I had my first date in ages. Here's the good and the bad.

[BillyPilgrim]

Conflict isn't the end of the world, true. However, when you appear to no longer be getting along after less than a week of knowing each other, that's alarming (in a dating context at least)

She's a serial dater or hopeless romantic lookin' to keep it moving.

 

[member162951]

I think you're misunderstanding.

In other words, she would have overlooked my behavior if I were a Chad.

But since I'm a beta, I don't get a break.

No I understood him perfectly.

How are you defining a chad? It's more than being tall with model looks that's such a misnomer.

Point being, a chad wouldn't have behaved that way. A chad is bold and confident, he leads and creates opportunities to escalate. Not just sex, but touching and kissing which can lead to sex.

A chad isnt afraid to take risks.. He has a IDGAF attitude and goes for what he wants.

Again not too much, not too little, it's a balance.

I agree you acted too beta, never reaching out, never initiating, you took the role of the woman and she became the man. As another poster said, this dried her p*ssy right up.

 

[member162951]

She ended up telling me she's dealing with a lot of work-related stuff (and her being upset had nothing to do with me).

Another mistake. Believing what women tell you. Course it had everything to do with you, wasn't it obvious?

She lost interest plain and simple. Move on and learn from it.

 

[Robert28]

No I understood him perfectly.

How are you defining a chad? It's more than being tall with model looks that's such a misnomer.

Point being, a chad wouldn't have behaved that way. A chad is bold and confident, he leads and creates opportunities to escalate. Not just sex, but touching and kissing which can lead to sex.

A chad isnt afraid to take risks.. He has a IDGAF attitude and goes for what he wants.

Again not too much, not too little, it's a balance.

I agree you acted too beta, never reaching out, never initiating, you took the role of the woman and she became the man. As another poster said, this dried her p*ssy right up.

Being a halfway decent human being dries up women these days to be honest. If you aren’t done highly toxic mother f’er with a criminal record and some personality disorder they lose interest. So many women these days have avoidant attatchment personality types.

 

[logicallefty]

I haven’t read all the replies to the thread, and I am sure every single one has value. What I will add to the conversation is that it’s a Numbers game in every way. She could’ve looked at you as a 9.9 in attraction. But if a 10.0 came along, you are gone. Or at least stuck on the back burner until that guys value goes below yours. This is why men should always date more than one person at a time until you really think something is going to pan out with the one. I wouldn’t beat yourself up OP. It’s not worth it.

 

[SW15]

Yeah if it’s online dating I’ll get the number first but if it’s in person I do exactly what you do. With online dating the quicker you can meet the better but if you meet in person, you can get way with an extra few days before going out. But you still want to make plans.

I don't use the swipe apps or send DMs on Instagram. I make in-person approaches only.

 

[Robert28]

That's because you think I'm here to learn from you. Go be passive aggressive to someone else. "I don't care either way."

Go be a **** somewhere else

 

[parabellum]

Never got flaked on setting logistics only. Must be an American problem.

This is an interesting point. I do “logistics only” in the US and I do alright. What else is there to text before the first couple of dates? I’m genuinely interest to know what is the content of such text exchanges

 

[GoodMan32]

Agree. In fact in some cases, it can be a positive, it means something's happening.

Sadly some people can't hang with it so they bail prematurely due to fear, anxiety and insecurity like the OP did here.

I have a very low tolerance for stress. The moment a woman starts adding stress to my life, I immediately look for an exit plan.

To me, the only purpose of a woman is to take away stress. That's why once this woman started to become more stress than she was worth, I made a bail attempt.

 

[GoodMan32]

everyone is sold on a dream. You must get nice house in the suburbs, a nice 9 to 5 job, a nice car, etc.. etc.. tell the lie enough times and people will start believing it. However, a lot of people are content doing their own thing.. living the poor artist life.. being a nomad, or climbing the ladder of a startup. They wouldn't know it until their mind is at least open to the idea.

You could be right: No self-respecting quality woman with abundance is gonna be attracted to that. But is that a good thing? Not all women should be going out with Chads or Chadlites.. or those that even aspire to be chads. For a lot of women, being with a simple unassuming guy throughout her life is a lot better than chasing "the dream" - the chad, but always getting dumped.

More importantly, not every guy is even capable of being a Chad.

 

[GoodMan32]

Are you planning to visit an escort again as this girl didn't work out? Is that normally how you do that if you get dumped or get blue balls?
Do you date in order to validate your justification for using escorts knowing they are going to go badly for you? This is like a social safety net for you?

I probably will buy an escort this weekend.

I haven't dated a whole lot these past 8 years (ever since discovering escorts). For the most part, I've used escorts in lieu of dating. So I'm not really able to answer your question of whether I typically buy an escort when it goes badly with a normal woman.

To answer your last 2 questions, I'd say it's the other way around. I utilize escorts to justify not dating. Escorts are my safety net.

Even with the woman this thread is about, I wasn't exactly looking for a date. The date just sort of happened (I was ultimately the one to ask her to dinner this past weekend, but she took the liking to me first).

 

[GoodMan32]

Doesn’t work in 2023. You better learn to text often or you’ll get ghosted fast. That’s outdated **** from 2008.

Yeah, the dating game evolves through the years.

 

[GoodMan32]

She was leading the interactions and that dried her poozy, bro. You are the man, you lead, she follows. Comply or bye.

Yet if I was always the one reaching out to her, I could come across as desperate, right?

There's a reason I utilize escorts. When you buy an escort, you're not buying the cooch itself. You're buying the convenience of not having to deal with her BS games to get the cooch.

 

[GoodMan32]

Was this from old? Sounds like a typical old date.

Also never do dinner for a first date. Something simple and cheap. If you click then schedule a real date.

No, here's how we met: Her dog came up to me in public.

I initially wasn't even looking for a date. But then she took the same liking to me her dog did. I ultimately ended up asking her to dinner (and she agreed).

We even chatted for 2 and a half hours (outside) after the dinner. A sure sign she dug me.

 

[SW15]

We even chatted for 2 and a half hours (outside) after the dinner. A sure sign she dug me.

Why didn't you take her back to your place for sex? Talking after dinner -- good option for nightcap at your place.

I probably will buy an escort this weekend.

I haven't dated a whole lot these past 8 years (ever since discovering escorts). For the most part, I've used escorts in lieu of dating. So I'm not really able to answer your question of whether I typically buy an escort when it goes badly with a normal woman.

To answer your last 2 questions, I'd say it's the other way around. I utilize escorts to justify not dating. Escorts are my safety net.

You are going to get laid this weekend if you directly pay for sex. Your indirect payment for sex with a dinner didn't work out for you.

 

[GoodMan32]

Never got flaked on setting logistics only. Must be an American problem.

Could very well be an American problem. From what I understand, unlimited phone plans are a lot cheaper here than in most countries. As a result, texting culture is huge with Americans.

 

[GoodMan32]

Where was the first date OP, and how did you meet her?

Restaurant. I met her when her dog came up to me in public.

 

[GoodMan32]

The only way to combat texting for days is to set up the meeting after 2 days of getting her number. If you get the number Monday, by Tuesday you should be asking her to meet up with you on Wednesday or Thursday. That way you dint spend a whole week chatting over nothing.

I really only have free time (at least enough free time to date) on weekends.

 

[GoodMan32]

I believe OP posted SHE initiated the dinner date.



That said and assuming it's what you meant, OP could have suggested something more casual instead. Like drinks at a pub with cool music or something. Sit at the bar next to each other where the opportunity for escalating like kissing and touching is easier (don't tell her that lol) . Maybe share some apps.

Point is OP you need to control the frame, not her.

I agree with others, too much texting gets old and boring. But you should still text to schedule the date and once more prior to touch base, let her know you're still alive and thinking about her. Women really dig that in my experience. If she ends up doing it all, she'll come to resent it which I think is what happened here. And it all went downhill from there including your reaction.

If she texts you, keep it short. Tell her you're looking forward to your date. Remember YOU control the frame.

Not too much, not too little. Keep her wondering while indicating interest. Find the right balance and you're golden!

The story is confusing (so I understand the mix up). Here's how it all went down.

I was going about my business on Saturday. I wasn't initially looking for a date at all. Then her dog came up me in public. The woman started talking to me (and took a liking to me). I ended up asking her to dinner (which totally isn't like me; I'd typically be way too shy).

Dinner time was approaching. So she put her dog back in her apartment. Then we met back up for dinner.

The date went well.

Then come Monday, she told me she'd like to get dinner again the coming weekend. I told her I'd be down.

Then on Tuesday, she asked me where I wanted to go for dinner the coming weekend. That's when I gave her a list of local places I've tried (and liked). I wanted to see if there were any places she disliked (so as to avoid going to a place where she isn't going to like the food). She liked the sounds of all the places I mentioned. That's when I told her I'd make a GameDay decision the day of (And I thought to myself: There's no way I know on Tuesday what type of food I'm going to be in the mood for on the coming weekend).

 

[Clockwerk50]

Do you watch a lot of pr0n? Do you work out? Usually after a lot of brain stimulation it comes to a point where watching people having sex is not enough and then the next step is escorts or so I read somewhere.

I guess another thing is this girl led the whole interaction from the second she spoke to you. She initiated the text conversations, the meet up, etc. As for you, you invited her to dinner. So the question here is what did you want from her? What did you want to do with her? What was the objective?

She seemed to be fair game but there was a lot of hesitation. She didn’t know if you wanted her as a friend or romantic interest. However, if you didn’t like her that it is fair too. You shouldn’t persue things you don’t want. But again, what did you want?