Why do much, much older men on dating sites....

[iveyleeger]

johhny -- nice post. the shallow b.s. out there is sickening. this thread reminds me of a couple of reality tv boneheads who bltch about each other to the camera and hook up between episodes. they are *perfect* for each other ;-)

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Okay, since the subtle approach didn't work in getting the message across that I'm not interested in anyone over 45, married or involved men or horndogs trolling dating sites for booty...I was a bit more firm. Here is what the "what I'm looking for" section says now...


I'm looking for ...
I prefer younger men. I am most likely only going to be attracted to younger men. I am open to meeting someone up to the age of 45, but no older, no exceptions. If you are married or have a girlfriend, do NOT write to me. I don't care if your marriage / relationship is awful. I don't care if your wife/girlfriend won't have sex with you, neither will I. I don't care if you supposedly have an "open marriage / relationship". Get counselling, a divorce or a hooker. I don't care what you do...just do NOT write to me. I am not here for casual sex. If that's what you're looking for, you're barking up the wrong tree. I love sex as much as the next person, but only within a relationship. Please have a photo posted on your profile and be within 40 miles of my zip code, I am not schlepping 100 miles to meet someone I might not even be attracted to.

Sorry Wyld, it's really close to the biotchy line. I don't know if you tried this but why not be very specific about what you do want instead of what you don't. Plus there isn't much information about you.

I mean, why should a guy answer your profile? Actually it sounds like any guy answers your profile so maybe being even more specific about your personality and what you want.

 

[johnny_dangerously]

Thanks, Ivey, but I don't see this as a deep/shallow dichotomy, & I certainly don't want to be a paragon of moral virtue (the hours are too long & the pay is WAY too short). All I'm saying is, how many of your opinions are yours, and how many were implanted by someone looking to sell you something? And are those particular opinions worth betting the farm on? This is practical stuff here.

Back in the days of Marilyn and Jayne, heavy women were beautiful. Then thin women were beautiful. Then Kate Moss was beautiful. If this were biologically based, shouldn't it be more consistent?

...Right--it's MARKETING DRIVEN! Calvin Klein says that Kate Moss is beautiful! Imagine a gay man telling all the straight men that a starved woman who looks like a concentration camp victim is the very archetype of beauty--AND THEY BELIEVE IT!

OK, so what's the point? Here it is: WHY THE HELL CAN'T I control my attractions? It's a damn sight better than Hugh Hefner controlling them! Or at least I can give Hugh his walking papers & find out what I'm attracted to for real--and maybe be pleasantly surprised.

There's a side benefit to doing this. Blonde, blue-eyed cover girls get all the attention, largely thanks to our buddy Hugh. If you are not doing what everyone else is doing, well, that is an advantage. (I have found this to be true in many aspects of life).

So that's it...This thread was a p1$$1ng contest, and now it's a PhD thesis I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by johnny_dangerously
Wyldfire said: "Just as most men aren't attracted to fat women, I am not attracted to older men. I never have been. What you are attracted to is not something you can control or choose. And yes, I am able to attract what I'm attracted to. Would YOU settle for someone you weren't attracted to? Of course not...then why should I?"

This is something I'm becoming a little concerned about: that ALL of us have attraction standards which are being controlled & chosen by mass media. Then we say, "Why should I settle for anything less than what I'm attracted to?" Bingo: a formula for remaining alone forever. Many women (and some men) I know ARE perpetually alone for the sole reason that they priced themselves out of the market.

I stopped watching TV about 5 years ago & am attempting to disconnect from the popular culture & its standards. BTW, I *HAVE* dated women that I'm sure many men on this site would consider too ugly to even consider.

Here's what I propose: that we open our minds to the possibility of being pleasantly surprised by being attracted to someone who is a little outside the bell curve. i.e. set aside my "standards" and thoughts like "what will my buddies think" & instead just see in an unfiltered way. Think of it like a dog show: all the breeds are different, yet there are beautiful & ugly examples of every breed.

Wyldfire, what will you do when you are 50 or 60 and can no longer attract young men? Will you still insist that 50-YO men are disgusting? I predict your sense of esthetics will have to evolve at some point. If you can get all the young men you want right now, more power to you, but it can't last forever.

Just remember folks, even Jennifer Anniston doesn't look like Jennifer Anniston when she's not on TV!

I don't base what I find attractive on the media. If I did then I would be attracted to George Clooney and Brad Pitt like most other women. But neither one of them do a thing for me.

Keep in mind that I was married at 18 for 10 years. Three months after I left my ex husband I met my fiance who died. My first relationship was absolute hell...I was abused horribly and my ex was mentally ill. My fiance treated me great, as I did him. We were very much in love. We had a great relationship. My first two relationship experiences were polar opposites. Once you have experienced something as wonderful as what I did with my fiance, it makes you all the more selective about what you look for. I didn't even actually "date" until I was in my 30's. I was a bit of a tomboy growing up and living with an abusive man isn't an environment where a woman flourishes. I didn't even start to "blossom" as a woman until I was 28 or 29. I think that the fact that I was so late to enter the whole dating scene might play a part in why I am most attracted to younger men. And as I have gotten older, so has the age range of the guys I'm attracted to. When I was 34 I was most attracted to men 23 to 29. Now I am most attracted to men between 27 and 33. I'm guessing that by the time I turn 60 I'll be most attracted to men in their late 40's to mid 50's.

Although I am a stickler about age and the man's intentions and morals...I honestly don't care one iota what a man drives, does for work or how much money he makes. I'm not looking for someone to spend money on me or support me. I also give 100% when I get involved with someone. You don't find a lot of women who are attractive who are willing to really put any effort into a relationship. That's what really sets me apart from most women, and the men I've been involved with find that to be quite refreshing and valuable. It's not like I bring nothing to the table...I bring a lot to the table...and if I only want to date men I'm attracted to there's nothing wrong with that at all. I won't feel bad about that, not for a second.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Sorry Wyld, it's really close to the biotchy line. I don't know if you tried this but why not be very specific about what you do want instead of what you don't. Plus there isn't much information about you.

I mean, why should a guy answer your profile? Actually it sounds like any guy answers your profile so maybe being even more specific about your personality and what you want.

Again...this is only one small portion of the profile. It's the only part of the profile that sounds cranky. The rest is very positive, pleasant and I do talk about my personality. This is only the part that says what I'm looking for. There is another section that explains why I wrote what I did...there's a limit in how much you can write, so I couldn't put it together as I wanted to. I explain that I felt that I needed to be more blunt and firm about the age range and fact that I won't date married men because there were some people writing to me who seemed to think that what I wrote didn't apply to them and I was becoming somewhat frustrated with being propositioned for sex by married men, often old enough to be my father.

 

[squirrels]

on dating sites....

'Nuff said.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: Why do much, much older men on dating sites....

Originally posted by squirrels
'Nuff said.

That's exactly why I am very selective on them. I put the profile up a couple of years ago and almost never find anyone I'm interested in meeting. Once in a while (Twice in the last two years) I agreed to meet someone. The first one was a manwh*re who turned me off entirely in less than 24 hours of meeting him and the other was painfully boring and uptight. I did meet one guy I got involved with for a few months from a dating site...but I stopped seeing him because he just lived too far away. He was looking for a wife, too, and I don't want to get remarried.

 

[crowes22]

Cmon WF, GC or BP and no interest? I KNOW not.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by crowes22
Cmon WF, GC or BP and no interest? I KNOW not.

I'm dead serious. They have never done a darn thing for me. I think the younger intern that was on ER is kinda cute, though...Noah Wiley I think his name is. Oh, and Ashton Kutcher is a cutie, too.

 

[cinephile]

What you say Wyldfire makes perfect sense to me actually. Unfortunately, your expectation are maybe a little unrealistic. Not ridiculously so, but if you are using Ashton Kutcher as your examples of younger guys you like, I think you may need to rethink. Whether we like it or not, Guys like him can pretty much get whatever they want ( girl wise that is ).

I think you should probably concentrate more on the qualities you like about younger men than so much the actual age. Is it just a visual thing? or is there something more to it.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by cinephile
What you say Wyldfire makes perfect sense to me actually. Unfortunately, your expectation are maybe a little unrealistic. Not ridiculously so, but if you are using Ashton Kutcher as your examples of younger guys you like, I think you may need to rethink. Whether we like it or not, Guys like him can pretty much get whatever they want ( girl wise that is ).

I think you should probably concentrate more on the qualities you like about younger men than so much the actual age. Is it just a visual thing? or is there something more to it.

I just gave Ashton Kutcher as an example of a famous guy I think is good looking. Now, I'm not attracted to ALL guys who are younger, and it's not even a conscious thing. It just always turns out that the guys I'm attracted to happen to be younger. Most of it IS visual. Some of it is that my tastes in things are far more compatible with younger guys. For instance, most guys my age prefer that crappy country music that I hate with a passion. I like rap, hip hop and alternative music for the most part. Most guys over 40 can't stand the music I like. And I hate their music. There are other things as well...but aside from the visual thing I'm just not very compatible with older guys.

 

[cinephile]

Then, I would think the internet is not the best place for you. In general, it seems people use online personals because they don't have a wide enough social circle of people to pull from. This can be because they don't have enough time, don't like traditional methods of dating, or live in places that are not condusive to their preferences. I would think you would have better luck finding guys like that by going back to school or hitting up a few clubs.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by cinephile
Then, I would think the internet is not the best place for you. In general, it seems people use online personals because they don't have a wide enough social circle of people to pull from. This can be because they don't have enough time, don't like traditional methods of dating, or live in places that are not condusive to their preferences. I would think you would have better luck finding guys like that by going back to school or hitting up a few clubs.

Well, the thing is that I'm not even really looking for anyone. If I meet someone that fits what I like, then cool...but if I don't, that's cool too.

I put the ad up a couple of years ago and for quite awhile I didn't even check it. Then I remembered about having it and have been checking it again.

I live in a fairly rural area, which is why I tried the online dating thing in the first place.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
it was a good thread. didn't learn sh1t, but entertaining.

but yeah wyldfire, your re-write totally sucks. there's no reason for any quality guy to contact you. the quality guy is thinking, damn, this chick is gonna draaaaaag me down.

Actually, I'm still getting just as many replies as before...but not a single guy over 45 or any married men.

Like I've said several times...that is NOT the entire profile. It's just one tiny part of it. The rest of the profile is very positive, pleasant and shows plenty of reasons why someone would want to contact me.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Wiyldfire,

You are attractive and sexy, but you don't look "younger" than your age. You look like someone in her late 30's-early 40's. You can tell by the heavy make up and the hair. Most guys would do you, so they would always say you look younger. Every woman has been fed that "you look a lot younger" line by guys who are young, horny, and have nothing better to say. Why? Because it works initially.

I don't know of any women/potential blind date, who've I've talked on the phone who hasn't said "I look younger than my age." That delusion is almost as bad as women lying about their weight.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Gangster Of Love
Wiyldfire,

You are attractive and sexy, but you don't look "younger" than your age. You look like someone in her late 30's-early 40's. You can tell by the heavy make up and the hair. Most guys would do you, so they would always say you look younger. Every woman has been fed that "you look a lot younger" line by guys who are young, horny, and have nothing better to say. Why? Because it works initially.

I don't know of any women/potential blind date, who've I've talked on the phone who hasn't said "I look younger than my age." That delusion is almost as bad as women lying about their weight.

The only picture that looks my actual age is the one to the far right because it's a very bad picture...I moved and it's all blurry. That's also the only one where I have "heavy make up" on. In the middle photo (taken recently as well) I have almost no make up on and I don't care what anyone says...if you look at my skin in that picture it does NOT look like the skin of a 40+ year old.

I hear the "you don't look your age" just as often from women and friends of my children as I do from men. I'm only 5ft tall as well, which contributes to me looking younger...and that doesn't show in the photos.

 

[Wyldfire]

They're on the link in my signature...

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by Gangster Of Love
Wiyldfire,

You are attractive and sexy, but you don't look "younger" than your age. You look like someone in her late 30's-early 40's. You can tell by the heavy make up and the hair. Most guys would do you, so they would always say you look younger. Every woman has been fed that "you look a lot younger" line by guys who are young, horny, and have nothing better to say. Why? Because it works initially.

I don't know of any women/potential blind date, who've I've talked on the phone who hasn't said "I look younger than my age." That delusion is almost as bad as women lying about their weight.

exactly. women are totally delusional because guys tell them what they want to hear, over and over, time and again, for years and years.

men are liars, and women are liars. women are worse, because...

THEY LIE TO THEMSELVES!

 

[Gangster Of Love]

TCU,

Bro, please don't hold back. Tell us wha you really feel man. This thread is becoming a great revelation on something we all know, yet probably don't think much about. This is very painful, but all of you men will run into this in your dating life. SO LIVE AND LEARN.

The sad truth is that many women in their late 20's, early 30's with baggage are starting to develop this type of thinking, by the time they reach 40, they have a similar attitude. When they get older, they just get bitter, and guess how they're raising their sons? Yeah, to be a wussssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!

Tom Leykis is right: "The Pvssification of America."

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
this cracks me up. let me explain again: all of the desperate chumps that are replying to your ad (or any other chick's ad) DO NOT COUNT. they're contacting anything that breathes.

you could have the worst profile in the world, and they would still contact you, and not because they are necessarily interested in you. this is probably 90% of your total replies.

but you're sitting there telling yourself, "see, i'm so desireable...i'm getting all of these replies. yay!"

it's red herring.




i doubt it. besides, people naturally assign a much greater weight to the negative things than they do to the postive ones. that's a fact.

getting rid of your negativity in the ad isn't going to help you, because as we all have said here before, you would be incongruent.

physician heal thyself.

seriously, you sound like my mother. "oh...i'm such a positive person...and i love to have so much fun..."

then she b1tche's and moans about EVERYTHING. i can handle my mom only in small doses.

in fact wyldfire, YOU ARE MY MOTHER! when my mom was your age, she had four kids, was divorced, and was bitter as hell. 20 years later, she's still bitter.

like i said before, chicks your age, and in your position--bad relationship, divorced, kids, hitting 40--are all pretty much the same.

they've rationalized their washed upness and the fact that they don't date, by saying they're "picky".

I'm not bitter at all and I get pursued just as much in person as I do online. Again...the real issue is that you are angry that I care about how physically attractive a man is. The men here keep repeating over and over again that women don't really care about looks or age or any of that stuff. The fact is...they DO care. Rather than entertain the thought that they care, you choose to insist that there must be something horribly wrong with me.

Well, there's nothing at all wrong with me and I have no problem at all getting the kind of men that I want. The guys on here aren't the norm, you know. Most men are not just looking for a bunch of ONSs. Most men want a relationship with one woman, preferably one who treats them good. The fact that I'm attractive AND fun, AND know how to treat a man makes me a very valuable catch...at any age. And bottom line...I'd rather spend my life single then settle for someone I'm not attracted to and don't want. So, if I ever stop attracting the kind of men I want, no biggie. However, as it stands right now...I attract the ones I like in person just as much as I do online...if not more in person because I am a very positive, outgoing and extroverted person.