All Hell breaks loose in the backbreaker household

[jophil28]

Personally there would have been no marathon sex. There would have been some, 'I'm not sure about you and how your acting, I'm glad we talked it out and I understand where you are coming from, but I need some time to really think about this, see you in a few days'. I would have put the fvcking fear of single mommyhood in her ass so she would think twice about ever doing that again. I would not reward her bad behavior with sex with me. You do know the purpose of make up sex right? You should by now You've been here long enough. Good luck bro.

^ THis is pure manhood at it's finest, and it is the money paragraph of this thread so far.

This sentence needs to be etched into our brains , " I would not reward her bad behavior with sex with me. "

 

[cordoncordon]

First of all, BB I admire your honesty in talking about this, especially after your prior posts on the relationship have always painted it so "rosy".

As for what she did, couple of red flags obviously. Hitting you was bad, but if it was a first time thing in 3 years, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Good self control as well in not striking back. Although I can promise you that if you had hit her, she probably would have called the cops and you would be in jail right now for the weekend. The stalking thing, another red flag, but to be honest, I almost blame you for this and you have probably done other similar things that finally led her to checking your phone, stalking, etc. I know you said she doesnt care what you do as long as you arent fvcking someone, but I think that's a bunch of BS. Hear me out.....

You have always talked about your relationship as being one of openness, doing a lot together, etc, but something seems off here. It seems as if there is a severe lack of communication going in the relationship, or you are purposely hiding stuff, and that is your fault. First, I find it odd that you havent told your fiancee your assistants name. I mean you guys live together, have a kid together, and she doesn't know the name of the woman helping you out everyday? And why doesn't your fiancee know that you are training this woman for 3 hours a day during the week? It would seem like such a casual and everyday type of thing to tell your fiancee that I for the life of me cant figure out why you were hiding that. And why not tell your fiancee the day you were meeting your assistant that you were meeting her at starbucks to train her? I don't get it. I pretty much tell my gf everything, what I do, where Ive been, what I did at work, etc. Its just part of being in a relationship and communication, even about the most mundane things, is important. I am just trying to picture myself having an assistant like you, (and btw I also work out of my home very close to you in Pasadena) and my gf NOT knowing the name of whomever the assistant is. Just wouldnt make sense to me.

So either you were hiding the fact that you hold some feelings for the assistant, which I doubt, or your communication with your fiancee sucks, or you were purposely not telling the fiancee about the woman just to make her jealous. I don't know. Something just seems off there. I am not in anyway shape or form condoning your fiancee and her actions, but in a way, I don't blame her from how you were acting.

Also, I don't think I would have had marathon sex with her. Kind of rewarding her bad behavior don't you think? While I blame you for not being more open about what you do all day, at the same time, she could ASK.

 

[cordoncordon]

Btw here is a pic of the stalker lol, taken during a happier moment. This was taken from a thread BB was on and he posted it, so I hope he is ok with me posting it here.

Attractive no doubt. I can just see her little fists of fury pounding poor BB haha. She's the one on the right.

http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff85/strawberryroad/vacation/londonnightclub.jpg

 

[DJDanny]

Obviously because any chick another guy is dating on this site is at tops a 6.5 - 7. now if he were dating either of the other 3......

Nice little hottie you got there BB.

 

[cordoncordon]

Well I dont think he has ever claimed she is Megan Fox or Kelly Brook, but she is attractive.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Well I dont think he has ever claimed she is Megan Fox or Kelly Brook, but she is attractive.

I'd actually put her close, she's a hottie, a natural beauty. Great smile, imo.

She sure doesn't seem the type to whack a man in that photo..haha.

All the best backbreaker, as long as you keep the leadership going, you'll be fine. She does need to know that this was one mistake not to ever be repeated, correct?

 

[Stud]

I think the fact that she hit you is an issue that needs to be brought up and she needs to be made to understand that that kind of behavior will not be tolerated.

That being said, the slapping was definitely a product of high emotions and she probably did it without thinking. making a conscious decision to snoop through your phone and eventually FOLLOW YOU FOR A WHOLE DAY is a much, much bigger red flag and was obviously a well thought out action. That type of behavior is indicative of a bigger problem and despite how much you feel for her, you might have to take a step back and look strictly at her past ACTIONS to see if she is indeed stable enough to make her your bride. She might have meant well and had a million other justifications for her actions but the bottom line is, if she has a repeated history of these types of psychotic acts, you may have to get rid of her. Only you know her track record, but I would take a long hard look at what she has done in the past.

 

[Tazman]

Wow, the worst part about all this is that you share a child together. Her behavior was inexcusable.

You did nothing wrong and she decided to act like a little kid getting all riled up over nothing. You didn't have to explain anything to her while she was being so ridiculous. If she was mature about it and ASKED you about what she saw, you then could have had a meaningful conversation.

Her slapping you wasn't warranted, sure she was emotional because she ASSUMED you were cheating, but that isn't a good enough reason to **** back and strike the guy she's supposed to love, the MAN of the house.

I'm sorry I know I'm in the minority on this but I will never let my woman hit me in the face without at least man-handling her to let her know she better not even try that sh-t again. My face and sack are the most sacred places on my body. If anybody hits me in these places, even a kid, I'll make sure it never happens again.

 

[Trader]

Always play role reversal

Supposed you were the one that *flipped* out on her and mistakenly accused her of cheating, do you really think she would let you off the hook so easily?

 

[sodbuster]

The problem with relationships and marriage is once you find what you think you want to spend the rest of your life with-you tend to let the little things slide because they aren't "worth the argument". She then thinks they are OK and steps up to bigger things. When you finally put your foot down,she has trouble believing you really MEAN it. I would have been ready for the punch and blocked it[you KNEW something was coming]. Did it with an ex-she punched herself in the face on the block.

It is an issue when she tries to use sex for control,an apology,the night before she drops the"lets go furniture shopping"line, as a reward for your good behavior,etc.

I think you need to talk to her,include her in your life. IF she knew your assistant-and her phone number.NONE of this would have happened[this time]. Her spying IS an issue,BUT its a part of the whole idea of "keeping her on her toes" we all talk about. Womens magazines are full of those"how to catch a cheat" articles.Just one more thing to create a drama moment.

 

[cordoncordon]

I still think many of you are missing the boat on this one. Not excusing her behavior one iota. But I "can" understand her frustration and what led her to suspect our man BB was bang bang banging some other chickie.

He never tells her where hes going, she doesn't even know the name of his assistant nor does he tell he's meeting her for training (both is which is beyond odd imo), she hears some girl saying she is meeting him the next day, and their communication seems really lacking. If I were in her shoes, I might suspect the same thing.

This is nothing huge, I just think BB needs to be a little more open about what he does during the day. That isn't being afc, that isn't being a chump. That's just part of being in a relationship, especially when he LIVES with her AND has a kid with her. It's almost like he is still playing games with her to an extent, and in this case, I really don't think that is needed.

BB come back. You have quit this site about 4 times that I know of, and it never sticks.

"Baby come back, any kind of fool could see, there was something, in everything about you".

 

[FLGuy]

I still think many of you are missing the boat on this one. Not excusing her behavior one iota. But I "can" understand her frustration and what led her to suspect our man BB was bang bang banging some other chickie.

Those of us who are bringing up the domestic abuse issue aren't missing the boat. I'd be more concerned about my fiance thinking she can bust my lip and that's an acceptable behavior because she is an emotional creature devoid of the capability of rational thought vs her stalking.

They both are unacceptable. Again, flip it .....If I came on here saying I suspected my gf of boning her male assistant and having dates at starbucks, stalked her....confronted her.....then busted her lip, ya'll would be going ape**** on me...no? Don't make excuses for women's bad behavior.

We all make mistakes, part of being human and no dj is perfect. So BB and those of us in relationships need to look at our behavior and how it effects those around us. If we are being so secretive that it sends up red flags, maybe we need to evaluate that behavior.

Also BB has got to quit making excuses for his fiance. He likes to say we aren't living in reality when he displays behaviors that show him reverting back to an afc chumpish existence.

I actually feel sorry for him. I cant imagine being with an older crazy woman, with a newborn to boot. I'm sure he feels trapped, thus the reason he makes excuses for her.

 

[SoldMySoul]

I still think many of you are missing the boat on this one. Not excusing her behavior one iota. But I "can" understand her frustration and what led her to suspect our man BB was bang bang banging some other chickie.

What's not to understand? If my lady friend were being secretive and I find what I think may be cheating, does that give me the right to knock the $hit out of her? I think not!!!

I have less problems with BB's girl tailing him and trying to find something on him. Maybe in her mind she was doing that because of the secretive nature. But her drawing blood, that is where my HUGE problem lies!!!
Sounds like there could be more to this mess than BB led on.

When a relationship because physical then that is when a new arrangement must be discussed even if it leads to breaking it off.... It is my understanding he has a child with this one. I would never have a child without being married if I could help it and what is it that Rollo says about living with one and not being married??? He feels it is a big no no, if my memory serves me correctly.

Having a child with a loose cannon is only going to get worse in my opinion.

I saw pics of her, she is quite attractive, but is it worth having a maniac tailing you and jump to conclusions because you were not letting her in ALL of your life and pop the dog $hit out of you? HELL NO!!

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I'm in the camp of not rewarding bad behavior either, no matter how close you are with a woman. If i screw up that badly I don't think my girlfriend would want have make up sex with me either, all the while saying: "I understand why you hit me, let me justify it...here's what happened"

Really reverse the rolls and you'll see why she should be accountable and should suffer the consequences of her violent behavior. There is NO EXCUSE for someone hitting another person for that reason. Women have a neo cortex just like their gender opposites. Let's stop treating them like they don't have common sense around here. They can be irrational. So can men (I think Backy is being slightly irrational. Not gonna lie.)

@Backy - This forum is a swirl of experience, shared by men (even a tinkle of girls) who want to look out for and learn from each other. You didn't seriously expect ALL of us (even the veterans) to shrug of you girlfriend's behavior, OR your rationale of it, did you? You have a lot of people who agree with you. You also have some you don't. You're going to have to learn this about life too, man - not everything you do is going to be right in other people's eyes.

I mean I don't see the benefit of you leaving. We like you and your stories. I mean if you really want the world to know that you're 100% right you can always "rational"ize it and make a forum where everyone agrees with you. Don't know how much you'll grow, but who knows?

Good luck in whatever you do man.



OH! Actually I'd love to hear what Rollo would do if his wife hit him for the same reason.

[size=+3]ROLLO! WHAT WOULD YOU DO?[/size]

 

[cordoncordon]

What's not to understand? If my lady friend were being secretive and I find what I think may be cheating, does that give me the right to knock the $hit out of her? I think not!!!

I have less problems with BB's girl tailing him and trying to find something on him. Maybe in her mind she was doing that because of the secretive nature. But her drawing blood, that is where my HUGE problem lies!!!
Sounds like there could be more to this mess than BB led on.

When a relationship because physical then that is when a new arrangement must be discussed even if it leads to breaking it off.... It is my understanding he has a child with this one. I would never have a child without being married if I could help it and what is it that Rollo says about living with one and not being married??? He feels it is a big no no, if my memory serves me correctly.

Having a child with a loose cannon is only going to get worse in my opinion.

I saw pics of her, she is quite attractive, but is it worth having a maniac tailing you and jump to conclusions because you were not letting her in ALL of your life and pop the dog $hit out of you? HELL NO!!

Obviously I don't excuse her behavior. And if BB wants to break up with her over it, I could not blame him in the least. No one should strike another person over something like this.

However......based on what we know of her, she has no violent history. She isnt some BPD psycho that goes off half ****ed all the time. So....I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt....this time. If it happens again? IMO she should be next'd. But her emotions were running high, she thought the father of her child was cheating, she let her emotions get the best of her. I wouldn't be so willing to throw away 3 years and a child over ONE incident, especially where there was infidelity involved, or so she thought. This site imo has become too quick to say "next" rather than work things out.

I blame both of them 50/50. Her for jumping to conclusions and striking him, and BB for not talking about things that in reality...are totally mundane and should never have been kept from her or secret.

 

[jophil28]

[size=+3]ROLLO! WHAT WOULD YOU DO?[/size]

He is the Wife Whisperer . Your question answered in one.

 

[jophil28]

I blame both of them 50/50. Her for jumping to conclusions and striking him, and BB for not talking about things that in reality...are totally mundane and should never have been kept from her or secret.

CC is correct. IF BB had informed his woman about some small but vital pieces of information, all her wild assumptions and the subsequent craziness may not have happened - at least not in the explosive way that they played out.

If you keep your LTR in the dark, a woman's natural suspicious nature will fill in the blanks with the most sinister of assumptions that her imagination can create.
In a sentence - they never really trust us.

 

[zekko]

Those of us who are bringing up the domestic abuse issue aren't missing the boat. I'd be more concerned about my fiance thinking she can bust my lip and that's an acceptable behavior because she is an emotional creature devoid of the capability of rational thought vs her stalking.

Lol. In every other post you guys make it a point to say how women aren't capable of rational thought and that they do everything based on emotion. NOW all of a sudden, you decide females are rational creatures after all. Which is it?

Of course the behavior is unacceptable, but the question is what are you going to do about it? There are some mitigating circumstances here, so I don't happen to think it's worth breaking up over. It sounds like she knows she messed up. People make mistakes, and I"m sure Backbreaker will do whatever is in his best interest to do.

Again, flip it .....If I came on here saying I suspected my gf of boning her male assistant and having dates at starbucks, stalked her....confronted her.....then busted her lip, ya'll would be going ape**** on me...no? Don't make excuses for women's bad behavior.

A guy doing this would be in jail, or at least ostracized. But here's another inconsistency. Everyone on here goes on and on about how the genders are different, a woman is not the same as a man, blah blah. Yet now all of a sudden you guys want to treat this girl as if she was a man (reverse the situation).

The fact is, a woman hitting a man is not the same thing as a man hitting a woman. A man could do serious physical injury to a woman because of his superior strength. A woman hitting a man is not likely to cause serious injury unless she is using a weapon of some sort. And I don't see most guys crying about getting a bloody lip, they tough it out. If a woman gets a bloody lip she'll fall apart.

I'm sure most guys here have gotten into some scrapes with friends or acquaintances, and when it was over they shook hands and didn't hold grudges over it. But if a woman hits a guy in a moment of weakness, now they want to have revenge on her.

I'm not excusing her hitting Backbreaker, that was wrong. It just sounds to me like the whole thing was an unfortunate misunderstanding that went very wrong. I say deal with it and move on.

By the way, I'm not sure I can blame Mrs. Backbreaker for being a little suspicious. Remember some of his older posts talking about having female friends. Supposedly the fiance didn't care, but maybe it affected her a little more than she let on.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

He is the Wife Whisperer . Your question answered in one.

Damn right, heheheh,..

I cannot imagine a scenario where Mrs. Tomassi and I would ever come to blows. She's far too well adjusted and in control (even when a little tipsy) of herself. The reason it's hard to imagine is because I can't think of how something similar would ever go down. In 14 years of marriage I can only think of maybe 2 or 3 occasions when we've ever had a serious spat and even then it didn't last more than a day. Neither of us have ever left the house over some issue, nor have either of us slept on the couch for anything other than one of us was sick.

And this is my point; we both play on the same team. We've never had to "work on our relationship." In my line of work I'm constantly around beautiful women. Last year in fact I went to Aruba for a product launch. I was there with my partners and our sales staff surrounded by bikinis and less for 4 days in a 5 star resort. I'll be in France, Belgium and Holland in September. I often have any number of opportunities to cheat and Mrs. Tomassi knows and accepts this. It's part of my job, but she's never doubted my fidelity. She even deflects the suspicions of her coworkers and family - she knows I respect my commitment to her and I have a life invested in her and our daughter.

This is the type of trust a marriage needs. The problem I'm seeing with BB's fiancee situations is not just a lack of trust, but a lack of respect. If she's so easily provoked to physical violence by your meeting a female coworker at a coffee shop, how then does she trust you alone in Aruba or someplace similar?

After having read your posts and this drawn out thread I'm coming to the opinion that it's your situation that is warranting your need of affirmation in marrying this woman. You have a child by her, but since you're not married yet I feel safe in presuming this wasn't by your design. That's red flag number one. You may feel you've come to the decision of marrying her on your own accord, but the child plays a primary role in that decision. I'd be interested to know the story of how she became pregnant. My guess would be it wasn't just accidental on her part considering her jealous behavior fits the classic profile of a BPD / control psychology. I know, I dealt with this type of woman (in Monrovia, CA no less) back in my mid 20s.

The problem with becoming invested in this kind of woman is that her psychosis becomes your 'normal', so you look for ways to rationalize that 'normalcy'. You narrated a very long, stream of consciousness thread here, and from what I can estimate I'd say there's a part of your mind that's hesitant about committing to her fully. How long has she been your fiancee now? When's the wedding planned for? Or did you just promise to marry her?

You see my guess is that the part of you that has a doubt about her is coming here to the collective to help you tamp all that down. You're looking for the affirmation to marry her IN SPITE of her having slapped you - which you're even trying to turn into a point of pride - but you're not getting that affirmation, you're having those doubts confirmed. So you can pass off all the naysayers here by lumping their objective observations into the "bitter old misogynists" category, but that's still not going to help you deal with your tough situation.

You don't really want to marry this girl, but a child's life hangs in the balance so you've got to seek affirmation that you are in fact doing the right thing. Common wisdom is going to tell you that you can't be doing the wrong thing if the kid's life is bettered by your sacrifice, right? But is that true for this woman? The one who belted you in the mouth hard enough to split your lip for reasons based on loose suspicions? I'm not so sure. One thing I am sure of is she firmly controls the frame of your relationship. The child alone is enough proof of that, but the fact that you took the time to write as much as you have about it and in such detail screams like a plea to help you get that frame control back. She smacked your face, you took it with a smile and rewarded her for the violence - you lose, the frame is irrevocably hers, and she'll be more apt to exercise it through her jealousy and insecure suspicions when the next occasion arises.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

^^^
And that, my friends, is the post that will finally make Backbreaker snap and leave sosuave for good.

I have money on it.