Wife goes to Club/Bar

[KarmaSutra]

Find more evidence and get a lawyer before you say ANYTHING to your wife.

Do not confront her or make her aware of what you are doing; such a move will make her defensive and she will hide the information you need.

Great tip.

Though I would confirm her relationship to Josh and then keep that as a missile to bomb her with when the time is right.

 

[Mr. Me]

Right... if you confront her, she'll know you suspect and she'll be more careful covering her tracks. Plus, she'll only deny or tell you you're imagining things and give you bogus answers. "I had to call Josh because he's my partner in the class project and I forgot to get the notes blah blah".

The keylogger is another good tip. You'll have evidence of incriminating IM/email exchanges you'll be able to hold over her head when she tries to fight you in the possible divorce.

This thing with Josh has been going on for a while. I'll bet it didn't start that night.

In fact, that argument over making coffee was fabricated that morning so as to create the "excuse" for her to go out - because she had a date with Josh, not the girls.

 

[speed dawg]

Traveler,

We'll need more details. I see where you were single doing the bootcamp in April of 2006. I also see where you have a 5 month old baby, let's say born in November of 2007. That's 19 months that you've met a chick, got married and had a baby. Pretty fast. Did you knock this chick up, then marry her? How did you meet?

These type things need to be address so we can better analyze the situation.

 

[JackPrescott]

Here is my situation:

My wife and I had an argument earlier around lunch time. We didn't talk all day. Meanwhile, she goes to her evening classes from 5pm to 10:30pm. At 9:10pm she calls me and say that her classed finished early and that she is going to bar/club with some friends from her class(She never mentioned that she had made friends in her class this semester).

It's past midnight now...

How would you guys feel if you were in my shoes? What would you say to your wife/girlfriend if she did this to you?

By the way, I also have 5 months old baby. Normally, I am pretty laid back. I don't have a problem going to club with her of if she goes with friends that I trust but tonight it just doesn't feel right.

A shouting contest, a night on the town for you until the dawn, and the threat of a Divorce Attorney if she doesnt cut her sh*it. The singles scene is for SINGLE PEOPLE and unless you want her getting home bowlegged, from the cute new guy that just started at her job, it's best to end it ugly.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The loss of individuality is probably the biggest cause of divorce behind money issues and lack of mutual respect. All of this over some damn coffee... Madness...

 

[Latinoman]

Don't worry about your chick if she comes home drunk and ****s you.

I have phuck LOT of MARRIED women that their husbands did NOT worry about their whereabouts.

My point is...that advice is VERY bad.

 

[Latinoman]

Keep a SECRET log book. Write down in details what happened...dated it...put times...bit of relevant stuff too (example - coming home at 5 AM, because she got drunk...while you were feeding the 5 months old baby).

And do NOT tell her.

Continue doing your PI work. Safe receipts and continuing logging your log book.

That would help the lawyer.

The issue here is that if you divorce this woman...you don't want to lose custody of the child (and end up paying crazy amount of child support).

And do NOT warn her either.

 

[Latinoman]

Traveler,

We'll need more details. I see where you were single doing the bootcamp in April of 2006. I also see where you have a 5 month old baby, let's say born in November of 2007. That's 19 months that you've met a chick, got married and had a baby. Pretty fast. Did you knock this chick up, then marry her? How did you meet?

These type things need to be address so we can better analyze the situation.

Excellent points.

 

[DJ_Traveler]

I don’t really know what to think at this point, but I don’t want to jump to conclusion too fast as well.

I saw my wife during lunch and we talked a little about last night. She told me that her class mate named Josh was going to meet up some of his coworkers at a Club/Bar to celebrate some bonus related to timeshare. Since she hasn’t had the chance to go dancing ever since the baby was born, she took the opportunity.
Since she was too drunk to drive and the club closes at 2am, they left to his place to sober up. Later with of his roommate they went back to pick her car when she felt okay to drive.
She also said that I could talk to Josh if I wanted to.

Back to my side of the story, she called me at 9:10 to tell me she was going out. After that, she also called me five more times and left me a few voicemail ( I never picked up the phone because I was too upset to talk to her and I was trying to go to sleep). The general theme of the voicemail was that she felt unappreciated since I called her lazy and that she wished that I would understand her needs to go out once in a while. It is true that since we have had our baby we have not been going out to any clubs since the baby was born (money is kinda tight right now between babies, mortgage, and stay at home mom).
I used to have complete trust in my wife, but last night things just didn’t feel right. Like I said I don’t have a problem with her going out if I am around or if friends that I know are with her.

As far as the guys phone number, I check the phones for the last three months and his number did not show up.

Now here is a little bit of history between my wife and I.
When I met her she was a yoga instructor. I took her class and we ended talking for a while and then we went for motorcycle ride. From that point on every time we met things were great. There wasn’t any games things were just great. Six months later we found out she got pregnant (she was on the pill). Three months later we were married at the court house. We haven’t had an actual wedding celebration yet for lack of money.

 

[Latinoman]

Log book...document events...and keep that log book SECRET.

If several months into the future...things go well. Then you can destroy it. If not...then you can use it as a basis of documentation. Win-win.

I don't know as it is your marriage. But going out to a night club to dance with some random men that you don't even know...and doing that out of anger (while leaving you behind with a baby), it is something that I find it distasteful. And going to a random man appartment...all drunk to the point she cannot drive is as bad. What about calling you and you either getting her or a taxi?

Of course Josh will talk to you if you call him. And what do you think he is going to say?

This is not an issue if she cheated or not. It is simply an issue of how she behaves when things don't go her way. She got upset at you because of a trivial incident such as the coffee...and she went out to dancing (perhaps even grinding) with some men you don't know and get drunk in the process...spending the night at HIS (their) place too? While leaving you behind with a 5-month old baby?

Even if the guy is GAY...the issue here is how she deals with the relationship when adversity comes your way.

 

[speed dawg]

I saw my wife during lunch and we talked a little about last night. She told me that her class mate named Josh was going to meet up some of his coworkers at a Club/Bar to celebrate some bonus related to timeshare. Since she hasn’t had the chance to go dancing ever since the baby was born, she took the opportunity.
Since she was too drunk to drive and the club closes at 2am, they left to his place to sober up. Later with of his roommate they went back to pick her car when she felt okay to drive.

Give me a break. Let's put it this way, I don't want to tell you what to do with your own life. If I were in your situation, I would do as the others said about the PI work, then divorce her, armed. I do not want a wife that acts as she does. I have been through this, pal. The signs are there. If you believe that load of garbage I just quoted from your post, then I'm not sure how this will end.

Men only get taken to the woodshed in a divorce when they are stupid and emotional. Think before you act. Get your stuff together and don't start thinking there is "hope" for you to stay together.

 

[tomkat]

I know my situation was a bit different, but the relationship was ok (not all that bad) then some arguments made it go south in a hurry and looking back on it now, I KNOW my ex decided getting drunk and screwing around with other guys was her way of saying "f-you" to me.

I would get away from the woman. I know it is hard, and you are in the middle of it, but be strong!

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=140101&page=4&highlight=tomkat

 

[iqqi]

Where is LMS when we need his *insight* ?
Hey ICKY - I bet you are getting all wound up to defend her with some crap about "post partum depression".

No, I feel badly for the OP.

Something, something, just ain't right, like Keith Sweat would say.

I too caught a lying scumbag through the phone bill.

Yes, hold your cards tight to your chest, do not let her know you are investigating that @ss, until you have the proof you need.

What would be even better is if you did not need proof, and realized that all you need is the knowlege that she isn't right. Maybe you should ask for a separation to ponder who you married.

I am p!ssed for you, that she went out with someone named "Josh" until 6am.

That is No Good.

 

[jophil28]

This is not an issue if she cheated or not. It is simply an issue of how she behaves when things don't go her way. She got upset at you because of a trivial incident such as the coffee...and she went out to dancing (perhaps even grinding) with some men you don't know and get drunk in the process...spending the night at HIS (their) place too? While leaving you behind with a 5-month old baby?

Even if the guy is GAY...the issue here is how she deals with the relationship when adversity comes your way.

THis IS the point.

She is acting like a brat..but you know women when their dander is up.
Getting drunk with some guy who you did not know, not telling you about him beforehand, coming home at 5am.. what kind of devoted wife does that?

I love this crock " I went to Josh's place to SOBER UP"
Priceless.

Keep a log and put her on probation (in your mind).
Follow your gut and the advice from the rest of the guys here.

 

[Señor Fingers]

My first wife did this to me as well. Practically the same excuses word for word. Turns out she was boinking some dude from work... totally lame.

You've already gotten some solid advice here, so I will just say this in honor of LMS who can't say it himself.

This is not the natural order of things!! Women were not meant to be clubbing and drinking all night while you play Mommy!!! You thought you were being a good husband and provider but you were just the next pimp in line!!!!!!! Wake up brother!!! The Matrix has you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or something along those lines

 

[steve38]

Hey guys, is it ever possible for a girl to be out until 4AM and not be doing anything wrong? I ask because my EX pulled that a couple times using excuses like 'she was sleeping it off in her truck' or 'they wouldn't let her leave the bar until she sobered up', etc.

At the time I wanted to believe her, so I did. But deep down I knew something was up. I eventually had to next her for not respecting me. Looking back, I was quite a schmuck for ever putting up with it once.

To the OP, I'm still a very junior DJ, but to me it seems like there is a lack of respect here too. But with the child in the picture there is a much bigger issue because your wife thinks you have lost the only power you ever had. The ability to walk away. Maybe you have lost that. Well, I hope you follow the good advice given by the others and it all works out for you. Good luck.

 

[ketostix]

I agree that it doesn't even matter if she cheated on the OP with this "Josh" or not. Well I mean it's bad enough, but it does sort of matter because then it'd be even worse. And sorry to say, but this has all the indications that she probably did.

 

[Poonani Maker]

hold those cards tight, even while you're fvcking her win win

 

[STR8UP]

Creates a "situation" or blows something out of proportion in order to have a reason to be pissed at you- STRIKE 1

Tells you she's "going out with friends" and leaves you at home- STRIKE 2

Comes home AT 5 AM saying she was too drunk to drive- STRIKE 3

Has anyone NOT had a chick pull this same crap to them at some point in their life? I have. More than once. And both times they were up to no good.

She got the benefit of the doubt until she rolled in at 5am. Not good. If she ISN'T fukking someone behind your back, SHE WILL BE SOON.

Right now my buddy is getting ready to entertain a married chick at his place for the evening. He fukked her a couple of weeks ago. And I'm sure her hubby is at home taking care of their baby.

I wonder what she's telling her husband she is doing tonight?

 

[STR8UP]

I agree that it doesn't even matter if she cheated on the OP with this "Josh" or not. Well I mean it's bad enough, but it does sort of matter because then it'd be even worse. And sorry to say, but this has all the indications that she probably did.

My ex was supposed to be at my place by 10 or 11 pm.

She shows up at 5 saying she fell asleep at her girlfriends house.

Truth comes out later she was at this dude's place watching a movie.

She "admitted" that he tried to kiss her. Nice of her to "come clean" after I called her on her BS, eh?

To this day I doubt she had sex with this guy, but like you said, it doesn't matter. She was up to no good and I consider watching a movie at some dudes house till 5 am CHEATING, regardless of what they were doing. If this ever happens to me again I will WALK AWAY and cut all ties IMMEDIATELY without ONE WORD SPOKEN.

You just don't do stuff like that when you are in a relationship.