my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

[needimprovement250]

We're all relearning, unlearning, and evolving. You fellas who's stock and trade is lamenting your perceived deficits really aren't that special

I’m just saying that if women find out you’ve never dated or been in a relationship, and not had much sex by your 30’s, they’re gonna find that very alarming and off putting.

 

[needimprovement250]

Just may be astute to devote at least 10-15% of your energy on this part of your life then, hombre, and worry a little less about snagging a piece of ass

That’s exactly what I’m doing now, and I’m probably devoting a higher percentage of energy than that. I’m working and in school for a certification right now.

 

[needimprovement250]

Right, but it's better than no experience at all 10 years ago. That means you are not a virgin. The other issue of logic, is would it matter if you had a second, third, fourth or even fifth women? These women have been with ALLOT of guys. Even if you have been with more than one it would still be a differential where she has way more experience than you do so you still can't win even with that logic. If you are looking at playboy/Chad level of experience, then you are always going to come up short.

Since you are using the same excuse all the time, then continue using that woman you did have experience with as a reference point that you are not a total loser...you dealt with someone in the past. Same situation with me. I was married in the past. We are all objectively not incel, but subjectively, we feel that way because we are not dealing with women and have insanely long dry-spells.

Yeah good points there. With OLD and social media, women have so much more of an advantage to gain both dating and sexual experience. Even the most experienced guy on this forum probably has less experience than the average woman these days. What’s ridiculous too is that women still want men to be just as experienced as them or even more so. Even if I had a body count of 5 or more, I would still be less experienced.

 

[GoodMan32]

So the biggest dilemma inexperienced men like me are facing is how do we get out of this situation. It seems like most women ask questions related to this by bringing up past relationships or questions about your exes. In that scenario, I would probably try and say that I don’t want to talk about that at this point in time and change the subject. And I would try and convey that with some charm, not in an angry or defensive way since that would just raise red flags if it was done that way.

In my experience, they sometimes ask if you're a virgin (in which case, you could honestly say you're not)

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

I know a guy who's a virgin (he's in his early to mid 30s).

He makes decent money, has a reliable vehicle, and owns a house. So he has some factors going for him. Evidently though his income/vehicle/home ownership hasn't gotten him anywhere with the ladies. I guess what I'm saying is even if you have stuff going for you, there's still no guarantee you'll succeed sexually.

yeah because for all time, a mans social-skills impact his ability to attract women, to get laid, to get a girlfriend, a lot more than the other way around.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Come to think of it, my brother is largely the antithesis of me.

• He has an expensive vehicle.
• He makes 6 figures.
• He owns multiple homes.
• He has a decent social life.
• His political beliefs are mainstream.
• And while he does have some degree of mental illness (it runs in the family), his mental illness isn't debilitating like mine is. The main area in which his mental illness comes into play: He's a workaholic (that's how he makes so much money at his young age). How lucky of him that even his mental illness ends up benefitting him.

Yet in spite of everything he has working in his favor, he (as far as I know) has made it to 30 without ever having a girlfriend, going on a date, having sex, or even kissing.

how is he looks-wise in terms of fitness, shape? because if he is in decent shape, then its another reminder.

 

[GoodMan32]

yeah because for all time, a mans social-skills impact his ability to attract women, to get laid, to get a girlfriend, a lot more than the other way around.

Yeah. The tech industry is notorious for paying well. Yet a lot of tech industry bros have a hard time getting laid.

 

[GoodMan32]

how is he looks-wise in terms of fitness, shape? because if he is in decent shape, then its another reminder.

He's muscular (a little above 200 pounds) and a little above 6 feet. I'd say he's a good-looking guy facially (7/10)

His social skills aren't a problem by the way, seeing as he has a decent social life (with both genders).

Off the top of my head, the 2 qualities that might turn broads off (as far as getting into a relationship with him): He's extremely bossy. He's also hard to keep up with (he likes to pack 28 hours of activity into a 24 hour day)

 

[corrector]

In my experience, they sometimes ask if you're a virgin (in which case, you could honestly say you're not)

Exactly @needimprovement250, if you've done it once, then you've already passed that milestone. Nobody cares how many times.
Normally it's the women that chase relationships anyway. If they are chasing you, then they wouldn't care how long you have been with another woman and how much experience you have...she would just want to be with you period. This type of toxic stuff is usually filters on OLD profiles and aren't the type of women that are suitable for relationships anyway as they can't pair bond with high body counts and too many relationships. Have you stopped to consider that if things don't work out in a relationship, because women have so many options, that they will rather meet another guy with OLD then work out a problem even if you have a good relationship with her? This would leave you in a worst position then not being in one in the first place. Also, this board doesn't push people to go into relationships like that anyway. If you are meeting women on OLD that have some insane screening profile or standards for relationships, they are just got burned by too many Chads that did not commit and have these crazy profiles now...but they would not give you the time of day in the first place. You should not take these type of things personal and think you are deficient. You should see it that they made bad choices, chad never commited to them, and now making reactive profiles to try and get less burned by the next Chad, etc....

 

[Manure Spherian]

So the biggest dilemma inexperienced men like me are facing is how do we get out of this situation. It seems like most women ask questions related to this by bringing up past relationships or questions about your exes. In that scenario, I would probably try and say that I don’t want to talk about that at this point in time and change the subject. And I would try and convey that with some charm, not in an angry or defensive way since that would just raise red flags if it was done that way.

That’s one way to do it. I don’t suggest lying.

How old are you? Are you average or handsome or homely? What kind of social life do you have? What do you do for work (if you don’t mind stating that here)?

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

He's muscular (a little above 200 pounds) and a little above 6 feet. I'd say he's a good-looking guy facially (7/10)

His social skills aren't a problem by the way, seeing as he has a decent social life (with both genders).

Off the top of my head, the 2 qualities that might turn broads off (as far as getting into a relationship with him): He's extremely bossy. He's also hard to keep up with (he likes to pack 28 hours of activity into a 24 hour day)

and he is a virgin in his 30s? i'm assuming he would rather stay a virgin than pay for sex with an escort or sex worker, prostitute, for many guys, that is out of the question.

 

[GoodMan32]

and he is a virgin in his 30s? i'm assuming he would rather stay a virgin than pay for sex with an escort or sex worker, prostitute, for many guys, that is out of the question.

I don't know for a fact he's a virgin. I just know I've never heard him mention getting laid, nor have I ever even heard of him having a girlfriend or going on a date.

He used to make comments (back when he was in high school and college) about sex before marriage being immoral. Come to think of it, I haven't heard him bash premarital sex in ages.

And now that I think of it, there are some clues that he might have gotten laid by now; I just don't have official proof.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

I don't know for a fact he's a virgin. I just know I've never heard him mention getting laid, nor have I ever even heard of him having a girlfriend or going on a date.

He used to make comments (back when he was in high school and college) about sex before marriage being immoral. Come to think of it, I haven't heard him bash premarital sex in ages.

And now that I think of it, there are some clues that he might have gotten laid by now; I just don't have official proof.

yeah, sometimes i have this mindset, if you're a guy, the world owes you nothing, but its the opposite for women. Just bringing this up because, i sadly came across some cases of guys, men, that just were angry and depressing reminders.

 

[SW15]

The tech industry is notorious for paying well. Yet a lot of tech industry bros have a hard time getting laid.

The STEM workers in the tech industry often have some money. The quantity of money they have from their tech jobs is often not enough to give women sexual feelings. That's because the quantity of money is not enough to offset deficiencies in looks and social skills.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I’m just saying that if women find out you’ve never dated or been in a relationship, and not had much sex by your 30’s, they’re gonna find that very alarming and off putting.

Right. Take notice that men who have women, including “normies,” didn’t learn and relearn much regarding social dynamics.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Right. Take notice that men who have women, including “normies,” didn’t learn and relearn much regarding social dynamics.

To continue and repeat, here’s who winds up socially stunted and womanless.
1. Men with dysfunctional home lives who have an inherently gentle dispositions (the criminals produced in them aren’t womanless).
2. Men in locations in which pickings are slim.
3. Men who are neurodivergent, weird, and mentally troubled.
4. Homely men.

Here’s how both normie men and po0n hounds get women. They spend time with friends and family, go out and about, attend work, do activities involving others, use dating apps, and go for women they meet who show interest in the course of doing so. That’s it! They’re not intense, awkward, and analyzing, learning, and relearning.

I’m sitting on a soccer field at my son’s game. My wife is coaching. I’d bet money 99 percent of the men here didn’t have to learn sh-t to meet their spouses, cold approach, or psychoanalyze women.

 

[Mike32ct]

To continue and repeat, here’s who winds up socially stunted and womanless.
1. Men with dysfunctional home lives who have an inherently gentle dispositions (the criminals produced in them aren’t womanless).

Yes, going to focus on this one.

Anecdotally I’ve seen plenty of cases where two brothers end up complete opposites in the dating department. Looks aside, one can end up a bad boy slayer, and the other can end up a gentle nice-guy-cel.

They both responded differently to the dysfunction at home and developed different temperaments. One “rebelled” against it, and the other withdrew and became passive.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Yes, going to focus on this one.

Anecdotally I’ve seen plenty of cases where two brothers end up complete opposites in the dating department. Looks aside, one can end up a bad boy slayer, and the other can end up a gentle nice-guy-cel.

They both responded differently to the dysfunction at home and developed different temperaments. One “rebelled” against it, and the other withdrew and became passive.

This was my home. My brother turned to criminality. I was a good boy. Guess who was never without a woman?

 

[corrector]

This was my home. My brother turned to criminality. I was a good boy. Guess who was never without a woman?

I also have a gentle disposition too. Perhaps you are on to something. I wouldn't say this home is dysfunctional though. I did have a rough childhood in terms of getting builied at school or being socially excluded in some occassions. Things evened out in the later in my tweens. People have commented on my gentle disposition and my folks feel they have spoiled me when I was younger.

I'll give you kudos for purusing this type of logic. It beats the "it's all looks" thing which is normally used to torpedo these types of arguments (ie having two blood brothers who end up with dramatically different results sort of undermines the "Chad"-torpedo looks argument). When it's the same blood, slightly different looks (I would assume), then you can't blame it on a looks thing.

 

[GoodMan32]

The STEM workers in the tech industry often have some money. The quantity of money they have from their tech jobs is often not enough to give women sexual feelings. That's because the quantity of money is not enough to offset deficiencies in looks and social skills.

So in other words, a socially awkward techie needs to be Mark Zuckerberg to give a woman sexual feelings (a techie who makes 100-150k, even though that's above average, still isn't making enough to drop her panties)