How to Spot a Unicorn

[Slowhandluke]

Unicorns are mythical creatures. They don’t exist and neither do unicorn men or women. As humans we are all flawed to various degrees and if you seek perfection in a partner you will be eternally single.

Average people are "average". They live, they die.. and in between they might lie, cheat, and sometimes do great things. There are very few exceptional people... even what we consider "exceptional" is up for debate.

The choice for older guys becomes pay for play and annual trips to Pattaya, enjoying the single life or finding someone you connect with on a more than physical level to spend your remaining years with. Nothing inherently wrong with any of these options, they all have their pros and cons.

Exceptional men will always be in demand. Its in the best interest of human society to propagate the traits that make men great.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I challenge any guy (except the outliers who have a very high degree of looks, money and/or status) to enjoy and have a successful player lifestyle in their 60s and beyond (pay for play does not qualify).

Well, I'm not in my sixties yet, but while I try to live without expectations, I don't see my situation change for the worse. I may be wrong, of course, but if I look at my sex life, it's become better with age.
And I don't have a high degree of the superficial traits you think are necessary to have an active sex life at a more advanced age. And I never 'paid for play'. I have some talents highly coveted by women, but they have nothing to do with looks/money/status.
I guess I'm just good company.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Couple of thoughts. A lot has transpired since this thread was first written years ago.

@Von is happily married (nice to see you old friend), my son is happily married (both men married their unicorns.....), I have remarried too.

Top tier men are not the sociopaths @jhonny9546 believes them to be. My father, God rest his soul (he was alive when I originally wrote this) was a top tier man. He was very handsome, 6'3", outdoorsman, was an excellent lawyer who argued and won before the US Supreme Court. He had character. He was a leader. He had lifelong friends. He was tough; direct; unapologetic. He had expectations and standards, and he was also loving and kind. He was stoic. He taught the same Sunday school class for 35 years until his death. His Sunday school students insisted on serving at his funeral. My son at 15 was a pallbearer at his burial alongside classmates from gradeschool (men in their 80s) who drove hours to pay their respects. A county prosecutor who my father had argued against and also with, age 86, accompanied by his wife of 66 years, drove 9 hours ONE way to pay respects. After the funeral service they drove home 9 hours.

My ex husband loved & revered my father (his own father died tragically when he was 12)....my husband hears all the stories about my dad from family and wishes he could have met him.

My dad was a great man.

And he raised my sisters and I to be the kind of woman described at the outset of this thread.

My son leads. He remembers his grandfather, has the deepest respect for him & strives to embody his character, and mine, and his dad's.

So much begins with a man being a good father, guiding, holding accountable, leading, developing character. I agree with @AmsterdamAssassin that integrity and devotion are paramount in raising solid children into solid adults. My father was tough, had high standards, high integrity, and was a devoted father. He was not perfect, and could own his flaws and mistakes with humility.

Although we have been divorced now over 10 years, my ex husband and I have always co-parented amicably and with integrity and mutual respect. His mother was a unicorn in every way herself. After she was widowed she never remarried; never had sexual relations with another man (my ex husband's father was the love of her life; she gave him her virginity on their wedding night, which she was always funny and reverent about)....and I married my first husband because of the character I saw in that family....

Character is of the utmost importance. Beauty is wonderful too of course, but finding a beautiful woman with character is finding a unicorn. They DO exist, but they are what every man seeks, so these are the most desirable women for marriage; for motherhood. A woman who will join you, inspire you, love you & build a legacy with you.

And men have a deep & primal desire for a partnership/marriage with that kind of meaning and substance. And that is why this thread remains relevant.

Cheers.

Sooooo... to be with a unicorn, you must be a unicorn also... Oh, by the way... water is wet. And most men (and women) are not unicorns. Telling people they can "get with" a unicorn by working harder so they, themselves, can be a unicorn is not how the world works. I'm sure BeExcellent's dad would never tell people this. He probably accepted people for who they are.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I’m

Sooooo... to be with a unicorn, you must be a unicorn also... Oh, by the way... water is wet. And most men (and women) are not unicorns. Telling people they can "get with" a unicorn by working harder so they, themselves, can be a unicorn is not how the world works. I'm sure BeExcellent's dad would never tell people this. He probably accepted people for who they are.

I’m convinced her posts are intended to induce envy in some men here. She’s had a charmed upper-crust life hardly any men can relate to and never will have to get a unicorn.

If a man is average, he can get an average woman and live happily ever after.

 

[SW15]

If a man is average, he can get an average woman and live happily ever after.

An average man can get an average woman and have an average relationship. It may or may not be fulfilling.

Some average people will get a lasting relationship that has more good moments than bad moments. It's a relationship that isn't worth ending.

I tend to think of "happily after ever" as a blue pill myth but I see the point you're trying to make.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Average relationship.

As opposed to what? Why do people need to be gorgeous or extraordinary to have a fine marriage?

My friends are all married. We are middle class. We’re doing fine.

tend to think of "happily after ever" as a blue pill myth but I see the point you're trying to make.

Again, as opposed to what? Miserable ever after, something we don’t want?

 

[sangheilios]

Couple of thoughts. A lot has transpired since this thread was first written years ago.

@Von is happily married (nice to see you old friend), my son is happily married (both men married their unicorns.....), I have remarried too.

Top tier men are not the sociopaths @jhonny9546 believes them to be. My father, God rest his soul (he was alive when I originally wrote this) was a top tier man. He was very handsome, 6'3", outdoorsman, was an excellent lawyer who argued and won before the US Supreme Court. He had character. He was a leader. He had lifelong friends. He was tough; direct; unapologetic. He had expectations and standards, and he was also loving and kind. He was stoic. He taught the same Sunday school class for 35 years until his death. His Sunday school students insisted on serving at his funeral. My son at 15 was a pallbearer at his burial alongside classmates from gradeschool (men in their 80s) who drove hours to pay their respects. A county prosecutor who my father had argued against and also with, age 86, accompanied by his wife of 66 years, drove 9 hours ONE way to pay respects. After the funeral service they drove home 9 hours.

My ex husband loved & revered my father (his own father died tragically when he was 12)....my husband hears all the stories about my dad from family and wishes he could have met him.

My dad was a great man.

And he raised my sisters and I to be the kind of woman described at the outset of this thread.

My son leads. He remembers his grandfather, has the deepest respect for him & strives to embody his character, and mine, and his dad's.

So much begins with a man being a good father, guiding, holding accountable, leading, developing character. I agree with @AmsterdamAssassin that integrity and devotion are paramount in raising solid children into solid adults. My father was tough, had high standards, high integrity, and was a devoted father. He was not perfect, and could own his flaws and mistakes with humility.

Although we have been divorced now over 10 years, my ex husband and I have always co-parented amicably and with integrity and mutual respect. His mother was a unicorn in every way herself. After she was widowed she never remarried; never had sexual relations with another man (my ex husband's father was the love of her life; she gave him her virginity on their wedding night, which she was always funny and reverent about)....and I married my first husband because of the character I saw in that family....

Character is of the utmost importance. Beauty is wonderful too of course, but finding a beautiful woman with character is finding a unicorn. They DO exist, but they are what every man seeks, so these are the most desirable women for marriage; for motherhood. A woman who will join you, inspire you, love you & build a legacy with you.

And men have a deep & primal desire for a partnership/marriage with that kind of meaning and substance. And that is why this thread remains relevant.

Cheers.

Where the hell do you come up with this imaginary nonsense, let alone have the time to repetitively write stuff like this on a forum?

 

[BeExcellent]

Where the hell do you come up with this imaginary nonsense, let alone have the time to repetitively write stuff like this on a forum?

Well none of it is imaginary. It is all based on life experience of myself and people I know personally. My 22 year old very handsome son is married to a woman who has the traits decribed. She is 21. Why is that so hard to believe?

 

[sangheilios]

Well none of it is imaginary. It is all based on life experience of myself and people I know personally. My 22 year old very handsome son is married to a woman who has the traits decribed. She is 21. Why is that so hard to believe?

I'm not referring to that, but these bizarre and excessively detailed fantasy land stories that you seem to have a never ending abundance of.

 

[Barrister]

As opposed to what? Why do people need to be gorgeous or extraordinary to have a fine marriage?

My friends are all married. We are middle class. We’re doing fine.

Again, as opposed to what? Miserable ever after, something we don’t want?

I don’t see what socio-economic status has to do with “being a unicorn.” I think the defining characteristics are different for the sexes — but I don’t think whether they have money necessarily plays into anything. For women, her looks and nurturing instincts. For men, his integrity and ability to lead. Those things are independent of someone being lower, middle, or upper “class.”

I think people are getting hung up on the term “unicorn” and having one being a necessity to “being happy.” You can be happy without having a woman who is a “unicorn.” That’s what’s preached on this site relentlessly (or used to be anyway). Derive your happiness from your own life and achievements. Not from a woman. “Unicorn” or otherwise.

 

[jhonny9546]

A married couple that has no integrity, is hostile and disrespectful to each other, who commit adultery while claiming to stay together 'for the kids' are both doing the children a disservice.

Adultery it's not the only thing. They could just have many quarrels.

Quite a few women with daddy issues have fathers without integrity. They come to me for what they couldn't find. Safe haven.

Yes, I had a few LTR's like that. I always asked myself why I attracted them in the first place (I'm still asking), since I was more of the "nice guy" type at that time. Additionally, I wondered why they were so focused on searching for a good partner when they still had a difficult relationship with their parents. I mean, I'm short, and this woman liked taller guys, so what did she see in me that other guys didn’t have?

It’s that unicorn that pushes the man forward.

I know one, for sure, but she's also a drama queen and I do suspect to be a Borderline

 

[Westminster]

Unicorns are mythical creatures. They don’t exist and neither do unicorn men or women. As humans we are all flawed to various degrees and if you seek perfection in a partner you will be eternally single.

Spinning plates or the DJ lifestyle is fine if you are young and have no desire for children or a family.

I challenge any guy (except the outliers who have a very high degree of looks, money and/or status) to enjoy and have a successful player lifestyle in their 60s and beyond (pay for play does not qualify).

As you age your looks, patience, energy and testosterone levels decrease. You are deluding yourself if you think you can still pull significantly younger multiple 9s and 10s in your senior years and even if you can they will wear you out physically, financially and emotionally, you will have nothing in common, you will disappoint them in the bedroom and/or they will eventually leave you for a younger guy possibly leaving you heartbroken.

You could in theory find it easier to spin plates with women around your own age but as they most likely be suffering the ravages of time in terms of looks etc. like yourself why would you bother with all the effort?

The choice for older guys becomes pay for play and annual trips to Pattaya, enjoying the single life or finding someone you connect with on a more than physical level to spend your remaining years with. Nothing inherently wrong with any of these options, they all have their pros and cons.

I agree particularly with the highlighted bit.

In my experience, you can pull younger women if you're a good-looking older man and you've got your act together, but it is difficult to have a LTR with one who is substantially younger (20 years or more), for one or more of the reasons you describe.

So, I guess you've got to recognise it's just 'your turn' because these kind of relationships aren't built to last. Not usually anyway.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I believe I need more popcorn.

Adultery it's not the only thing. They could just have many quarrels.

Don't be autistic. I mention adultery as an example. I can give you ten more examples of what makes a sh!tty marriage.

I mean, I'm short, and this woman liked taller guys, so what did she see in me that other guys didn’t have?

Again, don't be autistic. It's not what people say, it's why they say it. And whether their actions are congruent with their statements.

Here is where critical thinking comes to play.

You cannot change your height, just like I cannot change my baldness. For a women to state a preference for taller guys would be similar to a woman telling me she prefers men with a full head of hair. If that were through, why is she stating a preference for the opposite? What is her motivation for making such a preference known, knowing full well you are unable to change to her preference?

Plus, how do you respond to such a statement? When I'm counselling, I'm not always asking questions. I will also make statements which are often more productive at providing information and answers than a question would've been.

 

[jhonny9546]

So, I guess you've got to recognise it's just 'your turn' because these kind of relationships aren't built to last. Not usually anyway.

Ther is a scientific rule to this?
My mother is 10 years younger than my father, and I know several other that are 6 or 7 years younger.
I think there must be a point of no return

Again, don't be autistic

Ti prego di non usare questo termine nei miei confronti.

If that were through, why is she stating a preference for the opposite? What is her motivation for making such a preference known, knowing full well you are unable to change to her preference?

**** test?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Ti prego di non usare questo termine nei miei confronti.

Allora non comportarti come tale.

If you don't want me to call you autistic, don't act like an autist.

*** test?

Like calling congruency testing 'sh!t testing'.

You think she's testing you, for congruency. Why? (And try to think, don't just blurt out things or parrot the red pill nonsense.)

 

[Slowhandluke]

"the greatest lie the devil ever told was that the average woman was better then the average man."
-kaiser soze

ok, I made up the quote, but if you wanted to destroy modern society, this is what he would have done. there are less families because of this... less kids... more unhappiness between the sexes.. more loathing, etc, etc.. tell this lie and you will harm society greatly.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

"the greatest lie the devil ever told was that the average woman was better then the average man."
-kaiser soze

"the greatest lie the dating app ever told was that the average woman was better then the average man."
-match dot com

ok, I made up the quote, but if you wanted to destroy modern society, this is what he would have done. there are less families because of this... less kids... more unhappiness between the sexes.. more loathing, etc, etc.. tell this lie and you will harm society greatly.

That is the dating app playbook.

 

[jhonny9546]

Why?

If you say she's doing it in front of you on purpose, knowing that you're short and that height is a physical limitation that we can't change, then I think she's testing you. She wants to see if you're going to be insecure about it, and if you have the balls to call her out for saying something offensive about you.
And if you have the ability to do it in a humorous way, that's a plus.
Or, She could say that, because we know that woman don't really know what they want.
Now, that's what I can see, but if you can see more, I'd be happy to see what you were thinking instead

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If you say she's doing it in front of you on purpose, knowing that you're short and that height is a physical limitation that we can't change, then I think she's testing you. She wants to see if you're going to be insecure about it, and if you have the balls to call her out for saying something offensive about you.
And if you have the ability to do it in a humorous way, that's a plus.
Or, She could say that, because we know that woman don't really know what they want.
Now, that's what I can see, but if you can see more, I'd be happy to see what you were thinking instead

No, that's pretty accurate for the first layer.
Now, go under that layer. She knows you're short, just like she would know I'm bald. It's immediately visible. However, she is not going up to all short men to say how her preference is for tall men. She tells you, yet she still seems into you. Why make the remark at all? Excluding being a b!tch about someone's shortcomings, she must have a reason.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Shyt testing is as simple as this: typically subconscious female emotional responses to a help her understand a paradoxical relationship dynamic, to test whether a man’s natural and unplanned responses match his canned responses.