Help me understand this girl's BS

[BPH]

If you want to ever take the island, first burn your boats. With total commitment comes the insights that create real victory.

The guy mentoring me specifically recommended against that, and I'm glad I listened; everything has cost more and taken longer than I initially anticipated, and if I had to worry about rent and utilities I probably would've needed even longer.

He told me that if I'm not paying rent and I can minimize expenses, that I should do that - who cares what other people think?

Considering he has what I want, I'm inclined to listen.

 

[Solomon]

The guy mentoring me specifically recommended against that, and I'm glad I listened; everything has cost more and taken longer than I initially anticipated, and if I had to worry about rent and utilities I probably would've needed even longer.

He told me that if I'm not paying rent and I can minimize expenses, that I should do that - who cares what other people think?

Considering he has what I want, I'm inclined to listen.

OP you're in a perfect position to start/run a business. As a guy who has been running his own business on the side. Trying to ramp it up takes a lot of time and energy. I still work a full time job. You being at home is a great thing in the sense that you do not have to worry about paying rent or compromising between spare income and living needs etc.

Personally I think that running your own business is far more rewarding than chasing poon and trying to get laid. You have guys here who have their own place, nice car, good job and still can't get laid. Not saying those things don't help cause they do but at the end of the day women will always be there, the chance to have a legacy will not

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The guy mentoring me specifically recommended against that, and I'm glad I listened; everything has cost more and taken longer than I initially anticipated, and if I had to worry about rent and utilities I probably would've needed even longer.

He told me that if I'm not paying rent and I can minimize expenses, that I should do that - who cares what other people think?

Considering he has what I want, I'm inclined to listen.

What you will do to succeed when your back is against the wall is far different than what you will do to succeed when you are comfy and in a no stress situation.

That cannot be replicated. Some of the greatest succes stories have come from when people had no other options but to make it work or be homeless.

You still are unwilling to push yourself out of your comfort zone. That's what I see.

There is no easy button in life, stop looking for one.

Success comes on its terms, not on yours.

 

[BPH]

What you will do to succeed when your back is against the wall is far different than what you will do to succeed when you are comfy and in a no stress situation.

That cannot be replicated. Some of the greatest succes stories have come from when people had no other options but to make it work or be homeless.

You still are unwilling to push yourself out of your comfort zone. That's what I see.

There is no easy button in life, stop looking for one.

Success comes on its terms, not on yours.

That's fine, you can draw your own conclusions.

Personally, I don't think putting myself in more debt by taking out loans to move out of my parent's place so as not appear as a "manchild" to people online is probably not worth the marginal improvement to my sex life, nor would it set me up for long-term success since those would be unnecessary expenses on top of the ones I'm already incurring to build this business.

It took me 3 weeks to find and buy my truck for this business - and I still overpaid.

Why? Did I not try hard enough? Was it because my back wasn't against the wall?

Or maybe it was because everything in my price range was a couple hundred miles away, and I had to juggle spending hours on the road getting things inspected to find unforeseen problems that I couldn't afford to fix WHILE not skimping on the job that I DO have so as not to get fired because I needed that income to buy said truck. I'd need someone who could spare those hours to drive the other car back, I'd need sellers to respond to inquiries on their listings, I'd need cars not to get sold before I could sneak away from work to go see them etc. These are all factors outside of my control that make my journey harder, so why would I do something to make this even more difficult for myself?

So no, I don't think the solution to getting out of a hole is to jump in a deeper one.

 

[redpiller1988]

Low interest level. Dead her and move on.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That's fine, you can draw your own conclusions.

Personally, I don't think putting myself in more debt by taking out loans to move out of my parent's place so as not appear as a "manchild" to people online is probably not worth the marginal improvement to my sex life, nor would it set me up for long-term success since those would be unnecessary expenses on top of the ones I'm already incurring to build this business.

It took me 3 weeks to find and buy my truck for this business - and I still overpaid.

Why? Did I not try hard enough? Was it because my back wasn't against the wall?

Or maybe it was because everything in my price range was a couple hundred miles away, and I had to juggle spending hours on the road getting things inspected to find unforeseen problems that I couldn't afford to fix WHILE not skimping on the job that I DO have so as not to get fired because I needed that income to buy said truck. I'd need someone who could spare those hours to drive the other car back, I'd need sellers to respond to inquiries on their listings, I'd need cars not to get sold before I could sneak away from work to go see them etc. These are all factors outside of my control that make my journey harder, so why would I do something to make this even more difficult for myself?

So no, I don't think the solution to getting out of a hole is to jump in a deeper one.

You aren't jumping out of a hole, you are learning how to stand on your own two feet. That knowledge is priceless.

The next person who succeeds by avoiding failure without having to struggle thru failures and learn from them before succeeding is going to be the first.

 

[BPH]

You aren't jumping out of a hole, you are learning how to stand on your own two feet. That knowledge is priceless.

The next person who succeeds by avoiding failure without having to struggle thru failures and learn from them before succeeding is going to be the first.

What's your point? I've struggled and failed plenty.

This time around I'm following the guidance of somebody who is successful and has what I want and is teaching me how to do it using the very vehicle he used and still uses to get there.

If his recommendation is to minimize expenses by not going out on my own and incurring more debt that necessary, why should I listen to you instead of him?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What's your point? I've struggled and failed plenty.

This time around I'm following the guidance of somebody who is successful and has what I want and is teaching me how to do it using the very vehicle he used and still uses to get there.

If his recommendation is to minimize expenses by not going out on my own and incurring more debt that necessary, why should I listen to you instead of him?

I'm not telling you to listen to me or not to listen me or not to listen to him. I'm just giving you my perspective.

Ask him where he was at in his life when he got started and I'll be willing to bet it was more a long the lines of what I described than what you described.

 

[BPH]

I'm not telling you to listen to me or not to listen me or not to listen to him. I'm just giving you my perspective.

Ask him where he was at in his life when he got started and I'll be willing to bet it was more a long the lines of what I described than what you described.

No, he didn't jump out of his safety net to build his business - it wasn't a requirement, as you make it seem.

He's younger than me too. He was providing a service and found a way to improve upon it while turning it into something recurring rather than as-needed. He told me he felt like he found a cheat code and just focused on that.

EDIT: The point of all this is that I'm aware of my problem and am working to fix it. Regardless of your perception of it, needlessly reminding me of it is not useful.

 

[BeExcellent]

There is more than 1 way to get to a goal. Methodical and incremental methodology has its place. Sink or swim also has its merits. I was more methodical & incremental building success, especially while supporting my family, who I refused to have dire consequences befall them. So I planned and I worked my plan.

One of my male friends lives with his parents at 47. He is divorced, no kids, working a white collar healthcare job and building a business. He's very good looking, fit, no issues getting laid, no issues keeping LTRs. But he's in a demographic with aging parents who need some looking after - and he will inherit the house once they are gone so its not quite the same as 31 year old.

OP is aware its an issue and he's aware of the inherent trade offs. Thats good. It will cost him some opportunities with women. It is what it is.

 

[Sega Genesis]

One of my male friends lives with his parents at 47. He is divorced, no kids, working a white collar healthcare job and building a business. He's very good looking, fit, no issues getting laid, no issues keeping LTRs. But he's in a demographic with aging parents who need some looking after - and he will inherit the house once they are gone....

^^I agree Be.

On another forum, an early‐30ish man chose to live with his parents (temporarily) while saving to purchase a home in the ever-so-expensive state of CA.

I thought that was OK, if I were attracted and he 'checked my boxes' I would date such a man.

He has a goal, a purpose and values long term financial security which for me are attractive qualities.

If he has to sacrifice having some things in the meantime on a temporary basis, I would understand.

If he were 40s, I'd say no but here in SoCal it's not uncommon for folks 20s-30s to move back home temporarily in order to save for their own home..

My question for @BPH, why would you need to take out bank loans to get your own place?

Living with your parents, surely you must be saving a boatload of money no? For the first and last months' rent at the very least?

Is a second job not possible?

I dunno clearly I'm missing something...

 

[SW15]

This has NOTHING to do with getting laid. Zero.

If your goal in life is to simply measure every decision by how much it will help you get laid you sir are living the life of a child.

Men make decisions based on how it helps them grow as a person, as a man, in their career and financially and become independent of others.

I literally would rather be homeless than have to move back in with my Dad.

There are other reasons to live alone or with a roommate in one's late 20s/early 30s besides getting laid. Not living with one's parents at that age and beyond helps with getting laid though.

 

[BPH]

My question for @BPH, why would you need to take out bank loans to get your own place?

I would need to take out loans because the cost of the equipment I'm buying for this business does not leave me much wiggle room. Couple that with student loans and recurring expenses like groceries and gas, then spending an extra $1,000ish per month before factoring in utilities isn't feasible.

Living with your parents, surely you must be saving a boatload of money no? For the first and last months' rent at the very least?

I had saved up a good bit of money yes, but I'd also spent quite a bit as well. This isn't the first business I tried building - every failure has been expensive in one way or another, whether time, money, or both. I had initially been working my job part-time so I could use that free time to pursue these things. It got to a point where my income was not overtaking my expenses, so that's when I started working my current job full-time while still trying to build these things.

Is a second job not possible?

It sort of is, but it's not that simple. The job market is absolutely awful; my brother got laid off early last year and he only just now found new employment with a job he starts this next Monday - it took him that long to find something that would pay him a wage that allows him to afford to continue living where he is. The closest he had gotten before that was a phony job listing on Indeed that scammed him out of several thousand dollars.

I spent time on Indeed and LinkedIn looking around every time I got fed up with my boss verbally taking out his frustrations on me. Almost every job is a sales position that is either entirely commission-based or mostly commission-based, and not being able to filter those things out due to their stated pay often being $0-$unlimited means it's very difficult to find anything.

Some may call this an excuse, but do a simple Google or YouTube search about the job market and you'll find plenty of complaints and zero optimism. The second job I would consider while building this business would be the one I mentioned earlier about my friend needing marketing for a tech startup. And that is because it is remote, part-time, and if it replaces my current income I could do that instead.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Even though arranging a meet-up and then flaking (bait-and-switch) is frowned upon on this board as a strategy for men, I applaud those of you who stuck to your guns. It prevents the forum from becoming an echo chamber, where only one perspective is allowed to dominate without challenge or debate.

Lastly, I don’t understand why people are telling OP to move out. He seems to have a good relationship with his parents, he’s able to get laid without needing to live independently, and he should be maximizing his resources (free rent) to advance in life. There’s no reason to handicap himself, especially in these unpredictable times of economic turmoil. It’s like asking a nepo baby or a hedge fund baby to give up all his money and put unnecessary pressure on himself to succeed instead of using his resources wisely.

Hopefully he chooses the advice that best suit him, follows his gut and everything works out.