I had my first date in ages. Here's the good and the bad.

[GoodMan32]

if the OP was a chad, she would have thought he was mysterious, silent and respectful. She would be creaming her pants.

If the OP was "masculine", she would have thought he was borish and self centered.

At the end of the day, women make excuses for people they do not want to date and overlook the faults of those they like. This is just another example.

Well-said. Being a beta male, I really get the short end of the stick.

 

[SW15]

The only way to combat texting for days is to set up the meeting after 2 days of getting her number. If you get the number Monday, by Tuesday you should be asking her to meet up with you on Wednesday or Thursday. That way you dint spend a whole week chatting over nothing.

This is close to a tactic that I have tried to use for years. However, I do not ask for a woman's number. I arrange a date first, then collect her number. I do not want a woman's number unless she's agreed to a specific date time and place arranged.

 

[GoodMan32]

Totally agree. OP was no chad, he made no effort, no escalation, requiring her to take the lead and chase. Then whimpered out at the end by saying, "maybe getting to know each other was a bad idea. I say this because it feels like we're not getting along as well today."

Come on man, no attractive self-respecting quality woman with abundance is gonna be attracted to that.

I think you're misunderstanding. I'm pretty sure what he meant was, my apparent lack of interest would be viewed as silent/mysterious/respectful if I were a Chad. In other words, she would have overlooked my behavior if I were a Chad.

But since I'm a beta, I don't get a break.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

In other words, she would have overlooked my behavior if I were a Chad.

Or if she wasn't mid to late 30's

At first glance, I think her dating strategy might have been - dinner first date, "fancy dinner at restaurant I am dying to try" for the second date. With a dinner date for the first date with this age bracket, chances are she would've demanded a *fancier* date for the second meeting. *And* this time of year in most of the western world it's too hot outdoors for a cheap outdoor activity date. No bueno.

P.S. don't be fooled by the fact both of you live downtown. Lots of things to do downtown that don't involve getting isolated in a sex location. You're better off living close to each other if it's in boring-ass suburbia, or any part of the metro that isn't exactly downtown.

 

[Robert28]

This is close to a tactic that I have tried to use for years. However, I do not ask for a woman's number. I arrange a date first, then collect her number. I do not want a woman's number unless she's agreed to a specific date time and place arranged.

Yeah if it’s online dating I’ll get the number first but if it’s in person I do exactly what you do. With online dating the quicker you can meet the better but if you meet in person, you can get way with an extra few days before going out. But you still want to make plans.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I'm a professional writer, I know how to chat, probably better than you do. But when you're still in the dating phase, chatting too much will dry up the desire to meet. Anything a woman wants to know apart from logistics she will learn on the date, not through text messaging.

Fiction writer?

 

[MtmVaott]

I think you're misunderstanding. I'm pretty sure what he meant was, my apparent lack of interest would be viewed as silent/mysterious/respectful if I were a Chad. In other words, she would have overlooked my behavior if I were a Chad.

But since I'm a beta, I don't get a break.

But who is this: ß ?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Conflict isn't the end of the world, true. However, when you appear to no longer be getting along after less than a week of knowing each other, that's alarming (in a dating context at least)

She's a serial dater or hopeless romantic lookin' to keep it moving.

 

[member162951]

I think you're misunderstanding.

In other words, she would have overlooked my behavior if I were a Chad.

But since I'm a beta, I don't get a break.

No I understood him perfectly.

How are you defining a chad? It's more than being tall with model looks that's such a misnomer.

Point being, a chad wouldn't have behaved that way. A chad is bold and confident, he leads and creates opportunities to escalate. Not just sex, but touching and kissing which can lead to sex.

A chad isnt afraid to take risks.. He has a IDGAF attitude and goes for what he wants.

Again not too much, not too little, it's a balance.

I agree you acted too beta, never reaching out, never initiating, you took the role of the woman and she became the man. As another poster said, this dried her p*ssy right up.

 

[member162951]

She ended up telling me she's dealing with a lot of work-related stuff (and her being upset had nothing to do with me).

Another mistake. Believing what women tell you. Course it had everything to do with you, wasn't it obvious?

She lost interest plain and simple. Move on and learn from it.

 

[Robert28]

No I understood him perfectly.

How are you defining a chad? It's more than being tall with model looks that's such a misnomer.

Point being, a chad wouldn't have behaved that way. A chad is bold and confident, he leads and creates opportunities to escalate. Not just sex, but touching and kissing which can lead to sex.

A chad isnt afraid to take risks.. He has a IDGAF attitude and goes for what he wants.

Again not too much, not too little, it's a balance.

I agree you acted too beta, never reaching out, never initiating, you took the role of the woman and she became the man. As another poster said, this dried her p*ssy right up.

Being a halfway decent human being dries up women these days to be honest. If you aren’t done highly toxic mother f’er with a criminal record and some personality disorder they lose interest. So many women these days have avoidant attatchment personality types.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I didn’t ask for your resume earlier either but you gave it to me anyways. Being a professional writer dries up more women than texting too much does. But you’ll learn that eventually. Or not. I don’t care either way. Your attitude is your biggest problem.

That's because you think I'm here to learn from you. Go be passive aggressive to someone else. "I don't care either way."

 

[logicallefty]

I haven’t read all the replies to the thread, and I am sure every single one has value. What I will add to the conversation is that it’s a Numbers game in every way. She could’ve looked at you as a 9.9 in attraction. But if a 10.0 came along, you are gone. Or at least stuck on the back burner until that guys value goes below yours. This is why men should always date more than one person at a time until you really think something is going to pan out with the one. I wouldn’t beat yourself up OP. It’s not worth it.

 

[SW15]

Yeah if it’s online dating I’ll get the number first but if it’s in person I do exactly what you do. With online dating the quicker you can meet the better but if you meet in person, you can get way with an extra few days before going out. But you still want to make plans.

I don't use the swipe apps or send DMs on Instagram. I make in-person approaches only.

 

[Robert28]

That's because you think I'm here to learn from you. Go be passive aggressive to someone else. "I don't care either way."

Go be a **** somewhere else

 

[parabellum]

Never got flaked on setting logistics only. Must be an American problem.

This is an interesting point. I do “logistics only” in the US and I do alright. What else is there to text before the first couple of dates? I’m genuinely interest to know what is the content of such text exchanges

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

This is an interesting point. I do logistics only in US and I do alright. What else is there to text before the first couple of dates? I’m genuinely interest to know what is the content of such text exchanges

From what I've seen, guys will try to entertain the girl to keep her interested until the date, but that shouldn't be necessary.

 

[GoodMan32]

Agree. In fact in some cases, it can be a positive, it means something's happening.

Sadly some people can't hang with it so they bail prematurely due to fear, anxiety and insecurity like the OP did here.

I have a very low tolerance for stress. The moment a woman starts adding stress to my life, I immediately look for an exit plan.

To me, the only purpose of a woman is to take away stress. That's why once this woman started to become more stress than she was worth, I made a bail attempt.

 

[GoodMan32]

everyone is sold on a dream. You must get nice house in the suburbs, a nice 9 to 5 job, a nice car, etc.. etc.. tell the lie enough times and people will start believing it. However, a lot of people are content doing their own thing.. living the poor artist life.. being a nomad, or climbing the ladder of a startup. They wouldn't know it until their mind is at least open to the idea.

You could be right: No self-respecting quality woman with abundance is gonna be attracted to that. But is that a good thing? Not all women should be going out with Chads or Chadlites.. or those that even aspire to be chads. For a lot of women, being with a simple unassuming guy throughout her life is a lot better than chasing "the dream" - the chad, but always getting dumped.

More importantly, not every guy is even capable of being a Chad.

 

[GoodMan32]

Are you planning to visit an escort again as this girl didn't work out? Is that normally how you do that if you get dumped or get blue balls?
Do you date in order to validate your justification for using escorts knowing they are going to go badly for you? This is like a social safety net for you?

I probably will buy an escort this weekend.

I haven't dated a whole lot these past 8 years (ever since discovering escorts). For the most part, I've used escorts in lieu of dating. So I'm not really able to answer your question of whether I typically buy an escort when it goes badly with a normal woman.

To answer your last 2 questions, I'd say it's the other way around. I utilize escorts to justify not dating. Escorts are my safety net.

Even with the woman this thread is about, I wasn't exactly looking for a date. The date just sort of happened (I was ultimately the one to ask her to dinner this past weekend, but she took the liking to me first).