Want my ex gf back.

[BeExcellent]

Listen guys. Make no mistake. Women do use logic. As in “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over & expecting a different result” kind of logic.

This chick got fed up with being treated badly. Being treated like an option rather than a priority. Can’t say that I blame her. She’s pretty, she’s a relationship woman not a c0ck carousel woman and as such she has choices. She is exercising her choice NOT to be treated badly. She is acting with self respect.

Perhaps he can get her back. But to do so he has to show up differently. He has to mature and grow.

And if he expects her to come back on her own? Please. Not gonna happen. His silence simply reinforces her thinking he’s an insensitive jerk and it confirms that leaving him was the correct decision. Period. If he really wants this woman he’s going to have to man up, go get her, and show her he gives a rats ass. That isn’t beta.

When a man has been too ass hole and no heart what the hell do you expect? That more aloofness and more radio silence and more stonewalling will win the day? That is flat out delusional ego preservation at its finest.

I promise that is the wrong advice. For a supplicating beta nice guy it’s the correct advice. For too much ass holery? Absolutely the wrong play.

But don’t trust me. Pick your strategy and watch how it works out. Silence is the wrong play here. 100% wrong play.

 

[daproest1]

Listen guys. Make no mistake. Women do use logic. As in “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over & expecting a different result” kind of logic.

This chick got fed up with being treated badly. Being treated like an option rather than a priority. Can’t say that I blame her. She’s pretty, she’s a relationship woman not a c0ck carousel woman and as such she has choices. She is exercising her choice NOT to be treated badly. She is acting with self respect.

Perhaps he can get her back. But to do so he has to show up differently. He has to mature and grow.

And if he expects her to come back on her own? Please. Not gonna happen. His silence simply reinforces her thinking he’s an insensitive jerk and it confirms that leaving him was the correct decision. Period. If he really wants this woman he’s going to have to man up, go get her, and show her he gives a rats ass. That isn’t beta.

When a man has been too ass hole and no heart what the hell do you expect? That more aloofness and more radio silence and more stonewalling will win the day? That is flat out delusional ego preservation at its finest.

I promise that is the wrong advice. For a supplicating beta nice guy it’s the correct advice. For too much ass holery? Absolutely the wrong play.

But don’t trust me. Pick your strategy and watch how it works out. Silence is the wrong play here. 100% wrong play.

Read my response(s) to your PM. Very detailed. Women aren’t always the victim. Though they love to portray themselves as such.

 

[BeExcellent]

Read my response(s) to your PM. Very detailed. Women aren’t always the victim. Though they love to portray themselves as such.

I’m not suggesting victimhood at all. I also do not assume things about “all men” and behavior. To do that would indicate a narrow minded view. The fact that you see my opinion that way says things about the filter you perceive reality through. People are individuals. Trends are cited because you can draw generalizations from them...but all relationships are unique interactions between two unique individuals. Don’t lose sight of that.

Perhaps you were too nice & then went too ass hole. I can’t say. If your behavior was incongruous that gives off a bullshjt vibe. Lots of men go from the too nice extreme to the utter ass hole extreme before getting back to being balanced & centered.

As I asked you in PM. Why did she leave you? Was it to do with you and your behavior? The interaction between you? Did she simply meet someone else who she thinks is a better fit? The answer may give you insights into what happened and where you go from here.

Just some thoughts from the old lady.

 

[daproest1]

I’m not suggesting victimhood at all. I also do not assume things about “all men” and behavior. To do that would indicate a narrow minded view. The fact that you see my opinion that way says things about the filter you perceive reality through. People are individuals. Trends are cited because you can draw generalizations from them...but all relationships are unique interactions between two unique individuals. Don’t lose sight of that.

Perhaps you were too nice & then went too ass hole. I can’t say. If your behavior was incongruous that gives off a bullshjt vibe. Lots of men go from the too nice extreme to the utter ass hole extreme before getting back to being balanced & centered.

As I asked you in PM. Why did she leave you? Was it to do with you and your behavior? The interaction between you? Did she simply meet someone else who she thinks is a better fit? The answer may give you insights into what happened and where you go from here.

Just some thoughts from the old lady.

I didn’t go from too nice to too *******. I didn’t go from too ******* to too nice. I was always a combination of both. Not even on purpose, it’s just who I am. The old lady, is not a young lady. The old lady can think. Doesn’t let others influence her. Can control her emotions. The same cannot be said for a 27 year old who JUST got started in life.

Read my PM. We were doing just fine there.
Her “reasons”: -marriage (even though I never said I wasn’t going to do it)

-I only see the bad in people (yeah when I’d be trying to protect her from being taken advantage of)

-I’m negative (this was circumstantial due to stress from the business and a hormone imbalance that I diagnosed and fixed myself. Her medical knowledge was useless lol)

That was pretty much it.

All of that is fixable and BS excuses. Bottom line, she got bored, her biological clock freaked her out subconsciously, or her attraction for me dwindled. Or all of the aforementioned. Seeing a guy stressed and anxious is NOT attractive. I didn’t know I was supposed to hide stuff from her. Now I do. A man must always remain centered.

 

[BeExcellent]

True that a man must remain centered. Agree. But if you must hide who you are, in an initiate committed relationship for example? That’s not good.

Yes lead, yes be a man, yes be masculine. But if you can’t be real? Can’t be vulnerable (which comes from a place of authenticity and strength?). In that case you have bigger fish to fry.

And the break up might in that case be a blessing.

Just slow down and have a deep think. Seems that’s what several of the guys are really saying. The more details you have revealed the more I concur with that advice.

Choosing a life partner is one of the if not THE single biggest and most influential decision a man will make in his lifetime.

To choose well you must remove the emotion and really consider your own opportunities and sunk costs and future. You must carefully consider a woman’s core. Her character.

Slow down & reason this out. The more you say about her the less I think she’s a “unicorn”...and the guys can tell you I’m all about lassoing a unicorn if you find one.

Your princess might be in another castle. Set the emotion aside and think.

Good luck with it.

 

[Focal core]

Yeah. Spaz said the same thing. I agree. But how? She’d just.... pop up magically? The btch wants to be a wife. And I’m sure someone will give her that NOW that she’s grown and not a spoiled kid anymore. She always stays in relationships for YEARS. Guy before me, 5 years. Guy before that, 2. She’s been at it since she was 14.

She will remain like that so even without you, it won't get any better with the new guy. And that guy I bet is emotionally levelled with you... If u had pulled it out from this and grow, u are even better than her..she will contact you to use u I'm sure, but the connection once that you guys ever had is gone.. Can clearly seen how frantically you become to not lose her, this kind of relationship is no good bro trust me, u better off without her. Good luck tho.

 

[RetiredArchitect]

Men look at love as if it is a truth, since she worshipped me a long time ago she must still love me deep down.

It's over bro, you can't change the past. She has already grieved your relationship (likely whilst still in it), rather than create your own personal hell looking into the past, remember that she was the one who no longer wants/needs you.

As a man it can be hard to come to terms with the idea that a woman can discard a man whom they were once so close and loving towards, however they have been raised for thousands of years to be mentally prepared to leave everything and start again.

I suggest you remove as many references you have to her from your life, like she has by blocking you on her phone. She wants nothing to do with you, this is not a disney movie where you can convince her otherwise.

Protect your heart from this stew of self-pity bro, go find some girls who you find genuinely interesting and enjoy the refreshment of a clean slate with no baggage between you.

 

[Focal core]

Men look at love as if it is a truth, since she worshipped me a long time ago she must still love me deep down.

It's over bro, you can't change the past. She has already grieved your relationship (likely whilst still in it), rather than create your own personal hell looking into the past, remember that she was the one who no longer wants/needs you.

As a man it can be hard to come to terms with the idea that a woman can discard a man whom they were once so close and loving towards, however they have been raised for thousands of years to be mentally prepared to leave everything and start again.

I suggest you remove as many references you have to her from your life, like she has by blocking you on her phone. She wants nothing to do with you, this is not a disney movie where you can convince her otherwise.

Protect your heart from this stew of self-pity bro, go find some girls who you find genuinely interesting and enjoy the refreshment of a clean slate with no baggage between you.

Even a new member can literate on this nonsense.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Alright so this is a bit of a taboo topic around the SS forums, but there has to be a way to pull it off.

I want my ex back. Yeah yeah, I know my energy is better spent elsewhere. Attracting new women, etc. But this was supposed to be my wife and I can’t shake this feeling.

Spaz already gave me some good advice. Mostly to just improve myself and wait it out. Which I’m working on currently.

Background info:
-we were together (no break ups) for almost 6 years

-I maintained frame the entire time

-I’m now 31 she’s now 27. I taught her everything she knows.

-I was focused too much on my business and took her for granted for too long.

-I don’t want kids, she doesn’t either

-did a lot of AFC **** post break up. Pleaded, asked for another chance. Wrote a letter. Spoke to her parents, etc. Yes I know I should be slapped. I was devastated and not in my right mind at the time.

-I’m blocked on her phone (no I didn’t go psycho on her. I didn’t blow her phone up or anything like that. I think she did this as a coping mechanism).

-she’s a 10 physically. Not materialistic. Always supportive. Her own career. Great girl. The list goes on. Everything I’ve ever wanted in a girl. She actually helped me build my business up. I was a bartender at nightclubs when we met.

-she wanted marriage. I’d always tip toe or argue my way around the subject. Just due to immaturity on my part. Didn’t realize how old we were getting.

-friends and family got in her ear unbeknownst to me.

-we don’t share the same social circles. The only ins I have are her mom, dad, and one friend. Or showing up at one of her jobs (which I have not done, nor do I think I should do).

-it has been 5 months since the break up. Last contact was 2 months ago in late February and early March.

-I treated her like **** for a while. Mostly neglect. NOT abuse or anything like that. I didn’t mean to be the way that I was, I was just under a lot of stress.

-this is the girl I want to spend my life with.

-my expectations of her were too high. Now that I’ve come across Rollo’s work I can see what happened. I expected something that women aren’t capable of giving.

If there’s any expert at all that could help me with this, I’d appreciate it. Again, i got some pretty good advice from Spaz but it was mostly just to read the entire DJ bible (which I did), and to just make my life awesome and wait for her.

She’s never been single for very long. She’s gorgeous. I was her 4th. Met her when she was 21.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I’ve solved a lot of problems that seemed impossible to overcome in my life before, but this is by far the most complex since the variable here is another human being.

-Al

When a woman says she wants marriage, it’s an ultimatum. You either marry her or she moves on.

As someone else said, she left you a long time ago. There is no going back.

The best thing you can do is to move forward with your life. With time, it will hurt less.

You said “she was the right one”... There is no “one”. The world is full of women and there are countless “ones” you can have an LTR with if that’s what you choose to do.

Give yourself some time to heal, spin plates and do your best to enjoy what you have each day.

-Augustus-

 

[daproest1]

When a woman says she wants marriage, it’s an ultimatum. You either marry her or she moves on.

As someone else said, she left you a long time ago. There is no going back.

The best thing you can do is to move forward with your life. With time, it will hurt less.

You said “she was the right one”... There is no “one”. The world is full of women and there are countless “ones” you can have an LTR with if that’s what you choose to do.

Give yourself some time to heal, spin plates and do your best to enjoy what you have each day.

-Augustus-

Her behavior never indicated she was planning an exit. She brought up marriage thru indirect hints for a year or 2. U wanna get married? Talk to me about it. Explain your side to me and let me explain mine. Simple.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Her behavior never indicated she was planning an exit. She brought up marriage thru indirect hints for a year or 2. U wanna get married? Talk to me about it. Explain your side to me and let me explain mine. Simple.

“You want to get married? Talk to me about it”. Is female speak that Translates to: “I want to get married and I’m testing you to see if you will put a ring on it”.

As you get older, you’ll get better at deciphering what a women is actually saying instead of taking the words at face value.

And a woman’s actions always trump her words.

-Augustus-

 

[Spaz]

A man would be best served if he observes what a woman does instead of listening to her, as her truest intention is manifested then.

How many times has a woman said NO to you when she actually means YES ?

Similarly think back to the last weeks before the break off, her words or that of her female friends/family can't be taken at face value.

I was hoping to let this sink in slowly OP.

That your princess is not the princess you created in your mind....it's a delusion of your own making.

And your ego can't accept it yet.

Because a woman that you portrayed would have fought every single step before finally giving up but she didnt...

She dumped you at the side curb for another man she's been seeing on the side for months.

 

[speed dawg]

Wake up dude. She didnt "just" break up with you. She dumped you long ago.

She has been planning this for a long time. You bet she dumped you after she had new guys in the works.

Move on. This one is over. Anything you do now also damages your reputation in the eyes of other women that know her which will impact you with chicks down the road.

Not going to lie about something. I love helping other guys here but when I see the arrogance and delusion dripping from the posters like the OP, it's almost funny. Some people can't be helped, I'm convinced.

 

[speed dawg]

Listen guys. Make no mistake. Women do use logic. As in “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over & expecting a different result” kind of logic.

This chick got fed up with being treated badly. Being treated like an option rather than a priority. Can’t say that I blame her. She’s pretty, she’s a relationship woman not a c0ck carousel woman and as such she has choices. She is exercising her choice NOT to be treated badly. She is acting with self respect.

Perhaps he can get her back. But to do so he has to show up differently. He has to mature and grow.

And if he expects her to come back on her own? Please. Not gonna happen. His silence simply reinforces her thinking he’s an insensitive jerk and it confirms that leaving him was the correct decision. Period. If he really wants this woman he’s going to have to man up, go get her, and show her he gives a rats ass. That isn’t beta.

When a man has been too ass hole and no heart what the hell do you expect? That more aloofness and more radio silence and more stonewalling will win the day? That is flat out delusional ego preservation at its finest.

I promise that is the wrong advice. For a supplicating beta nice guy it’s the correct advice. For too much ass holery? Absolutely the wrong play.

But don’t trust me. Pick your strategy and watch how it works out. Silence is the wrong play here. 100% wrong play.

She's blocked his number! I think it's pretty obvious at this point that the girl has no desire to see him. We aren't getting the whole story here. My guess is he's already tried your strategy of 'go get her', and he showed his AFC side, that she likely always knew was there inside his azzhole exterior. It turned her off and now she's repulsed by him. Real talk.

OP, do what you like. But if you want to take advice from women on this site, do so at your own peril.

 

[Glassguy]

She's blocked his number! I think it's pretty obvious at this point that the girl has no desire to see him. We aren't getting the whole story here. My guess is he's already tried your strategy of 'go get her', and he showed his AFC side, that she likely always knew was there inside his azzhole exterior. It turned her off and now she's repulsed by him. Real talk.

OP, do what you like. But if you want to take advice from women on this site, do so at your own peril.

Agreed.

When OP went into hyper chase beta mode it only confirmed why she dumped him to begin with.

Its OOOO---VVVVVVV-----EEEEEEE-----RRRRRRRR

 

[Glassguy]

The entire situation with OP going to talk to her parents after the break up made me cringe.

When I was a freshman in college I was dating a chick from my hometown that was a senior in high school. I broke up with her because I played baseball in college and with a full season's schedule, I wanted to date (bang) chicks at college and she didnt want me to see other people. So I ended it.

The following weekend we had no games so I decided to go home and hang out with friends (about an hour and a half drive). When I got to my parent's house, the chick I had just dumped AND her mom were in my parents living room BOTH crying to my parents about the break up. I remember that it was the most hideous thing ever.

I literally went inside, said hi to everyone, to my room to change and back out the door to go meet up with friends that evening. I will never forget how much it lowered her value to do that to my parents and it only justified why I broke up with her in the first place. She was super cute but she was terribly insecure which is why I was up front and honest with her about wanting to see other people on top of her in the first place.

Never do this guys. If you get dumped, you ALWAYS go NC immediately. Not for the sake of repairing the failed relationship but so you can move on without the interference and you dont do something beta stupid and ruin your status over ONE freaking chick.

Break up + guy goes into frantic hyper chase mode = confirms he is a beta with a scarcity mindset.

What woman worth anything would want to be with that dude?????

 

[Alvafe]

funny is too much denial from the op, every single thing we bring he shotdown because year ago she was not, and if something didn't happen because he didn't notice, he lack the basic things will happen and most of these things you will never really know

like I said before she invested on him and cut her loses when she saw it would not bring the return she hoped.

another little rule the op need to "get it", if she are not happy to be with you only, marrying her will not make it better, actually its worse, you are not someone she want you are something then will provide a need, and that can change,

you know the funny thing, I saw a history like this before, woman did a ultimatum to her guy saying she want to marry, he caved and said ok, but she saw that as weak so she dumped him anyway, because on her little head he had to propose to him in 2 years and she hope to find a guys who would do that

 

[daproest1]

“You want to get married? Talk to me about it”. Is female speak that Translates to: “I want to get married and I’m testing you to see if you will put a ring on it”.

As you get older, you’ll get better at deciphering what a women is actually saying instead of taking the words at face value.

And a woman’s actions always trump her words.

-Augustus-

No that was me talking to you guys. Like... if she wanted to get married, THAT BAD, to the point where I was on a fvcking timer, she should have had a real conversation with me about it. Instead of dropping little bullshyt hints here and there

 

[daproest1]

funny is too much denial from the op, every single thing we bring he shotdown because year ago she was not, and if something didn't happen because he didn't notice, he lack the basic things will happen and most of these things you will never really know

like I said before she invested on him and cut her loses when she saw it would not bring the return she hoped.

another little rule the op need to "get it", if she are not happy to be with you only, marrying her will not make it better, actually its worse, you are not someone she want you are something then will provide a need, and that can change,

you know the funny thing, I saw a history like this before, woman did a ultimatum to her guy saying she want to marry, he caved and said ok, but she saw that as weak so she dumped him anyway, because on her little head he had to propose to him in 2 years and she hope to find a guys who would do that

Maybe you’re right

 

[daproest1]

The entire situation with OP going to talk to her parents after the break up made me cringe.

When I was a freshman in college I was dating a chick from my hometown that was a senior in high school. I broke up with her because I played baseball in college and with a full season's schedule, I wanted to date (bang) chicks at college and she didnt want me to see other people. So I ended it.

The following weekend we had no games so I decided to go home and hang out with friends (about an hour and a half drive). When I got to my parent's house, the chick I had just dumped AND her mom were in my parents living room BOTH crying to my parents about the break up. I remember that it was the most hideous thing ever.

I literally went inside, said hi to everyone, to my room to change and back out the door to go meet up with friends that evening. I will never forget how much it lowered her value to do that to my parents and it only justified why I broke up with her in the first place. She was super cute but she was terribly insecure which is why I was up front and honest with her about wanting to see other people on top of her in the first place.

Never do this guys. If you get dumped, you ALWAYS go NC immediately. Not for the sake of repairing the failed relationship but so you can move on without the interference and you dont do something beta stupid and ruin your status over ONE freaking chick.

Break up + guy goes into frantic hyper chase mode = confirms he is a beta with a scarcity mindset.

What woman worth anything would want to be with that dude?????

I absolutely agree. Major mistake on my part. I wasn’t in my right mind at the time. And since I got with her shen she was so young and had to go thru her parents first, or came naturally even though we’d both aged considerably. But again, I didn’t know I was “dumped” yet. I had no idea what was going on.