Help me understand this girl's BS

[BPH]

If you want to ever take the island, first burn your boats. With total commitment comes the insights that create real victory.

The guy mentoring me specifically recommended against that, and I'm glad I listened; everything has cost more and taken longer than I initially anticipated, and if I had to worry about rent and utilities I probably would've needed even longer.

He told me that if I'm not paying rent and I can minimize expenses, that I should do that - who cares what other people think?

Considering he has what I want, I'm inclined to listen.

 

[Solomon]

The guy mentoring me specifically recommended against that, and I'm glad I listened; everything has cost more and taken longer than I initially anticipated, and if I had to worry about rent and utilities I probably would've needed even longer.

He told me that if I'm not paying rent and I can minimize expenses, that I should do that - who cares what other people think?

Considering he has what I want, I'm inclined to listen.

OP you're in a perfect position to start/run a business. As a guy who has been running his own business on the side. Trying to ramp it up takes a lot of time and energy. I still work a full time job. You being at home is a great thing in the sense that you do not have to worry about paying rent or compromising between spare income and living needs etc.

Personally I think that running your own business is far more rewarding than chasing poon and trying to get laid. You have guys here who have their own place, nice car, good job and still can't get laid. Not saying those things don't help cause they do but at the end of the day women will always be there, the chance to have a legacy will not

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The guy mentoring me specifically recommended against that, and I'm glad I listened; everything has cost more and taken longer than I initially anticipated, and if I had to worry about rent and utilities I probably would've needed even longer.

He told me that if I'm not paying rent and I can minimize expenses, that I should do that - who cares what other people think?

Considering he has what I want, I'm inclined to listen.

What you will do to succeed when your back is against the wall is far different than what you will do to succeed when you are comfy and in a no stress situation.

That cannot be replicated. Some of the greatest succes stories have come from when people had no other options but to make it work or be homeless.

You still are unwilling to push yourself out of your comfort zone. That's what I see.

There is no easy button in life, stop looking for one.

Success comes on its terms, not on yours.

 

[BPH]

What you will do to succeed when your back is against the wall is far different than what you will do to succeed when you are comfy and in a no stress situation.

That cannot be replicated. Some of the greatest succes stories have come from when people had no other options but to make it work or be homeless.

You still are unwilling to push yourself out of your comfort zone. That's what I see.

There is no easy button in life, stop looking for one.

Success comes on its terms, not on yours.

That's fine, you can draw your own conclusions.

Personally, I don't think putting myself in more debt by taking out loans to move out of my parent's place so as not appear as a "manchild" to people online is probably not worth the marginal improvement to my sex life, nor would it set me up for long-term success since those would be unnecessary expenses on top of the ones I'm already incurring to build this business.

It took me 3 weeks to find and buy my truck for this business - and I still overpaid.

Why? Did I not try hard enough? Was it because my back wasn't against the wall?

Or maybe it was because everything in my price range was a couple hundred miles away, and I had to juggle spending hours on the road getting things inspected to find unforeseen problems that I couldn't afford to fix WHILE not skimping on the job that I DO have so as not to get fired because I needed that income to buy said truck. I'd need someone who could spare those hours to drive the other car back, I'd need sellers to respond to inquiries on their listings, I'd need cars not to get sold before I could sneak away from work to go see them etc. These are all factors outside of my control that make my journey harder, so why would I do something to make this even more difficult for myself?

So no, I don't think the solution to getting out of a hole is to jump in a deeper one.

 

[redpiller1988]

Low interest level. Dead her and move on.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That's fine, you can draw your own conclusions.

Personally, I don't think putting myself in more debt by taking out loans to move out of my parent's place so as not appear as a "manchild" to people online is probably not worth the marginal improvement to my sex life, nor would it set me up for long-term success since those would be unnecessary expenses on top of the ones I'm already incurring to build this business.

It took me 3 weeks to find and buy my truck for this business - and I still overpaid.

Why? Did I not try hard enough? Was it because my back wasn't against the wall?

Or maybe it was because everything in my price range was a couple hundred miles away, and I had to juggle spending hours on the road getting things inspected to find unforeseen problems that I couldn't afford to fix WHILE not skimping on the job that I DO have so as not to get fired because I needed that income to buy said truck. I'd need someone who could spare those hours to drive the other car back, I'd need sellers to respond to inquiries on their listings, I'd need cars not to get sold before I could sneak away from work to go see them etc. These are all factors outside of my control that make my journey harder, so why would I do something to make this even more difficult for myself?

So no, I don't think the solution to getting out of a hole is to jump in a deeper one.

You aren't jumping out of a hole, you are learning how to stand on your own two feet. That knowledge is priceless.

The next person who succeeds by avoiding failure without having to struggle thru failures and learn from them before succeeding is going to be the first.

 

[BPH]

You aren't jumping out of a hole, you are learning how to stand on your own two feet. That knowledge is priceless.

The next person who succeeds by avoiding failure without having to struggle thru failures and learn from them before succeeding is going to be the first.

What's your point? I've struggled and failed plenty.

This time around I'm following the guidance of somebody who is successful and has what I want and is teaching me how to do it using the very vehicle he used and still uses to get there.

If his recommendation is to minimize expenses by not going out on my own and incurring more debt that necessary, why should I listen to you instead of him?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What's your point? I've struggled and failed plenty.

This time around I'm following the guidance of somebody who is successful and has what I want and is teaching me how to do it using the very vehicle he used and still uses to get there.

If his recommendation is to minimize expenses by not going out on my own and incurring more debt that necessary, why should I listen to you instead of him?

I'm not telling you to listen to me or not to listen me or not to listen to him. I'm just giving you my perspective.

Ask him where he was at in his life when he got started and I'll be willing to bet it was more a long the lines of what I described than what you described.

 

[BPH]

I'm not telling you to listen to me or not to listen me or not to listen to him. I'm just giving you my perspective.

Ask him where he was at in his life when he got started and I'll be willing to bet it was more a long the lines of what I described than what you described.

No, he didn't jump out of his safety net to build his business - it wasn't a requirement, as you make it seem.

He's younger than me too. He was providing a service and found a way to improve upon it while turning it into something recurring rather than as-needed. He told me he felt like he found a cheat code and just focused on that.

EDIT: The point of all this is that I'm aware of my problem and am working to fix it. Regardless of your perception of it, needlessly reminding me of it is not useful.

 

[BeExcellent]

There is more than 1 way to get to a goal. Methodical and incremental methodology has its place. Sink or swim also has its merits. I was more methodical & incremental building success, especially while supporting my family, who I refused to have dire consequences befall them. So I planned and I worked my plan.

One of my male friends lives with his parents at 47. He is divorced, no kids, working a white collar healthcare job and building a business. He's very good looking, fit, no issues getting laid, no issues keeping LTRs. But he's in a demographic with aging parents who need some looking after - and he will inherit the house once they are gone so its not quite the same as 31 year old.

OP is aware its an issue and he's aware of the inherent trade offs. Thats good. It will cost him some opportunities with women. It is what it is.

 

[Sega Genesis]

One of my male friends lives with his parents at 47. He is divorced, no kids, working a white collar healthcare job and building a business. He's very good looking, fit, no issues getting laid, no issues keeping LTRs. But he's in a demographic with aging parents who need some looking after - and he will inherit the house once they are gone....

^^I agree Be.

On another forum, an early‐30ish man chose to live with his parents (temporarily) while saving to purchase a home in the ever-so-expensive state of CA.

I thought that was OK, if I were attracted and he 'checked my boxes' I would date such a man.

He has a goal, a purpose and values long term financial security which for me are attractive qualities.

If he has to sacrifice having some things in the meantime on a temporary basis, I would understand.

If he were 40s, I'd say no but here in SoCal it's not uncommon for folks 20s-30s to move back home temporarily in order to save for their own home..

My question for @BPH, why would you need to take out bank loans to get your own place?

Living with your parents, surely you must be saving a boatload of money no? For the first and last months' rent at the very least?

Is a second job not possible?

I dunno clearly I'm missing something...

 

[SW15]

This has NOTHING to do with getting laid. Zero.

If your goal in life is to simply measure every decision by how much it will help you get laid you sir are living the life of a child.

Men make decisions based on how it helps them grow as a person, as a man, in their career and financially and become independent of others.

I literally would rather be homeless than have to move back in with my Dad.

There are other reasons to live alone or with a roommate in one's late 20s/early 30s besides getting laid. Not living with one's parents at that age and beyond helps with getting laid though.

 

[BPH]

My question for @BPH, why would you need to take out bank loans to get your own place?

I would need to take out loans because the cost of the equipment I'm buying for this business does not leave me much wiggle room. Couple that with student loans and recurring expenses like groceries and gas, then spending an extra $1,000ish per month before factoring in utilities isn't feasible.

Living with your parents, surely you must be saving a boatload of money no? For the first and last months' rent at the very least?

I had saved up a good bit of money yes, but I'd also spent quite a bit as well. This isn't the first business I tried building - every failure has been expensive in one way or another, whether time, money, or both. I had initially been working my job part-time so I could use that free time to pursue these things. It got to a point where my income was not overtaking my expenses, so that's when I started working my current job full-time while still trying to build these things.

Is a second job not possible?

It sort of is, but it's not that simple. The job market is absolutely awful; my brother got laid off early last year and he only just now found new employment with a job he starts this next Monday - it took him that long to find something that would pay him a wage that allows him to afford to continue living where he is. The closest he had gotten before that was a phony job listing on Indeed that scammed him out of several thousand dollars.

I spent time on Indeed and LinkedIn looking around every time I got fed up with my boss verbally taking out his frustrations on me. Almost every job is a sales position that is either entirely commission-based or mostly commission-based, and not being able to filter those things out due to their stated pay often being $0-$unlimited means it's very difficult to find anything.

Some may call this an excuse, but do a simple Google or YouTube search about the job market and you'll find plenty of complaints and zero optimism. The second job I would consider while building this business would be the one I mentioned earlier about my friend needing marketing for a tech startup. And that is because it is remote, part-time, and if it replaces my current income I could do that instead.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Even though arranging a meet-up and then flaking (bait-and-switch) is frowned upon on this board as a strategy for men, I applaud those of you who stuck to your guns. It prevents the forum from becoming an echo chamber, where only one perspective is allowed to dominate without challenge or debate.

Lastly, I don’t understand why people are telling OP to move out. He seems to have a good relationship with his parents, he’s able to get laid without needing to live independently, and he should be maximizing his resources (free rent) to advance in life. There’s no reason to handicap himself, especially in these unpredictable times of economic turmoil. It’s like asking a nepo baby or a hedge fund baby to give up all his money and put unnecessary pressure on himself to succeed instead of using his resources wisely.

Hopefully he chooses the advice that best suit him, follows his gut and everything works out.

 

[SW15]

The job market is absolutely awful; my brother got laid off early last year and he only just now found new employment with a job he starts this next Monday - it took him that long to find something that would pay him a wage that allows him to afford to continue living where he is.

Some may call this an excuse, but do a simple Google or YouTube search about the job market and you'll find plenty of complaints and zero optimism.

You bring up a good point. The status of the current job market isn't being talked about enough on this forum. Men's income/employment status is a part of their sexual market value.

The majority of the job losses have been in white collar work. White collar workers have been dealing with a subpar job market since 2023. It continues to get worse. The federal government job losses get a lot of attention but plenty of private sector employers have been laying off significant percentages of their workforces.

Layoffs hit men and women differently.

Male layoffs put a man at risk for getting dumped by his girlfriend/wife. Men who aren't in a relationship at the time of their layoff are likely to find it more difficult to find new women. Women don't find unemployed men attractive in most cases in new interactions. If a man is good looking and doesn't give off a relationship frame, then he might be able to get short term sex while unemployed. That was similar to the outcomes Roosh experienced in that article he wrote about getting laid while unemployed in the early 2010s.

When women get laid off, they don't tend to get dumped. It also would not affect their 1st and 2nd dates. Women's job prospects and income barely affect their sexual market values.

The job market is somewhat better in blue collar/labor spaces and in low level, service sector jobs (McJobs).

 

[BPH]

Just wanted to provide a quick little update.

Tried the self-flake thing, basically told her that I knew we were talking about hanging out this weekend but that something came up, rain check, maybe another time.

She responded with "no worries" but used 3 S's.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Just wanted to provide a quick little update.

Tried the self-flake thing, basically told her that I knew we were talking about hanging out this weekend but that something came up, rain check, maybe another time.

She responded with "no worries" but used 3 S's.

Lol hissing like a cat that got kicked back into the alley.

 

[New_Journey]

Last night I went out for drinks with my friends and spent most of my night hanging out with this girl I'd met back in September. Let me give some background:

• Matched with this girl on Hinge who lives out near West Chester, made plans to hang out when she got back from a NY trip
• Got drinks together and hit it off, she's an au pair living with a host family and I'm 40 minutes away and live with my parents, so the night ends with a BJ(she's notably open when talking about sex; she described how it had "been a while" and that she's only had sex with a few Americans since moving here, so I think she'll probably be open to it the next time)
• Have a 2nd date at a nice bar closer to her since I figure it'd be logistically easier to hook up or go somewhere afterward. Night goes just as well as the first time around but she wants to have sex on a bed and not in a car, and doesn't want to go to a motel, so it ends with another BJ
• I try to plan a 3rd date at night with the idea to pre-book a room, but she continually declines saying that I'm never available during the day and that she thinks "all I want is sex". I told her that at that point I figured she wanted that to be an option but that if she wants to hang out during the day all she has to do is let me know. She doesn't hit me up and is often busy working for her host family so I stop reaching out, delete her number, unfollow
• She hits me through Instagram on Halloween and invites me to come out and see her in West Chester with her friends. This was what started the post I made asking about logistics and whether I should bother. I go with some friends, she's happy to see me, and we spend the night getting drunk, making out, and dancing. She's their ride and still living with her host family so she ends up leaving with her friends and I end up leaving with mine. We made plans to hang out next weekend
• Next weekend comes around and she's sick...the weekend after that she has work...the weekend after she's visiting NY etc so she's back to her old BS. She ends up drunk calling me on FaceTime talking about how hot I am, but that I only want sex, and that she's not sure when she's going to be free because of work, blah blah. She wants to see me next weekend...but then it's her friend's going away party...and the weekend after that she's away again. So again, I write her off and get on with my life. This was probably around early-mid January

So now we're caught up. Anyway...

I'm out in West Chester last night and she was there dancing with her friends and saw me. She gets all smiley and beckons me over and immediately just starts making out with me and dancing on me like she hasn't flaked on almost every plan we made. She introduces me to her hot roommate and another guy friend and tells me about how she's moved into her new spot with the roommate and doesn't have the problem of her host family anymore. I think she's still BSing, but I entertain it since now there isn't a logistics excuse.

Long story short, by the end of the night she leaves with her roommate and says she can't have me over, but the reason why is what I'm trying to understand...

She tells me how there are these 2 other guys that she's talking to and she thinks 1 of them might ask her to be his girlfriend soon. She mentions that she's been seeing him for about a month and that they've already had sex, but that she still considers herself single. She says seeing me here tonight complicated that for her because she's still very attracted to me and really wants me to come over to hers after and f*** her - going so far as to send me her address - but tells me I should just go home, and that she would be free next weekend to see me because she "thinks that'll be before the guy asks her out".

So help me understand this...I'm sure a lot of this falls under her just wanting my attention, but what she described makes no sense to me...she thought all I wanted was sex, and wasn't interested in that - but f***ed this other guy in less than a month. However, she also tells me she's not ready to be in a relationship yet - but is citing that as the reason for me not to come over, since I guess she doesn't want to screw things up with this other guy if he does ask her out. Yet still, she was willing to risk that by immediately going all-in on me at the bar in front of her roommate.

I do my best to judge people by what they DO, rather than what they SAY, but in the case of this girl, I genuinely don't understand the logic...

• Doesn't like that I just want sex...f***s different guy in under a month
• Doesn't want a boyfriend...says no to having me over because it complicates things if he asks her to be his girl
• Wants to wait for this guy to ask her out...perfectly fine spending the night making out with me in front of her roommate
• Wants to have me come over, sending me the address...changes her mind even though the guy isn't there and her roommate already saw everything

Anybody understand what's happening here?

She's the one who wants sex with you, but you don't a privately place to smash her. She told you she wants to fvck in a bed, not in a hotel. This is a case of a girl wanting to fvck you, but logistics are bad. Fix that

I disagree with comments that she's not interested. She gave you two bj, does that sound like a girl who's not interested? She's just disappointed that a player like you don't have a house or an apartment to take her and show her a good time.

 

[SW15]

One of my male friends lives with his parents at 47. He is divorced, no kids, working a white collar healthcare job and building a business. He's very good looking, fit, no issues getting laid, no issues keeping LTRs. But he's in a demographic with aging parents who need some looking after - and he will inherit the house once they are gone so its not quite the same as 31 year old.

Multigenerational householding isn't as poorly perceived in the mating marketplace when the parents are elderly and in need of a caregiver.

When senior citizens start needing caregiver services, it is less common for the adult son to be the caregiver when caregiving is done by a family member. It is usually the adult daughter, who is often married. If the adult daughter is unmarried (divorced or never married), it usually has minimal impact on her SMV.

In a rare case of a never married/divorced, childless male 35-54 years caring for aging parents, it has the potential to affect his SMV. If the aging parents move into a home in his name, that's not going to impact his SMV much, but it might crimp his style.

She's the one who wants sex with you, but you don't a privately place to smash her. She told you she wants to fvck in a bed, not in a hotel. This is a case of a girl wanting to fvck you, but logistics are bad. Fix that

I disagree with comments that she's not interested. She gave you two bj, does that sound like a girl who's not interested? She's just disappointed that a player like you don't have a house or an apartment to take her and show her a good time.

This could be avoided if he had a 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate. It would be shorter term sex as the 2 of them aren't very geographically compatible. West Chester, PA is at least a 30 minute drive from Wilmington, DE. If his apartment were in Philadelphia, it's still 30+ minutes. That gets old fast, especially in big cities with a lot of traffic.

 

[BPH]

She's the one who wants sex with you, but you don't a privately place to smash her. She told you she wants to fvck in a bed, not in a hotel. This is a case of a girl wanting to fvck you, but logistics are bad. Fix that

I disagree with comments that she's not interested. She gave you two bj, does that sound like a girl who's not interested? She's just disappointed that a player like you don't have a house or an apartment to take her and show her a good time.

That's fair, I just didn't understand her reasoning.

The whole fact that she was interested in me, but doesn't want me over, because she's saving herself for this guy to ask her out, though she clearly doesn't respect him if she's making out with me...

Anyway, I'm building a business so if she can't wait that's cool if that's her standard, I'll just have to meet somebody else.