I had my first date in ages. Here's the good and the bad.

[GoodMan32]

This past Saturday, I had my first date in ages.

Everything was going well. We chatted quite a bit on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday (She reached out to me first on all 3 of those days). On Monday, she even asked me about getting dinner again this coming weekend (I said yeah). Then on Tuesday, she mentioned the topic again (she was wondering where exactly I wanted to go for dinner).

Yesterday, everything changed. She acted more and more annoyed as the day I went on. So around 6:30 pm, I finally told her "Maybe getting to know each other was a bad idea. I say this because it feels like we're not getting along as well today."

There was some back and forth afterwards (I can elaborate if anyone wants to know). Long story short, she wants nothing to do with me anymore.

This goes to show why I've relied mainly on escorts for the past 8 years. With escorts, there's no drama, nor is there any guesswork of whether you'll get laid (and no, I never even so much as kissed the woman this thread is about).

 

[Bible_Belt]

Maybe getting to know each other was a bad idea.

You may be seeking too deep of a connection too quickly. Less talking is probably better.

 

[pipeman84]

How did you meet her? What's her age?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If you chat like a woman, she's going to treat you like a gf. Use chat/text to set logistics only.

 

[member162951]

Yesterday, everything changed. She acted more and more annoyed as the day I went on

Yeah she was annoyed but not for the reason you think. She was annoyed by your apparent lack of interest, lack of escalation and her doing all the heavy lifting. All the reaching out and initiating all the dates, including the dinner date.

So around 6:30 pm, I finally told her "Maybe getting to know each other was a bad idea. I say this because it feels like we're not getting along as well today

This was the final nail in the coffin. Confirming her suspicion that you lack the masculine frame she desires and needs to remain interested and attracted or you don't give a crap.

It was an emotional reaction. Learn the difference between that and a reaction based on non-interest.

Sorry man.

 

[Hal9000]

If you go out with a woman you should know when it's over if you want to see her again. She gave you a few days of conversation to make plans and even tried to make them for you but, you for whatever reason, flaked on her and then acted weird.

If I go out with a woman and ask her out for another date anything other than a clear and definitive acceptance of my offer means they get nexted as there's no clearer sign of low interest.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Why do people need to get a long? Conflict is not the end of the world

 

[member162951]

Why do people need to get a long? Conflict is not the end of the world

Agree. In fact in some cases, it can be a positive, it means something's happening.

Sadly some people can't hang with it so they bail prematurely due to fear, anxiety and insecurity like the OP did here.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Yeah she was annoyed but not for the reason you think. She was annoyed by your apparent lack of interest, lack of escalation and her doing all the heavy lifting. All the reaching out and initiating all the dates, including the dinner date.

if the OP was a chad, she would have thought he was mysterious, silent and respectful. She would be creaming her pants.

If the OP was "masculine", she would have thought he was borish and self centered.

At the end of the day, women make excuses for people they do not want to date and overlook the faults of those they like. This is just another example.

 

[member162951]

If the OP was a chad, she would have thought he was mysterious, silent and respectful. She would be creaming her pants.

Totally agree. OP was no chad, he made no effort, no escalation, requiring her to take the lead and chase. Then whimpered out at the end by saying, "maybe getting to know each other was a bad idea. I say this because it feels like we're not getting along as well today."

Come on man, no attractive self-respecting quality woman with abundance is gonna be attracted to that.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Come on man, no attractive self-respecting quality woman with abundance is gonna be attracted to that.

everyone is sold on a dream. You must get nice house in the suburbs, a nice 9 to 5 job, a nice car, etc.. etc.. tell the lie enough times and people will start believing it. However, a lot of people are content doing their own thing.. living the poor artist life.. being a nomad, or climbing the ladder of a startup. They wouldn't know it until their mind is at least open to the idea.

You could be right: No self-respecting quality woman with abundance is gonna be attracted to that. But is that a good thing? Not all women should be going out with Chads or Chadlites.. or those that even aspire to be chads. For a lot of women, being with a simple unassuming guy throughout her life is a lot better than chasing "the dream" - the chad, but always getting dumped.

 

[member162951]

For a lot of women, being with a simple unassuming guy throughout her life is a lot better than chasing "the dream" - the chad, but always getting dumped.

You get no argument from me.

But is that what the OP was in this sitch? A *simple unassuming guy*? Is being lazy, making no effort, no escalation, bailing out at the first sign of conflict the definition of simple and unassuming?

It's not to me, but we can agree to disagree.

 

[corrector]

Are you planning to visit an escort again as this girl didn't work out? Is that normally how you do that if you get dumped or get blue balls?
Do you date in order to validate your justification for using escorts knowing they are going to go badly for you? This is like a social safety net for you?

 

[Robert28]

You may be seeking too deep of a connection too quickly. Less talking is probably better.

You can’t do that wjth attention seeking when you meet online though. I know you aren’t supposed to text all the time or everyday, it’s common knowledge, but these women don’t play that game. They need to talk about meaningless crap everyday and if you don’t they’ll drop you anyways saying “guess you aren’t interested”.

 

[Robert28]

If you chat like a woman, she's going to treat you like a gf. Use chat/text to set logistics only.

Doesn’t work in 2023. You better learn to text often or you’ll get ghosted fast. That’s outdated **** from 2008.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She was leading the interactions and that dried her poozy, bro. You are the man, you lead, she follows. Comply or bye.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Instead of whinnying why didn't you become a chad?

Because I would be stealing all the womez... and I ain't got time for chasing tail. Time is more important to me.

Regardless, the pendulum will swing back the other direction. It always does and it will be a lot sooner then most people realize. The way things are heading is not sustainable.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like you simply don't understand that women are emotional creatures and get all butt hurt when they don't respond the way you want.

For her, you showed you don't understand women meaning you likely don't spend much time around them, meaning her attraction shriveled up faster than a man's balls from walking in a cold pool.


You handled this situation poorly. The proper response is to just go on about your day and take some attention away and let her sort it out herself.

Either learn this or you will have trouble with every woman.

 

[I_have_BDE]

This past Saturday, I had my first date in ages.

Everything was going well. We chatted quite a bit on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday (She reached out to me first on all 3 of those days). On Monday, she even asked me about getting dinner again this coming weekend (I said yeah). Then on Tuesday, she mentioned the topic again (she was wondering where exactly I wanted to go for dinner).

Yesterday, everything changed. She acted more and more annoyed as the day I went on. So around 6:30 pm, I finally told her "Maybe getting to know each other was a bad idea. I say this because it feels like we're not getting along as well today."

There was some back and forth afterwards (I can elaborate if anyone wants to know). Long story short, she wants nothing to do with me anymore.

This goes to show why I've relied mainly on escorts for the past 8 years. With escorts, there's no drama, nor is there any guesswork of whether you'll get laid (and no, I never even so much as kissed the woman this thread is about).

Was this from old? Sounds like a typical old date.

Also never do dinner for a first date. Something simple and cheap. If you click then schedule a real date.

 

[SW15]

Too much chatting, chatting should be done in person, cellphones are for logistics only.

Use chat/text to set logistics only.

Doesn’t work in 2023. You better learn to text often or you’ll get ghosted fast. That’s outdated **** from 2008.

Technological devices have always been hurdles for men. Plenty of men were struggling to manage landline phones in their interactions with women back in the 1980s-1990s.

Use of text messaging needs to be limited to logistics only, both in the early stages of dating and as interactions progress. Setting that precedent would be a part of Iron Rule of Tomassi #1 in establishing a frame.

Phone calls are a very different animal these days. Phone calls have been de-emphasized since text messaging became easier about 15 years ago. In some ways, phone calls are under-utilized. They can be a useful option once the relationship has escalated to a sexual level. Pre-sex, there are fewer use situations for phone calls. Additionally, Millennials have a reputation for being difficult to get on phone calls. I can't imagine that Gen Z is any better at using the phone for voice communication.

Was this from old? Sounds like a typical old date.

Also never do dinner for a first date. Something simple and cheap. If you click then schedule a real date.

Swipe apps are a great way to arrange low quality dates that are most likely to result in a ghosting/flaking and bad feelings. They create so many "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions. If a man wants to avoid those types of interactions, it's best he chooses to arrange dates in another way.

There's a lot of content out there about why men need to avoid dinner dates in restaurants prior to sex. I stopped doing dinner dates prior to sex once I discovered the Manosphere and red pill content. I have enjoyed that. I'm amazed that there are men who still do early stage dinner dates in 2023. I keep thinking most men have heard about how awful early stage dinner dates are. It's even worse if men are doing dinner dates for first dates arranged from a swipe app.