we'll hang out sometime, and go to X boulevard.'

'I'm going with my friend,' she says, avoiding eye contact. 'She has a really nice car.'

'All right, take it easy.' I say.

I see an Asian HB8, bright pink and black spandex, lots of makeup, nice bod and face, but after being routed earlier, don't really have the confidence to approach. Same with another HB8 I see a few minutes later. I'm not getting any eye contact from either and my self esteem is momentarily shot anyway.

Lesson learned 1: unless you're getting 'buying' signals, if you're getting a generally lukewarm response, despite lengthy conversation, there's really no point in proceeding further.

****

I check the boot camp manual later that evening and find out I'm a week ahead of schedule; I'm still at the 'talk' stage.

Lesson learned 2: follow the boot camp instrutions.

---

Week 3, Day 2, Tuesday: very little going on this day. I hit up my favorite grocery stores to do some shopping starting at around 5 PM, but only see one HB7 (I think, since I don't really get to see her face) and she is moving very quickly in the opposite direction. Otherwise, no targets worth approaching.

---

Week 3, Day 3, Wednesday:

5 PM: I see the HB7.5 brunette I talked to last week. I approach from behind, and use a little kino by saying 'hi' and holding her on the arm. Big smile, very friendly, and a lot of her shyness from last week has evaporated. I don't chat much, just ask her how she's doing, is everyone treating her all right, etc.
Nice to see her a bit more comfortable around me. Nice.

6:30 PM. Back to get some more groceries. I see a couple HB's working checkout aisles. I see a Latina HB7.5 I've seen a few times before. Nice tan, smooth skin, just generally very pretty. I was actually afraid to talk to her last week when I saw her. Today, she's working check out, so it's going to be a lot easier to talk to her, since it's mandatory for both of us. We say hi when it's my turn in line, but she is looking straight down. I ask her how she's doing and she warms up quickly. Big smile, I ask her about work, and she gives me some unsolicited information about herself. Very nice. This brief two or three minute conversation boosts my confidence again.

Lesson learned 3: Wheeew! You need A LOT of determination to get through boot camp! BUT, it's completely worth it!

 

[Mantra]

well done Allan!
You sound like you're doing great---- keep it up!
I may start bootcamp again myself, from week 2....it's always a great refresher!
I'm working on a long post about male and female sexual polarity and the dynamics of male/female nature in the process of attraction, and I'm also about to start date coaching a couple of my friends, so I've got a lot on my plate as well as my work and courses I'm taking.
Will post if I get underway with B C.

Once again, keep up the good work. Every situation regardless of the outcome should give rise to positive confidence....it is a training wheel.

 

[allan976]

RED HOT LATINA AND POKER FACE BLONDE

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Mantra! BTW, I highly recommend 'Weapons of Mass Seduction' for immediate perusal; Boot Camp is laid out in a rather formulaic manner, which is good since it gives you a lot of structure, but which de-emphasizes intuition, pacing, and ultimately sympathy for your target. WMS balances out your program by emphasizing 'reading' rather than 'sarging' and charging forward blindly.

And now, back to the field report:

DJ Boot Camp,

Week 2, Day 4 (Thursday)

1 PM: I'm at work at the administrative center. There was a good looking Latina (about 20yrs old, perhaps 7.5) I was introduced to at the start of the year who works at this center. She's been awfully friendly on the few occasions I've talked to her, smiling a lot, offering eager assistance, and I just got that gut feeling which I never acted on until I started boot camp. I was determined to get to know her, but my attempt to locate her on Tuesday was a no-go. She is not in. Surprisingly, I have strong feelings of regret and longing when I learn this. ('If only I had shown initiative earlier! Damm!')

Two days later, I show up again (ostensibly to take care of some urgent paperwork), and she is in. However, she is inundated with phone calls and with a stack of papers two feet high she has to get through by the end of the day. Her back is to me as I enter. She looks better than ever. Beautiful blue top with those frilly things on the forearm portion, tight blue jeans, and she looks a few inches taller than before, meaning she's wearing heels. Her 'bytchy' attitude, a hallmark of the young hottie are on full display (for reasons unrelated to her personality, but which will become evident very soon).

Me: 'hello.'

Her: 'May I help you?!' Ooh, this is bad. She is frowning, stressed, doesn't want to help, and is just generally overloaded with work. (My quick read on the situation: 'she's upset with her job, not me. PROCEED WITH CAUTION).

Me: 'how are you today.'

Her: 'good, how are you?' The tone of her voice is now positive and friendly, but she's still frowning. I've already made progress.

Me: 'so what time did you start today?'

Her: she tells me started at 6:30 AM (no wonder she's upset!!!) She says she finishes up in an hour or two. I tell her she doesn't have long to go then. But then, she adds, she has to go to a training session right after (aaah, totally overloaded today).

Me: I ask her name. She gives it to me. I shake her hand, give her my name, and she smiles. I tell her I have to go, but I leave with a little more kino, massaging her arm and shoulder lightly as I leave.

Lesson learned 1: PACE YOURSELF. Abandon or adopt C & F as the circumstances demand. Sympathy, rather than a formula, can be your best aid when befriending an overwhelmed, overworked subject.

Lesson learned 2: Watch your language and C & F program at work. I had a sexually charged follow up planned after I asked when she started that day; 'so what time (ahem) do you get off tonight?' I decided against using this--I don't want to bother with even a suspicion of sexual harassment.

Lesson learned 3: emotional intensity is arousing, especially if the subject you are targeting is especially attractive. Sheer, raw emotion, even aggression from a female, is for some reason, sexually arousing.

Lesson learned 4: I get the 'sense' that she has a boyfriend. Why? Hard to say how I pick up on that vibe. Here's how I draw the inference: she's upset at her long work day, but she's dressed to the nines, near the end of the week. That means (I imagine) that she's very eager to get off work so she can have some fun, and she's already dressed to 'go out.' We'll see if this theory holds up, we'll see if my 'gut intuition' is on, or whether it's just insecurity on my part.

***

4:30 PM: Back to the grocery store after work. I try a new location for my favorite chain a little further from my pad, but closer to the freeway exit. This store has a lot less foot traffic, making it a little less ideal for meeting women, but I need some variety. I spot a tall, young, pretty Latina staff member as a possible target. First, gotta get my grub. After a couple minutes, I see the latina in the dairy aisle. WAIT! HB7.5 blonde approaching! Who do I talk to now? My wires are crossed but I decide to talk to the Latina first (after a coin flip). I ask her a couple of questions about the dairy goods. She is focused on stocking the shelves, and not giving me any flow. Little eye contact, no smiles, short to the point answers. Time to move on. The blonde is still lingering in the yogurt aisle. What the hell. It takes me 10, rather than 3 seconds, but that's good enough.

Me: 'so which of these yogurts do you recommend?'

Her: It takes a second for HB to emerge from her solitary fog, to realize someone is talking to her. Her cerebral cortex is triggered and this 5' 8" thin blonde in her late 20's is now awake. Unfortunately, she is speaking waaaay too fast, and tells me way too much about EVERY single variety of yogurt they sell: 'well this yogurt....and that yogurt is....and this other one is...."

Me: my eyes are glazing over and I can barely keep up with her stream of consciousness, until something she says finally tweaks me:

Her: "...but it all depends on whether you like it thin....or thick and creamy..." she looks over her shoulder at me to gauge my reaction.

Me: Whoa. What did she say? Was that a sexual innuendo? I know I should go with it, but I chicken out. Dropped the ball.

Lesson learned 5: I attempt the pickup. Girl responds to the verbal/rational cue--my request for information, and to my erotic, sexual interest as well. In other words, she enters the game, calls my bluff, raises me, and I fold. She's too old, too good, too experienced, and I'm too chicken. Yes, the pickup game is a poker game, and the older and more experienced the target (up to a point), the better the player. This is a very fun game however!! I can't believe how much you can learn from a woman in a two minute conversation.

 

[rjaudenes]

Field Report - Action Date

ok,


I'm in....


Instead of the report i was writing, i'll keep the bootcamp cause i feel i need more advice in my field work:


Saturday, 23 April
Field Report - Date


I was tired of "cofee dates" i just wanna do something different, funny, because i think my life is too short to do all time cofee dates. let's go to the history:

1- Knew this hb 7,5 at an internet relationship site, let's call her Samanta

2- Tried to get her phone # in the first conversation on the site chat, but she said she would call me. I said ok and she called me after 30 minutes. We had a great 30 minutes conversation. We spoke about beaches, travels, etc. In the conversation i got her phone #

3- No waited, but felt the desire to call her again, after 2 days. We got another cool conversation ad i suggested a "park of diversions" (i don't know the correct term), because i wanted a long time ago go to a roler coaster and trie a funny date. She accepted.

4- On day before i called her to confirm, and made my first "error" she told she was with headake and asked me to talk more...i did that...

5- The date day. She arrived late and we almost lose the bus to the park of diversions ("park")

6- Had a great conversation on the bus (she did some massage in my hands and i played some C&F with her)

7- In the park. We talked a lot on the queues and i made a lot of kino.

8- On the bus final stop i fel hungry and invited her to eat something because i felt she was hungry too. She accepted.

Impressions:


1. At this time i choose an expensive date because i really wanted get fun, not to buy her. Because of this the date was damn funn because i really enjoyed the park (my first time on the roller coaster )

2. But...

Deepblue wrote once time something about push&pull girls. Well, at the beggining of the date i wasn't feel her IL after the kino so it turned in a "non natural kino", i noticed that, so, instead of trying kino i just get funn, C+f, and well... i didn't believed, she started to do kino with me. Deep Blue is very right!

3. Too fast, that's it, now i get my mistake. Instead of know the girl i was trying to put a model to work...again...but the date i choose was long, so in a moment i get this mistake, so i sayd...Man, f***, let's go funn and f*** all world! Things changed, conversations get in a good line, natural kino.

But no kiss because she didn't want. She said "it's not time yet, i wanna go slow down" (red flag 1).

4. Hughe mistake. We started talk about relationships, and i started to talk about confidence, phone rules, the real man, read woman by actions and no words... damn, damn, damn


Lessons learned


1. Never, never, never go to a date with formulas in the head. The great behavior is with you because you conquered it in you regular life (pook words: your romantic life is an echo of your regular life). Next time i'll go with 0 results expecting and 100% expecting fun.

2. Push&Pull. Feel her IL before kino

3. Never talk about strategies, don juan mindsets, etc.


Day after the date


How im feeling, i think this is important because it will mesure the AFC level:

Im feel i get a damn funny date!

In another hand, im feel thinking too much in her, ok, is not bad has feelings, but thinking too much in her... in thi time my new hobbies helped me a lot

Good feeling: I'm not anymore analising situation, because i finally understand the course of things is the life job...


Well buddies, i really appreciate commentaries and advice, because i feel i still need to improve



Thanks, Rafael from Brazil
--------------------------------------------
The best way to learn is going into the field and deal the demons inside you

 

[allan976]

TOO MUCH, TOO SOON I SAY!

RJ, great to see you with the program...

1. Action dates are great. How about keeping it short and sweet on a first outing by setting up a game of pool at the local bar, or inviting her to a game of miniature golf? Kino is virtually a given in these situations (one of your concerns was unnatural kino), but neither activity involves a big time or cash allotment. An amusement park is an unusually large investment (of time and cash), especially for a first date; who knows what she'll expect for entertainment on a second date? (Front row tickets for an NBA playoff game? Sounds like your setting her up for very high expectations later on, if there even is a 'later on').

2. Did you two go dutch, man? No need to foot the entire bill. How about getting her to pay for the food, if she is so hungry (after you pay for park tickets) for example.

3. Did you qualify this girl in any way? What made this girl so special that you'd be willing to invest so heavily in her: financially, time-wise, emotionally? Make sure she's done something to earn your time and interest. She sounds reasonably attractive but not remarkably so, so why go 'whole hog' with this one right away?

Take all this with a grain of salt, I'm only through week 3 of BC. Any advice from more seasoned players? Keep posting, bro's!

btw: I sometimes wonder why brazilian guys mess with american girls after what little I've heard and seen about the brazilian ladies!

 

[rjaudenes]

Hi allan976!


Thanks for the advice!

Man, you are absolutly right, i was too much on the idea of action date, and forgot to mesure things, yes, its too soon to a large and expensive date, she's probably expecting now a travel to the moon (geez! :crackup: )

Another great lesson learned!
Action dates are great, but they need to go slow. Next time i'll work on bowling, mini-golf, paintball stuffs that are great too.



Thanks, Rafael from Brazil
--------------------------------------------
The best way to learn is going into the field and dealing the demons inside you

 

[allan976]

RETURN OF THE CHUMP

The weekends are tough for me in the early stages of boot camp. After years of 'chump' status, I find my weekends unoccupied and unplanned. I am determined to spend nights out regardless.

Week 2, Day 5 (Friday):

Friday night at the gym: nothing but bugly/fugly girls as expected. Nothing to report here.

---

Week 2, Day 6 (Saturday):

I head out to the mall at around 3:30 PM. Haven't been in the longest time. I walk sloooowly to check out the action. I assess the lay of the land and it is not very promising. A lot of middle aged housewives totally focused on shopping and gaggles of teenagers chirping goofily in front of The Gap. I spot a B crowd celeb and many families out for a stroll. I see a movie and on the way back to the parking lot see more of the same despite circling 'round twice.

Lesson learned 1: make mental note to self: the mall is massively overrated as hunting grounds.

8 PM: I debate whether I should go to a club, despite being in the early stages of BC. I read up a bit on the LA club scene on the internet, but I'm not really sure whether dress codes are enforced, which club is best, and basically chicken out: man, it's been so long.

9 PM: head to a cafe. Total sausage fest. There is a cute young hostess girl, the same one I saw last time, exactly one week ago. I try talking to her when I leave:

"I bet you're ready to get off work..."
She mumbles a response.
I try again: "so how was your week?"
"It was all right. How was YOUR week?" She is clearly irritated.
"It was pretty good. Hey, I better get going."

On my drive home, I'm saddened by the blow-off, then chuckle at my pathetic emotional state, and I relax again.

Lessone learned 2: avoid cafes on Saturday nights. Duh!

---

Week 2, Day 7 (Sunday):

3 PM: my visit to Costco is utterly fruitless. Two HB's (Latina 7 and Asian 8 respectively), both attached at the hip to their significant other.

---

Week 3, Day 1 (Monday):

9 PM: back to the gym. Check out the Rockets game and watch T-Mac rip the gutless Bradley/Van Horn duo.

And here it is, the chump returns. I see two hotties, one blonde one a brunette. Both about 20, HB8's with nice bodies and pinchably cute cheeks (asses and faces both). They have matching pink ipods too (terrific conversation starter, I think). I stretch standing behind them while they are on ellipticals to get an extended (pre)view of their backsides. Nice. Very nice. Head over to another mat to check out their faces while I do some crunches. I notice the blonde is checking out EVERY male that walks by. I mean every last one, including the middle aged, 5' 3" janitor. The blonde glances at me twice also--I look away, intimidated, afraid of her 'catching me'. Her brunette friend finishes up on the elliptical and walks by me, looking over her shoulder at her blonde friend, waiting for her. The brunette's face stops halfway during her headturn, eyes wide open, looking me directly in the eye as she stands directly in front of me. I do nothing. The situation should be perfect for a DJ in training: randy blonde (probably sorority) female; cute brunette (nice dimples--think of the lead chick in the movie "Thirteen" seven years later) giving me 'the look,' and a reasonable 'in' or conversation starter with the ipods. And I let it slip out of the palm of my hands. Grrrrrr. The chump is back! He's back I say!

Number close week is playing tricks with my mind. Starting conversations was a complete piece of cake; maybe I should pretend I'm stuck at that week, then let it flow from there; I might do just as well, and without the pressure of attempting the close? Anyone at a similar stage? I'm disappointed in myself. I need a kick in the ass, fellas.

 

[rjaudenes]

Hi allan,


We are in the same ship, so here go my 0,2 cents:

allan wrote:
I head out to the mall at around 3:30 PM. Haven't been in the longest time. I walk sloooowly to check out the action. I assess the lay of the land and it is not very promising. A lot of middle aged housewives totally focused on shopping and gaggles of teenagers chirping goofily in front of The Gap. I spot a B crowd celeb and many families out for a stroll. I see a movie and on the way back to the parking lot see more of the same despite circling 'round twice.

If you don't find "food" in a place, go to the other. But insist stay the same place where no are hb's will always piss you off, get your ass out and fast! The best places are there you are enjoying what you are doing and doing approaches (example: set up a fun thing you wanna do, like mini-golf, and at the golf camp you divide your golf with your game, if not get any phone #, you get fun, at least, but you'll be more relaxed because you are getting funn by yourself, you not depend of th hb's to enjoy the moment)


allan wrote:
9 PM: head to a cafe. Total sausage fest. There is a cute young hostess girl, the same one I saw last time, exactly one week ago. I try talking to her when I leave:

"I bet you're ready to get off work..."
She mumbles a response.
I try again: "so how was your week?"
"It was all right. How was YOUR week?" She is clearly irritated.
"It was pretty good. Hey, I better get going."

You just did one game on the cafe? Next time do 10 approachs! Why you tried to talk her on the leave, it seems you did your last card of the night, this is bad because you see her like your last chance of the night. Next time go relaxed, smiling, loocking her at the eyes and make a casual question, like:

"Hey do you know the events of the month of this cafe?"

But with this gal, the bridge is already burned.


I feel you have to work more your inner game,

1. Check your goals, what are you doing in your free time? Do you have hobbies?

2. Find a buddy to enjoy you at the "hunts"


I hope this help you.



Thanks, Rafael from Brazil
--------------------------------------------
The best way to learn is going into the field and dealing the demons inside you

 

[allan976]

THE PRESSURE TO CLOSE

DJ Boot Camp,

Week 4, Day 3 (Wednesday):

5 PM: My reversion to AFC status continues. The tall brunette at my gym is working but I can't get myself to talk to her. The pressure of closing is draining me of my enthusiasm.

6 PM: I see a tall, athletic girl with brown-ish blonde hair, and nicely shaped long legs spinning away on a recumbent bike. She's got a pretty face but it's buried in a magazine. Maybe she doesn't want to talk, I wonder. I get on the bike to her left. There's another girl to my left. When this other girl on my left leaves, I talk to the blonde.

Me: "I wish these bikes had tv monitors, it gets kinda boring."
She: "They have bikes with tv's in the other room," she says smiling. And so it goes.

Turns out she's in grad school studying physiology. After about 15 minutes of fluff talk, I attempt the close.

Me: "well I'm going to get some people together for some drinks after work next week, give me your number and I'll call you about when we're getting together."
Her: "how about if I give you an email?"

Me: "I'm not real good about answering my emails, give me your number instead." I hand her a pen.

Her: "I don't know if I want people at my lab to get my phone calls," she says quietly. She hands back a piece of paper and I look, and to my disappointment, she wrote down her email address anyway!

I close with a handshake and a pat/rub on her shoulder and arm, to introduce some minor kino.

Lesson learned 1: well, I attempted to address one objection (that she'd prefer to give an email), but not the second (about lab mates). Therefore, I should learn to deal with multiple objections, rather than giving up after the first or second. Does an email close "count" if I asked for a phone # first?

Week 4, Day 4 (Thursday):

5 PM: I talk to two girls at the grocery store. Both are pretty cute, maybe HB8's. One is an early twenties latina with a strikingly attractive face but bundled up in a big sweater, jeans, and sneakers. Odd ensemble for spring in LA. From what I can tell, she's got a decent bod too, but I had to look pretty closely! I ask her if the sauces she is checking out are any good. She says she doesn't know, she hasnt tried any of them yet. At this point I freeze up, I have no follow up. The looming number close is just forcing me to think too much and interfering with my flow. I attempt to talk to her again in the checkout aisle. She is now trying to distance herself from me. When I talk to her, she incorporates the checkout girl into the conversation at first, then talks to her exclusively. I'm out!

I talk to a second girl. She has a nice face, but is not wearing any makeup. She has a nice rack and thick rump. HB8 maybe. I look at her face, and while she's attractive, the au natural look is unusual to me, and therefore her face doesn't register as 'beautiful' since I'm so used to seeing a cake of makeup on a girl.

And here is the power of social proof guys. Later, I see a cashier walk by and whisper to her with a leer: I was hoping you would be checking out in my lane.' She ignores him completely, no smile, nothing. But I figure 'damm, if that other guy thinks she's hot, maybe I should go for it too!' Yup, jealousy and rivalry definitely make a difference. I approach her in line and start with some fluff about how it's unusually quiet at the store today. She smiles and reciprocates with some fluff of her own. Again, dammit, I freeze up! I'm so concerned about closing, I can't just let the conversation flow and I lose her since I've stalled out in the conversation.

Any suggestions here? I email closed, but that's the only close I've attempted this week. Otherwise, I'm nowhere near my quota of double figure rejections for this week much less aproaches! How do I get over this mental block, due to the pressure of closing?

 

[rjaudenes]

hi allan,


me again


Im feel you are putting to much pressure in get the phone #, but this backfire because the gals are getting this pressure from you.


You must to feel confortable with you before going to an approach or you will pressure the girls putting your desire in get the phone # no matter if the chick don't feel this desire


Remember the Deep Blue words: Create feelings of desire and not obligation.


If a hb want to give you only her e-mail, ok, wait a couple of days and write her an e-mail


I notice cookie and funny are great in the approachs because you get fun and forget all about "I have to approach her and try to get her phone #".


You should also work more in your "inner game" as a way to be more relax around the hb's.



Just my $ 0,2


Thanks, Rafael from Brazil
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The best way to learn is going into the field and dealing the demons inside you

 

[allan976]

UPDATE

Even though it's against the rules, I send the physio student HB an email a day after I get it. I know, I'm supposed to wait a couple of days, but I wanted an instant answer; I didn't feel like waiting three days for a 'yes' or 'no.'

I opened the email with a header with what I thought was a funny opener: 'what do men and rabbits have in common?'

I then invited her to a bar for some drinks in the email, along with a group of friends, as I'd suggested the day before. She tells me in response (I'm paraphrasing):

'blah blah blah....a couple days ago you did a great job of catching me off guard, and I don't want to lead you on. I'm in a relationship right now, and I should've told you about that right off....'

Lesson learned 1: girls don't want to take responsibility for their feelings of attraction. They want to blame YOU the man, and/or the situation instead; they just got swept up in the moment, were emotionally overwhelmed, or were somehow "tricked" into giving you their contact information. "It just happened," they say, they, and she, the female, had nothing to do with it!

Conclusion: it's up to the man to do everything: approach, get the contact #, plan the date, open the door, open the door again, etc. and so on.

Despite the rejection, I'm strangely elated. I don't know why. Onto more approaches....

Allan

 

[al77]

Originally posted by rjaudenes

Im feel you are putting to much pressure in get the phone #, but this backfire because the gals are getting this pressure from you.

Here is a simple technique to resolve this pressure problem:
Schedule some pickup sessions where your goals is not to actually get a number, or to talk to her... or approach her. No.
Set up a goal to ... make her laugh, at least smile
I.e. approach her and train you c&f muscles. do not even think about phone number email....

 

[allan976]

NEWS FROM THE FIELD: CHUMP WANTS TO BE CHAMP--BUT TRAINING IS GOING SLOWLY

It's a slippery slope and I've slid all the way back into AFC Valley. Damm, it looks awfully scary up there now! I'm having a tough time focusing on my work and focusing on boot camp at the same time. I feel like I can do great at one or the other, but not on both at the same time; it feels very draining, which is a short way of saying I'm slipping back into my comfort or safety zone.

I'm in my comfort zone when I focus on my work and don't approach women. Conversely, my confidence soars when i do cold approaches, and there is a welcome secondary effect: I become significantly more confident in my professional life as well. The downside to boot camp is that when I do have the cajones to venture outside of my comfort zone, it drains me emotionally and energy wise; it's exhilarating but draining, if that makes any sense. This is hard, hard work. After decades of social conditioning and laziness, it's tough to break out. Very tough. I can see why the majority of people remain AFC's.

On the flip side, I have a work deadline to meet (this upcoming Monday) which is stressing me out. I feel like I have to make a 'choice' somehow. Again, the pressure from work is real, but I'm also exploiting the work deadline as an excuse to some degree. I'm inside my comfort zone when I'm not approaching women. I mean, my confidence soars when i do, but then I'm outside my comfort zone and it drains me, it's exhilarating but draining.

***

DJ Boot Camp,

Week 4, Day 5 (Friday):

7 PM: It's Friday evening and I'm back at the gym again. I'm still scared witless at even the thought of going to a pub or club alone, much less running a series of cold approaches for hours on end. I see a HB8 at the gym however. Brunette, nice tan, nice body, nice face... I try to make eye contact with her, but she only looks my way briefly while she trains on the treadmill. I continue my workout on the elliptical. She heads over to the weight room. After about 15 minutes or so, I head over to the weight room. She is on a weight machine just inside the weight room. As I enter the room, I catch her looking my way out of the corner of my eye (staring?). Again, I try to make eye contact, but she looks away as soon as our eyes meet. In retrospect, I could've just walked up to her and asked her for some help with the equipment, or just made some small talk, but I didn't. Dumb. Tsk tsk. I'm too fried to work after going to the gym, but however bizarre it may sound, I think about getting my work done anyway that very night (anyone seen Harold and Kumar?).

Week 4, Day 6 (Saturday):

3 PM: I go out to a cafe, ostensibly in an attempt to finally get my work done, but also to scope the scene for hot bodies. Zero hotties at this cafe! Maybe two sixes, at best. I just chill with some coffee and magazines. An hour passes--nothing worth looking at, and my aborted attempt to first hang and then get some work done fizzles out.

4 PM: I head to another cafe. On the way in, there's a HB8 Asian girl. 20 years old, 5' 4" black hair, big eyes, baby face, damm cute. Looks like she's attached at the hip to her borefriend. She stares at me. I stare back. We hold eye contact for several seconds before she breaks it. She continues out to the garage, and I into the cafe. As was the case, no hotties, nothing above a '6' in this cafe either.

5 PM: go to the grocery store and buy a couple of items. Scan the store and lines for potential hotties. I see a HB7.5 in one of the checkout lines. She's a very tall Asian girl! She's about 6' or perhaps a little taller. She's in her early twenties, wearing no makeup whatsoever, but she has a beautiful face, with elegant, high cheekbones--nice bod too. I'll never see her again, I think. I get some cash at the ATM inside the store on my way out. Oddly enough, when I turn around after getting my cash, she's right behind me. I step back and to the side to let her use the machine, but I stand and stare at my receipt instead of leaving the scene immediately because I want to check her out some more! She looks at me without moving and with a big smile asks me if I am finished. Nice eye contact! Big smile! Wait a second, she's the only hottie I see in the store and just by coincidence she stops at the ATM line right behind me? This strikes me as suspicious, as too much of a coincidence. Hmmmm. But do I talk to her? Nope. I 'AFC' out again on that one too. I'm anxious about work, sure, but couldn't I have spared a couple of minutes to talk to this girl? Sure I could have, but I didn't. Damm!

8 PM: My monday deadline is looming. I estimate I have a maximum of six to eight hours of work ahead of me before I finish the project. I could easily finish this work if I were to put my nose to the grindstone for a full day on Sunday, but noooo....I have to do it SATURDAY night! I ponder whether I should hit the clubs solo as I'd been planning since last week, or whether I should complete my project first. I decide NOT TO TAKE A CHANCE and work solidly at home for the next four hours. I complete ninety percent of my work by midnight, and I easily complete the rest of my work later in the morning Sunday. I'm still not sure if I did the right thing or not. In fact, I suspect I procrastinated on this project for so long in order to avoid having to approach women and in order to avoid a solo club outing; an outing which would have put me way outside my comfort zone, an activity which I therefore should have taken up without hesitation!

Lesson learned 1: it would have been sooo easy in retrospect to strike up a conversation with the gym hottie. The gym was less crowded than usual, and if she wasn't receptive, so what? But I was ashamed of my sexuality right at that moment and didn't want her to know about my erotic attraction to her.

Lesson learned 2: when the only HB you spot in the store just so happens to wait behind you, then flashes a huge grin and asks you some silly question, SHE IS FLIRTING WITH YOU AND YOU NEED TO APPROACH:

Her: 'are you finished (pointing at the ATM machine)?' She is smiling, making eye contact, she's young, she's pretty, has a vibrant personality, etc. etc. etc.

Me: (thinking: 'Huh? What do you mean am I done? I just stepped out of line, of course I'm done, you twit! Isn't it LOGICAL to assume I'm done if I've stepped out of line, silly girl? Hey, why are you smiling at me like that? Why did you just ask me a silly question? Why are your eyes lighting up? Doh!)

My epiphany (25 hours too late): Doh (again)! It was Saturday night and she was trying to flirt with a cute guy! She wasn't logical, she was illogical; the question was just an excuse to connect with me.

Lesson learned 3: AFC city is wasteland of blown opportunities, opportunities which glisten like gold in one's memory only after the fact. No, the memory isn't golden, the 3 SECOND RULE IS GOLDEN.

Lesson learned 4: Success with females and the confidence that comes from cold approaches flows back and positively affects your work life as well. I'm going to have to 'man up' and do this.

I AM NOT GIVING UP!!!!!

 

[Davie101]

Hey allan, i feel you. We all know how steep the climb is from AFC to DJ'ship. Anyway, have you tried re-reading this thread from the beginning. There's lots of inspiration for you from the earlier posts. Keep going.

 

[negativefcf]

Long time reader, first time poster.

BoOtCaMp JoUrNaL:
Sign up on Yahoo Personal. Email/Send message to 16 girls.

Day 1: No reply
Day 2: No reply
Day 3: No reply, Email 10 more girls including those without pictures.
Day 4: No reply
Day 5: Mom call regarding "my progress." Told her it's a dry market. Mom laughed at me.
Day 6: No reply
Day 7: Met an underaged girl at the convenience store. Try to strike up conversation. She reject, give me the "WTF look." Possbily because of age difference (25 and 14?)
Day 8: Post on Forum for help.
Day 9: Progressing being made....

StAY TuNe PeOpLe!