What was your breaking point from nice guy to dj?

AbsoluteFreakinChump

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Originally posted by TheFriend:
is it still possible to be nice, and to be looked as nice, and to get alot of girls?


cause u guys all make it sound like its so easy to just not be nice anymore, i said one snotty thing to a girl the other day because i was in a bad mood and because she was annoying me, and i felt horrible about it.....
There's nothing wrong with being "nice" per se; but when we refer to being a "niceguy" in a negative way, it refers to being a guy who basically kisses a woman's a$$, and lets her walk all over him in the name of being "nice". A "DJ" on the otherhand, demands and gives respect.



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DJ de Florida

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Originally posted by Sir_Chancealot:
HOLY SH*T!!!!!!!!!!


That is why I have always said farm girls usually are good women. They grew up on a farm, and saw how hard their dads had to work. Plus, they probably had to work hard too. I have YET to meet a farm girl that was high maintenence.
I don't necessarily believe they have to be farm girls, but they just need to have strong character. A women can get that from getting up before the sun rises to milk Bessie or hitting the books early in the morning to try to get a scholarship for college or play the piano to pursue a career in music or whatever. Also, it helps if the woman has faced some adversity in her life so she thinks more broadly.

I've also found that girls with brothers are great for LTRs. You get less headaches.....




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DJ de Florida
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Just Do It!

1) Progress always involves risk: you can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.

2) Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.

3) You never really lose until you stop trying.
 

Persistant

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I think in the end its just if she comes from a good family and was raised properly with good morals and discipline. Not spoiled and not left to her own devices to become a wild child.

As for the brother thing, I dont know if I'd agree there or not. I've known tons of obnoxious chicks who are always like: "my brother this" or "my brother that" when they're arguing with you or trying to make some stupid point and all I can think (and usually say) is: "I dont care what your brother says or thinks you're brother's a f*cking idiot"
 

Heavyweight

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Dudes-
I just sucked with women for a really long time and I couldn't figure it out. I had a lot of stuff going for me, but the one girl I really cared about in my life dumped me for an abusive jackass and I ended up scaring off other girls that liked me with niceness.
I decided I had to at least figure out what it was that made me suck so bad. About 8 months ago, I started reading books on attraction, downloaded some stuff of the internet, and found this site. About 1 1/2 months ago, I started to put everything I had been learning into action. I've had more dates over the past month and half than I had all of last year.
Never again will I be a friggin nice guy to any woman. Never. I'm gonna be a player for a long while and make up for lost time. They asked for it and now they've got it.
 

Ronin

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This girl was my godess. i put her on the pedestal. Asked her out on a few dates, she cancled before all of them ith lame excuses. I still called her back. I emailed her saying how much i like her and how amazing she was...BLAH>. Then later on i got mad and asked her why she wasent into me and she said it was because i wasent a challenge. I was too nice. SO i started searching around the net in a bitter attemt to get girls. Then I found this site and this site preached the exact same things that the last "godess" had told me to do. So I put faith in the system and it's starting to pay off.
 

Digitz

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I had an extremely hot sophmore a grade below me last year be ridiculously obsessed with me for a long time. She asked me out and my infatuation of her started. Soon i turned this chick off and lost everything with her in a few weeks. Never even banged the girl.
I found this site a day later and read everything just about. A month later im banging her best friend (a good 8.9, not quite a 9) and now the girl i messed up with is back after me. Frankly i couldnt care less, all thanks to this. Peace.
 

Future DJ King

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quote:
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Originally posted by TheFriend:
is it still possible to be nice, and to be looked as nice, and to get alot of girls?
cause u guys all make it sound like its so easy to just not be nice anymore, i said one snotty thing to a girl the other day because i was in a bad mood and because she was annoying me, and i felt horrible about it.....


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You can still be nice, exp. give a girl a jump if her car battery is dead then leave, but when we say nice guy we mean a guy that would bend over backwards to make the girl feel good and disregard his own wants.
 

romanntiko

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My breaking point was when I realized that I was unhappy with my current g/f. I now vow to become a DJ and get the respect I deserve yet retaining the nice guy attitude

~R~
 

duke007

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I know this topic is really old but I'll add my story because it's a bit different and slightly funny.

At around the same time I magically stumbed upon this site, two momentous things happened.

Firstly, I'm in an indoor soccer team and in all honesty I'd have to be the crappest, most unfit guy on the team. We played a match against the top team and I absolutely SUCKED - I was letting guys get past me, giving up the ball, nearly collapsing from fatigue. The performance was worse than my first game. The others didn't say anything, but I knew they were thinking I let them down.

I'd had enough and resolved to change. I commanded myself to get of my backside and jog further everyday without excuses to become fit. I'd start believing that I'm the best goddamn player on the team and have confidence in my ability. Next game it worked - and I realised this philosphy could be applied to finding girls.

The second thing that happened (ironically morning before infamous soccer game) at my outspoken grandma's house and went as follows:

Grandma: Andy, how many girlfriends you have?
Me: None...
Grandma: But you're such a handsome, nice boy. Don't you like girls?
Me: Yeahhh....but it's not that easy.
13yo female cousin: Have you had any girlfriends before?
Me: No....
Cousin (laughing): You suck.....Half of my friends have a boyfriend.
Me: It's different when you're younger.
Cousin: So....you're 19. You suck!
Me: That's not very nice.
Cousin: Yeah, but you suck

*five minutes later*
Cousin: <smiling>
Me: What are you smiling about??
Cousin: Because you haven't had a girlfriend before
Me: So you find pleasure in other people's misfortune?
Cousin: Yeh...you suck!
Me (thinking): "That fvcking does it, I'm a fvcking loser. She's right...I'm going to have to change my pathetic ways..."

So there you have it. I'm glad I found the DJ Bible the day after, otherwise I would be in a bout of depression. I've already converted two AFC friends and kissed goodbye the old me.
 

Safari

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My breaking point was the realization that there was a pattern to my failures with women. Before then, my fellow AFCs of that time always agreed on the common excuse that "all women are crazy." Deep down, I eventually couldn't accept that ALL women were inherently crazy, and I realized that it was me that was the only commonality within these failures.
 

upcomingDJ

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my breaking point wasn't about girls really... it was when i started doing "bad" in school or actually not as well... then i realized everything that was going wrong (in my mind) about my life... thats where i started to change (after the anger stage) and found this website to rebuild my shattered confidence.. which helped me in many aspects of my life..
 

Helios

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My breaking point was a little while ago. I'd never really had much success only 1 gf who afterwards I realized was never really for me anyway.

Anyway I'd found this site and David Deangelo's stuff I was using them, and apparently having success. I broke after finding out most of my "successes" were fat, or playing a better game than I was...

I need a new game plan.
 

afc begone

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get ready---this is long

My breaking point came a little over a month ago. I'd essentially been a hardcore "nice guy" for as long as I could remember....

Naturally I grew up occasionally hearing that cliche "nice guys finish last," and for many years I didn't give that concept a second thought. I had serious one-itis even in elementary school, but I never told the objects of my desire how I felt in the slightest way.

Well, high school rolled around. At first I was more interested in making friends than anything, since I came knowing no one. Eventually I established a half-decent reputation as a very intelligent and sometimes funny guy....the sometimes funny coming from my self-consciousness at the time. In any case, I saw several girls I was interested in, but I only had a vague interest in each. No one stood out in particular.

At the beginning of the second semester of freshman year, I got to know several girls better, and I gradually grew to have feelings for one of those girls. When I first began to talk to her, obviously before I fell for her, I was very easygoing, funny, and seemed confident. She gave me very positive signs at the beginning....she would flirt, laugh at most anything I said, etc. Well, as time passed, my feelings for her began to steadily grow, and as a direct result, I started acting very shy around her. This behavior wasn't the push-pull type attraction that many DJs swear by....this was AFC behavior, plain and simple. I got exceedingly nervous when I was around her in person.

Eventually I decided to instant message her (she had my screenname because she asked for it excitedly one day), and although AIM is an absolutely atrocious way to get into a relationship or what have you, I didn't really know better at the time. This became the era of three and four hour long conversations with her, all on AIM of course. She definately enjoyed talking to me....that nervousness that I always felt when I was around her those days nearly vanished entirely when I was talking to her online (well of course....). I was funny and could easily carry on a conversation with her, although I was definately overeager in retrospect, even for AIM. She always ended the conversations, all for valid reasons....some people like to go to sleep by 3 AM, ya know. In any case, I hardly saw her in person over the summer. The only time I even approached the situation with any bit of wisdom was when I thought I was doing EVERYTHING wrong. The gathering was her birthday party, and I was often the center of attention, cracking killer jokes left and right and neg-hitting most of the girls there (although obviously at that point I didn't even know they were called neg hits to begin with, haha). The entire time, she was laughing and always seemed to look at me much more often than the other guys there....always with a smile, especially if I looked directly at her for an instant.

So in any case, as these things go, I started becoming more and more AFC-like in my behavior. I began to actually put myself down when I was talking to her, bemoaning my every flaw. I'm not sure what I thought I was doing, but in reality I wasn't even letting her do the friendzoning....I was doing it for myself as I shamelessly dug a pit for myself and built a towering pedestal for her in my mind's eye. I had one very good friend who I would always talk to about her for hours on end, and I believe he may have been much of the reason I grew to have extremely strong feelings for her over time. He is a realist in some aspects of relationships and has a lot of things right in reality, but at this point, he was trying to get me to tell her how I felt, so I was constantly bombarded with romantic material. Soon enough, I came up with some of my own.

Around the time my sophomore year started, I began to tell my other friends one by one of my feelings for her. They all told me to go for the prize (because she WAS the prize, not I at this point), although I didn't plan on expressing my feelings for her. Finally, I told one of her best friends, and her best friend was hell-bent on me telling her immediately. Believe it or not, I finally did, and yeah, you guessed it - online and without a shred of confidence in my wording. She was somewhat taken aback for a moment....remember that I had mostly just talked to her online for the past few months and hardly seen her for various reasons. Absence makes the heartgrow fonder, they say. She then explained to me that she hardly ever knew who she liked more than any other guy and that she'd never had a boyfriend at that date, which was true. So obviously she didn't like me more than any other of her guy friends but there was always that chance in my mind....the wording wasn't a full-blown rejection obviously, and I hadn't even asked for a date....just stupidly professed my feelings for her. Just to make the situation worse, I wrote her a nearly 4000 word e-mail explaining exactly how I fell for her and what I saw in her. After a few weeks of somewhat awkward conversations, mostly on my part surprisingly, everything seemed to go back to normal between us.

What followed from this already low point was a saga that I shudder to think about even as I type, especially with the revelations that came a little over a month ago for me.

Whenever I had something right (i.e. NOT expressing my now-passionate feelings for her in so many words and not being over-clingy in my actions), the AFC in me (catchy, huh?) would say, "Whoa, whoa, whoa buddy....what do you think you're doing? You need to be your own worst enemy more often!" As a result, I began gradually overcoming my inhibitions, most of which were there as a natural defense mechanism that wasn't meant to be breached so quickly (i.e. awkwardness in saying "I love you," etc.). Ignoring the better judgment that by this time was almost nonexistant (one-itis tends to do that to you), I gradually began to express my feelings for her more often. The two results of this were my planting myself more firmly in the friendzone and creating some unnecessarily awkward situations.

Also keep in mind that during this entire time, I was buying into the whole "nice guy" psychology, as I've been the stereotypical nice guy my entire life. Evidently, this attitude got me nowhere for the last sixteen years of my life....I would get friendzoned, called sweet, caring, and all of those other adjectives, and I served as a shoulder to cry on and a sounding board for general dissatisfaction almost like a job, since I would take time out of what I might rather have been doing to listen and console. This wasn't because I eventually planned for this to pay off relationship-wise, although I certainly wished that it would....this behavior simply came naturally to me. I wasn't usually boring, was hilarious to those who knew me, and did some extracurricular activities....most recently, I played soccer, tennis, piano, guitar, and various academic organizations.

This pattern of stupid moves continued for quite some time. During the first semester of sophomore year, we hung out more and more often...."we" as in me, her, and some of our friends....nothing very serious of course. Even as I was completely screwing up in so many ways, she gave me signs of interest that gradually grew as the months progressed. Finally, I gave her a red rose (AFC? Quite.) after a play she was in (she's in theatre). She responded quite positively, and my sappy, romantic side was on Cloud 9.

Immediately after this regrettable incident, my friend told me that I was going to ask her out before Valentine's Day, which was about two weeks away, or he would ask her out himself. At first I sort of laughed the whole thing off, but after thinking about the possibilities nearly nonstop for two days straight, I snapped in a way. In reality, I had planned tenatively to ask her out sometime soon, but my pride lashed out at the prospect of asking her out essentially at the command of my friend, no matter his intentions. To top it off, he almost refused to listen to me on this matter. Now my friend was a very logical person who generally scoffed at emotional reasoning (which at that point in life I heavily employed). Other than this difference, we were actually quite alike, except for the fact that he tended to keep his options open, even if he had a case of one-itis at any given time. This offended the AFC in me, naturally....but moving on.

To make this little debacle quicker to digest for everyone, I ended up completely losing my cool, making an absolute, overly emotional fool out of myself in front of this girl and most of the people I knew. My friend realized what he was doing hurt me, so he apologized, but the damage I had dealt myself couldn't be reversed so easily. Just as I had begun to recover from the ordeal, I learned from this girl that she was now dating a guy who, in my opinion at the time, was an *******. There was one day where I almost repeated the stupidity of the week before (i.e. making an ass of myself), but I managed to hold much of my anguish in thankfully.

EDIT: Oh wait....actually I sent her another e-mail....this one telling her that I would "always love her." Vomiting yet? Read on....

continued in the next reply....
 
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afc begone

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A couple of months pass. I gradually begin to develop the attitude that I don't really need a girl (obviously a good attitude to have), although I was still into her, and I gain a little confidence back. Several attractive girls begin to chase me somewhat, and since I was still essentially "all for" this one particular girl, I didn't pay them much attention, which only increased their attraction to me. The entire time, I thought, "Well isn't it just my luck that all of the girls like me now except the one I'm enamored with?" I connected the dots a little bit at this point, but nothing truly mindblowing occured, so my mentality didn't do a 180 or anything.

So a few months later, I find out they have broken up, just after prom. Apparently he was more into smoking pot than her....he would blow her off to go home and smoke, he argued constantly, had fake confidence that she ended up seeing through once they were together, and by the end of the relationship, there was a good chance he was cheating on her. I had suspected all of this would come to pass, and told her so. Of course she immediately began an outpouring of "How could I have been so stupid?" and such words. She even told me that she wasn't sure how it had happened....she said in effect, "Only a week or so before we started going out, I saw no possibility of us (her and the guy) ever being more than friends." At that point, I wondered to myself how big of an impact losing my cool just a week before they started dating had on her feelings for him. Ouch.

For the next month or so, she showed consistant signs of interest in me again. This time around, I told myself again and again that I would not screw up this time, that I would simply bide my time and try to highlight my attractive qualities more. Although I was still decidedly an AFC in many of my thoughts, I had somewhat learned from my mistakes. However, there were still many mistakes left for me to make before the saga was complete.

Whenever I had to leave some social gathering earlier than most people, I would begin to sulk just thinking about the missed opportunities I would have to create a positive impression (bad, but what here isn't? haha). After all, her previous boyfriend had almost ALWAYS showed up to whatever she went to, and that had somehow worked for him.

There were many small things that I believe gradually killed her attraction to me the second time around, but they are irrelevent. Point being, I didn't do a very good job the second time around, either. Around the time school ended, I noticed my friend who had threatened to ask her out if I didn't seemed to always be in the same places she was, whether at an assembly or in a line. I asked him whether he liked anyone in particular one weekend, and he confessed he'd gradually developed feelings for her as of late, and he hoped that they wouldn't ruin our friendship. For a day or two, I worried about the prospect of fighting over a girl with my friend, especially since this was the same friend who had indirectly caused me so much pain and frustration a few months prior. Thankfully, I finally decided that the whole situation wasn't that big of a deal, and I would probably come off better in the long run if I just continued to play it cool.

School was over. I believe I started to act somewhat needy again around this time, which was unfortunate to say the least. A little after this, I noticed a definate change in her behavior toward me. When she had once been bubbly and enthusiastic with me, she became far more reserved....cold even. At first, I worried about what I could have possibly done to cause this change....how had I completely blown it this time? Just as I had during the school year, I spent much of my time in thought about her behavior, which is usually a worthless endeavor when overdone.

Finally, one fateful night came in early June. Whether real or imagined, my mind put two and two together and came to the conclusion that my friend who liked her was over at her house, alone. I stressed out thinking about this possibility until the wee hours of the morning, when another one of my friends said such an occurance at this point was highly unlikely. Another friend gave me the address to this website and told me to look at it some, although I didn't that night. Nevertheless, the next morning, I stressed out again for a few hours. This time, however, my constant thought turned out to be a godsend.

I began to re-realize several truths regarding girls and relationships that I had realized on and off over the course of the past year, yet never implemented or allowed to fully click. This time was different, though....the effect was akin to several light bulbs coming on in very quick succession. Obviously at this point I was angry about the state of my romantic life and about all of the highs and lows I had experienced on the rollercoaster of emotion I rode all of the past year.

In the course of a few short hours, I figured out exactly where I had gone wrong in the past year and what characteristics were actually desirable to a girl, many the opposite of what the AFC in me thought were correct. Later that day, I visited this website and felt a gigantic grin spread across my face as all I had concluded earlier that day was confirmed through the articles and shared experiences viewable here.

Over the past months, I've read most of the articles on this site and delved a little into the experiences of other guys on the forums. As I've done so, my confidence has skyrocketed and stayed there, even as this girl behaved coldly to me at times. I used neg hits, teasing, and obvious confidence around girls lately, and the results I've gotten have been incredible. Even girls I'd been friends with for two years were all over me at a party I went to recently....I was typically the center of their attention, they were always laughing at anything remotely funny I said, and they initiated kino like crazy.

Last night, the friend I keep referring to told me that he and the girl I was chasing for so long have been "casually dating" for a little over a month, which explains her behavior toward me. Frankly, I couldn't be happier. I have a slew of girls who are interested in me at this point just from very occasional encounters, and I'm looking forward to furthering my prospects.

Lately I've been on a relentless path of self-improvement, and I'm loving the increased confidence I have. Apparently, the ladies love it too, and I'm all for that, just so long as they don't get in the way of my life. :D

I'm gonna be floored if someone read all of that, but hey, awesome if you did, and it was for my own edification to begin with. These things are so much cooler once you put them in writing.
 

Heyjose25points

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My breaking point was when i learned about Double Your Dating. I was an AFC beyond belief, and i thought the chances of me getting an attractive girl in this life was impossible, i thought destiny was predetermined. But i learned you can change your destiny.
 

SamMalone

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In elementary school I was actually pretty good with the girls; always going over their houses, talking to them. First kiss when I was in third grade. My parents, however, use to tease me to no end to the point where I felt embarrassed about talking to girls.

Moved in middle school. Was extremely depressed for reasons not involving girls, although by this point I couldn't talk to ANYONE, male or female, without getting extremely nervous.

High School was ok. I was friendly with the popular kids, but never did anything after class or on weekends with anyone.

College was when I moved away from home, got A LOT more confidence because of it. I realized how foolish I was in high school and vowed to change for the better. I'm still not extremely succesful with women but am getting better...
 

brenbaus

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My turning point was when I got rejected by one of the hottest girls I have ever meet. She gave me the LJBF line, and that is when I decided that I must change things and get laid more often!
 

Marlimus

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OOh!

i had a nasty, textbook case of oneitis in my first semester in College: poetry, chivalry, listening to her all the time, you name it.
She had a boyfriend at the time. I thought, I was next in line. She dumps her boyfriend and hooks up with a thieving, dope-dealing thug.

I discovered a website that showed me the path to salvation:
www.becomeaplayer.com
 
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