Your thoughts on men hitting their stride with women and being f*ckboys after 30.

[Manure Spherian]

Risk factors for inceldom:
1. Being ordinary (not a man’s fault and wasn’t a problem in years past).
2. Matriarchal, abusive, or problem-ridden households.
3. A family that moves too frequently.
4. Lack of life milestones achieved, or achieved relatively late, especially one’s first sexual encounter.

If someone is experiencing any of these , he should take them seriously and try to ameliorate these or know what’s in store.

I’ll add that my psychologist gave me a warning at a young age in the 90s, “If you don’t eventually find a woman, you’ll be one of the most miserable men on earth.” After that session, I decided to take care of this area. Hence I think the notion a man peaks in his 30s is a harmful meme.
@needimprovement250

 

[needimprovement250]

Risk factors for inceldom:
1. Being ordinary (not a man’s fault and wasn’t a problem in years past).
2. Matriarchal, abusive, or problem-ridden households.
3. A family that moves too frequently.
4. Lack of life milestones achieved, or achieved relatively late, especially one’s first sexual encounter.

If someone is experiencing any of these , he should take them seriously and try to ameliorate these or know what’s in store.

Me and someone else on here were just talking about the matriarchal thing. It seems that men who don’t have a good male role model or father and a majority of the upbringing was done by his mother, he ends up an adult virgin or will struggle with women for a long time. You do have to be extraordinary in today’s dating environment as well, my family never moves but I definitely have the lack of life milestones. I lost my virginity at 21 like I already said, which isn’t too bad, but I didn’t build on that achievement and achieved nothing else in the decade to follow. Never having been in a relationship is also a life milestone that I’m still lacking that is gonna cause me problems too.

 

[needimprovement250]

I’ll add that my psychologist gave me a warning at a young age in the 90s, “If you don’t eventually find a woman, you’ll be one of the most miserable men on earth.” After that session, I decided to take care of this area. Hence I think the not a man peaks in his 30s is a harmful meme.
@needimprovement250

That’s so true. I never had anyone in my life to tell me that and I totally feel like one of the most miserable men on earth now and I use drinking and smoking just to be numb and help cope with the situation I’m in. Yeah that meme is totally false. If you don’t set yourself up to reach your peak when you’re still in your 20’s, then your 30’s are gonna be brutal.

 

[SW15]

I think the not a man peaks in his 30s is a harmful meme.

The idea of the male peak being in one's 30s is a myth.

Are there men who do well in their 30s in the sexual marketplace? Yes.
Is that typical? No.

I fully disagree with Rollo Tomassi's idea that male SMV peak is 36 and roughly 36-40 is peak SMV. I think peak male SMV is around 25-30 for most men. The typical 30s/40s man is a pussie beggar for similarly aged women.

Final Exam – Navigating the SMP

You know, there’s really no substitute for graphs, and charts, and data plot maps. Human beings, being essentially a visually oriented species, see a graphic heads-up display, a God’s e…

therationalmale.com

Risk factors for inceldom:
1. Being ordinary (not a man’s fault and wasn’t a problem in years past).
2. Matriarchal, abusive, or problem-ridden households.
3. A family that moves too frequently.

The first 3 risk factors are applicable to me.

Despite that, I have managed to put up an above average lifetime notch count. I studied attraction and seduction, stayed within the normal range BMI, and had some education and career achievements (money/status has some impact but below looks). I've had plenty of disappointments and psychological trauma as I have been in the process of attracting & seducing. It's been a difficult path.

Some of the moves that I had in childhood were very damaging to me. To some degree, they are still relevant in my life as a middle aged adult.

My parents' marriage was a complete joke. The household I grew up was problem-ridden.

I only managed a height of 5'10". That's very ordinary. I'm a mid-tier man in looks. My photos have rated above average and I get some positive overall feedback on my looks but I'm not top tier/Chad territory there.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Me and someone else on here were just talking about the matriarchal thing. It seems that men who don’t have a good male role model or father and a majority of the upbringing was done by his mother, he ends up an adult virgin or will struggle with women for a long time. You do have to be extraordinary in today’s dating environment as well, my family never moves but I definitely have the lack of life milestones. I lost my virginity at 21 like I already said, which isn’t too bad, but I didn’t build on that achievement and achieved nothing else in the decade to follow. Never having been in a relationship is also a life milestone that I’m still lacking that is gonna cause me problems too.

I grew up in a single-mother home because my father was severely mentally ill, negligent and Vice ridden.

The idea of the male peak being in one's 30s is a myth.

Are there men who do well in their 30s in the sexual marketplace? Yes.
Is that typical? No.

I fully disagree with Rollo Tomassi's idea that male SMV peak is 36 and roughly 36-40 is peak SMV. I think peak male SMV is around 25-30 for most men. The typical 30s/40s man is a pussie beggar for similarly aged women.

Final Exam – Navigating the SMP

You know, there’s really no substitute for graphs, and charts, and data plot maps. Human beings, being essentially a visually oriented species, see a graphic heads-up display, a God’s e…

therationalmale.com

The first 3 risk factors are applicable to me.

Despite that, I have managed to put up an above average lifetime notch count. I studied attraction and seduction, stayed within the normal range BMI, and had some education and career achievements (money/status has some impact but below looks). I've had plenty of disappointments and psychological trauma as I have been in the process of attracting & seducing. It's been a difficult path.

Some of the moves that I had in childhood were very damaging to me. To some degree, they are still relevant in my life as a middle aged adult.

My parents' marriage was a complete joke. The household I grew up was problem-ridden.

I only managed a height of 5'10". That's very ordinary. I'm a mid-tier man in looks. My photos have rated above average and I get some positive overall feedback on my looks but I'm not top tier/Chad territory there.

Thanks to both of you for the candid, serious posts. I’ll try to respond tomorrow.

 

[Mike32ct]

I had divorced parents and was raised mostly by my mom. She was super strict and controlling. It was just school and go home to do homework. No extra curricular activities or parties of any kind were allowed. I was allowed one guy friend and even he had to visit me rather than the other way around.

I actually had HTN looks in high school looking back at old photos, but I had zero fashion sense (from being so sheltered), a boring/conservative haircut that mom insisted on, nice guy tendencies, and zero social skills.

Then I was pressured into commuting to college because mom wanted me at home and dad didn’t want to pay the room and board to send me away to school. So I didn’t date at all until late 20s because my social skills didn’t materially improve until I was out in the work world, and I did a big looksmax at that time once I understood hairstyles, fashion and fitness better. I got to Chadlite from say 29 to 33 before starting to lose hair.

 

[SW15]

No extra curricular activities of any kind were allowed.

That's terrible parenting. Extracurriculars help in developing interests, social skills, social networks, and are valuable on college applications.

a boring/conservative haircut that mom insisted on,

Your mom should not have insisted on that haircut. Moms don't know good haircuts for sons in general.

I was pressured into commuting to college because mom wanted me at home and dad didn’t want to pay the room and board to send me away to school.

Did you go to a nearby college and live at home? That would be miserable in college. Living at home would make it quite difficult to date as an 18-23 year old adult. A lot of parents are reasonably strict about sexual activity at home AND young women don't typically desire to go back to a man's parents' place for sex.

I didn’t date at all until late 20s because my social skills didn’t materially improve until I was out in the work world, and I did a big looksmax at that time once I understood hairstyles, fashion and fitness better.

That is the definition of a late bloomer.

 

[Mike32ct]

That's terrible parenting. Extracurriculars help in developing interests, social skills, social networks, and are valuable on college applications.



Your mom should not have insisted on that haircut. Moms don't know good haircuts for sons in general.



Did you go to a nearby college and live at home? That would be miserable in college. Living at home would make it quite difficult to date as an 18-23 year old adult. A lot of parents are reasonably strict about sexual activity at home AND young women don't typically desire to go back to a man's parents' place for sex.



That is the definition of a late bloomer.

Agree with all above. Yes, I lived at home and commuted to a college a half hour away. I didn’t date in college because I still had no social skills at that time. I was also an engineering student around probably 90% dudes, except for the Gen Ed classes. And I probably knew I couldn’t bring a chick home anyway. So I got into game and dating after college.

Anyway, I’ll stop there. But to the other guys, yeah, I totally understand the late bloomer thing. It’s not recommended lol.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

@SW15 So many posts for me to respond to but I will speak on men peaking after 30.

What I have personally found is that men who peak earlier in life just had easier lives and easier circumstances growing up. This is what people miss. Success with women when you are young is based on circumstances. Rich parents and a nice private school with girls in it? If those parents are laid back, you are practically guaranteed to have some luck. Same with Greek Life in college and even early 20s. It just propels you forward with ease when those circles are around. Men in this camp have it easy and they peak early.

These guys will likely settle down or fizzle out so they settle down fast. A huge number of guys also never get it.

Then you have guys who have been through a lot in life. They grew up in a repressed household, bad environments, and spent a good bit of their teens and 20s in survival mode. Then their 20s were spent doing a lot of introspection and I am sure that maybe @Mike32ct falls into this category.

These guys are cleaning up the clutter in their 20s that they had to endure through all of their lives since kids. Then these guys peak in their 30s and start to have actual success with women once the proper work has been done and yes, fitness is one of those things as is the mental side of it.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

@SW15 and I am sure others who watch sports like my boy @CornbreadFed can relate to this analogy.

Guys who peak in their 20s with women are like head coaches that inherit a team that was already winning championships because everything was in place, it is a plug and play. They just need to show up because everything is in place already. The supporting cast, ownership, and everyone are in place who have been running things smoothly. These are the guys who peak in their 20s.

Men who peak in their 30s are like the head coach that inherits a losing team with bad ownership and a broken system. You are going to have seasons that will suck but you just need to win more games each season. It will take you quite a few seasons to go from mediocre to actually winning a championship.

However, I can say that if by 35 a guy does not have it figured out with women, dating, and game, he most certainly won't figure it out.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

That’s so true. I never had anyone in my life to tell me that and I totally feel like one of the most miserable men on earth now and I use drinking and smoking just to be numb and help cope with the situation I’m in. Yeah that meme is totally false. If you don’t set yourself up to reach your peak when you’re still in your 20’s, then your 30’s are gonna be brutal.

Not that but you need to work through a ton of things in your 20s for your 30s to work out.

1. Mental help and realizing that you have a problem that needs worked on.

2. Getting rid of negative and limiting beliefs, no space for them at all anymore in your 30s. Your 20s should have been spent clearing out all the clutter.

3. Getting in physical shape and a good one at that.

4. Getting your finances somewhat in order, this especially means career or a business.

5. Becoming independent and not living with your parents.

You need to do all of this in your 20s and get it all sorted out. If you do not, then yeah, your 30s will suck.