The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[FMCSMT]

Day 19

Still think about her when I wake up.

I've been doing no contact with any girls. Only had 3 plates spinning at the time. Dropped them all for a 30 day challenge just between a friend and I. He seen too much negativity from women and his drinking has been out of control for a few years now so we both quit women and he quit alcohol (I rarely ever drink).

It's given me time to reflect and continue goals.

I know what happens at day 60 - you don't give a care anymore.

It's best we all do this post relationship. It's hard but it works. These last 3 had 1 that was a little harder to let go of. That happens too. But it's better to get new plates.

Best

 

[TheGambino]

First date went smoothly but I came off way too hard cexually and pushing for a make out. She rejected it twice on the date with ''Im not like that'' and ''we are not married like that''.

HB9 on the backburner. Had to talk to her since she is buying materials from the shop where I work. Did that today.

Going to NC until she wants to meet.

Day one 15/8 19:33

Gambino

 

[Lion1985]

I changed my phone nuber some weeks ago, best decision, I hope...psychologically to put an ultimate end....
so even if she would contact me in future, I will not know it
I dont care, she is already dating someone new since some months...

 

[RedScorpion]

NC day 32 now. Working on the last bits of doubt and stress about her now. The question being "Was it the right action to remove her from my life?". Mostly regarding online stuff.

I won't lie - I've been debating that point more and more strongly until yesterday I believe. And there was some strong pain and regret associated with that. As I move on more and more, I forget the reasoning for taking her off in the first place, later thinking that maybe it could have worked out, etc. Forgetting the bad stuff, and only the good stuff remains (hey, that's the power of NC right?). Good stuff is fading as well too, which is good. Overall, I'm almost there. I've seen a couple pics accidentally online by mutual friends, which set me back slightly - but recovered fairly fast compared to the beginning. Just unfollowed them temporarily and pushing on.

I don't know. This feels like the last real hurdle before completely moving on. Was it right to remove her? I can't help but lean towards yes. She was ignoring and snotty at the end. No effort on her part. It wasn't a mutual thing anymore. So screw it. She doesn't deserve further connection. I went out with a 'smile' as best as I could, and just quietly removed her from social media (after waiting a bit of time). No anger, whining, begging, goodbyes. I'm 99.9% she's used to guys fully kissing her ass and fawning over her until they crash and burn (as she referenced at one point breaking a guys heart, having him cry - a red flag probably). So I think she wouldn't expect me to just cut her off, the way I have. A small bonus, in an otherwise dead situation. I don't have regrets really at this point (besides debating about the removal), and I see a few things that she may have regrets over later on, as time passes. Not that I'd ever know about them then.

Maybe it's just self-validation at this point - but I feel like I've left with some power in this. Making pulling the plug my call, without any drama (or as drama-free as ghosting someone can be). I've given up my power before well in the past. Reaching out multiple times, waiting for that response that doesn't come. It really sucks. I remember clearly back then "Ah, it won't hurt me that much if I reach out right? I'm being nice by doing so" - something like that. And it just bites you, much harder than you expect. Because you were on level ground - then suddenly you feel like you've fallen in a ravine, with no way to climb up. You didn't even really think that ravine existed anymore. And they're not going to help you out of that hole. Luckily time will, always.

So... I think it was better I cut her off on this, rather than tolerating her or worse, having her pull the plug herself later on. I did enjoy being with her, talking and flirting with her, in the past. But that's where she belongs now. I haven't blocked her, so if she *did* want to message me, she could. I don't expect or even necessarily want it, but it removes any doubt of 'Maybe she did try to message and work it out?'. I can confidently say 'Well, she didn't even try', and focus elsewhere.

 

[FMCSMT]

Well said.

My last I didn't get a single message from.

It is for the better even though I've felt the same things and enjoyed her.

 

[finality]

NC day 32 now. Working on the last bits of doubt and stress about her now. The question being "Was it the right action to remove her from my life?". Mostly regarding online stuff.

I won't lie - I've been debating that point more and more strongly until yesterday I believe. And there was some strong pain and regret associated with that. As I move on more and more, I forget the reasoning for taking her off in the first place, later thinking that maybe it could have worked out, etc. Forgetting the bad stuff, and only the good stuff remains (hey, that's the power of NC right?). Good stuff is fading as well too, which is good. Overall, I'm almost there. I've seen a couple pics accidentally online by mutual friends, which set me back slightly - but recovered fairly fast compared to the beginning. Just unfollowed them temporarily and pushing on.

I don't know. This feels like the last real hurdle before completely moving on. Was it right to remove her? I can't help but lean towards yes. She was ignoring and snotty at the end. No effort on her part. It wasn't a mutual thing anymore. So screw it. She doesn't deserve further connection. I went out with a 'smile' as best as I could, and just quietly removed her from social media (after waiting a bit of time). No anger, whining, begging, goodbyes. I'm 99.9% she's used to guys fully kissing her ass and fawning over her until they crash and burn (as she referenced at one point breaking a guys heart, having him cry - a red flag probably). So I think she wouldn't expect me to just cut her off, the way I have. A small bonus, in an otherwise dead situation. I don't have regrets really at this point (besides debating about the removal), and I see a few things that she may have regrets over later on, as time passes. Not that I'd ever know about them then.

Maybe it's just self-validation at this point - but I feel like I've left with some power in this. Making pulling the plug my call, without any drama (or as drama-free as ghosting someone can be). I've given up my power before well in the past. Reaching out multiple times, waiting for that response that doesn't come. It really sucks. I remember clearly back then "Ah, it won't hurt me that much if I reach out right? I'm being nice by doing so" - something like that. And it just bites you, much harder than you expect. Because you were on level ground - then suddenly you feel like you've fallen in a ravine, with no way to climb up. You didn't even really think that ravine existed anymore. And they're not going to help you out of that hole. Luckily time will, always.

So... I think it was better I cut her off on this, rather than tolerating her or worse, having her pull the plug herself later on. I did enjoy being with her, talking and flirting with her, in the past. But that's where she belongs now. I haven't blocked her, so if she *did* want to message me, she could. I don't expect or even necessarily want it, but it removes any doubt of 'Maybe she did try to message and work it out?'. I can confidently say 'Well, she didn't even try', and focus elsewhere.

Good job man. I think most people can agree when deciphering all their breakups of the past that the biggest regret isn't always the breakup itself but how we handled the breakup. Good job keeping your self respect. She will be back at some point.

 

[DreamAgain]

@RedScorpion , great post. Start seeing new women and you'll find that what you think you lost, you've actually gained when you meet someone much better than her.

 

[exhausted]

@RedScorpion , great post. Start seeing new women and you'll find that what you think you lost, you've actually gained when you meet someone much better than her.

Ya i kinda ducked up the breakoff but her bs discarding me and hoovering after ignoring me for 4 days deserved it.
I went full force fight mode furious and smashed every attempt of her hoovering. I was relentless to where she just stopped.

Thats how u get rid of a narcissist

 

[finality]

I Broke up with gf/plate today. We are exclusive for 4 months, broke up and then a lot of drama the next 3 months. I'm in love with her but I wanted something more serious than she did so I had to end things because I cared more for her than she did for me and it's not a good situation to be in. This is the first girl that I actually wanted to have kids with (I'm 34-she is 28) so it's a bit depressing that I have to walk away.

I'm a bit at peace though, this girl caused me a lot of stress and as depressing as it is to end things with someone I'm in love with I'm not going to have to deal with the anxiety of not knowing where things are going. I mean if she's not sold on me then there's another guy or she just don't value me the way she should. Either is a losing proposition.

 

[finality]

Day 2.

The breakup was long and drawn out so a lot of the initial shock and desbelief has already passed. I imagine I'll think about her more on the weekend as I'll wonder what she is doing and I'll probably miss her but the worst is already over. I'm excited where I'll be in 30 days. Going nofap during this time as well and going to hit the gym hard. Don't plan on dating anyone else for a while but you never know.

 

[Carpathian]

I Broke up with gf/plate today. We are exclusive for 4 months, broke up and then a lot of drama the next 3 months. I'm in love with her but I wanted something more serious than she did so I had to end things because I cared more for her than she did for me and it's not a good situation to be in. This is the first girl that I actually wanted to have kids with (I'm 34-she is 28) so it's a bit depressing that I have to walk away.

I'm a bit at peace though, this girl caused me a lot of stress and as depressing as it is to end things with someone I'm in love with I'm not going to have to deal with the anxiety of not knowing where things are going. I mean if she's not sold on me then there's another guy or she just don't value me the way she should. Either is a losing proposition.

I do not acknowledge everything he says, but Corey Wayne is right when he says that as soon as a guy starts to get more serious than the girl, it's a slippery slope downwards. You should just enjoy the relationship, enjoy your time being with her - that alone will be enough and communicate to her your level of interest. Let her be the one to apply the relationship labels and start the kids discussion. If she is not doing that then she is not ready for that at this stage and you bringing it up will scare her off.

 

[Roober]

I do not acknowledge everything he says, but Corey Wayne is right when he says that as soon as a guy starts to get more serious than the girl, it's a slippery slope downwards. You should just enjoy the relationship, enjoy your time being with her - that alone will be enough and communicate to her your level of interest. Let her be the one to apply the relationship labels and start the kids discussion. If she is not doing that then she is not ready for that at this stage and you bringing it up will scare her off.

Agreed! Even if you are totally into her, you have to contain it and keep it in. If women feel that way, they will openly share. Play it off or reply with something lesser than what she said. My girl now brings up kids, moving in, and getting married periodically and I either ignore or say something like... "maybe one day..." with a grin. I have slipped a couple times because I do care about her, but then I need to course correct later...

 

[Carpathian]

Good job man. I think most people can agree when deciphering all their breakups of the past that the biggest regret isn't always the breakup itself but how we handled the breakup. Good job keeping your self respect. She will be back at some point.

^^^^This.
She will be back as long as you were never a dikk to her. But by the stage she comes to realize what she threw away - a few years later maybe - you will have moved on and be happy and not give a damn about her. I've had exe's reach out after three years, I was always a good BF to them. They know who are good guys and bad ones, rest assured, and it takes time for some of them to realize this. But you really need to try and develop a "it's her loss" mindset and be proud of who you are. Just be the best version of you and it will all come good with a woman deserving of you.

 

[Mazer]

Been out of contact with my oneitis for 2 months now. We talked and went out for four months, everything seemed perfect and then she ghosted me. Found out she is back on the dating sites as I was swiping the other day. I have been down and out today due to having a cold and many of those depressing feelings have come back. I am spinning three plates at the moment but they aren't anywhere near as good looking as she was. I am in better shape today than I was the first week. I was a mess the first two weeks. it does get better but you still have bad days. I am sure once I find a new girl that I click with, she will be completely forgotten. NC works, it does get better, trust me!

 

[exhausted]

30 days no contact from a 3.5 ltr.

Angry about the ridiculous bpd abuse, tho still feel connected to her, sadly. Makes it rough. Been a rough week of remembering good times. Do not miss the mood disorder as it was like having a split personality gf.
Just never knew what would set her off.

Then she blamed everything on me. She would yell and scream and rage , i didnt, not once, like walking on eggshells couldnt talk about anything without being punished.

She will never have anyone and i dont say that spiteful but out of pity. No one will tolerate her bs.

 

[Carpathian]

30 days no contact from a 3.5 ltr.

Angry about the ridiculous bpd abuse, tho still feel connected to her, sadly. Makes it rough. Been a rough week of remembering good times. Do not miss the mood disorder as it was like having a split personality gf.
Just never knew what would set her off.

Then she blamed everything on me. She would yell and scream and rage , i didnt, not once, like walking on eggshells couldnt talk about anything without being punished.

She will never have anyone and i dont say that spiteful but out of pity. No one will tolerate her bs.

Never tolerate any woman talking to you like that. Ever. You nip that BS behavior in the bud the first time she talks to you like that and you tell her you will not tolerate it and your relationship will be history the very next time it happens. She will never love you and you will never have a fulfilling relationship with her if she doesn't respect you. You must set the ground rules of the relationship the first time that BS is spat at you. Guys fear doing this because they think they will get dumped. On the contrary, she will respect you for it and love you MORE, not less.

 

[exhausted]

Never tolerate any woman talking to you like that. Ever. You nip that BS behavior in the bud the first time she talks to you like that and you tell her you will not tolerate it and your relationship will be history the very next time it happens. She will never love you and you will never have a fulfilling relationship with her if she doesn't respect you. You must set the ground rules of the relationship the first time that BS is spat at you. Guys fear doing this because they think they will get dumped. On the contrary, she will respect you for it and love you MORE, not less.

Agreed..
she can't stand beta guys, yet when i stood up and ran the show or told her about this behavior she would be mad initially then always come back apologetically..

The problem is she has a mood disorder she cant control.. it's not even a respect thing anymore its a bpd bipolar disorder she wont treat so things never changed no matter what.

 

[RedScorpion]

Well, having a bit of a rough spot. I'm going to do a bit of a AFC vent here, rather than do something stupid like break NC. And I should be further along than I'm currently, in some ways I am, but yeah.

I believe I already know the problem. This girl in my opinion lovebombed me over a few short weeks. Constant praise, deep close stare a few times, specifically kept bringing up a couple things in my life to praise me (which was a red flag to me). Like out of nowhere bringing it up. I kept feeling something was off, but she was so into me, really fast, and of course great looking. I kind of think mirroring as well, because I felt that she was so similar to me. Seemed to get along great. Had just shared drinks and food. Then found out she had a boyfriend through some conversation... seemed like she was trying to hide that fact. I tried to backed off quietly, because I was confused on how 'into' me she was, while having a boyfriend. Like I can get girls flirting while with boyfriends, and I've had that before...but this was so... I don't know. Maybe forced. Like bringing up out of nowhere praises to me on **** that I'm interested in. I remember thinking "What does that got to do with anything?". I had got a feeling, that something wasn't right. Same feeling I had with a BPD girl years ago. I had that feeling a few times, but dismissed it until the bf info came up.

Anyway, unfortunately she picked up on me backing off. Tried to manage a normal conversation, but couldn't bring myself to flirt the same. And was irked inside, if I'm honest. Got too attached to her. I brought up some info about hanging out with this group with a couple girls (just checking out a place), which probably irked her in conjunction with my cooled responses. Then she mentioned how this other guy in that group was cool. I just blanked agreed with her. Then she kind of stormed off, and I got silent treatment the next day. Avoiding me. I left her alone, always tried to seem non-affected, just did my own thing. She came back the day after... thought it was fixed, then she became aloof again. So I backed off... she was sulking/silent treatment again... then warmed up and was very friendly again, making future promises... anyway, up and down until she ignored my one msg, snotty on the next. So after a bit of time, silently removed her.

I don't want to force a diagnosis, but this thread I'll link describes her very well - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-most-toxic-damaging-type-of-woman-of-them-all.239396/ Her father left when she was very young, didn't seem close. Other personality traits fit as well. She seems to have many friends, very active, skills, ambition, etc. Totally absorbed in social media and herself. Would never know she had a bf, because she didn't post really any pics of them.

I feel like a total AFC with this chick. Pissed because I feel like I messed something up, part of me pushing that I should have separated my feelings and continued flirting back. Thinking I messed up on hooking up with her, or making out, or even simple friendship. I keep thinking I could have kept enjoying being with her, had I not backed off. Or even when I removed her from everywhere. The worst I think is doubting my gut. My gut was pinging to me multiple times that something is wrong, and to back away. But was it my gut, or just fear because she was so hot/attractive? I don't know. I liked her a lot, not just on the physical, but that connection... but seemed to be just f**ked up as soon as she mentioned having a bf. The worst is I felt my depression lift out because of the elation I had with her, like a relaxed happiness of sorts, enjoyed for a few moments - and then nope there's the hidden bf. Who seems to be possibly a very supplicating AFC bf in my impression (she posted some pic of him combing her hair).

Feel so f**king stupid... I really thought there might have been something. But it's f**ked and I feel like I f**ked it up. Regardless of her having a bf. It's extremely annoying. And I didn't even do anything with her! Super AFC reporting in. And of course have heard nothing from her. Expected and probably better that way - but frustrating. Like she didn't give a damn. Or she did and just piled it on with her bf or whoever she's milking for attention now. I knew this would happen, this is why I backed out... and it happened anyway.

I think it's hard because it's the first time I've felt so... connected. But I pulled myself out because of my feeling that something is wrong. And now... I don't know if I just chopped off my legs for no reason, or I did it to prevent gangrene from eating the rest of my body. Even though I should know... I'm blind to it for some reason.

-- Anyway, thanks for reading, if you did read my vent. I do know the solution... move on and find another girl (without a bf), that can do the same for sure. Will definitely keep to NC. Hopefully to practice what I preach, and move on from this chick.

 

[DreamAgain]

@RedScorpion , it was a good read, it's healthy to vent man in situations like these.

Just keep going strong, and be on the lookout for new women. Anytime you find your thoughts drifting about this one, remind yourself this: Why am I thinking about someone who absolutely doesn't care about me?

This is a tactic I'm employing in my own no contact, and it is helping.

 

[noBSgames]

Going to try and do this No contact now