The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BeTheChange]

Day 1

Went into this weekend figuring I probably was going to have to end the 1-mo relationship because of already LTR compatibility issues. Also, to the fact that she said after hooking up last weekend that she's looking for something casual/rebound and not a serious relationship after becoming single for month after being with her ex for six years prior. I wanted to take things slow anyway, but she forced my hand on that one (read below).

In any case, she tells me that she asked her male roommate to drink/get drunk last night and then vaped for 1.5 hours after that with him. Red flag to me that she approached him to do that stuff. I understand people have tough days at work, yet they're playing with fire if they want to drink and smoke with an opposite sex late in the evening on the couch alone in their apartment. That just signals that she can't cope with emotions alone and will lean on a guy when vulnerable. From my experience, vulnerability in a woman leads to kissing/fooling around/sex due to low self-esteem/insecurity issues on her part.

The nail in the coffin came after hooking up with me the weekend prior, she admits that a few days ago she hooked up with some other dude. That action reiterated her frame that I was a casual FWB with other dude(s) in that rotation. Gross. I don't like sharing, so I told her right on that spot that I would stop seeing her. It sucks. I have no plates to balance this oneitis. I told her I wouldn't "ghost" her, but at the same time, I don't want her to mess with my emotions like throwing out bait for something like a vacation FWB hookup after we had "two weeks not talk/text". I think that would jack me up.... I can't do FWB with emotions dialed to a zero.

I'm anxious right now and struggling not to think about this chick even after I was starting to get attached while trying to maintain the DJ frame.

I'm going monk mode for a while, until I'm ready to socialize and be around mutual people with mutual interests again. Thanks to DJs here, @Poon King, @PairPlusRoyalFlush, @Desdinova for helping me keep my self-respect by ending it first.

Ending what bro? You weren't even in a relationship with this chick.

You should have just kept smashing her while minimising the emotional investment like any good Don Juan...especially given she just got out of a 6 YEAR RELATIONSHIP. You were a plate to her and nothing more. And it should have been the same for you. Spin plates. Never care more about the "relationship" than she does. Schoolboy stuff.

 

[BeTheChange]

Now is not the time for Resilient to surround himself with basket case women.

Basket case because she has other plates? Like MOST normal women....it's Resilient's fault for emotionally investing so early rather than just having fun. Why ask such questions from a plate? If you guys didn't take these chicks so seriously so early you wouldn't have all these problems. Relax.

 

[BeTheChange]

Basket case because apparently she has nothing better to do but talk about her plates. Personally, I can do without that. Respect before pvssy. Surround yourself with people of sound mind.

From his story I got the impression she was doing that precisely because resilient was pushing for a relationship which screams of desperation. Can't blame a girl for losing respect when you're acting desperate.

 

[Carpathian]

From his story I got the impression she was doing that precisely because resilient was pushing for a relationship which screams of desperation. Can't blame a girl for losing respect when you're acting desperate.

Agreed. Never be the guy wanting the relationship. Ever. That is the woman's territory. I agree with Corey Wayne on on that totally. As soon as the guy moves away from being a fun guy who has great sex with his woman and starts pursuing it all goes wrong. Let the woman be the one to bring the subject of relationships up.

I tell you. My ex, I have discussed on this thread. The one who dumped me three times? She is blowing up my phone texting me, she loves me, misses me and what i did to her in bed, I was the man of her dreams the one and only. I have not seen her in six months and have been ignoring her. What does it prove? It makes them miss you and wonder about you and fantasize about you. She's texting me pictures of her and her vibrator saying this could be me and she misses it with me. How things turn around. @alex_in24 said it perfectly in June when he replied to me that I will be the one who is missed and she will be the one heartache. Thankyou brother for your wisdom. I continue to ignore her and I am three months in with another woman who we have wild sex with and great times. Ex still casts a long shadow though - I will admit to that.

 

[resilient]

Basket case because she has other plates? Like MOST normal women....it's Resilient's fault for emotionally investing so early rather than just having fun. Why ask such questions from a plate? If you guys didn't take these chicks so seriously so early you wouldn't have all these problems. Relax.

I get that guys... I realize, now, that I'm a bit rusty in the dating game. This was my first hookup post-divorce after nearly a decade with one person w/o cheating on my part. I have to relearn the DJ principles all over again. I caught feels too early for this chick and need some time to work out my head space so I don't channel neediness next time. When I'm ready to date again, I'll make sure I have a few plates in the air (preferably no basket case ones). I learned a lesson with this one, to guard my emotions, and not to subconsciously push for a relationship.

Day2

Got 8.8 hours of sleep last night and feeling recharged. Amazing how sleep can restore the mind. Today is a new day. Heading out now to be social, see a movie with twenty other people around my age and possibly lunch after.

 

[resilient]

Ex SMSed me about the above movie event, saying she was going to pass since it didn't work with her schedule with meeting her girl friend in the area. I figured she would flake since I technically dumped her the day before. I deleted #, so I conveniently ignored the message. NC will resume.

In the morning/early afternoon, I met a new woman at the movie event who followed me into the theater and asked to sit next to me. We exchange names and talk for ten minutes before movie with some solid rapport and mirroring body language. Also I noticed she pulled her hair back to expose her neck. That's a good IOI, right? Only regret from me is not doing any kino... Fist bump, high five, whatever. I invited her to a venue change as a few people were heading to lunch afterwards. She hovered in the lobby for a little while, but I noticed that she was edging out of our social circle. Sh!t the window of opportunity was closing. She mentioned that she didn't sleep at all the night before, so she was going to walk home from the theater. I guess I should have walked her out, but I didn't want to look needy/creepy... I might hit her up later online and she where her interest level is at.

Meanwhile, an older plate from earlier last month messaged me asking where I was when I got out of the theater since she was there. I didn't see her, so I told her she could hit me up next week for another social evening event.

I know I said I was going "monk mode" yesterday, but if opportunities present themselves for plate spinning I shouldn't ignore those cues. Game on, DJs!!

 

[BeTheChange]

I get that guys... I realize, now, that I'm a bit rusty in the dating game. This was my first hookup post-divorce after nearly a decade with one person w/o cheating on my part. I have to relearn the DJ principles all over again. I caught feels too early for this chick and need some time to work out my head space so I don't channel neediness next time. When I'm ready to date again, I'll make sure I have a few plates in the air (preferably no basket case ones). I learned a lesson with this one, to guard my emotions, and not to subconsciously push for a relationship.

Day2

Got 8.8 hours of sleep last night and feeling recharged. Amazing how sleep can restore the mind. Today is a new day. Heading out now to be social, see a movie with twenty other people around my age and possibly lunch after.

Can imagine it must be hard brother. Sometimes tough love is best and will allow you to recover and learn faster than being coddled. Keep reading and putting into practice the principles of this site and you'll be fine.

 

[Reykhel]

KIDS remember this:_ all relationships will die........all of them,........

Enjoy now or someone is gonna take it from you

ie

 

[Tony197]

Now that football season has started, I realized this weekend my ex still has a Green Bay jacket of mine. Breakup was in May. NC since late July.

Should I ask her to mail the jacket back? It's from GB, and there's a funny story attached to it, so I'd kinda' like it back.

 

[Carpathian]

Now that football season has started, I realized this weekend my ex still has a Green Bay jacket of mine. Breakup was in May. NC since late July.

Should I ask her to mail the jacket back? It's from GB, and there's a funny story attached to it, so I'd kinda' like it back.

Dude, are you serious? No, do not ask for the jacket back. Unless it's a green jacket for winning the US Open then forget it.

 

[Tony197]

Dude, are you serious? No, do not ask for the jacket back. Unless it's a green jacket for winning the US Open then forget it.

Y'know how you post something, and then realize 30 minutes later "Wow, that's a dumb idea"? That was this. Better to post it here than send a message.

Still want that f***ing jacket though.

 

[Adz--]

Day 13

So today was a holy festival day for me and my "religion". So I went to prayers etc and what not and got a whole bunch of msgs from other people about it I.e. "Happy celebration day, forgive me if I've done anything to hurt or offend you bla bla bla".

So I'm going through my msgs and I see a msgs from my ex's mum saying "happy celebration"
Now I'm thinking Huh?
So not meaning to sound rude I replied saying "happy celebration day, forgive me if I've done anything to offend or hurt you, hope you're well, have a great day"
She replied saying " Awwww you didn't do anything wrong God bless you thanks Xx *kissy face *kissy face"
(she likes using emojis alot, weird I know personally idgaf)
I said " thank you auntie, God bless you too xx *kissy face*"
And left it as that. The other weird thing is that my mum got the same happy celebration day msg off my ex's mum too, and told me about it, she just replied with the same back to her.

So this got me thinking that her mother doesn't know that me and her daughter no longer talk or think badly of me, I laughed to myself because her mother was constantly telling her that I was an amazing guy and that she shouldn't let go of me and spoke highly of me along with the rest of her family and all that other sh*t. Just makes me laugh.

Let this stupid d*ick face rot on her mistake, cos she ain't getting me back. She f*cked up big time and her family will always remind her of what she lost. (I'll write up the full situation of what happened between me and my ex later on as I feel I need to get it off my chest)

Adz--

 

[legend9]

Day 30


Its been a couple weeks since i frantically created a thread describing my story with a jumbled wall of text, read it at your own risk. (thanks to everyone who replied even though most of you hit me with the “shes banging another dude” response lol): http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/need-advice-after-weird-break-up-plz-help.236016/. Short summary: Dated girl for 2.5 years. I am 20 at college, she is 18 senior at HS. I was her first boyfriend, virginity, etc. She chased me at first I didn’t want her or want to be tied down but eventually I succumbed. Fast forward, She broke up with me for a day in March this year right after our 2 year anniversary asking for a "break" then came running back when i told her ok screw off. She did the same thing in May asking for another "break." She disguised this break under a veil of depression issues and she claimed her parents werent there for her and all this bull****. This made me feel bad for her and want to be there for her. I went NC and she came back 3 weeks later just before summer started, she claimed she had to take the break because of her depression and family issues....BULL****.

I stupidly took her back but things were different, she changed from the kindhearted and caring girlfriend that would do anything for me to some cold monster. She was hot and cold, and always busy/never available to hangout. The sex and the few good times we had, and her assuring me she wanted nothing more than to be with me kept me around even though my gut was screaming to punch out. A day before i go back to college the hot and cold bull**** becomes unbearable and i basically forced her to break up with me. Looking back now this was the WORST summer of my life. Next day she leaves a letter at my house after i had already left for college saying:

“Dear ****, I know you probably hate me for everything i did (yea no **** you heartless *****) but you deserve so much better. I didn’t give you the same attention you deserved. if you think it was selfish of me youll realize it wasnt when you find a girl that treats u ten times better than i did. yes I still love you and yes its going to be a rough ride without you in my life, but it is all for the best (oh yea?). if you think this is because of another guy youre wrong. Tbh I don’t think ill ever be able to love someone like I loved you. I don’t even deserve someone that’s done half the stuff you’ve done for me. Youre my first true love and I wouldn’t trade past 2 and half years for the world. I hope we can reach good terms sometime and youll forgive me but I understand you may never forgive me. In the meantime im here if you need me. I wish you the best of luck in life and wish nothing but the best for you. Have a great year in college – love blah blah.”

Wow what an amazing piece of writing. Maybe I should break NC to ask her to write my literature paper due next week. lol sike. I cant lie I was super torn up after reading the letter. How could the girl ive treated so well basically tell me to **** off in the nicest way possible? And that leaving me was “for the best.” How can this girl who made the past 2 summers of my life the most amazing summers ive ever had turn around and put me through the most ****ed 3 months ive ever endured?

Well I made it to the halfway mark and things are definitely starting to look up. The first few weeks were very hard and filled with tears and depressing thoughts. Its been 30 days of complete radio silence, I haven’t received anything from her (kind of upsetting but oh well). She did follow then unfollow me on Instagram (childish ***). Her grandma also did comment on a Facebook photo I posted flexing after the gym with a huge a** pump saying “WOW (my name).” LOL. My mother also ran into her and her mother at the store and had a nice short conversation (i was kind of mad at my mom for talking to the traitor even though they were good friends). She is blocked on everything and I finally stopped giving a **** and asking my friends to tell me what she has been tweeting.

Ive started to realize this is a blessing in disguise as im figuring out what college is all about. Ive started spinning a couple of plates which has definitely boosted my self esteem(one of the best feelings in the world after not spitting game for a long time). Just talking to and flirtin with girls again puts a huge smile on my face. Ive been hitting the gym harder than ever and gained a couple pounds of muscle, nothing gives me more motivation while lifting and fires me up to hit a couple of extra pounds on bench press than I normally could than thinking about the thought of her giving up on me and using it as fuel for my fire. But most importantly ive stopped blaming myself and constantly running different situations through my head such as “what if I did this…would that have made things different?, What if I was more mean to her? What if I wasn’t an AFC and acted like a total G?” Or trying to figure why the **** she changed into a completely different person all of a sudden. This is useless because if the girl really wanted to be with you and was worth it, things would have ultimately worked out.

I still think about her everyday but these thoughts come with less sadness. To everyone going through a tough breakup keep pushing through and stop blaming yourself and constantly reanalyzing the situation! Realize that if you were good to her and you spent your money,time, effort, and affection on her, than it’s her lost not yours! Don’t worry fellas we will have the last laugh when theyre crawling back to us begging for the gentleman they mercilessly tossed to the side for a little bit of freedom. Forget about these heartless creatures, and focus on yourself! Let them do their own crazy thing while we become better versions of ourselves and make them regret their decisions. We will overcome.

“You wait a couple months then you gon' see, You'll never find nobody better than me” - Kanye West

 

[Carpathian]

@Adz-- Does not matter how much her family likes you dude. It's what SHE wants to do that matters. It was the same with me. Her sons and mom adored me and thought I was the best man she ever met. She still dumped me for absolutely no reason. Stings but you just have to accept it and move on. And have. As will you brother.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

@Adz-- Does not matter how much her family likes you dude. It's what SHE wants to do that matters. It was the same with me. Her sons and mom adored me and thought I was the best man she ever met. She still dumped me for absolutely no reason. Stings but you just have to accept it and move on. And have. As will you brother.

I was going to say the same thing. It's not a good feeling, this place you are in right now. We all want them to hurt/regret or whatever after dumping us, but often it does not, and even when it does, often we will never know. The fantasy of her crying at your feet, telling you what a terrible mistake she made and asking your forgiveness is just that - a fantasy. I wish it were not, but it mostly is. I totally get the desire for that. That's a very normal, human response.

 

[Tony197]

@Adz Here's how you should look at it - the answer to every question in your head right now is "Who the f**k knows?" Hell, I bet she doesn't even know. She may think about you every second of every day...but is she acting on it? No? Then neither should you. If you were good to her and she still bailed, you have nothing to regret.

By going NC, you are communicating to her that you aren't going to be prisoner to her. For all you know, she's wallowing about in her room crying her eyes out, wishing you would call. For all she knows, you're totally over it and f**king everything on two legs.

You just don't know and you're probably not going to. If it's any consolation, women being the emotional creatures that they are, she's probably "moved on" but isn't "over it." There's a difference. But it doesn't matter. You're the only thing that does.

 

[Johnnythemac]

Not sure if you guys caught my post on the last page, but while i miss her and feel ****ed up, the most important thing for anyone.... Know your worth. Respect yourself. If someone acts ****ty and disrespects you, do not hang around like a tampon. Call it out and walk away with dignity.

 

[Reykhel]

Not sure if you guys caught my post on the last page, but while i miss her and feel ****ed up, the most important thing for anyone.... Know your worth. Respect yourself. If someone acts ****ty and disrespects you, do not hang around like a tampon. Call it out and walk away with dignity.

It's just like in business, you have to be willing to take an L

Sometimes the ego doesn't want us to take a loss and we stay in a bad situation.

 

[Adz--]

@Adz-- Does not matter how much her family likes you dude. It's what SHE wants to do that matters. It was the same with me. Her sons and mom adored me and thought I was the best man she ever met. She still dumped me for absolutely no reason. Stings but you just have to accept it and move on. And have. As will you brother.

I was going to say the same thing. It's not a good feeling, this place you are in right now. We all want them to hurt/regret or whatever after dumping us, but often it does not, and even when it does, often we will never know. The fantasy of her crying at your feet, telling you what a terrible mistake she made and asking your forgiveness is just that - a fantasy. I wish it were not, but it mostly is. I totally get the desire for that. That's a very normal, human response.

I feel frustrated at myself that i allowed myself to get this emotionally invested in someone when i should have known better. Thats the part that i hate, that some days ill over look all the bad and still want that and others i won't.

@Adz Here's how you should look at it - the answer to every question in your head right now is "Who the f**k knows?" Hell, I bet she doesn't even know. She may think about you every second of every day...but is she acting on it? No? Then neither should you. If you were good to her and she still bailed, you have nothing to regret.

By going NC, you are communicating to her that you aren't going to be prisoner to her. For all you know, she's wallowing about in her room crying her eyes out, wishing you would call. For all she knows, you're totally over it and f**king everything on two legs.

You just don't know and you're probably not going to. If it's any consolation, women being the emotional creatures that they are, she's probably "moved on" but isn't "over it." There's a difference. But it doesn't matter. You're the only thing that does.

After reading this and writing out the full story of what happened between me and her, i am certain that i am now the only thing that matters.



For everyone who wants to read what happened, i posted it in my old blog on SS, heres the link http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/blog-help-needed.213118/page-4#post-2198644


adz--

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I feel frustrated at myself that i allowed myself to get this emotionally invested in someone when i should have known better. Thats the part that i hate, that some days ill over look all the bad and still want that and others i won't.
adz--

Yeah, that's the kicker, it's the knowing that you saw and acknowledged all the signs and moved forward with her anyway. That's the beat down that really stings. Doubles the suffering.
I'm on Day 95 of NC, but I doubt I would be if she didn't have someone else. As much as I hate it, I'm glad that aspect is there because it's helping me "stay sober" so to speak