Wife goes to Club/Bar

[iqqi]

Hey Armstrong,

The tricky part is that Traveler called her lazy and the argument was about how "she only works three days a week and takes care of the baby". My opinion is that taking care of a 5 month old baby is rough, and calling your wife lazy is disrespectful and mean spirited. All this because he wouldn't make her coffee. So my advice of saying "tell her we're cool and have sex in the morning" is really a way to difuse the fact that the original poster was at least 50% at fault for causing this outcome and trying to get him out of hot water and getting the relationship back on track.

Cesare Cardinali

I was going to point out this part.

There is a good chance the wifey has been feeling unappreciated as of late, and the bit about asking for coffee was a small test to see if he was paying attention or cared. Some women do expect to be treated with a little higher dignanty after bearing your child, its true!

It was pretty mean to tell her that she is lazy, while she is caring for an infant. That is not easy at all from what I hear.

Her staying out all night like that cannot be ignored, however. She crossed the line, not the OP.


But since he married her and she is the mother of his child, it would do his family some good if he would try and see where she is at, headwise.

 

[Nelford]

Lol.

Some ppl reach a point in their relationship or mentality period, where sex is not a reward.

It is a shared deeper experience between two people, and in a marriage, a very important measure of true health and happiness.

iggi you are right sex is not a reward. Some dudes would do anything to get sex. That's like giving a dog a scooby snack after he sh$ts in the living room. A reward for bad behavior.

 

[jophil28]

It is a shared deeper experience between two people, and in a marriage, a very important measure of true health and happiness.

You read that in the 1978 REaders Digest at the dentists office. The one with the cover and first three pages missing .

 

[Nelford]

Hey Armstrong,

The tricky part is that Traveler called her lazy and the argument was about how "she only works three hours a week and takes care of the baby". My opinion is that taking care of a 5 month old baby is rough, and calling your wife lazy is disrespectful and mean spirited. All this because he wouldn't make her coffee. So my advice of saying "tell her we're cool and have sex in the morning" is really a way to difuse the fact that the original poster was at least 50% at fault for causing this outcome and trying to get him out of hot water and getting the relationship back on track.

Cesare Cardinali

So let me get this right. She feel disrepected because he called her lazy for not making coffee. Because of this she goes out and get pissy and sleeps it off at some other dudes house that he doesn't know. I don't know, maybe there has been some problems in the relationship that the OP is not telling.

 

[iqqi]

You read that in the 1978 REaders Digest at the dentists office. The one with the cover and first three pages missing .

Yeah, I know, kind of corny, right?

I wish you some nice, corny love and sex sometime in your life!

It is good for the soul.

 

[jophil28]

But since he married her and she is the mother of his child, it would do his family some good if he would try and see where she is at, headwise.

I agree- the most productive way for her to have done this would be for her to ask him to discus her grievances in a quiet time when Junior was asleep .
SHe could have told him calmy what he did to upset her, how it impacted her emotionally, and how she would like to be treated in the future..
Now that is the stuff of resolution. It is called negotiation.

Instead she left him to play Mommy, went out with people (Josh) who the OP never met, got drunk , and came home at dawn. Gawd knows what else she got up to.

THis woman does not have the skills to be either a mother or a wife.

 

[iqqi]

I agree- the most productive way for her to have done this would be for her to ask him to discus her grievances in a quiet time when Junior was asleep .
SHe could have told him calmy what he did to upset her, how it impacted her emotionally, and how she would like to be treated in the future..
Now that is the stuff of resolution. It is called negotiation.

Lol, yeah, this is exactly how human beings react when they are emotional, and have just been criticized by the person they love.

That is probably why the OP so calmly and maturely called her lazy to begin with!

 

[KarmaSutra]

Are you by chance Desmond from Lost? Brother?

He's one of my heroes.

Brutha'

 

[KarmaSutra]

Karma and STR8UP, no offense but your idea that maybe she planned it all out in detail is just way over the top paranoid. Maybe in the future...

We never said she planned it. Only that she is covering her ass.

I don't give this stupid broad that much credit.

 

[penkitten]

The whole argument started over me calling her lazy because she was complaining about me not making her coffee this morning. She only works three hours a week and takes care of the baby.

so she takes care of a baby and doing housework24-7 , she works 3 hours a week outside of the home and she is taking at least one class for 5 1/2 hours...
that's really a lot.

did she ask you to make her some coffee?

do you usually make her coffee in the mornings?

why did you feel the need to call her lazy?


is it because you don't want to help her , like make the coffee?

is it because she isn't working outside the home as many hours as you are?

would you prefer it if she worked outside the home full time, where you would pay a daycare to watch your 5 month old baby, divide the house chores 50% between the two of you, and watch the baby while she goes to class for at least one 5 1/2 hour class?

 

[iqqi]

We never said she planned it. Only that she is covering her ass.

I don't give this stupid broad that much credit.

I was going off of posts like this one:

Creates a "situation" or blows something out of proportion in order to have a reason to be pissed at you- STRIKE 1

Tells you she's "going out with friends" and leaves you at home- STRIKE 2

Comes home AT 5 AM saying she was too drunk to drive- STRIKE 3

I think that is a little much to not only assume but even consider, situation reads UNLIKELY.

But once she does it spur of the moment, in the heat of the moment, then its more likely she will plan on it again.

Even though I say OP wasn't right for calling her lazy, and that he should have tried to see what is really going on with his wife, I still think she has crossed the line, and being out with some dude from class named josh, is not acceptable at all. Not even a little.

I'd wager she crossed some other lines as well. But then again I am slightly paranoid, and am speaking from bad experiences.

He is married to this woman, the mother of his child, and it looks like marital counseling is in order right about now.

Also, since she is his wife and mother of his child, it is kind of not nice to refer to her as a stupid broad, Karma, as much as we may all be thinking it! It is just disrespectful to the OP in general.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Also, since she is his wife and mother of his child, it is kind of not nice to refer to her as a stupid broad, Karma, as much as we may all be thinking it! It is just disrespectful to the OP in general.

I never once have made any claim to being nice. In actuality, I'm what you'd call the B!tches Bastard. I call it like I see it and react from personal experience.

 

[potato]

]Karma and STR8UP, no offense but your idea that maybe she planned it all out in detail is just way over the top paranoid.

Haven’t you been paying attention? Women spend all of their time plotting on ways to deceive, use, abuse, and otherwise screw over men.

 

[Ever onward]

so she takes care of a baby and doing housework24-7 , she works 3 hours a week outside of the home and she is taking at least one class for 5 1/2 hours...
that's really a lot.

did she ask you to make her some coffee?

do you usually make her coffee in the mornings?

why did you feel the need to call her lazy?


is it because you don't want to help her , like make the coffee?

is it because she isn't working outside the home as many hours as you are?

would you prefer it if she worked outside the home full time, where you would pay a daycare to watch your 5 month old baby, divide the house chores 50% between the two of you, and watch the baby while she goes to class for at least one 5 1/2 hour class?

Oh penny, I love you! But I gotta disagree with you on this one.

First I do agree with you that he shouldn't have called his wife lazy. Obviously she does a lot taking care of the kid and working out of the home 3 hours per week. The 5 hour class is debatable...because I assume it's something that is optional on her part. But I digress, off-handed name calling can sometimes be more hurtful to the partner than we realize when in a relationship

Having said all of that, her actions were NOT excusable. Hurting her feelings is one thing (which he obviously did) but what she did completely shatters the trust in the relationship. And what it all comes down to at the end of the day, if there is no trust, there is no relationship.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

What specifically did she do to shatter the trust? We don't know that she slept with another guy or that anything bad happened. She got hurt because of the fight and went out to have some fun. The fact that she got drunk and come home late doesn't mean that the trust is shattered or that he should divorce her. Also, which one of us wouldn't do the same thing if our wife called us "lazy" or otherwise undermined all that we were doing to make the relationship work? We'd say "f*ck this" and go out and have some fun. No biggie. If he finds out she cheated then obviously that's a different story, but it's a leap for us to make that judgement based on the info we have.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[ketostix]

Hey Armstrong,

The tricky part is that Traveler called her lazy and the argument was about how "she only works three hours a week and takes care of the baby". My opinion is that taking care of a 5 month old baby is rough, and calling your wife lazy is disrespectful and mean spirited. All this because he wouldn't make her coffee.

Oh wow taking of care of one toddler who is your own is so much work. Gee most babysitter's take care of a toddler or two and several other children at the same time for not all that much pay. That's a lot more work than getting ready, commuting to work and back and working hard nonstop for 8+ hrs at a job. And since DJ_Traveler called her lazy, that gives her a right to run off all night and most likely cheat on him with a classmate. Btw, that's probably the whole reason she's taking that one class and working 3 hours aweek, which probably doesn't even break even, to get out of the house and meet guys and play the field. His wife probably is lazy and on top of that she has her eyes on other men and she probably instigate the "fight" as a subterfuge to go out and hook it up with the classmate. Other than that, your advice on how he should handle her, i.e., don't let her know she's getting to him wasn't so bad. But that was part of the advice others already gave.

 

[ketostix]

Haven’t you been paying attention? Women spend all of their time plotting on ways to deceive, use, abuse, and otherwise screw over men.

No it just comes natural and instinctive for most women .

I wondered how long it would take iqqi&Co. before they'd essentially start defending the woman in this indefensible situation.

 

[Ever onward]

What specifically did she do to shatter the trust? We don't know that she slept with another guy or that anything bad happened. She got hurt because of the fight and went out to have some fun. The fact that she got drunk and come home late doesn't mean that the trust is shattered or that he should divorce her. Also, which one of us wouldn't do the same thing if our wife called us "lazy" or otherwise undermined all that we were doing to make the relationship work? We'd say "f*ck this" and go out and have some fun. No biggie. If he finds out she cheated then obviously that's a different story, but it's a leap for us to make that judgement based on the info we have.

Cesare Cardinali

I guess we all have different standards for what is acceptable and what isn't.

To me personally, going out to bars until 5 am with no regard for the kid and calling (or who knows what else) some other dude repeatedly is a big no no. She might as well have slept with him (if she didn't) because it all hurts the same.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Hey ketostix

I think that if you've got that type of worldview about women, then you're going to live a pretty lonely life man; and I would suggest that someone who hates women is probably hanging out at the wrong internet discussion forum.

As for my advice, it's my opinion and I didn't say that it was a unique opinion, so I'm glad that others have given similar advice.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[ketostix]

Hey ketostix

I think that if you've got that type of worldview about women, then you're going to live a pretty lonely life man; and I would suggest that someone who hates women is probably hanging out at the wrong internet discussion forum.

Cesare Cardinali

Oh ok so if you don't stick your head in the sand and accept anything you're going to have a lonely life? How about you're not going to be suckered? And if you criticise a woman's poor behavior even on this forum, you're a mysoginist? I think I got it. Now I think I know how Str8up feels on here sometimes.