The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[PantyWhisperer]

Final Update : Success

About 2.5 months since breakup. Mostly NC with minimal texting.

I have reached No Contact Nirvana. This is defined as the state at which you realize under no circumstances would you trade your current situation to return to the ex that dumped you.

How did I get here?

Right after the breakup, take NC serious. Just block her out completely. Know that there will be pain, jealousy, etc. If not, you are not a human. Embrace the pain but let it flow through you.
The pain makes you who you are. Work out like a madman. Chase your dreams. Stay positive. Spin plates... hard. I jumped into Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Lost a ton of weight and its hard to obsess about your ex when someone is trying to strangle you.

I worked on my social circle. Within a few weeks I met a new girl and we started dating. I was dating tons of other people concurrently. As time passed, I realized the new girl was a total catch. If my ex called me up begging for another chance and offering unlimited sex, I'd say no (maybe... pump n dump), because I know the baggage that goes with fixing an old relationship. This new one is fresh. I won't eat rotten fruit with worms in it, why would I feel differently about relationship that has expired? The new girl makes me very happy. She is like a delicious apple with no worms.

Conclusion: NC works. Spinning plates works. This forum works. Game works. You must be fluid, present, yet detached. Good luck!

Edit: I just went through the exes FB feed for the first time in 3 months. Why? Ask J.W. Goethe. Experience the pain. Get through it. I'm happier now. The greatest danger of NC is running away and burying your problems deeper instead of facing the fear and moving on.

All of this is great advice. Keep your mind occupied. I find that when I have something that holds my interest, the interval of time where I don't think of her goes up. You will find that you will think of her less and less. Train your mind to change the subject whenever you think of her - immediately switch to something else, even if it's not positive. If you allow her to continue to float in your mind it will prolong the agony.
And never, ever think of her having sex with her new man. That will set you way back on your road to recovery. She's not that special and one day he will be so bored with her - guaranteed, so focus on that.

 

[finality]

Day 1.

 

[resilient]

Day 12
Found out last night that the ex RSVP to an event I'm going to for Halloween celebration at the end of next month on our mutual social website that I paid $15.00 up front to join. It won't quite be sixty days by then like the thread recommends for NC. The cool thing? 50 or more persons going and wearing costumes at this social gathering at a bar/restaurant. I'm going to be wearing a mask that covers my face completely. I'm thinking of either going as Alien or Predator. It'll be interesting to see if she approaches me or tries to contact me or text before then. I've caught my mind wondering if she's on the hunt for more orbiters to hook up with, but when I'm thoughts go there, I remind myself that I'm the one that walked away. Since then I've kept myself distracted as much as possible. Just finished Rational Male V.2, now reading Rational Male V.1 on my Kindle.

Meanwhile...
- I'm upping the intensity in my workouts daily.
- Going for my scuba open-water certification classes early next month.
- Continuing to research grad schools and requirements.
- Fixing inner game/frame issues of abandonment, scarcity, conditioning, white knight etc.
- Socializing 1-2/x a week while in mini-monk mode.

 

[Reykhel]

How can u think of your ex after 6 months lol

You'll never completely erase them from your memory, unless you go through a process as in that movie
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind....

From time to time, an ex may pop into my thoughts randomly, just like other memories may pop into my head from
time to time. They have no real importance and soon fly away again, like a butterfly being carried away by the breeze....

......and life goes on.

Consider your thoughts like the drops of water that make up a stream that's gently flowing by you as you sit on the edge, meditating
on the present, with a knowing smile, unattached unaffected, yet intrinsically connected to the space between the thoughts.

 

[Firestar786]

You'll never completely erase them from your memory, unless you go through a process as in that movie
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind....

From time to time, an ex may pop into my thoughts randomly, just like other memories may pop into my head from
time to time. They have no real importance and soon fly away again, like a butterfly being carried away by the breeze....

......and life goes on.

Consider your thoughts like the drops of water that make up a stream that's gently flowing by you as you sit on the edge, meditating
on the present, with a knowing smile, unattached unaffected, yet intrinsically connected to the space between the thoughts.

I dont know about you but after 6 months of being NC from my ex; if I thought about her after that long i would check myself into a mental institution. th

any ex ive ever had i have FORGOT ABOUT by the 6 month mark.

i remember a simple die hard rule i follow - F0CK 5 OTHER WOMEN AND SEE IF YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR EX.

^ simple as that bro.

 

[Firestar786]

It'll be interesting to see if she approaches me or tries to contact me or text before then


^ dude f0ck her. find other women to f0ck. she isnt the other woman to worry about on the planet.

 

[Reykhel]

I dont know about you but after 6 months of being NC from my ex; if I thought about her after that long i would check myself into a mental institution. th

any ex ive ever had i have FORGOT ABOUT by the 6 month mark.

i remember a simple die hard rule i follow - F0CK 5 OTHER WOMEN AND SEE IF YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR EX.

^ simple as that bro.

You seem to have misinterpreted what I wrote, my dear child.

I wasn't talking about getting over your ex. I don't really see how that would take you six months.
You said "to forget about your ex". Maybe "forget" and "get over" are synonyms for you? (in other words, they mean the same thing)

For me they are not synonyms. I could "get over" anyone pretty quickly and move on. But to forget? forget for me, means to have no
recollection.............I still remember my first LTR which started when I was 17 years of age. I am long since over her.....but how could I
"forget". That would be to remove a number of years of my life from my memory. Again, hence my reference to The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.....

If you had forgotten about your ex, you wouldn't have the ability to recognize in this thread that you've forgotten about her. Because you would have forgotten. But you remember that you've forgotten, so you haven't forgotten at all. Sure you've got over her, but you haven't forgotten.

You're from the Uk, why am I having to explain the Queen's English to you. I thought you people invented the language.

If you need to fvck five women to prove you don't care about your ex, you're still being controlled by her. That's reactionary.

Gentlemen. spin plates and you'll never have to "get over" an ex again. Mould one of them long and hard into your frame if you wish to eventually LTR the best candidate, but stay detached and know this will end one day......

When it does, you'll be "over her" by the time you're eating your corn flakes the next morning.

 

[Firestar786]

'Dear child' lol

There was a way of explaining in queens English as to not belittle me.

But still, your the 38 yo on an Internet forum writing about sluts as opposed to f0cking them

Word of advice- turn your computer off and see the world for what it is.
Also I'm not here to engage in some online debate with you, I have better things to do. Clearly you don't.

 

[Adz--]

Day 28

Things have started to get easier and better the last few days, i still think of her but when i do i try and think of the present moment to try and forget about her.
Been focusing more on gym, hobbies and education things now.
I went out this Saturday that just went by, i danced with two girls and kissed one, i didnt really want to take it any further with them tbh.
Things are starting to settle down now, it still feels a bit weird not msg'ing her or seeing her things..
Kinda weird that she's a total stranger now too..

Ive decided not to go back into a LTR anytime soon again, i need to fix myself first before i think anything like that again.

adz--

 

[resilient]

Day 17
Doing better. I haven't been thinking about the ex-fwb much lately. Some thoughts creep in now and then. I did have something really weird happen last weekend. I had my phone on Do Not Disturb when I went to bed as usual, yet when I checked it in the morning I got an anonymous text message from "bit.ly" at 12:52 AM. It might have been just spam, because I googled and some Yahoo answers thread said some people have gotten text from bit.ly before and urged not to respond for identity theft reasons.

In any case, here's what the cryptic text message said:

"If you lost interest in sex, one day you may find yourself alone and unhappy"​

It was about the two week mark that she said that "her" or "I" would re-initiate contact with a "hey" or "hi" to be "platonic friends". Lol.. I obviously didn't so maybe that was her text or just simply spam. Idk.

I'll be honest though, DJs.... my goals have been slipping a little lately. I'm trying to accomplish what I set out to do from my last post, just have been lacking in motivation. It may have to do with the online class I'm taking right now is freaking boring as f, but necessary for my degree reqs. I'm also letting my body recover after hiking a mountain that was nearly 12,000 ft high with a 4,000 ft elevation gain over nearly 18 miles out and back.

 

[Tony197]

DAY 60!

I'll just leave that sh!t at that.

 

[Carpathian]

I found another woman and we like each other very much, great connection, great times and great sex. She's a 9/10 and ideal for me. I have been doing great! I put the ex behind me and forging ahead into my life. However, as soon as this started with my new woman, almost by instinct, my ex reached out - my ex from my dysfunctional relationship of 18 months, who dumped me for three times for no fukking reason at all is texting me wanting me to go round and bang her. I would not want to risk my new relationship with my new woman. However, I know I will get flamed for this, but part of me - a monkey on my shoulder if you like - tells me to go round and bang the ex. I know I should not be thinking like this, it would risk everything with my new woman if she found out, and I would never get back with the ex permanently, but forbidden fruit is very tempting.....

I think I should block her to remove future temptation. What do you guys say? Please, talk some sense into me brothers. Others must have felt like this too?

 

[Adz--]

Day 17
Doing better. I haven't been thinking about the ex-fwb much lately. Some thoughts creep in now and then. I did have something really weird happen last weekend. I had my phone on Do Not Disturb when I went to bed as usual, yet when I checked it in the morning I got an anonymous text message from "bit.ly" at 12:52 AM. It might have been just spam, because I googled and some Yahoo answers thread said some people have gotten text from bit.ly before and urged not to respond for identity theft reasons.

In any case, here's what the cryptic text message said:

"If you lost interest in sex, one day you may find yourself alone and unhappy"​

It was about the two week mark that she said that "her" or "I" would re-initiate contact with a "hey" or "hi" to be "platonic friends". Lol.. I obviously didn't so maybe that was her text or just simply spam. Idk.

I'll be honest though, DJs.... my goals have been slipping a little lately. I'm trying to accomplish what I set out to do from my last post, just have been lacking in motivation. It may have to do with the online class I'm taking right now is freaking boring as f, but necessary for my degree reqs. I'm also letting my body recover after hiking a mountain that was nearly 12,000 ft high with a 4,000 ft elevation gain over nearly 18 miles out and back.

Good to hear that you're doing okay man, keep on going with it man you can do this.
Also ignore that bit.ly thing, it's nothing. If she really wanted to get in contact with you she would have done so.

My goals are slipping too, but immerse your self in things that you like doing so that you can take your mind off her and find your self again.

I found another woman and we like each other very much, great connection, great times and great sex. She's a 9/10 and ideal for me. I have been doing great! I put the ex behind me and forging ahead into my life. However, as soon as this started with my new woman, almost by instinct, my ex reached out - my ex from my dysfunctional relationship of 18 months, who dumped me for three times for no fukking reason at all is texting me wanting me to go round and bang her. I would not want to risk my new relationship with my new woman. However, I know I will get flamed for this, but part of me - a monkey on my shoulder if you like - tells me to go round and bang the ex. I know I should not be thinking like this, it would risk everything with my new woman if she found out, and I would never get back with the ex permanently, but forbidden fruit is very tempting.....

I think I should block her to remove future temptation. What do you guys say? Please, talk some sense into me brothers. Others must have felt like this too?

It's funny how things like that happen isn't it?
You have two options now.
A) Carry on with the new woman who you say is a 9/10 and bang her and see where it goes.

B) Go back to your dysfunctional ex who broke up with you three times and gave you a lot of heart ache, made you feel like crap, worthless etc to bang her. Yes im not going to lie it might feel good for a while to talk and bang her, but how long before you slip back into her hands again and then youre back in the same cycle?

Choice is yours my friend. It's never an easy choice at times when your mind isn't there.

P. S. I'm a hypocrite when it comes to advice, I don't follow my own somtimes.


Adz--

Lord\universe\whatever The f*ck out there, give me strength to get through my own sh*t

 

[Carpathian]

Good to hear that you're doing okay man, keep on going with it man you can do this.
Also ignore that bit.ly thing, it's nothing. If she really wanted to get in contact with you she would have done so.

My goals are slipping too, but immerse your self in things that you like doing so that you can take your mind off her and find your self again.




It's funny how things like that happen isn't it?
You have two options now.
A) Carry on with the new woman who you say is a 9/10 and bang her and see where it goes.

B) Go back to your dysfunctional ex who broke up with you three times and gave you a lot of heart ache, made you feel like crap, worthless etc to bang her. Yes im not going to lie it might feel good for a while to talk and bang her, but how long before you slip back into her hands again and then youre back in the same cycle?

Choice is yours my friend. It's never an easy choice at times when your mind isn't there.

P. S. I'm a hypocrite when it comes to advice, I don't follow my own somtimes.


Adz--

Lord\universe\whatever The f*ck out there, give me strength to get through my own sh*t

Hey man, Thanks for your thoughts. I am leaving off her (the ex) and not getting involved with her again. She is poison and will drag me down again as you say. How they weave their spells.....

 

[resilient]

Hey man, Thanks for your thoughts. I am leaving off her (the ex) and not getting involved with her again. She is poison and will drag me down again as you say. How they weave their spells.....

Excellent. It sounded like she just wanted to lure you in just to pump and dump you again to boost her ego. You're doing the right thing by staying away. Good luck with the 9/10.

 

[Adz--]

Day 30

NC still going strong, I've still got thoughts off her coming into my head.
Today wasn't a good morning at all, it felt like all the thoughts came at once like a run away train.
Part of me wants this dumb b1tch back for some reason, I have no idea why though. I've been over this before in my head and have come to the conclusion that she isn't worth it all.
I keep my self busy as much as I can all the time, play music on the way to places to take my mind of things etc etc. Jumped into my hobbies, gym, study, go out with friends. I don't understand it why is she still in my head!?

Adz--

 

[Carpathian]

Day 30

NC still going strong, I've still got thoughts off her coming into my head.
Today wasn't a good morning at all, it felt like all the thoughts came at once like a run away train.
Part of me wants this dumb b1tch back for some reason, I have no idea why though. I've been over this before in my head and have come to the conclusion that she isn't worth it all.
I keep my self busy as much as I can all the time, play music on the way to places to take my mind of things etc etc. Jumped into my hobbies, gym, study, go out with friends. I don't understand it why is she still in my head!?

Adz--

It passes in time man. Like my post yesterday, the test comes when she starts reaching out again.... You just know you'd be into another round of sh!t from her but it can be difficult to move past her.

 

[Tony197]

Day 30

NC still going strong, I've still got thoughts off her coming into my head.
Today wasn't a good morning at all, it felt like all the thoughts came at once like a run away train.
Part of me wants this dumb b1tch back for some reason, I have no idea why though. I've been over this before in my head and have come to the conclusion that she isn't worth it all.
I keep my self busy as much as I can all the time, play music on the way to places to take my mind of things etc etc. Jumped into my hobbies, gym, study, go out with friends. I don't understand it why is she still in my head!?

Adz--

You can't intellectualize an addiction, you can only struggle through it. She's like drugs, alcohol or cigarettes - you know she's bad for you, but you still want that dopamine kick you get from her.

Can you listen to music at work? Find a new song every day that you find validating and listen to it on repeat. For me, some days it was "Now We Are Free (Gladiator)", others "Dirt Off Your Shoulder."

 

[Adz--]

It passes in time man. Like my post yesterday, the test comes when she starts reaching out again.... You just know you'd be into another round of sh!t from her but it can be difficult to move past her.

I understand completely where you're coming from and agree with it. It's the fact I know she isn't going reach out again cos shes completly messed in the head.
I know I should leave her to it with whoever she is with now etc.
It's the fact that I know she's going for a major operation in the next few months where I was meant to be there for her, but she couldn't be there for me when I had my operation, this is my downfall it's the fact that I'm "too nice or care too much" for her well being more then she does for her own self.
It's something that in finding difficult of letting go of that.

You can't intellectualize an addiction, you can only struggle through it. She's like drugs, alcohol or cigarettes - you know she's bad for you, but you still want that dopamine kick you get from her.

Can you listen to music at work? Find a new song every day that you find validating and listen to it on repeat. For me, some days it was "Now We Are Free (Gladiator)", others "Dirt Off Your Shoulder."

Exactly that, Im addicted to f*cked up stuck up trouble woman.
Yeah I can, even at University, I'm listening to all sorts and have gotten sick of my new playlist after a week lol, have you got any more reccomendations song wise?

Adz--

 

[SuccessIsDestiny]

DAY 60

Thoughts still come in but it's as if something happend overnight. She's disappeared and this is about me. I've compared this journey to going to the gym after a long hiatus. You're not going to go in and start banging heavy weights it has to be a gradual progression. Put in the work and DJ you'll start seeing results.

I've got a few plates on deck and I'm leaving for a trip to Asia for three weeks looking forward to it.

Day 1

Serious oneitis. I've got an uphill climb.

Day 30

Gym and work Gym and work. DJ and plates.

@Adz-- Keep up the work the next 30 is tough but all the more worth it. Day 60 will come around and you'll never look back Stay Strong!

@Carpathian Steer clear of this one. My ex before this did the same thing I banged her out and it just prolonged and kept me away from other females.