All Hell breaks loose in the backbreaker household

[Jules Verne]

Care to share the list, boomerick? For educational purposes?

 

[zekko]

When I came back I had written a list of conditions that she MUST abide by and never deviate from....

Also a list of behaviours that were unacceptable....(including jealousy and violence)

I let her know that any SINGLE violation of ANY of the listed items would result in my immeadiate disapearence...

I would have dumped you right there, your girl must be pretty desperate.
There's no way I would submit to living under conditions of a written list under a threat or an ultimatum. No way.

The situation with Backbreaker's fiance appears to have been a "crime of passion" triggered by emotion. This list business was fully and cooly premeditated. I'd tell you where to stick it.

 

[cordoncordon]

I would have dumped you right there, your girl must be pretty desperate.
There's no way I would submit to living under conditions of a written list under a threat or an ultimatum. No way.

The situation with Backbreaker's fiance appears to have been a "crime of passion" triggered by emotion. This list business was fully and cooly premeditated. I'd tell you where to stick it.

Again....I agree. It would almost be like a father scolding his child to be in that situation. That is no way to have a happy, loving relationship. Why bother???

 

[jafyk]

My 2 cents on this issue. I don't think theOP should break up with his woman but he needs to make it clear that her behavior was unacceptable and then start afresh from there. I think it's sad how people don't believe in forgiveness and 2nd chances. I think the idea of jail and prisons ar somewhat hypocritical (it's supposed to reform people but yet we don't wanna give those people a 2nd chance) so, why not just kill any offender and get it over with. In this case it's not the Op's gf is a criminal.

 

[SoldMySoul]

My 2 cents on this issue. I don't think theOP should break up with his woman but he needs to make it clear that her behavior was unacceptable and then start afresh from there. I think it's sad how people don't believe in forgiveness and 2nd chances. I think the idea of jail and prisons ar somewhat hypocritical (it's supposed to reform people but yet we don't wanna give those people a 2nd chance) so, why not just kill any offender and get it over with. In this case it's not the Op's gf is a criminal.

It is not about second chances! It is all about you perpetually promoting the double standard that WOMEN enjoy!! In my crappy state, a law was broken and could land her in jail for up to 12 months with a $1000 fine. It is called Battery.

Furthermore, if the roles had been reversed with Backbreaker, He would be demonized by women. Through this entire I never said BB should put her to the curb just yet... But, she should be on probation for a very long time. His weakness with her was in the flesh as he had marathon sex which excused her vicious behavior in the first place.

This crazy girl of his would have gotten a cold shoulder for a long time and I would have jacked off for 2 weeks straight avoiding the rewarding her for her bad behavior routine. You feelin' me?

 

[Trader]

A guy doing this would be in jail, or at least ostracized. But here's another inconsistency. Everyone on here goes on and on about how the genders are different, a woman is not the same as a man, blah blah. Yet now all of a sudden you guys want to treat this girl as if she was a man (reverse the situation).

Zekko, you are an utterly confused man.

The genders are different, they play different roles. But when it comes to the law, everyone is treated the same. If you violate a law, you should be put in jail regardless of whether you are a man or a little girl (woman, same thing). This is not incompatible with different gender roles.

Now if you want to argue that there should be 2 sets of laws, one for guys, and one for little girls (women) that is a different story

The fact is, a woman hitting a man is not the same thing as a man hitting a woman. A man could do serious physical injury to a woman because of his superior strength. A woman hitting a man is not likely to cause serious injury unless she is using a weapon of some sort. And I don't see most guys crying about getting a bloody lip, they tough it out. If a woman gets a bloody lip she'll fall apart.

It doesn't matter if it's different, the law says if X happens, then that is a violation, regardless of the fact a guy committing X causes more damage than a girl committing X.

What annoys guys is that our legal system says: 'There is only one law that applies equally to men and little girls' but then everyone knows little girls get off easier.

I would at least respect the legal system if they said: 'This law only applies to guys, not little girls' then they are at least honest and upfront about the double standard.

 

[zekko]

It doesn't matter if it's different, the law says if X happens, then that is a violation, regardless of the fact a guy committing X causes more damage than a girl committing X.

I was looking at it from a relationship standpoint, not from a legal standpoint. As far as I'm concerned, I see no reason to have two sets of laws. It should be illegal to hit someone, regardless of gender. Had Backbreaker been inclined to press charges on his fiance for battery, he would have been within his rights to do so, and I have no problem with that.

But under the circumstances, it was highly unlikely that he was going to press charges. Women are probably more likely to press charges if they are hit by a man, because it is a far more serious threat to them.

 

[boomerick]

I would have dumped you right there, your girl must be pretty desperate.
There's no way I would submit to living under conditions of a written list under a threat or an ultimatum. No way.

The situation with Backbreaker's fiance appears to have been a "crime of passion" triggered by emotion. This list business was fully and cooly premeditated. I'd tell you where to stick it.

Zek--

All I can say is I actually did it and it worked.....

This wasn't keyboard philosophy from some middleaged, un or under employed, underware clad, loser posting from his mom's basement.......

This was real life.....

I left initally because it was becoming violent.....(large household objects thrown at my head).....

Then.....I did in three days what 4 years of constant fighting and 9 months of marriage counseling (what a waste of time) couldn't even touch......

I followed the advice of the BETTER voices on this very board which I had found and had been reading for about 2 months at the time.....

Pook, Anti-Dump, The Bible, Rollo, Jophil, Victory Un, Dave in Hawaii, Diesel, and many more GOOD SOLID posters....

I also found Roissy and the Spearhead websites on the internet (thanks Rollo).....

I acted like a man and set MY terms.....

Stopped White Knighting.....

I traded in self sacrifice of the soul for SELF RESPECT......

I began to LEAD......

I went from AFC to Dictator and she f*ckin' LOVES IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!.......

I turned a vicious out of control wildcat into a purring sex kitten in real life (not in fantasy 'real man' computer land) by following what I read here.....

It's been 2 years so far and over and over again this site's knowledge has been proven out in real everyday situations (again, not theorized or 'claimed' on the internet)....

It's like having the other teams playbook.......

The fact that you and others disagree with my solution.....

Oh well.....

Actually, I'm sure, being as great a catch as I am, that if you knew me and had to choose between loosing me or living by my rules, you'd jump at the rules too.....


Over and Out.

 

[jafyk]

At Sold My Soul. The thing that really bothers me about the American culture is that it seems most people's sense of right and wrong is based on what the law says. Is that the only thing to take into consideration when it comes to the law. True lawlessness is bad for any society but sometimes being so lawfully minded just leaves people looking like Robots. Sure the Law is black and white but our experiences in our daily lives have shades of gray.
All the same like Zekko said. I wasn't looking at it from a legal stand point. The more I read stuff on this site. The more it feels to me that Maybe deep down men and women really do hate each other and just want to use each other but because the hate wouldn't be socially acceptable we disguise it. Yet you look at most advice given here it's often "get even". I have not excused what Back breaker's woman did but I feel they can work things out and she should be held accountable to her actions.

 

[guru1000]

There's no way I would submit to living under conditions of a written list under a threat or an ultimatum. No way

Yet you have no complaints living in a country bound by "conditions", borne through case law and social conventions, with ultimatums of imprisonment to all who violate; however, the system proves most effective in "controlling" the masses.

 

[jophil28]

I have not excused what Back breaker's woman did but I feel they can work things out and she should be held accountable to her actions.

Unfortunately he already decided on her punishment - a marathon sex fest. ..ouch, I bet that taught her a powerful lesson .

 

[jophil28]

At Sold My Soul. The thing that really bothers me about the American culture is that it seems most people's sense of right and wrong is based on what the law says. Is that the only thing to take into consideration when it comes to the law. .

When "relative morality" became popular in the past 40 years ,thanks to 'post modernist' brainwashing in colleges, the notion of 'right and wrong' descended into one of personal convenience.
What "feels right" apparently is right. Wow, no rules, no restrictions..we can live a life of extended adolescence.

All we have left to regulate decent human behavior are written limits and penalties enshrined in law . We are on thin ice.

 

[Romjuan]

I love reading threads like this. You really learn a lot. I agree with jophil and others on their viiew but what's funny is you don't see the other side when you are in a relationship. If oi was backbreaker I would satand by what he said as well.... This is really a learning experience for a thread

 

[jophil28]

I would have dumped you right there, your girl must be pretty desperate.
There's no way I would submit to living under conditions of a written list under a threat or an ultimatum. No way.

The situation with Backbreaker's fiance appears to have been a "crime of passion" triggered by emotion. This list business was fully and cooly premeditated. I'd tell you where to stick it.

Zekko, the way I see it is that Boomer could have just dumped her azz and kicked her out (or walked away). Instead he decided ( albeit brutally ) to impose his will on a woman who was clearly running riot. She had abandoned all of her "goodwill" which a successful LTR requires. A raging woman is NOT someone you can "communicate" with .

I point out that what he did was a response to HER atrocious behavior. She was actling like a tyrant and he corrected the situation by fighting fire with fire.
IT was then her choice to comply or leave. She chose to stay and behave.

Looks like it worked out.

 

[boomerick]

^^^^

Please notice also that the fault lied as much if not more in my previous wrong minded White Knight AFC Beta conditioning as it did in her raging ....

I had to dig down deep, confront my failings, and change myself at least as much as I 'forced' her to in order carry the whole thing off....

And I had to do it in a way that blew apart and reframed 8 prior years of wussified doormat White Knighting and got immediate results as time had run out......

So even as "brutal" as it seems, it was what I could come up with at the time....

Had it not worked I'd be doing visitation and paying support this very day.......

The whole point being that you don't always have to dump out of a relationship where you have lost some frame....

You can turn things around or fix them if you have the right tools and the will to do so....

It is possible to give her a second chance .......

Even if she was a little out of control....

Over and Out.

 

[jophil28]

"Brutal" was needed under the circumstances.

At the end of WW11 Japan was essentially destroyed by the Allies because it needed to be.
Now they build Toyota's there , and play baseball.....toughlove really works.

 

[zekko]

The fact that you and others disagree with my solution.....

I didn't say I disagreed with your solution, I said I wouldn't put up with it myself (living under a written list of conditions from my mate). Even if my behavior had deserved it (and it sounds like your wife's did), I wouldn't have submitted to living under conditions of such a list. Maybe a female might be more comfortable with such an arrangement, who knows?

It sounds like your wife was very much at fault, so if you managed to "fix" her, congratulations, that's not an easy thing to do. Normally I don't believe much in trying to change women because it's usually a waste of time. If things got so bad that I had to impose a list of conditions I probably would have just broke it off instead.

I'm also a little surprised that this worked. It sounds like your wife was bent on self destructing and destroying the marriage. Usually when they get to that point they won't stop until they've succeeded. Again, if you were able to salvage the relationship and regrab the frame, congratulations.

Yet you have no complaints living in a country bound by "conditions", borne through case law and social conventions, with ultimatums of imprisonment to all who violate; however, the system proves most effective in "controlling" the masses.

Not sure where you get the idea that I have no complaints. I have a TON of problems with the laws and social conventions in the US. I don't specifically object to battery being illegal however.

 

[boomerick]

Z-

I didn't have to fix her, I only set down new limits/boundries with new consequences for her to either accept or reject as she saw fit....

She chose to accept them....

The real work / fixing that had to be done was what I did to myself....

A drastic change in how I perceived and dealt with women/relationships....

Funny thing was after all the years of troubles it boiled down to me acting like a man, leading, tearing down the woman/relationship pedistal, regaining my self respect, and as selfish as it sounds PUTTING MYSELF FIRST .....

Which was totally opposite to my prior relationship conditioning.....

It is written on this site all over the place: as you start to lead she will naturally begin to follow....

It's nature she can't help it....

Totally proved out in real life.....




Jophil----

Thermo-nuclear Reframe....hahahahahahaha....I like that !!!

Gives another meaning to Boomerick....

Which , by the way has nothing to do with baby boomers, quarterbacks or loud noises.....

Over and Out.

 

[Mr.Positive]

The whole point being that you don't always have to dump out of a relationship where you have lost some frame....

You can turn things around or fix them if you have the right tools and the will to do so....

It is possible to give her a second chance .......

Even if she was a little out of control.....

This is all backbreaker needs to hear.

Home run post, boomerick.

 

[Centaurion]

Damn. Interesting couple of posts.

But, where is BB?