Is it even worth it for a guy like me to try with making moves in-person?

[BaronOfHair]

I'm definitely aroused by young women. I've thought about many a young woman while pleasuring myself (and as I mentioned on my last post, I've been with young women before for dates/sex)

Excellent!!! Now that your shrink has concurred with everyone on this thread (Young men pursuing women decades their senior is aberrant, even if not deviant, thus not a wise route to go down), you can start training yourself out of this craving for women old enough to be your mother or older, with empirically validated methods such as these https://thrive-life.ca/getting-unhooked-from-troubling-thoughts/

Ex. Whenever you find yourself fantasizing about taking your much older neighbor to bed, get into the habit of instead say to yourself "I just experienced a thought that said "If I bone my much older neighbor, I can get my rocks off, without having to sweat her getting pregnant". Becoming unfused from one's own thoughts allows him to recognize: All that internal chatter we experience is just that... Internal chatter, that we needn't stay hooked on

-Recognize that your mind is a yarn teller, and that like most yarns, what it's reflexively saying likely isn't 100% accurate. When you find yourself fretting the possibility of a girl you've gone to bed with becoming pregnant, say to yourself: "My mind is reflexively spinning a yarn once again, without me at the driver's seat"

-Recognize that you have the power to NOT buy into the automatic thoughts that flash through your mind on a minute by minute basis. This would look something like "I just had the thought "I must stick to women between the ages of 45-60, otherwise I'll get some chick pregnant... I'm not going to buy into that thought"

We're all pulling for you and want you to succeed, GM. Now it's incumbent upon you to uphold your end of the bargain, and accept the aid you're being provided

 

[GoodMan32]

Excellent!!! Now that your shrink has concurred with everyone on this thread (Young men pursuing women decades their senior is aberrant, even if not deviant, thus not a wise route to go down), you can start training yourself out of this craving for women old enough to be your mother or older, with empirically validated methods such as these https://thrive-life.ca/getting-unhooked-from-troubling-thoughts/

Ex. Whenever you find yourself fantasizing about taking your much older neighbor to bed, get into the habit of instead say to yourself "I just experienced a thought that said "If I bone my much older neighbor, I can get my rocks off, without having to sweat her getting pregnant". Becoming unfused from one's own thoughts allows him to recognize: All that internal chatter we experience is just that... Internal chatter, that we needn't stay hooked on

-Recognize that your mind is a yarn teller, and that like most yarns, what it's reflexively saying likely isn't 100% accurate. When you find yourself fretting the possibility of a girl you've gone to bed with becoming pregnant, say to yourself: "My mind is reflexively spinning a yarn once again, without me at the driver's seat"

-Recognize that you have the power to NOT buy into the automatic thoughts that flash through your mind on a minute by minute basis. This would look something like "I just had the thought "I must stick to women between the ages of 45-60, otherwise I'll get some chick pregnant... I'm not going to buy into that thought"

We're all pulling for you and want you to succeed, GM. Now it's incumbent upon you to uphold your end of the bargain, and accept the aid you're being provided

Umm, my therapist never said there's anything wrong with my age preference. You're probably thinking of the comment he made about 85+% of broads preferring the man to make the move (that's one area where he's in agreement with most of this forum).

I hadn't been with a woman below 45 since 2022. This all changed last month when I got with an early 30s woman (I had been with her before; condom slipped off with her in 2022; that was the wake-up call that made me write off women below 45).

I had a hard time getting into the sex with the early 30s woman last month. I was paying more attention to whether the condom was staying on than to the sex itself.

Even if a 45+ year old woman's looks/bodies aren't as nice as a young woman, it's worth it for the peace of not having to fear pregnancy.

One thing I cannot stress enough though: A 45-early 50s woman, even though they generally aren't on the same level as a 25 year old woman anymore, really doesn't have a bad body. It isn't until 54 or so that you really start to notice the effects of age (I say this as a guy who has been with many 45+ year old women, going all the way up to 65).

Edit: I just remembered what you might be thinking of. My therapist made the comment toward the end of our session about how my mom's hurtful comments about my bad luck with the ladies during my teen years could have contributed to why I'm into older women. That isn't the same as him saying it's bad to be into older women. Will be interesting to see what he says during the next appointment (he said he wants to cover the topic in more depth at our next appointment)

 

[BaronOfHair]

My main motivation for going older is the fertility thing (I'm petrified of pregnancy)

Get that worked out, or at least under hand, before you start pursuing women then



"I say this as a guy who has been with many 45+ year old women, going all the way up to 65"

Good grief!!! No disrespect to women in this age bracket, nonetheless you're a guy in his 30s, not a man in his 60s or older


"I just remembered what you might be thinking of. My therapist made the comment toward the end of our session about how my mom's hurtful comments about my bad luck with the ladies during my teen years could have contributed to why I'm into older women. That isn't the same as him saying it's bad to be into older women. Will be interesting to see what he says during the next appointment (he said he wants to cover the topic in more depth at our next appointment)"


A skillful shrink will avoid discussing things in terms of "good" and "bad", and instead steer his client towards doing what's wise, adaptative, and healthy. Given what you're shared of his insight thus far, I'm banking that he's likely going to present you with hard data demonstrating that romances where the woman is significantly older than the man have abysmal failure rates, more so than unions where the man is much older, or even run of the mill relationships between people closer in age

He may even re-iterate what we've already discussed here... In most human societies on Earth(Past, Present, and Likely Future), pair-ups between much older women and men their decades their junior are reviled, with those who enter them frequently suffering significant social ostracisicism. This revulsion appears to even have an evolutionary basis(Offspring can come out of unions between older men and young women, while the inverse is highly unlikely-impossible. Humans are thus wired to respond with disgust to pair-ups which diminish our species's prospects for flourishing), and thus WILL NOT disappear, no matter how fervently you wish it would

Given all that, chances are high you're shrink is going to inform you quite flatly: "We have to get you beyond this fixation on much older women. Life is tough enough as it is, and continuing to down that route you're on is going to leave you with nothing but an endless series of clusterf-cks"

 

[BaronOfHair]

Umm, my therapist never said there's anything wrong with my age preference. You're probably thinking of the comment he made about 85+% of broads preferring the man to make the move (that's one area where he's in agreement with most of this forum).

I hadn't been with a woman below 45 since 2022. This all changed last month when I got with an early 30s woman (I had been with her before; condom slipped off with her in 2022; that was the wake-up call that made me write off women below 45).

I had a hard time getting into the sex with the early 30s woman last month. I was paying more attention to whether the condom was staying on than to the sex itself.

Even if a 45+ year old woman's looks/bodies aren't as nice as a young woman, it's worth it for the peace of not having to fear pregnancy.

One thing I cannot stress enough though: A 45-early 50s woman, even though they generally aren't on the same level as a 25 year old woman anymore, really doesn't have a bad body. It isn't until 54 or so that you really start to notice the effects of age ).

Edit:

He's probably intimidated by dealing with young women and just aching for a pair of maternal arms around him.

OP has been blessed with a MALE shrink who appears to

-Have both feet on the ground
-Hasn't he's been swept up in either Wokeness or Red Pill Theology
-Doesn't hesitate to play Taber to his clients's Harding*

Maker Of Life willing, he won't squander this gift from The Deities


*https://language.chinadaily.com.cn/auvideo/2008-12/05/content_7276360.htm

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I thought I made it pretty clear through my postings: My main motivation for going older is the fertility thing (I'm petrified of pregnancy)

That's why your shrink didn't give an indication of aberrant behaviour on your desire to be with women your mother's age, because he figured you had mommy issues. This fear of pregnancy is irrational and should be addressed. You could even take the snip and become infertile yourself so you wouldn't have to worry about impregnating anyone. And you might find you wouldn't fear dating woman your own age anymore.

 

[BaronOfHair]

That's why your shrink didn't give an indication of aberrant behaviour on your desire to be with women your mother's age, because he figured you had mommy issues. This fear of pregnancy is irrational and should be addressed

Takophobia https://www.verywellmind.com/tokophobia-overview-4684507#toc-overview is understudied in men. OP and his shrink have a shot at advancing our scientific knowledge substantially. Not even being sarcastic here. This could make for groundbreaking clinical literature

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

OP and his shrink have a shot at advancing our scientific knowledge substantially. Not even being sarcastic here. This could make for groundbreaking clinical literature

And exactly for that reason, OP should be forthright with his shrink about his motivation for dating post-menopausal women, so he won't get lumped in with the 'mommy issues' patients.

 

[SW15]

Takophobia https://www.verywellmind.com/tokophobia-overview-4684507#toc-overview is understudied in men. OP and his shrink have a shot at advancing our scientific knowledge substantially. Not even being sarcastic here. This could make for groundbreaking clinical literature

I had no idea that Takophobia (fear of pregnancy) was a thing. It is far more associated with women.

Tokophobia: A dread of pregnancy - PMC

Tokophobia is a pathological fear of pregnancy and can lead to avoidance of childbirth. It can be classified as primary or secondary. Primary is morbid fear of childbirth in a woman, who has no previous experience of pregnancy. Secondary is morbid ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

I have interest is seeing how relevant takophobia is to men. I think there's a difference between takophobia and men not wanting kids / feeling ambivalent about kids.

Despite the fact that I've felt ambivalent about having kids, it has not stopped me from having sex with women of childbearing age. I've used condoms. Many of the women that I've had sex with were users of birth control.

Men in mid-sized or big cities looking to date women between 22-32 years old are likely to discover that the majority of these women use birth control. Some of this depends on how the man starts interactions with women, but a typical man who uses swipe apps and nightlife venues to meet women and successfully seduces them will find this out. When condoms and birth control are used together in sex, the risk of pregnancy is very small.

It's even a safer sex practice to use condoms with a woman who isn't on birth control.

 

[BaronOfHair]

And exactly for that reason, OP should be forthright with his shrink about his motivation for dating post-menopausal women, so he won't get lumped in with the 'mommy issues' patients.

Yeah, it's never wise to leave one's shrink with the impression that treatment is stalling out, lest we end up sharing Benny Raspail's fate https://hannibal.fandom.com/wiki/Benjamin_Raspail

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Yeah, it's never wise to leave one's shrink with the impression that treatment is stalling out, lest we end up sharing Benny Raspail's fate https://hannibal.fandom.com/wiki/Benjamin_Raspail

"Best thing really, therapy was going nowhere..."

 

[corrector]

 

[BaronOfHair]

"Best thing really, therapy was going nowhere..."

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BewareTheNiceOnes OP will be wise to not be as obdurate with folks in real life as he is with folks he meets online

 

[BaronOfHair]

I had no idea that Takophobia (fear of pregnancy) was a thing. It is far more associated with women.

Tokophobia: A dread of pregnancy - PMC

Tokophobia is a pathological fear of pregnancy and can lead to avoidance of childbirth. It can be classified as primary or secondary. Primary is morbid fear of childbirth in a woman, who has no previous experience of pregnancy. Secondary is morbid ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Entirely possible that it's been understudied in men, just as porn addiction in women was believed to be nonexistent until fairly recently. Again, this all the more incentive for OP to discuss what's bugging him with his shrink, in the most explicit terms imaginable

They could really break ground scientifically, prompt men who are similarly afflicted to come forward

 

[SW15]

Entirely possible that it's been understudied in men

Last year, there was another poster on this forum that did not want to have sex unless he had a vasectomy.

There's this thread about not wanting sex with women of child bearing age.

There's something to this idea.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Last year, there was another poster on this forum that did not want to have sex unless he had a vasectomy.

There's this thread about not wanting sex with women of child bearing age.

There's something to this idea.

The challenge today will be to research this topic, without the researchers having their perspective tainted by either Instsectionality or Red Pill Theory... Otherwise, we're going to be cursed with intellectually anemic papers attributing this ailment to either "Toxic Masculinity" or "Gynocentrism", rather than enjoying a serious discussion that takes place in Standard English, such as:

"Patient Thomas K recalls being told by his mother several times during his childhood and adolescence that no decent, classy woman would ever want him, that he'd make a terrible father some day, that he'd poison the planet by producing dysfunctional heirs, and that he was a disgrace to the family name. Today, as a man in his 30s, Thomas K now insists on pursuing women who are menopausal and post-menopausal, rather than women near his own age or younger. He's paralyzed by a crippling terror of becoming a father, and his mother's prophecies coming true"

 

[GoodMan32]

Get that worked out, or at least under hand, before you start pursuing women then



"I say this as a guy who has been with many 45+ year old women, going all the way up to 65"

Good grief!!! No disrespect to women in this age bracket, nonetheless you're a guy in his 30s, not a man in his 60s or older


"I just remembered what you might be thinking of. My therapist made the comment toward the end of our session about how my mom's hurtful comments about my bad luck with the ladies during my teen years could have contributed to why I'm into older women. That isn't the same as him saying it's bad to be into older women. Will be interesting to see what he says during the next appointment (he said he wants to cover the topic in more depth at our next appointment)"


A skillful shrink will avoid discussing things in terms of "good" and "bad", and instead steer his client towards doing what's wise, adaptative, and healthy. Given what you're shared of his insight thus far, I'm banking that he's likely going to present you with hard data demonstrating that romances where the woman is significantly older than the man have abysmal failure rates, more so than unions where the man is much older, or even run of the mill relationships between people closer in age

He may even re-iterate what we've already discussed here... In most human societies on Earth(Past, Present, and Likely Future), pair-ups between much older women and men their decades their junior are reviled, with those who enter them frequently suffering significant social ostracisicism. This revulsion appears to even have an evolutionary basis(Offspring can come out of unions between older men and young women, while the inverse is highly unlikely-impossible. Humans are thus wired to respond with disgust to pair-ups which diminish our species's prospects for flourishing), and thus WILL NOT disappear, no matter how fervently you wish it would

Given all that, chances are high you're shrink is going to inform you quite flatly: "We have to get you beyond this fixation on much older women. Life is tough enough as it is, and continuing to down that route you're on is going to leave you with nothing but an endless series of clusterf-cks"

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Even though my therapist has just started to cover the question of whether my mom's behavior is behind my interest in older women, it came out during my first session with him that I'm into older women (and have been with significantly older women). Up until now, he hasn't attempted to steer me away from older women.

I'm aware reproduction ranges from unlikely to impossible with my preferred age group. That's exactly why I prefer that age group.

It's impossible for a gay couple to reproduce together. Yet societal stigmas against homosexuality have eroded

 

[GoodMan32]

I had no idea that Takophobia (fear of pregnancy) was a thing. It is far more associated with women.

Tokophobia: A dread of pregnancy - PMC

Tokophobia is a pathological fear of pregnancy and can lead to avoidance of childbirth. It can be classified as primary or secondary. Primary is morbid fear of childbirth in a woman, who has no previous experience of pregnancy. Secondary is morbid ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

I have interest is seeing how relevant takophobia is to men. I think there's a difference between takophobia and men not wanting kids / feeling ambivalent about kids.

Despite the fact that I've felt ambivalent about having kids, it has not stopped me from having sex with women of childbearing age. I've used condoms. Many of the women that I've had sex with were users of birth control.

Men in mid-sized or big cities looking to date women between 22-32 years old are likely to discover that the majority of these women use birth control. Some of this depends on how the man starts interactions with women, but a typical man who uses swipe apps and nightlife venues to meet women and successfully seduces them will find this out. When condoms and birth control are used together in sex, the risk of pregnancy is very small.

It's even a safer sex practice to use condoms with a woman who isn't on birth control.

I'd say there's a difference between a female fear of pregnancy and a male fear of pregnancy.

When a woman is afraid of pregnancy, chances are her fear comes from the physical misery (and physical changes) she'll go through during pregnancy/childbirth.

When a man is afraid of pregnancy, it's because he doesn't want kids (I can't think of even one other reason a man would fear pregnancy)

 

[GoodMan32]

Last year, there was another poster on this forum that did not want to have sex unless he had a vasectomy.

There's this thread about not wanting sex with women of child bearing age.

There's something to this idea.

I agree with the idea that's been proposed on this thread that I should inform my therapist my fear of pregnancy is a large part of why I prefer older women.

On a related note, on a different online community I belong to, there's a 21 year old virgin guy on the spectrum. He refuses to have sex until he gets a vasectomy. Makes me wonder if men on the spectrum are more prone to a crippling phobia of pregnancy (compared to the general male population)

Interestingly, the spectrum guy on the other online community has similar reasons to me for not wanting kids (too expensive, too much work, wanting to avoid passing on his genes). Normal daily life drains those of us on the spectrum (to a degree that's probably unimaginable to neurotypicals). Having kids really is too much work for a lot of men on the spectrum.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Even though my therapist has just started to cover the question of whether my mom's behavior is behind my interest in older women, it came out during my first session with him that I'm into older women (and have been with significantly older women). Up until now, he hasn't attempted to steer me away from older women.

Again, I urge you to not passively allow your shrink to take the lead, and to walk into your next session having written out the thoughts, images, and fantasies that flash through your mind, when you imagine impregnating a woman, and the emotions those thoughts generate. The sooner you do so, the sooner you can really start discovering what's really troubling you, then either correcting or at the very least reducing those maladies. If you have yet to start listening to that audiobook I linked earlier in this thread, start doing so today

 

[SW15]

Last year, there was another poster on this forum that did not want to have sex unless he had a vasectomy.

On a related note, on a different online community I belong to, there's a 21 year old virgin guy on the spectrum. He refuses to have sex until he gets a vasectomy. Makes me wonder if men on the spectrum are more prone to a crippling phobia of pregnancy (compared to the general male population)

Having kids really is too much work for a lot of men on the spectrum.

I am interested in knowing if men on the spectrum are more prone to a crippling phobia of pregnancy as compared to neurotypical men.

Normal daily life drains those of us on the spectrum (to a degree that's probably unimaginable to neurotypicals).

It is an interesting idea. It is likely more difficult for me to relate as a neurotypical.