what do you guys think about marriage?!

[WestCoaster]

This is one of the funniest things I've read here

*********

she begins to turn into Earnest Borgnine

****************

God, I'm laughing my a$$ off right now ... I gotta go to bed. What a hoot!

 

[FratAndDiddy]

ain't it the truth though guys !
once the "Borgnine Factor" sets in on em, its time to run and dont look back ! i mean dont even think about looking back
nothing worse than striking up a conversation with one and she answers in her new borgnine voice !
i dated a borgnine about a year ago, nice bod, about 45 and i just couldnt handle that truck driver voice she had.
DANG !!!!!!!!
gives ya cold chills

 

[WestCoaster]

Stop it, you're killing me!

Originally posted by FratAndDiddy
ain't it the truth though guys !
once the "Borgnine Factor" sets in on em, its time to run and dont look back !

God, this Borgnine stuff is so freakin' hilarious, I'm just dying here!

 

[FratAndDiddy]

ain't it great !
TooCold, i think you just coined a new phrase. we need to get that one in the DJ Bible.
we will call it the "Borgnine Factor."

cool huh West? ever since this borgnine stuff has surfaced i keep thinking about it and catch myself laughing out loud.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by FratAndDiddy
ain't it great !
TooCold, i think you just coined a new phrase. we need to get that one in the DJ Bible.
we will call it the "Borgnine Factor."

cool huh West? ever since this borgnine stuff has surfaced i keep thinking about it and catch myself laughing out loud.

ah yes, i've been using that for years and i still laugh my ass off. every time one of my buddies tells me he's gonna get married, i say,

"after a couple of years she will slowly transform into Earnest Borgnine--or her mother--which is the same beast!"

guess what? IT'S TRUE!!! next time you're out on the town, just look around at all these middle aged married couples. it's like a law of nature.

just to remind you, here's what your future wife WILL look like, once y'all get settled in and comfy. this doesn't include all of the nagging and b!tching either!

so, would you fvck THIS beast?

http://www.moviestar-photos.com/graphics/250/250993.jpg

and they wonder why YOU ain't giving it up!

okay, it's OFFICIAL? "She's a Borgnine?"

 

[cactus3178]

WestCoaster, I just wanted to comment on this:

"* She will get the kids -- even if she's a lousy parent and bringing different men to the place every week to screw in front of the kids. I know women like this -- unfortunately I've dated women like this -- and the honorable men do not get the kids."


Although this is true in alot of cases, it's not always so. I live in a county in Oregon that seems to be hell bent on taking the mother's side in a divorce when the custody issues are decided. However, after some careful planning, militant record keeping of conversations/discussions between me and the ex, and about $5000 in attorney fees, I was awarded full custody of my daughter with complete control over my ex wife's visitation schedule.

It kills me to know that there are good fathers out there who get basically screwed out of the opportunity to be an important part of their child's life because of the ass backwards thinking in our court systems.

I thank God every day that my daughter isn't with her mom. She's not necessarily a 'bad' person, she just can't get her sh!t together, and she's irresponsible with everything from money to her sexuality.

I'd have sooner gave up and died than to let my little girl go. Fvck that.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good job

Glad you fought and won for your custody. Good job.

I lived in Oregon, too, but if there's ever a man-hating state, that is the one. I'm surprised you won custody in Oregon. I lived in various parts of the state, including Portland and Spewgene (Eugene ... what an awful place) and can tell you from the men I knew in your situation, their chances at winning custody were slim and none.

I enjoyed the state and the beautiful scenery, but there are a lot of whacky laws over there. Also, the women are incredible flakes and contribute highly to the second-highest divorce rate in America (behind Nevada). I'll travel to Oregon and I may even live there again some day, but lord help me if I marry a woman from there.

 

[Player_Supreme]

I have no fear or problems with marriage. To me there is nothing like having a wife to come home to. Someone who has your back. Who will be there for you through thick or thin. Hard times and good times. Someone to grow old with and still hold their hands when you walk down the street.

 

[dietzcoi]

Player, you are talking about less than 5% of marriages.

Yes, I believe in the Easter Bunny too...

Dietzcoi

 

[gentleman193]

Damn, you have the Easter Bunny over there in Germany, too? I thought it was the one thing that made America so great. )

 

[dietzcoi]

Yes, we have the "Osterhase" (Easter Rabbit) and fairness to men in divorce... both equally fairy tales.

Dietzcoi

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Re: Avoiding Marriage isn't the safty your posts imply.

Originally posted by Galphanore
I just thought I'd point out that living together without marriage doesn't neccessarily protect you from loosing your belongings if you decided you don't wanna be together anymore. Before you assume that you should check on 'Common Law Marriage' Laws in your state, there are still some states, such as Florida and Texas, where simply living together for a long enough period of time makes you married in the eyes of the law. So even without getting married you may still end up having to get a divorce, and if it's under sufficently upsetting circumstances you may even loose half your belongings.

the criteria is much stricter than "living together".

from findlaw....

Common law marriage is recognized only in the following states:

Alabama
Colorado
District of Columbia
Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)
Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah

Contrary to popular belief, even if two people live together for a certain number of years, if they don't intend to be married and present themselves to others as a married couple, there is no common law marriage. More particularly, a common law marriage can occur only when:

--a heterosexual couple lives together in a state that recognizes common law marriages

--for a significant period of time (not defined in any state)

--holding themselves out as a married couple -- typically this means using the same last name, referring to the other as "my husband" or "my wife" and filing a joint tax return, and

--intending to be married.

Unless all four are true, there is no common law marriage. When a common law marriage exists, the couple must go through a formal divorce to end the relationship.

http://public.findlaw.com/family/nolo/faq/709FAEE4-ABEA-4E17-BA34836388313A3C.html

------

is it very difficult to "prove" a common law marriage because you have to have the INTENT to get married.

if you are in a state that does not recognize common law marriages, but only recognizes statutory marriages, you're fine. like i said, it's a legal (statutory) contract (in most states).

 

[HurricaneBilly]

As a newly engaged woman....

I thank you guys for this post. it is very insightful and gives me a few things to watch for.

I will tell you I am paranoid against getting fat. I don't think that will happen here. I work out quite a bit, so while I am not rock hard or anything (I never liked that look on a woman), I will never be more than 'soft'.

Also, I love to cook. I have always loved to watch him love his dinner. I also go to the grocery store alone. I am not interested in hearing him cry about how he's bored, so I leave him at home. I also don't bring home a lot of crappy food (as a treat once in a while, but that's it). That way, neither one of us pigs out on junk, and neither one of us gets too far out of shape.

I don't nag him unless his mess gets out of hand for too long. He is a worse slob than I am, and I tolerate a lot. I mean, a LOT. But there comes a time when I can't stand it anymore, and I know he is not working on any projects. Then I nag. But only when necessary. I find apathy helps a lot in that arena--I mean we don't own the house, so I can deal with a mess for longer. At least we know what to look for when we buy a house of our own: a huge garage!

My point is--find a good woman (or man), one who spoils you in at least one area (mine is food), and spoil her back in an area as well (he can fix ANYTHING). Give each other plenty of lovin', and don't always give up after a fight. Learn from that fight--if you found a bad button, don't push it again. If she pushed a bad button, tell her what it is. if she keeps pushing it, or if she doesn't spoil you SOMEHOW, then maybe she's not the one for you.

But anyway, thanks for all of the insight.

 

[ShortTimer]

Re: As a newly engaged woman....

Originally posted by HurricaneBilly
I don't nag him unless...

I love how women make excuses for bad behavior.

"I don't nag him unless..."

"I don't spend all of his money unless..."

"I don't sleep with his best friend unless..."

 

[CobraGT]

Interesting website...

I've amost read all of this thread. Very interesting discussion! The negative comments definitely out weigh the positive. I wish there were more positive comments to read. Maybe most of those who have positive words are happy and could care less if this website exists. I've been that way for a couple years. Not married yet, but didn't think this board had anything left for me since I was in an LTR. In that way this discussion favors the negative or indifferent outlook most. Thus I reason everyone considering marriage should (somehow?!?) find a source for positive outlooks in order to get a representative view of men's opinions on marriage.

At the risk of sounding like an AFC I really do desire to be married to the RIGHT lady and have some cute kids. My biggest concern is picking the correct Mrs. Right. The whole vision I have of a small family is perpetuated when I see a happy little family that fits that category. I'm not talking about just any little family. I'm talking about the one that has some calm, well mannered kids, a dad that's good with the kids, and a hot little mom like the one that just got my attention.

I just want to know if the family I describe is TRULY happy. I realize it requires work to keep that happy thing going, but is it really unpleasant work if both parties are TRULY committed to each other and the success of their union? The problem I see is finding the RIGHT lady who is TRULY committed to staying with you. How do you gauge this?

I think in my current relationship she's the one that's committed in that way, but I seem to be the one that's less committed, the weakest link if you will. We both have the opinion that if we ever get married we want it to be forever. Ironic that I feel so strongly about lasting forever and I happen to be the weakest link. Man, amazing how typing or writing makes the mind churn...






If anyone still has the energy to discuss marriage, check out this website for new fodder to feed on. It's Q&A style, but covers a lot of interesting topics including likelihood of a successfull marriage when a couple lives together before marriage. I've heard the studies on this before, but after reading this it makes more sense.

Marriage Builders


CobraGT

 

[dietzcoi]

If you buy into the hollywood fairytale of marriage, you are doomed from the start. It won't be that way. Even the fairy tale marriages have issues, serious issues.

BTW, what if your kids are UGLY instead of cute? Even cute kids can grow up to be druggies or criminals.

Don't buy into the myth... unless you want to be a dead man walking!

Yes, Dietzcoi to the rescue! Another life saved!

Dietzcoi

 

[WestCoaster]

Reality check please!

OK, newsflash: All kids are cute at the early ages. I've been to a maternity ward and they all look the freakin' same for several months. I've never seen a rug rat that didn't look cute.

Well-mannered? There's not too many of those kids around. Some are, some aren't. It depends on the child-rearing. My friends last week have a 2-year old who is fairly well-mannered. Why? They took the TV out of the house. They don't watch any so he can't be corrupted by this stupid culture of ours.

But you know what? Even he had his little bratty moments last weekend. It happens. They're KIDS.

First thing Cobra is to quit believing the fairy tales and fantasies. If you want kids, great. Have them. You will have many sleepless nights. You will have several bratty moments. They will act up as teenagers and rebel ... the human brain does not fully develop until the 20's.

Your wife's looks will also go south. Look, you're not gonna walk home from your 6-figure job with Elle McPhearson greeting you at the door in a see-through teddy, and Einstein Jr. sitting at the table discovering new theories of quantum physics at age 4. It ain't gonna happen!

If you're willing to put up with a wife who probably won't greet your at the door or barely say 'hi' after a couple years and some kids arguing who gets to play with what toy, have at it. That's reality and that's the American marriage.

I'm amazed at my friends who had this scenario after one kid, kept having kids, and now b-tch because they wish they were single and that their wife (who was once hot) has put on a few because of having all the rug rats. Sheesh, it's not THAT complicated, is it?

 

[CobraGT]

A Fairy Tale Shattered?

dietzcoi and WestCoaster,

I must give both of you kudos because you are both extremely consistent on your views of marriage. Without even the slightest intent of disrespect toward each of you, I must label your views as the most bitter I've ever heard. This is not to say you don't deserve to be bitter. I've learned a lot from your views here.

What I don't understand is how everyone with this view can make general statements about virtually every marriage. I would never make the statement that all married people are happy, nor would I feel comfortable saying all people are content with marriage. Is it impossible to find happiness in marriage? Is the percentage rate of unhappy couples to happy couples I've seen metioned on here really fair?

The one good thing about your views is that no one can dare say that you are AFC. Anytime I make a comment I feel like I have to remind everyone that I'm not in the AFC mindset. That includes what I'm about to say.

I'd like to have cute kids...given I'm so ugly I might have a good chance (since ugly parents have cute kids). Anyway I'm not saying I'm going to get exactly what I want in life or that I will get anything close to a fairy tale.

Well mannered kids? Impossible? My parents (still together) did very well. Family friends often commented about how well behaved we were. I have no doubts my kids will be well behaved unless they have some behavior disorder. Not to say they will be perfect angels at all times.

I see the kid rearing as a pleasurable effort because their should be a great deal of love on the parents part. Deep down you love them so much that the sleepless nights suck at the time, but in the grand scheme of rearing a child you have no regrets. If you have regrets then you really shouldn't have been a father or a mother. This would be harder to see if you are rearing children in an unhappy marriage--sleepless nights could anger that couple.

Wives getting fat? Yes they may gain a little or some a lot. That's statement is too general. There are hot moms all over the world. Nothing anyone can say will change my mind about that, though your odds of finding one of them might not be good. I saw one recently and couldn't believe she had three kids at her feet. It's possible to be hot after kids! As has been said before guys may gain a little or a lot too.

If I came across a womans site that was this bitter, I'd never visit there again and probably call them names too. This sight is probably just as bitter as any Women's Rights site.

Once again...no offense...but I'm trying to sort this marriage stuff out. If I can believe the negative blanket statements made here are true for over 95% of marriages then I'll never get married. However, I have trouble believing they could be true for such a large cross section of marriages.

CobraGT

 

[WestCoaster]

Hey, you're reading me wrong ... a little

I actually advocate marriage believe it or not and have said so many times on this site ... with a caveat: only to the right woman.

Don't get married for marriage's sake, and I know you're not doing that. Marriage is an OK institutuion, but not such a great one that all the religious and political zealots think it is. When you're winning at only 50 percent (and really 25 percent of those 50 percent aren't very happy either), it's nothing to brag about.

Marriage is like the Chicago Cubs: They look great, sound great, I like the idea, but in the end they rarely win --- but everyone likes them anyway!

OK, maybe not the Cubs, but certainly not the Yankees.

Remember:

1. All kids are cute as infants. And what if they're not cute, will you not like them as much? Give them unconditional love no matter how they look.

2. Odds are your wife will gain weight ... unless she's heavily into fitness. Did you see those early pictures of John Edwards' wife?! What a babe -- in college. She's sadly turned into Ernest Borgnine.

3. After 3 to 5 years (studies show) the passion wears off. Better have some similar and different interests to do together and separate. Better be interesting and have hobbies and friends.

So if this gal is definitely top notch, heck, take the plunge if you don't think you can upgrade. Most of the women in this country suck anyways and think some stupid TV show should tell one how to live their lives. If your woman is truly a good one, why not take the plunge? Sounds like you're more of the settle down type anyway.

But in five years you better not be coming back here complaining about her and wishing you were single ... like 90 percent of the U.S. male population. No one is putting a gun to your head to tell you to get married ... or not get married.

 

[dietzcoi]

Well, yes, I am bitter...

I did marry the wrong woman while AFC. Now wouldn't you be bitter if your ex-wife got almost $2000 of your money each month, and you had to somehow pay for three college educations, which I just found out have increased from $13,000 to $16,000 per year?

If I had been single and no kids I could be retired from the Army right now instead of looking Iraq in the face. Really retired, living on a pension of $3000+ per month and my savings. Instead, the savings are gone for college and she gets about 45% of my pension... and she doesn't even work! She just lives on my money! (She was working part time but lost the job recently)

All of you can think I am bitter, but I am the voice of reason. But go ahead, dig your own graves...

One piece of advice: Marry a woman with a good paying career, not some young thing that will quit working, raise the kids, and never want to work again...

Dietzcoi