Day 30
Its been a couple weeks since i frantically created a thread describing my story with a jumbled wall of text, read it at your own risk. (thanks to everyone who replied even though most of you hit me with the “shes banging another dude” response lol):
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/need-advice-after-weird-break-up-plz-help.236016/. Short summary: Dated girl for 2.5 years. I am 20 at college, she is 18 senior at HS. I was her first boyfriend, virginity, etc. She chased me at first I didn’t want her or want to be tied down but eventually I succumbed. Fast forward, She broke up with me for a day in March this year right after our 2 year anniversary asking for a "break" then came running back when i told her ok screw off. She did the same thing in May asking for another "break." She disguised this break under a veil of depression issues and she claimed her parents werent there for her and all this bull****. This made me feel bad for her and want to be there for her. I went NC and she came back 3 weeks later just before summer started, she claimed she had to take the break because of her depression and family issues....BULL****.
I stupidly took her back but things were different, she changed from the kindhearted and caring girlfriend that would do anything for me to some cold monster. She was hot and cold, and always busy/never available to hangout. The sex and the few good times we had, and her assuring me she wanted nothing more than to be with me kept me around even though my gut was screaming to punch out. A day before i go back to college the hot and cold bull**** becomes unbearable and i basically forced her to break up with me. Looking back now this was the WORST summer of my life. Next day she leaves a letter at my house after i had already left for college saying:
“Dear ****, I know you probably hate me for everything i did (yea no **** you heartless *****) but you deserve so much better. I didn’t give you the same attention you deserved. if you think it was selfish of me youll realize it wasnt when you find a girl that treats u ten times better than i did. yes I still love you and yes its going to be a rough ride without you in my life, but it is all for the best (oh yea?). if you think this is because of another guy youre wrong. Tbh I don’t think ill ever be able to love someone like I loved you. I don’t even deserve someone that’s done half the stuff you’ve done for me. Youre my first true love and I wouldn’t trade past 2 and half years for the world. I hope we can reach good terms sometime and youll forgive me but I understand you may never forgive me. In the meantime im here if you need me. I wish you the best of luck in life and wish nothing but the best for you. Have a great year in college – love blah blah.”
Wow what an amazing piece of writing. Maybe I should break NC to ask her to write my literature paper due next week. lol sike. I cant lie I was super torn up after reading the letter. How could the girl ive treated so well basically tell me to **** off in the nicest way possible? And that leaving me was “for the best.” How can this girl who made the past 2 summers of my life the most amazing summers ive ever had turn around and put me through the most ****ed 3 months ive ever endured?
Well I made it to the halfway mark and things are definitely starting to look up. The first few weeks were very hard and filled with tears and depressing thoughts. Its been 30 days of complete radio silence, I haven’t received anything from her (kind of upsetting but oh well). She did follow then unfollow me on Instagram (childish ***). Her grandma also did comment on a Facebook photo I posted flexing after the gym with a huge a** pump saying “WOW (my name).” LOL. My mother also ran into her and her mother at the store and had a nice short conversation (i was kind of mad at my mom for talking to the traitor even though they were good friends). She is blocked on everything and I finally stopped giving a **** and asking my friends to tell me what she has been tweeting.
Ive started to realize this is a blessing in disguise as im figuring out what college is all about. Ive started spinning a couple of plates which has definitely boosted my self esteem(one of the best feelings in the world after not spitting game for a long time). Just talking to and flirtin with girls again puts a huge smile on my face. Ive been hitting the gym harder than ever and gained a couple pounds of muscle, nothing gives me more motivation while lifting and fires me up to hit a couple of extra pounds on bench press than I normally could than thinking about the thought of her giving up on me and using it as fuel for my fire. But most importantly ive stopped blaming myself and constantly running different situations through my head such as “what if I did this…would that have made things different?, What if I was more mean to her? What if I wasn’t an AFC and acted like a total G?” Or trying to figure why the **** she changed into a completely different person all of a sudden. This is useless because if the girl really wanted to be with you and was worth it, things would have ultimately worked out.
I still think about her everyday but these thoughts come with less sadness. To everyone going through a tough breakup keep pushing through and stop blaming yourself and constantly reanalyzing the situation! Realize that if you were good to her and you spent your money,time, effort, and affection on her, than it’s her lost not yours! Don’t worry fellas we will have the last laugh when theyre crawling back to us begging for the gentleman they mercilessly tossed to the side for a little bit of freedom. Forget about these heartless creatures, and focus on yourself! Let them do their own crazy thing while we become better versions of ourselves and make them regret their decisions. We will overcome.
“You wait a couple months then you gon' see, You'll never find nobody better than me” - Kanye West
