All Hell breaks loose in the backbreaker household

[FLGuy]

Jesus. Talk about cutting off your manhood. It's just my opinion, but honestly I'd NEVER advise a man to have a vasectomy. Not just because it's an unnecessary operation, but because to me, semen = manhood. OK, maybe I didn't really word that too well, but you can probably see where I went.

I respect your opinion Captain.

BTW there is a difference between semen and sperm. I still ejaculate, look it up.

I just won't want any surprise kids, no mistakes as it were.

And if were are being real, women can not be trusted with the pill, and guys aren't always going to be vigilant with using a condom every single time they have sex.

It's a solution for me, not for every guy out there, but some should consider it.

 

[backbreaker]

I had made a post, but you know what.. i'm just going to let that **** fly over my head like did not read it.

 

[FLGuy]

See, in real life, no one would call my woman a ***** to my face and have teeth aftewards. Regardless if you agreed with me or not.

Backbreaker, I'm not saying this to be a jerk, however I doubt you would be anything to worry about f2f irl if you let your woman slap u around. Let's get real.

 

[backbreaker]

and the guys so hung up on her hitting me, jsut really shows how out of touch you guys are. her hitting me, does not concern me 1/10th as much as she ****ing followed me around for half a day. she tailed me for half a freaking day! and this **** just flew over you guys heads like when the word "hit" came up.

if i'm concerned about anyting, that's it. i could care less about her hitting me. **** happens. charge it to the game. In the grand scheme of things it's not that big of a deal about something that should not have been that big of a deal to begin with. I know she wont' hit me again and she knows we will have serious issues if she ever does without a damn good reason (like, walking in the house with me with 2 cameras rolling getting on with julia bond and keri sable, issues).

no.. that does not concern me in the least bit. what concerns me, is that. hell. wow i can't believe how this just flew by you guys. 2 pages.


dude, she followed me around for a half a day. that is what i am really pissed about. Because now I have to ask myself and i have asked her. is hit the first time you have done this? she says yes. I believe her but hell, that's not very cool. You just can't ****ing just stalk your boyfriend or girlfriend. Not because I was creeping or anything but hell just how much do you trust me. I had to lay some serious groundwork because that was concerned me a hell whole lot more than a love tap did.

Let that **** sink in. she got in the car, paid a freaking babysitter to keep our son, while she decided, fully consciously, she was going to follow me around... but...without me knowing she was following me around.

Got in the car, sat in the ****ing car I presume, 2 hours while I was in the gym. She says she went to target which is not far away and i believe her becuase she knows when i'm in the gym i'm in the gym. anyway, waited until I left the gym, got in the car followed me to starbucks and just ****ing sat there. and did all this fully knowing what the hell she was doing lol.

Like i said, I am not happy about the situation but that right there, more than anything, is why we have ****ed like rabbits the last 2 days trying to make up to me. i don't give a **** about her hitting me. i forgot about that **** seconds after it happened. I can understand a distraught woman getting emotional and doing something like that, under the right cirmcustances.

my real sticking point is, she hbit me and by the time did she did that she was all worked up emotionally. by the time that has happened she has had to drive home, crying, call me 10 times and tell me how much of a pecie of **** i am,im' quite sure call one of her girlfriends and tell him, get one of their imput on my ovvbious cheating, you know how women are.

then, somethign i don't think some of you caught. I did not follow her straight home. so she sat there for about nother hour and half wondering if/when i was coming home, getting more worked up.

under those circumstances, i can understand her hitting me. while i dont' agree with it and will not tolorate.. again. But I now that that result was a direct effect of her being worked up and in 3 years that is the most emot4ional I have ever seen here, that is not goingto happen again.

and have made that clear that was not my sticking point, becuase she made that decision in a very worked up frame of mine


but she made the very rational decision lmao, to follow my ass around all day. That is my sticking point. She thought it out and thought it was a perfectly rational decision to get in the car and trail me. That is why the frame argument is so silly, she lost "frame" when she decided it was a good idea to go into stealth mode. The game was over then.


in about 3 years we have had 4 major arguments. the restaurant argument which frankely, I deserved becuase i was flirting with her right in front of her face. that was not an argument as much as her setting boundaries of how she will be treated when I'm around her. She earned some respect from me that day. She basically in so many words told me I will put my cards on the table, i really like you alot, but i'll be damned if you are going to treat me like ****. you will respect me when we are together. About a few months ago my son had rightfully earned his first ass whipping of his life and i was more than ready to give it to him and she she would not met me, she is from my mom's school of child rearing (my mom would just call my dad, who would whip my ass.. she was not against child rearing as much as she was against her doing it). When we first became serious she tried to give me a lesson in how to be a good son when she saw how I deal with my mom and my grandmother and told me she does not know how a good son could possibly treat her mother like that. We went at it. lol, after my son was born, and I took him down to Arkansas and my mom said to my face basically why are you dating a white woman, in front of 15 people at red lobster.. the mother of her first and only grandson... needless to say, she pretty much now rolls with my school of thought on dealing with my family now. The only time she has talked me out of a family related decision my grandmohter (that one, yes, the crack smoking grandmom) died right after my birthday and she convincewd me to go down there and be with the family even though I did not want to because she said that even thougvh you don't like her and probably rightfully so, she is on her death bed and at least give her the chance to see her entire family again before she goes. that hit home for some reason and i could not argue with that and I did and to be honest, did not have a bad time. My mother and I made some half ass progress while was down there. baby steps, me and my mom. We call each other once a week now to keep up, we don't talk about religion or anything like that, just keep in touch I let her speak with my son, i get to speak to my sister. This is a very big deal for us. if all goes well i might even fly them down for Christmas.

anyway, and now this. she has earned enough mile high points with me to warrant looking at this as a look, i ****ing am head over heels about you and i lost it when i thought you were ****ing someone else becuase, she normally doesn't do **** like this. but that is a much bigger issuse in my book

 

[zekko]

and the guys so hung up on her hitting me, jsut really shows how out of touch you guys are. her hitting me, does not concern me 1/10th as much as she ****ing followed me around for half a day.

Pretty much exactly what I was thinking. No MAN I know of would have hit her back in that situation, giving you crap about that is just ludicrous.

As for the following you around, that's probably understandable once you realize what she heard on your voice mail. It's the fact that she snooped on your voice mail that I find most disturbing. But when you consider she saw what she considered a suspicious name on your caller ID, that's probably understandable too. You could be upset about her casually picking up your phone to see who was calling you, but I don't consider that much of an offense. I'd just chalk it up as a big misunderstanding and one of life's funny little way of messing up your plans.

Maybe the worst part is why she didn't trust you enough to ask who Andrea was in the first place. There may be some issues to clear up here, but no major drama. I'd say she owes you a dinner.

 

[L B]

Sorry to hear about what happened BB. Serious long term relationships are tough. You can't just bail out at the first sign of trouble. Every problem you face, you have to make decisions that will hopefully make the relationship better in the long run.

There's no clear cut rules or guidelines. What you have done so far seems pretty effective. Not sure what else you can really do and not hurt the relationship. You're a bigger man than most. Also, now you can hold this over your lady for the rest of her life (given you don't cheat in the future). Also, this mistake of hers better be the one and only one she gets.

My girl is also a little older than I and I do see that the age issue does cause her to be a little insecured, especially as the relationship progresses. Fit and healthy men do age better than women.

 

[amoka]

Thread is damn too long. Summery: backbreaker was meeting his 40 yrs old female assistance at a starbucks near the assistance's place...also a place near a gym where he works out. Jealouse stalker fiancee busted in while backbreaker was discussing bussiness with his 40 yrs old assistance.

When backbreaker got home miss jealouse slapped the living hell of him. And because the fiancee is HOT, backbreaker decided do nothing about it.

 

[Desdinova]

So, she walks at me crying, balling really and I hadn't gotten 2 words out my mouth and she just slaps the living **** out of me.

That right there would have me kicking her the fvck out and ending the relationship. There is NO ROOM for physical violence of any kind in a relationship. If she doesn't trust you, cannot be open with you, and feels she can hit a man and get away with it, she is the WRONG woman.

and the guys so hung up on her hitting me, jsut really shows how out of touch you guys are. her hitting me, does not concern me 1/10th as much as she ****ing followed me around for half a day. she tailed me for half a freaking day!

She thought she had you by the ba11s. She was so hung up on trying to make you out to be a cheating bastard that she went through with the effort to create the situation in her head. She also dreamed up how satisfying it would be to teach you a lesson. Then she went through with ALL of it.

Something tells me she's been planning this for a while. No woman can plan things out carefully when their emotions are splashing around like two kids in a swimming pool. Chances are she hasn't trusted you for quite some time and has been waiting for her chance to execute her plan to bust you. This was the opportunity.

My ex-wife was just as bad. She had spied on me on my nights out to try and catch me cheating. She also had gone through my computer to try and find some sort of evidence. She never came up with anything solid, but she kept looking and grasping at straws. Meanwhile, she was screwing her best friend's husband.

When it gets to the point where she is obsessed to find dirt on you, the relationship is finished. There WILL be an end to it. Recovering from obsession is extremely difficult, and women generally do NOT have the desire to change themselves because it requires too much effort.

I would seriously re-think marrying this woman. Your marriage will consist of a cat and mouse game. She will keep trying to catch you in the act of doing something wrong, and then sink her teeth into you.

 

[Kailex]

BB, I've got nothing for love for you... but man, she struck you.
There was physical contact of a violent nature in this case.

I know you have a child by her and you both intend to marry each other, but if this is going to continue forward, you better make absolutely sure that nothing like this ever happens again.

Her feelings of insecurity towards you are never going to go away. She'll always feel that you are at the risk of seeing someone else.

(1) She snooped
(2) She followed and stalked you
(3) She struck you

These are all huge deals, specially when you two have been together for a while and considering you have a child together. Like you said, it's not SOLELY the fact that she struck you but everything leading up until that moment. When she hit you, it's because she felt that you were so beneath her that physicality was a clear indicator of you being inferior to her "at the moment".

This is a very cloudy situation. I'm only going to give you my perspective as an outsider looking in, but I clearly am not as qualified to comment as Desdinova, since I've never been engaged and much less have a child.

Good luck.

 

[zekko]

When she hit you, it's because she felt that you were so beneath her that physicality was a clear indicator of you being inferior to her "at the moment".

I don't see it that way. I think she felt so betrayed that she had to let it out and it came out in that way. I agree that physical violence is never good, but women are not brought up to control themselves the way men are. The consequences are not as dire.

Men have to be able to control their rage or they can do some serious, serious damage. This is not something women are taught really, so that's why I think it can be overlooked, given the rather bizarre set of circumstances.

 

[jophil28]

I don't see it that way. I think she felt so betrayed that she had to let it out and it came out in that way. I agree that physical violence is never good, but women are not brought up to control themselves the way men are. The consequences are not as dire.

Men have to be able to control their rage or they can do some serious, serious damage. This is not something women are taught really, so that's why I think it can be overlooked, given the rather bizarre set of circumstances.

I have often said , " When men act badly they are condemned ,arrested and punished. When women act just as badly they are frequently given sympathy and understanding ..."

I think that BB wants to mitigate the seriousness of her violent outburst by balancing out her other positive qualities.
His posts indicate that he has decided to put this incident aside as soon as he can, and resume "business as usual" with her.
I cannot see any mention in his posts of her showing intense contrition or even making a decent attempt to make amends for her behavior.

Apparently 2 days of make-up sex was sufficient 'punishment' for her.

 

[wait_out]

BB, as much as you love your girl and want to commit 100%, don't smother that cold objective part of yourself that sizes up how exactly you're behaving... that is the only thing that will save your ass if (and I hope it doesn't happen) things start slowly and imperceptibly going sour.

Rationalization and trying to accept the other perspective is tricky... where do you put your foot down? That's so subjective and once you accept a little, it's a small step to accept a little more each time... plus, quick + easy resolutions may normalize this kind of behaviour. I agree with you that the physical aspect is a misleading. The biggest issue is that your fiancee is having a hard time managing her emotions. When you have to do that for her, more and more often... OMG its exhausting. Emotional vampire.

No one-stop solutions here, relationships are complicated -- but do take this seriously if you want to make it work. If this becomes a pattern rather than an aberration, its trouble. And everything happens for a reason. If her emotions start getting stronger (loss avoidance? The longer you're with her, progressively more and more is at stake), what's going to happen?

I'm not going to prejudice you against your girl but say you had a bad day, didn't want to deal with it and decided to just walk out rather than calm her down. You are human too, this happens. Good girls can act very badly under the right circumstances... having a good character doesn't negate her actions or their consequences upon you

 

[zekko]

I have often said , " When men act badly they are condemned ,arrested and punished. When women act just as badly they are frequently given sympathy and understanding ..."

There's definitely truth to that. I just think that when you are a manly man like Backbreaker and I you tend to look at being hit by a woman as about the same as being hit by a child, you just shrug it off. It would have been different if it was a sustained assault, or if this was a repeating occurence. We are constantly told here that women run solely on emotion, clearly that was what guided her behavior here.

So I don't see the issue as being her slapping him. It's more about the snooping and mistrust. Still, that seems to have been driven by her fear of losing him, so it's probably hard for BB to get too upset over it. If she needs punished for the physicality, perhaps a spanking is in order

 

[backbreaker]

wow, i must say I am surprised at some of the responses in this forum. not by newbs but people I had actually grown to respect, really respect, seem to be extremely out of touch with reality.

I see now I think I have hit that point in my life where it's just "that time" for me to move on from here when someone with 5400 post is telling me my woman who has followed me around all day crying has me by the balls lol

good luck guys

 

[zekko]

wow, i must say I am surprised at some of the responses in this forum. not by newbs but people I had actually grown to respect, really respect, seem to be extremely out of touch with reality.

It's the nature of the internet to portray everything in as negative a fashion as possible.

 

[SoldMySoul]

wow, i must say I am surprised at some of the responses in this forum. not by newbs but people I had actually grown to respect, really respect, seem to be extremely out of touch with reality.

I see now I think I have hit that point in my life where it's just "that time" for me to move on from here when someone with 5400 post is telling me my woman who has followed me around all day crying has me by the balls lol

good luck guys

Hey man, you thought enough of us and the forum to air your dirty laundry out, but in return you do not think enough of our opinions. As the brothers would say, "REAL TALK is what you got." I have always liked you, your stories and advice to others. Your story concerned me. Personally, I understand LOVE makes people do crazy $hit and I have been guilty not being rational because of that word, LOVE.

I may have misread some of your post because you had typed in same paragraphs twice and I think I missed some of it. I did not miss her knocking the T total $hit out of you.

I would not say that your girl has you by the stones though as I do not honestly feel she does, but dude, you MUST re evaluate your relationship and what is important to you. You shared intimate details with the forum and you cannot be upset by logical advice or responses. You are wrong assuming the forum is not in touch with reality.... We are looking from a different perspective than what you are.

Your emotions are running high. Think about your personal life first, then reconsider bailing from the forum. Even though I did not like your mistreatment one bit... was disgusted by it actually, I still think quite highly of you.

 

[Mr.Positive]

wow, i must say I am surprised at some of the responses in this forum. not by newbs but people I had actually grown to respect, really respect, seem to be extremely out of touch with reality.

I see now I think I have hit that point in my life where it's just "that time" for me to move on from here when someone with 5400 post is telling me my woman who has followed me around all day crying has me by the balls lol

good luck guys

Yo backbreaker, I for one think you have a mature outlook on this situation, and you handled it well.

People do make mistakes, and we all know that women can overspill emotionally when they feel devastated, as your gal felt when she thought you were cheating. Is it right? No, but it's women for you...and everyone makes mistakes.

Her mistake was a big one however. If I were you, once things have settled down. I would have a calm talk with her, and let her know just how serious her hitting you is. She needs to know that if it happens again, you will be forced leave her. Not by your choice...but, her actions will force you to leave.

 

[Bluntmaster]

Now that she can't stalk you personally anymore, she will probably have private investigators following you for the rest of your life taking pictures. She's just waiting to catch you doing something so she can take you to the cleaners.

I doubt this was the first time she stalked you. If it was the first time what are the odds it would be the time you met that woman at starbucks?

 

[Desdinova]

I see now I think I have hit that point in my life where it's just "that time" for me to move on from here when someone with 5400 post is telling me my woman who has followed me around all day crying has me by the balls lol

I think you read that wrong. What I meant when I wrote that is that she thought she had you pegged as a cheater, and she was going to hang you out to dry over it. I wasn't claiming that you had given her the power in the relationship. I know you wouldn't have done that.

But if I were in your position, she would have her 5hit out on the front lawn with a set of keys that don't work.

I actually believe that a bit of jealousy can be healthy for a relationship. If there's no jealousy, there's no love. But when that jealousy leads someone to physically injure the person they're supposed to love, then there's something wrong.

I just think that when you are a manly man like Backbreaker and I you tend to look at being hit by a woman as about the same as being hit by a child, you just shrug it off.

When my child hits me, I punish him. I cannot however kick him out because it's my job to raise him into a successful adult. I had no such job when it came to my wife. She had her own job: to be a good mother and a worthy wife. Needless to say, she got fired.

 

[Warrior74]

I'm of two minds about this. The phone checking and following and drama is a serious red flag. I personally think the only reason you didn't dump her on the spot is because you have a child. Having been in a relationship with a child it changes the dynamic. You will put up with a few things you wouldn't put up with otherwise. I think deep down you know that. You know you want to provide a better life for your kid than you had growing up. I respect that. But. You cannot let your kid be your crutch to slide into AFC dom. I say this as someone who has done it as I sit here with my kid right now.

The real question is, are you really being objective or are you making excuses? That's where the beef is coming from. It could be seen either way. You should understand that.

I really find it odd that you of all people would fall for the ole "I don't like what I'm hearing so I'm leaving" routine. I would think that would be beneath you. You know that on SS and any forum anyone posting their personal business is gonna hear things they don't want to hear. Also how many times have you personally given advice to people who completely refused to listen, only to have them come back later and admit they were wrong. Being objective is hard work. I was over on rationalmale and watched Str8Up go trhough a lack of objectivity as well. If people you respect are telling you something, maybe you should consider it. Only you can decide if you've been compromised or not.

Personally there would have been no marathon sex. There would have been some, 'I'm not sure about you and how your acting, I'm glad we talked it out and I understand where you are coming from, but I need some time to really think about this, see you in a few days'. I would have put the fvcking fear of single mommyhood in her ass so she would think twice about ever doing that again. I would not reward her bad behavior with sex with me. You do know the purpose of make up sex right? You should by now You've been here long enough. Good luck bro.