I built it, they didn't come

[Bingo-Player]

OP i dont even need to read 6 pages to tell you , you're living inside your own head

How do i know this ? because i do exactly the same and whilst when you are younger you can get away with it because your social circles are bigger , once you get a bit older you become a recluse within your own mind

Lockdown really taught me a lesson

Spending time alone , doing everything alone is mentally toxic ..... i long believed throughout my 20's i didn't need anyone on this earth and i had a horrendous ego and attitude problem as a result of it i treated people as though they were disposable and i paid a heavy price for it

At 30 i now have to build social circles from basically nothing , its tough because i realise i actually have to offer people a side of me i have basically killed

Even saying hello to people in the gym has become like a fvcking military operation for me but i am forcing myself to do it

And you know what when you talk to people authentically and dont want or expect anything from them you can actually form the basis of a human relationship

WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT

Modern men are taught to be these workaholic economic output machines that feel no emotion and just want sex from women and drinks in a pub with sport

NO

This is not life , life is experienced better with others and if that means being vulnerable so be it

 

[allergictobs]

Spending time alone , doing everything alone is mentally toxic ..... i long believed throughout my 20's i didn't need anyone on this earth and i had a horrendous ego and attitude problem as a result of it i treated people as though they were disposable and i paid a heavy price for it

I agree, spending time with other people is important.

But believe it or not, I have never had much trouble making friends. Currently, I have several good colleagues at work with whom I enjoy lunch and small talk at the office. Some have become really good friends who tell me everything about their personal life.

I also regularly see former colleagues and old friends from college for lunch. Moreover, I'd say I've developed friendships with some of the escorts I'm seeing. I also have good family relationships and visit them regularly.

I've never had a problem making friends, but I've always had a problem meeting women.

 

[SW15]

I've never had a problem making friends, but I've always had a problem meeting women.

Understandable. Those aren't the same two skill sets.

 

[corrector]

I agree, spending time with other people is important.

But believe it or not, I have never had much trouble making friends. Currently, I have several good colleagues at work with whom I enjoy lunch and small talk at the office. Some have become really good friends who tell me everything about their personal life.

I also regularly see former colleagues and old friends from college for lunch. Moreover, I'd say I've developed friendships with some of the escorts I'm seeing. I also have good family relationships and visit them regularly.

I've never had a problem making friends, but I've always had a problem meeting women.

You are an escortcel? Are you using that as a last resort? If not then you are going to spoil yourself. Afterall why bother with the hassle and drama of civvies when you can access a hb 8-10 like ordering a pizza?

@European-DJ seems to be successful and built himself and is like a chick magnet. His mo is to tell stories (exagerrate here and there) to get the girl. Why does this self improvement pay dividends to some and feel like a waste to others?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

This is pretty far off topic, but the headline the OP used ("I built it, they didn't come") is nice example of something called the Mandela Effect. The phrase he's borrowing from is "If you build it, they will come" from the movie Field of Dreams. However, this phrase has now been changed to "if you build it *he* will come" which was not in the original film (which hasn't been re-recorded) and makes no sense. You don't play baseball one-on-one, you need a team, hence "they".

field of dreams mandela effect - Google Search

Lol you dudes don't care if we live in a phucking Multiverse or not?

The phrase the OP is quoting has never existed in the current timeline. It used to in the old one, though.

 

[bat soup]

You're getting it all wrong. To get women you don't have to improve yourself. You have to make yourself worse. You need to become the scumbag that women love. The scumbag that they complain about on their dating profiles and swear they'll never date again... and then do.

 

[corsica]

I was going to recommend escorts due to your busy schedule and your anti social behavior.

9h work
2h gym
8h to sleep
?h to eat
?h for any activity

You barely have 4h/day available. Entertaining a relationship requires time. There is not a lot of time to chase women unless you find an activity to meet them (sports, course or any social event). Even if you meet them, they’re going to want your time (phone calls, sexting, dining, going to events and even just “chillin” at your place).

I think it’s a viable way for you to fulfill your needs but not a long term solution if you plan on starting a family.

 

[DonJuanjr]

You're getting it all wrong. To get women you don't have to improve yourself. You have to make yourself worse. You need to become the scumbag that women love. The scumbag that they complain about on their dating profiles and swear they'll never date again... and then do.

Is this what you did?

 

[momentomori]

I was going to recommend escorts due to your busy schedule and your anti social behavior.

9h work
2h gym
8h to sleep
?h to eat
?h for any activity

You barely have 4h/day available. Entertaining a relationship requires time. There is not a lot of time to chase women unless you find an activity to meet them (sports, course or any social event). Even if you meet them, they’re going to want your time (phone calls, sexting, dining, going to events and even just “chillin” at your place).

I think it’s a viable way for you to fulfill your needs but not a long term solution if you plan on starting a family.

Lol. This is literally the schedule of like 95% of people with a job in the U.S. This is a normal schedule for most adults by all standards. He still has 5 hours left over everyday to fill his day with misc. activities. What else can he do? Somehow have millions in the bank so he can retire as a 30-something year old? That's very difficult to achieve. Work part-time and have a meager wage, which would give him the time to chase tail, but would not have enough money left-over to save and invest for his future? That's short-term - life of a degernate - type thinking. His future self would surely regret doing that.

Having an abundance of free time to chase tail would be nice, but that is not practical or attainable for 98% of people his age.

 

[momentomori]

You asked for an update, so I'll write about what's happened and, more importantly, what I've learned over the past couple of years.


My sex life/relationship status has stayed the same, but to be fair, the lockdown madness was only beginning when I wrote the first post and for the past couple of years social life was very restricted. There was a long period of time when I didn't even go to the office since everyone was required to work remotely.

On a positive note, I seem to be getting more attention from women (interested looks, smiles in public etc.) than I've probably ever gotten in my life.

I still maintain an extremely strict workout routine and diet, going to the gym 4-5x a week, counting calories (I enjoy doing that) etc.


I've also experimented again with online dating and swipe apps, and even though I get some attention there, I haven't gone to any dates via those apps because the women are so far below my own level. It seems that online has gone downhill rapidly - almost as if all the normal women left the apps and only the delusional ones are left. I'm not going to waste any more time online dating.

I've also decided that I'm not going to actively pursue women because that mindset makes me miserable. Instead, I will keep myself fit, dress nicely and spend time in environments where I'm comfortable (office, gym, restaurants, coffee shops, libraries). If I see a girl I like and she gives me attention, then I will try approaching her. But I will not force it and I will have to accept that there is a high probability that I will remain permanently single.

Interestingly, a couple of colleagues have fathered their first child in their mid-50s (the woman being in her 30s). I'm still almost 20 years away from that, so I guess anything is possible.

Regarding sex life, I have realized that the best sex I (or most men) will ever have is with high-end escorts. The best ones have a model-tier body and treat you very nicely. They are very expensive and I've started to think that I'm lucky to afford them regularly. It's not always easy to meet the one I like the most because she lives in a different city, but I try to meet her or another one once a week for a few hours of private time. Sometimes go on a mini-vacation with her.


The most important thing I've realized over the past couple of years about women and dating is that most women are not that interested in men (Aaron Clarey has talked about this a lot recently). It is clearly visible now at work with many women remaining single in their 30s and 40s. Some of them have had children, but dumped the guy afterwards.

It really seems that only a small portion of all women actually like guys, as in wanting to spend time with them. To me, this is an epiphany, because it means that pursuing most women is a waste of time and no matter what you do is going to make her like you that much. This is the most important lesson I've learned over the past couple of years.

Allergictobs, you are absolutely not alone in your experience. I have come to a similar conclusion. By most "meaningful" metrics I am well above average (looks, fitness, money, charisma, etc.), yet the conclusion I have come to is that the juice simply is not worth the squeeze. Pursuing women has had a similar negative effect on my psyche.

I think a lot of people just don't really talk about this stuff because keyboard warriors will talk about how much ass they get. Or some chick will gaslight you and say "The problem is definitely YOU". Also, the truth is there isn't much to talk about once you realize women are not that interested in us. All you can really do is live your life in a way where women aren't a significant part of your life, and there are many ways to achieve that.

 

[corsica]

Lol. This is literally the schedule of like 95% of people with a job in the U.S. This is a normal schedule for most adults by all standards. He still has 5 hours left over everyday to fill his day with misc. activities. This is a non-sensical reply.

I work 12h everyday (including) weekends. But only 6 months per year.
I guess I’m not used to the life of 95% of the population that I forget how limited the time is. I like my months of vacation.

 

[momentomori]

I work 12h everyday (including) weekends. But only 6 months per year.
I guess I’m not used to the life of 95% of the population that I forget how limited the time is. I like my months of vacation.

That's definitely a nice set-up. If you can make it work then great. It would be difficult for me to attain that in my line of work. Its definitely something I strive for though. I agree with you, most people should strive to get more freedom and free-time rather than settling for the status quo.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You built material things but failed to work on the two most important things. Social skills and conversational skills apparently.

 

[corrector]

You built material things but failed to work on the two most important things. Social skills and conversational skills apparently.

He is talking to escorts.

 

[momentomori]

You built material things but failed to work on the two most important things. Social skills and conversational skills apparently.

I've seen no evidence this is the case with OP. Based on what he's said here he seems socially normal. He just hasn't gotten the time of day from women because they are busy chasing 3 percenters.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I've seen no evidence this is the case with OP. Based on what he's said here he seems socially normal. He just hasn't gotten the time of day from women because they are busy chasing 3 percenters.

I'm not a 3 percenter and I do just fine. Social skills and conversational skills are lacking IMHO. OP can paint any picture of himself he wants, this is what makes sense to me.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

We see this in the medical field a lot: people who want to help with a problem, but don’t give you all the details because they’re embarrassed. They want you to solve the problem but they don’t want to come clean and sometimes it’s very important to tell the whole story specifically if you want help.

It’s the same when a guy comes here and spills, his guts, nut leaves out important information either by ignorance or on purpose. It’s very hard to diagnose a problem without all the data.

 

[kavi]

I've seen no evidence this is the case with OP. Based on what he's said here he seems socially normal. He just hasn't gotten the time of day from women because they are busy chasing 3 percenters.

Yeah ofcourse OP is correct most women cant be bothered with men. Would most men bother with women if not for getting laid.

 

[allergictobs]

I've seen no evidence this is the case with OP. Based on what he's said here he seems socially normal. He just hasn't gotten the time of day from women because they are busy chasing 3 percenters.

I'd say I'm socially quite normal, but introverted. I have never liked chasing women but instead always been focused on career, sports, self-development. Women have given me quite a lot of attention over the years but it's usually always those women whom I'm not interested in. I did have relationships when I was younger, even one LTR where the girl was very much into me.

I think a lot of people just don't really talk about this stuff because keyboard warriors will talk about how much ass they get. Or some chick will gaslight you and say "The problem is definitely YOU". Also, the truth is there isn't much to talk about once you realize women are not that interested in us. All you can really do is live your life in a way where women aren't a significant part of your life, and there are many ways to achieve that.

Yes. I recently had a conversation about this topic with a family member because there has been an epidemic of single women in my family (over half of my female cousins and siblings are single at 30 or 40, whereas all the males in the family are married except for me). We had a really open and honest talk and the conclusion was that most women don't really like men that much and prefer to be single by choice.

At work, this phenomenon is apparent with an increasing number of divorces and single women in their 30s and 40s. The women don't seem sad about it, quite the opposite, most of them are very motivated by their career. The only logical conclusion is that they want to do this, they want to be single.

Now, I still think that there are women who enjoy the company of men, women who like sex and intimacy a lot, but it is probably the minority of all women. I have been in a relationship like that so I know it exists. I think those women choose a man early in their life and then stay with them long-term, often the rest of their lives.

 

[corrector]

That is why self improvement can be sick advice. You end up with attention from undesirable women that are 4 points below you and you feel ripped off. The fact that you are escortcelling shows me you have to pay for the company of women (that in a normal and functional society ) that you would otherwise deserve. At least you can afford that hobby. How often are you escortcelling?