Originally posted by Lifeforce
There's a stereotype of what a DJ is on this board. For some pooksters it's to become a perfect man, while for some others it's the be da playa. And a wide variaty of stuff in between.
No matter what the goal is there's alot of rules of what people should and shouldn't do. I understand it is necessary for people who just start out to see the difference in the "sosuave" way compared to their own.
But at some point this will backfire on the aspiring DJ. Let's compare two martial artists for example. Karate will teach you how to score alot of points, BUT there are rules. Ninjutsu, krav maga for example have no rules and as long as you know what you are doing, it is allowed. If these two persons were about to meet, who would win?
I would say the person who doesn't limit himself to using rules and doing stuff which is not allowed.
But what are these rules I talk about? Well, It's everything from not callign within 3 days, not giving a compliment when you meet a girl, well mostly everything which is taught here. Behavior is studied and labellad as either AFC or DJ, (thus limiting yourself to only do DJ stuff).
Let me introduce "Situation based DJing" (or living your ****ing life). Instead of labeling stuff as either AFC or DJ I'm gonna go ahead and look at the situations you are in. Something which is considered completly AFC might be PERFECT to use at another point. Showing alot of attention to a girl might be considrered wrong, but if you are in a relationship and the girl is completly depressed, then showing alot of attention could be good. Talking two hours to a girl might be very wrong, but if the girl are very into you and like talking with you and you are the same, then go ahead and talk those two hours.
It's not what you do what's important, the important thing is what you are! And to be a DJ IMHO is to strive to be happy and live a fulfilling life. You don't even have to be able to be good with women to do this. You don't have to be a super party guy who goes to twenty parties a week to be a DJ. If you build a good core of who you are then you can do whatever you like and still get girls. It doesn't matter if you go to lan five times a month or whatever.
Getting women is a biproduct of improving other areas of your life. If you go hardcore on:
* Interacting with people more in general
* Go to the gym/find a style you like
* Improve your economy
* Do alot of fun stuff you enjoy
* Try to fulfill some of those dreams
So in short, imagine you
drive this car
www.lambocars.com/archive/wallpaper/mur1280.jpg
Have a body like this (very achieveable)
http://www.vnn.vn/dataimages/original/images362184_Empire_BradPitt.jpg
and have an easy time talking to people. How could you go wrong?
Just from bulking up from being skinny I got 99% more attention from women. Now I don't really care about picking up or learning DJ skills. I just try to be myself and improve the things which I am not satisfied with. I'm the worst dancer in the world, I am lousy at saying the right stuff, but they want me anyway. The only difference from me before is some more social skills, a better body and don't letting fear keep me back.
In the end it comes down to learning tricks and following rules = effort. Or actually don't give a **** what people think and become what you want to be no matter what that goal is = fun
Lifeforce, excellent post - I have been preparing to write a similar one, and perhaps I still will, This is one of the most important things I have ever learned, and the way you put it was very enlightening, thank you.
To the negative responses: There are two general objections to the essence of this post ("just be yourself,") and they are both valid and important to deal with. First you have "I am being myself and I'm not getting any women," and second there is "yes but using techniques, as long as they are in harmony with your true self will amplify and improve your ability to attract."
The first happens when people don't realize believe something very important: "everybody instinctively knows how to DJ, how to attract women, how to approach, how to please women, how to have sex etc." It is when you are disconnected from your true self (often through a lack of confidence) that you lose your ability to be successful naturally. The solution for this problem is complicated - it takes self-exploration, meditation, building of confidence, transformation - essentially you must discover what the life of your dreams is, then build it. This is covered in other posts, as is lengthy discussion why most people aren't DJs if it is natural. In short, most people don't live the life of their dreams in general, especially with women.
For people with this objection, let me ask you this: "how can any woman make you happy if you're using techniques, methods and philosophies from a website?" Even if you get sex, and a gf, this will not make you happy for long. Ultimately, if you don't feel you are being your true self, you will feel unworthy of the girl. You will feel as though if you ever let your shields down, she will leave you. You would feel like a fraud, an imposter. That will make you miserable in a hurry, my friends! In order to be happy you have to trust who YOU are. It's that simple.
Second objection, "learning techniques helps you avoid pitfalls." This is true to a point. There are no rules of DJing - you just have to do what feels good to do deep down inside. It IS helpful to read other people's experience so you can better trust your own instincts. But ultimately, you must forget all rules - the only rule is listen to your gut and F*CKING trust it. Sometimes you are far better off doing "AFC behavior" than following some rule, no matter HOW FIELD TESTED. And when you are listening to your instincts believe me, you will avoid many true mistakes naturally. Most AFCs have disconnected from their instincts, or they deny their true selves trying to get women (exactly like people on sosuave who follow rules rather than being themselves). Other people's experience is like a treasure map to their personal destiny - the X does not mark the spot where you will find gold. Their treasure is not yours, their instincts are not yours.
I hope that covers the objections. Again, great post.
If I ever met a girl who it just felt RIGHT to give her flowers on the first date, or tell her that I loved her right away, I would do it. Your instincts are a far better guide than any rule you read on a website. Once you know your heart and your intuition, you don't need rules anymore.
Having said that, it necessary for newblars to read rules promising women and dignity in order to start them on the quest. Newbies just need to realize that the rules must eventually be discarded in favor of intuition.
Thanks Lifeforce,
--Izza
I didn't read your first post.
