what do you guys think about marriage?!

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Cobra, don't confuse 'biiter' with 'reality' - most american marriages fail because one or both parties are insincere and are usually in it for selfish reasons and as soon as a little struggle surfaces most bail out or stay miserable.

I can think of no worst female for a wife then an American one!! I read your current thread - you, my man, will get a divorce or be in a unhappy marriage - this is close to 'guaranteed'!!!

Your girl's comment about 'getting her 'needs' met from someone else" if you are not around for her most of the week is the prime example of the vengefulness and bad attitude that the modern day woman.possesses and why men should not marry such women who have this mindset!!!

 

[CobraGT]

Re: Hey, you're reading me wrong ... a little

Originally posted by WestCoaster
I actually advocate marriage believe it or not and have said so many times on this site ... with a caveat: only to the right woman.

......So if this gal is definitely top notch, heck, take the plunge if you don't think you can upgrade. Most of the women in this country suck anyways and think some stupid TV show should tell one how to live their lives. If your woman is truly a good one, why not take the plunge? Sounds like you're more of the settle down type anyway.

But in five years you better not be coming back here complaining about her and wishing you were single ... like 90 percent of the U.S. male population. No one is putting a gun to your head to tell you to get married ... or not get married.

Excellent! I respect your opinions even more! It's like some one who will only listen to one type of music vs. some one who enjoys many kinds of music. I can't relate to some one without who does not have an open mind.

Mine is a good one. She has a heart of gold. She's committed. However, she's my first and it's hard to truly appreciate her the way she appreciates me. Thus once again my biggest dilemma is having nothing to compare her against.

The upgrade is the problem. I suppose I'll never know if I don't break this off. I might be able to get an upgrade, but I have absolutely no clue what package she might come in. Since I've only been with one girl, I don't know what is beyond the surface of the beautiful women I encounter. Told her this too. In essence my fiance competes with every beautiful girl out there. She didn't respond well to that statement, so I made it seem less offensive during one of our discussion. She's learned to be pessimistic about things, but has an optimistic view about us.

Pardon me for the in depth discussions about this, but it really helps. I think my logical side devours this stuff. I appreciate being able to understand this inside and out.

P.S. Hopefully the key to finding the RIGHT woman is as simple as dating a lot of women!


CobraGT

 

[CobraGT]

Originally posted by dietzcoi

One piece of advice: Marry a woman with a good paying career, not some young thing that will quit working, raise the kids, and never want to work again...

Dually noted!

CobraGT

 

[CobraGT]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover

Your girl's comment about 'getting her 'needs' met from someone else" if you are not around for her most of the week is the prime example of the vengefulness and bad attitude that the modern day woman.possesses and why men should not marry such women who have this mindset!!!

Check out my reply about this in my current thread (My wedding is two months away and I'm still not sure she is the right one! ).

If I ever wanted one that was sincere, I've found her! Unfortunately I'm not ready. Her sincerity is incredibly genuine and the hardest part of calling this off! I believe her degree of sincerity, because she is incredibly honest. I see everything in daily life as a potential thing to joke around about. Therefore, she never knows when to believe me or not. Not to say I blatantly lie about everything, I just try making light of ever situation. She on the other hand almost never does that crap to me. Everything she says oozes truth. This can be a very handy tool! The only thing she will do is get quiet for a while about something that upsets her...then she lets me know about it once I ask her who kicked her cat. It's normally me because of some need of hers I over looked!

CobraGT

 

[WestCoaster]

After a thorough review ...

... and reading almost this entire thread and your responses carefully, my conclusion is (don't kill me dietcozi) ... marry her.

Yeah, Mr. Single, Mr. Terminal Bachelor, Mr. Horndog, Mr. I'll-Date-Anything-Between 22 and 55, Mr. Stay Away from Commitment WestCoaster is saying take the f'n plunge.

Being the chauvinist d-ckwad that I am, I'd like to see a picture of this broad (I've been listening to Sinatra a lot lately, I now talk like him, "broads, chicks, babes" etc.) to see if she'll age gracefully, then again you don't know. Look at what her mommy looks like, that's the best indicator. (I.E., that impressive 24-year old I was talking about earlier -- whom WaterTiger said go for --at college graduation introduced me to her mom and I could tell why I liked the 24-year old so much. Her mom was extremely impressive looks-wise and personality. Good indicator for the future.)

Cobra, it sounds like you're leaning towards getting married and you've defended her well. This country isn't full of impressive women, if she's impressive, marry her.

I'll now get ready to take my 20 lashes from Frat & Diddy and Dietcozi.

 

[WaterTiger]

Re: After a thorough review ...

Originally posted by WestCoaster
... and reading almost this entire thread and your responses carefully, my conclusion is (don't kill me dietcozi) ... marry her.

Yeah, Mr. Single, Mr. Terminal Bachelor, Mr. Horndog, Mr. I'll-Date-Anything-Between 22 and 55, Mr. Stay Away from Commitment WestCoaster is saying take the f'n plunge.

I'll now get ready to take my 20 lashes from Frat & Diddy and Dietcozi.

GAAAAAASSSSSP! OH MY GOD....

You....You FAKE! YOU CHARLATAN!! Who are you and what have you done with my WestCoaster??

CobraGT- If you want to marry the girl, here's some advice that might safe you some grief if things don't work out as you plan. Two words...listen close..."Prenuptual Agreement". Get a good lawyer, and write one up. The pure power of their effectiveness has been debated, but it's like an extra condom in your wallet. Better you have one than don't.

 

[dietzcoi]

Well even old Dietzcoi cannot stop the suicide jumpers from taking the punge off the Golden Gate all the time

Go ahead and do it. Maybe it will work out. It is work the risk for $100,000s of dollars and your freedom (Note the sarcasm)

Cobra, why do you want to be married? Tell me what the positives are for you. I do not see any positives for men in our "western culture"

Listen to Water Tiger about the prenup. It will give you some peace of mind. If the girl won't sign it, RED FLAG!

Westcoaster: Don't tell me you want to let Cobra get back into a power pod and be reinerted in the matrix?? Has Agent Smith gotten to you?

I see disaster ahead. I repeat: DEAD MAN WALKING.

Dietzcoi

 

[WestCoaster]

You're killing me!

Dietzcoi and WT, great stuff!

OK, perhaps he shouldn't get married (suicide line about Golden Gate was a killer!), but he seems intent. He thinks the grass is greener, but he's not sure. In the U.S., sometimes that grass is like the other kind of grass ... it gives you hallucinations. Finding a quality woman in the U.S. is like finding good music today: it's gonna take awhile.

Cobra seems like the settle-down type, he didn't really play the field, he likes his woman ... why not?

I'd rather have him lean in the direction of not getting married in his 20's -- why mail in this prime time of your life? Oh, I forgot, 80 percent of U.S. males think being married in your 20's is the great thing to do.

OK, I got slapped silly, perhaps he should just stay single. But he seems intent on marrying this broad, he might as well do it.

But I'll put out a DJ pre-nup here: No whining about your marriage on this board Cobra! It's not like we didn't tell you so.

 

[CobraGT]

WestCoaster,

Ha, ha! I was waiting to see where you were going with your new line of advice. I thought maybe you gave dietzcoi the heads up in an effort to use reverse psychology. I was thinking whoa buddy you can't flip flop that easily on me

I'm 28...not 22. 30 is fast approaching. I've screwed around too much already...or rather I haven't screwed around enough. At any rate I regret that I've wasted a lot of time in my life. I never thought it could set me back so far.

Intent on marrying? I'm slowly being swayed. I'm just accessing everything. Typing this stuff out really helps me focus. Something I'm typically not to good at doing. All the responses have helped me pin point the areas I'm uncertain about.

I'm almost at the point that I agree, but dread broaching this subject with her. If your interested I have less 'what ifs?' now than when I began my thread! But still have some. Thanks!

CobraGT

 

[CobraGT]

Re: Re: After a thorough review ...

WaterTiger,

Prenup is not a great concern for me. We would make most of our money together so I believe a prenup wouldn't cover any of that. She wouldn't agree to that though simply because she...like myself....believes that if you enter a marriage it should last forever. Unlike some couples even are subconscious minds are geared this way. She knows it is a possibility, but she really wants to get it right the first time. I think that too. Of course I also thought that if I found the right girl I would never look at another woman. If that's the only misconception I have marriage will be good!

CobraGT

 

[CobraGT]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
Cobra, why do you want to be married? Tell me what the positives are for you. I do not see any positives for men in our "western culture"

First it's a moral issue. Based on my moral beliefs there should be no such things as premaritial sex. I know I want to have lots of sex; therefore, marriage is the only way to do it morally. I did pretty good at the 'not having premaritial sex', but then I got a girl friend! I suppose I feel guilty...since this goes against my moral character.

I don't want to do what PRL mentioned by having 25 "hors" in 25 days and not feeling any better. I really want to look over the fence and make sure that grass is truly greener, before I jump. I prefer the least number of "hors" to get to the right one. Unfortunately ONE might not be the magic number.

I basically want lots of sex, but don't want to take the unsafe risk with every hor I meet. Kind of a logical thing. I want the sex, but not the risk associated in regards to health, accidents, and my moral conscience. I also want kids, which I think belong in marriage. Do my actions and words make any more sense dietzcoi?

CobraGT

 

[TooColdUlrick]

you have to look at the odds of a marriage working out. first, you have a 2/3 chance of getting a divorce within five years.

second, of those who remain married, what percent are happily married? you probably have at least a 3/4 chance of either getting a divorce or being married and miserable.

third, when you do get divorced, what's the chance that it will be a nasty one? 1/3?

let's do the math...a 75% (i'll use that figure) chance of getting divorced with a 33% chance of it being nasty. that's a 75% x 33% = 25% chance of getting a nasty divorce. PASS! especially since this particular cat has a lot to lose.

nearly everyone dives in with pie in the sky hopes and dreams. "yeah, but we REALLY love each other....WE'RE REALLY soul mates". guess what? it falls apart.

so, what makes one persons (couples) situation any different? news flash: it's not.

flat out, the risks outweigh the rewards. there is no advantage to getting married. there's nothing that an unmarried couple can't have that a married couple can, EXCEPT: that when you are married and it falls apart, you could be in for a whole peck of trouble.

i still say that being an unmarried couple is MORE of a committment because you are together because you both want to be and you are not bound by third party legal and financial constraints.

"i promise that we'll love each other for the rest of our lives"? totally fukking absurd.

"i promise that we'll remain together for the rest of our lives"? equally absurd.

no one can make promises like this. but they do anyway, and state it publicly (vows).

you never hear a realistic vow of, "i'll try my hardest to love you and make it work out". this would be my 'vow'.

any chicks in here have a problem with this vow? i would expect the same vow on her part. marriage has nothing to do with it, since you can obviously take this vow, in PRIVATE, without the state getting involved.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by CobraGT
First it's a moral issue. Based on my moral beliefs there should be no such things as premaritial sex. I know I want to have lots of sex; therefore, marriage is the only way to do it morally. I did pretty good at the 'not having premaritial sex', but then I got a girl friend! I suppose I feel guilty...since this goes against my moral character.
CobraGT

you did a "pretty good" job of sticking to your morals? congratulations! hmmmm...what if you did an equally good job of making your marriage work out?

maybe you should re-evaluate your morals. where did they come from? were they imposed upon you or do you have them because of your own free will?

you want to get married for all of the wrong reasons. my dad told me that people his age (when he got married at 19) got married for exactly the same reason--pvssy. they've long since divorced.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

and finally, a story for the guys...

i have this friend from high school. she's totally hot and has been married for about 10 years. they seemed to be a great couple, had fun together, etc. dude was fairly successful, probably about $100k per year. definitely not AFC. chicky did work here and there, but mainly part time cr@p, just to keep busy. no real job skills on her part, although she's pretty smart. she's sort of the obnoxious loud mouth type, but tolerable. no kids.

here's the scoop. she cheated on him big time. that's the thanks he gets for supporting her lazy ass. while he's out making money to pay for the cool house, the two BMW's, the boat, vacations, etc, she's fukking someone else. NICE!

so the dude divorced her PDQ. they parted ways fairly easily. she had ZERO negotiating power and she knew it (she was the one who cheated). he got himself a damn good attorney and she didn't. he ended up cashing her out for $50K, plus a beamer.

shortly thereafter, and after it was finalized, his dad died and left sonny-boy with the entire family business, worth about 20 million.

now hot little 37 year old divorced chicky baby is renting a room from another high school friend, making about $18k per year, and struggling to make ends meet. she knows not to touch that 50k.

chicky baby was telling us that she fvcked up big time. why is that? could it be because his dad was fortunate enough to die and leave sonny with bank, and that her fvck up was that she cheated "too early". yep, i think that's it. what a ho.

none of us high school buds, male and female, have an ounce of sympathy for her. it's unanimous, "she got what she deserved" and "welcome to the real world, babe".

 

[WestCoaster]

Yes, question those morals. There's nothing wrong with having them, but I don't think you're gonna burn in h-ll because you got your weenie wet with a few different women.

I draw the line on sleeping around when people are cheating. That's brutal and it's happened to me. I don't advocate it. But if two consenting adults agreed upon it and aren't hurting anyone else, I think that's between them.

Then again your morals are between you and God or Allah or Buddah or Homer Simpson, whoever.

But Too Cold is correct, best to question them ...

 

[CobraGT]

TooColdUlrick and WestCoaster,

Get your weanie wet...lol . My morals come from my parents and religion. Catholocisim to be exact. The type of religion is unimportant as people still have different views even within the same religion. I've learned sex outside of marriage is a no, no. Back to fairy tale stuff. Two people sharing sex together for the first time ever after being married seems the perfect way to go. My record is tarnished now.

Logically I agree with it. Sex from your married partner is the safest way to go. The risk from disease is much less than from one partner. Who wants to have an accidental kid? If a woman is a 10 and I can't tolerate much more than her looks and a good time...the last thing I want is an accidental pregnancy linking me to her. Isn't there still some monetary obligation with kids out of wedlock? If I have kids I really would want them to grow up with loving parents in the same house. Two happily married parents in my opinion will always be more positive for a child than two parents (happy or not) leading seperate lives.

I find it ironic that so much pleasure can come from an action, yet so much drama can be triggered by that one action. I'd love to be the guy out there having sex with beautiful women virtually everyday, but my logical side could never condone it. That kind of reckless behavior complicates life.

The most important part about of me is my calm easy going side which dictates a simple, uncomplicated life containing the least amount of drama possible. Why waste a great life worrying?

Sexual urges vs. logical thoughts make me sick!!!


CobraGT

 

[Falcon Eye]

Originally posted by CobraGT

Two people sharing sex together for the first time ever after being married seems the perfect way to go.
CobraGT [/B]

I couldn't disagree more. People in this situation are basically rolling the dice that they are sexually compatible. That may or may not be the case. If you are sexually compatible then that's great, but if not then you've got a BIG problem.

So what happens if a couple waits until after the wedding for sex? Is the guy going to be happy on the wedding night if she speaks up and says oh no, you have to understand, I won't be doing blow jobs, or I don't feel comfortable having sex outside of the bedroom and I don't want to have sex in the day time.

What if the guy turns out to be a pre-mature ejaculator? How happy is she going to be? And for how long?

People need to experience life and all that it has to offer. I don't think you have experienced life yet. There are millions of women in the world that will meet the criteria that you want in a life long partner. This women is not the one; I know this because there is no such thing as the one. If I were you I wouldn't get merried to this girl, but I'm not you and you need to make your own decisions and your own mistakes in life. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Just don't complain in a decade if shes not getting on her knees for you.

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by CobraGT
First it's a moral issue. Based on my moral beliefs there should be no such things as premaritial sex. I know I want to have lots of sex; therefore, marriage is the only way to do it morally.

I basically want lots of sex...

Okay, you're a devout Catholic...I respect that. Half the divorced people I know are Catholic. You're getting married because you basically want to have steady sex. This is like spending $35,000 on a car just because you have a parking space.

Cobra, please get a pre-nup. I know you think it's going to be great & going to last forever, and ever Amen....but SH!T HAPPENS! I don't think you've asked the HARD questions.

*You say you want kids. What if she can't have them, she's barren? What if you're the one shooting blanks? Does she get inseminated by some one else? Are you willing to adopt? Is she?

*What if your child has "special needs" that your insurance doesn't cover...or only covers for the first 5 years? Which one of you quits work to care for the child?

*You wreck your car and are paralyzed from the chest down. You can never have sex again. Does that mean SHE never has sex again?

*What if her parents get very ill. Are they moving in with you? Are you going to help support them? Pay the nursing home?

*What if she cheats on you? Would you forgive her? What if YOU cheat? Will she forgive you?

Don't roll your eyes and say this stuff never happens. Pick up a newspaper. It happens every day, in every city in the world. It can happen to any of us at any moment. (Take it from some one who CHOOSES to live on an active fault line! You NEVER know what's going to happen tomorrow. Prepare for it NOW!)



(I knew a Catholic guy who only slept with Protestants because as "Non-Catholics", it didn't count as pre-marital sex. )

 

[dietzcoi]

Too Cold, Loved that story. God how I love happy endings! Too bad my divorce doesn't have a happy ending...

Cobra - I understand where you are coming from but you are wrong. You are still an AFC. You beleive in the fairy tale. Trust me, it won't work. I have said my piece, good luck.

Westcoaster, Water Tiger, Falcon Eye... I think we all agree but yuo cannot stop the matrix. There are only a few of us who are outside it... everybody still connected is a potential enemy. They keep producing hollywood fairy tales and poor guys like Cobra buy into it... the whole idea of being a virgin at marriage and not knowing sh1t about sex... why would anybody think that is a good idea? Do you think people who don't know how to keep house, do finances, etc should marry? Then why should people who don't know how to "do" sex marry? Ridiculous!

Dietzcoi

 

[CobraGT]

Originally posted by Falcon Eye
I couldn't disagree more. People in this situation are basically rolling the dice that they are sexually compatible. That may or may not be the case. If you are sexually compatible then that's great, but if not then you've got a BIG problem.

I can see how this may cause trouble for some couples. I suppose I'm a special case in this area. A natural if you will. The first time I had sex was with my fiance who was not a virgin turned out to be awesome. I had waited a long time for this opportunity so I didn't half ass it the first go around. That night turned out perfect because I wanted to give her insane pleasure so I communicated with her and found out what movements gave her the greatest pleasure. I strove to make sure she enjoyed every moment of our encounter. Since then I've used that sort of approach and have taught her more about sex and herself than she ever learned from her prior experience. It's the selfish people who will suffer problems the most in their sexual encounters.

CobraGT