Well, I fvcked up...

[The Master Disaster]

Aight, well I'm getting bashed quite a lot, and the people who don't bash me are getting bashed for not bashing me... which really isn't helping my confidence. I don't want to give up on her, and I see now that I would be rewarding her, which I agree is the last thing I should do.

What if I don't call her, and do what loveorhate said and see if she calls me. Otherwise, if I do call her I'm just going to come off as a nice guy and instantly get friendzoned.

Give her a couple days to see if she contacts me via phone or Facebook. If she doesn't then maybe I'll contact her, but it may be good to confuse her over the next couple days on why I haven't called her yet.

Let her spend the next couple days waiting to see if I call. I mean every time she thinks about me over the next couple days will make her invest more in me, so that should be good.

Then if she doesn't call maybe give her a call on Thursday or something.

I don't know. I'll hold off calling her today and tomorrow for sure and see if she does anything to get my attention.

Is this the best strategy?

Just to note, this is finals week which means we'll be going home after this week for Christmas. However, both of our families live in the same city Atlanta but in different parts.

I'm also adapting the strategy of her being absolutely attracted to me because I'm attracted to her. This way it takes away her control on my mood. Plus my anxiety is inexistent.

 

[slaog]

listen qeek (and I know you want to correct my spelling)

Im not here to debate

Im here to give you my wisdom on how to date

and if your lucky,

how to mate

like an animal

so your the one who says "easy with the compliments. they're getting old"

There is no perfect way. No 2 situations are the same. No 2 women are the same. What works for one person might not work for another. When somebody asks for advice it is no harm in getting different types of advice from different people.


PS, you gave good advice like when you told MD to visualise it going well.

 

[SharinganUser]

MD, Stop thinking about about what to do and just do it. Honestly, while you are thinking about what to do, you could be actually doing it.

As long as you are thinking in terms of strategy, you are putting her on a pedestal. She is not the prize, you are. If you want her, then meet up with her and escalate. That should be your only strategy.

Really there is no strategy, there is only how you do things. If you don't call her, then it better be on your terms and not because you are scared or insecure. Same thing if you do call her.

You've heard the saying "it doesn't matter what you say but how you say it." That also applies largely to what you do as well.

Fvck using strategy, if you want her, go for her.

 

[Tenzen]

Aight, well I'm getting bashed quite a lot, and the people who don't bash me are getting bashed for not bashing me... which really isn't helping my confidence. I don't want to give up on her, and I see now that I would be rewarding her, which I agree is the last thing I should do.

What if I don't call her, and do what loveorhate said and see if she calls me. Otherwise, if I do call her I'm just going to come off as a nice guy and instantly get friendzoned.

Give her a couple days to see if she contacts me via phone or Facebook. If she doesn't then maybe I'll contact her, but it may be good to confuse her over the next couple days on why I haven't called her yet.

Let her spend the next couple days waiting to see if I call. I mean every time she thinks about me over the next couple days will make her invest more in me, so that should be good.

Then if she doesn't call maybe give her a call on Thursday or something.

I don't know. I'll hold off calling her today and tomorrow for sure and see if she does anything to get my attention.

Is this the best strategy?

Just to note, this is finals week which means we'll be going home after this week for Christmas. However, both of our families live in the same city Atlanta but in different parts.

I'm also adapting the strategy of her being absolutely attracted to me because I'm attracted to her. This way it takes away her control on my mood. Plus my anxiety is inexistent.

Good your starting to see whats going on. I don't think you need any more bashings... Remember your not giving up by not contacting her! If she doesn't contact you she gave up, not you giving up. Its a win win situation, you'll know right away if you should stop wasting effort right then and there. You said the last date went great, in that case you have a good lasting impression she should contact you. If not you'll rejoice for not wasting any more time and effort on this girl.

 

[The Master Disaster]

I gave her a call at 4 o'clock p.m., and I didn't get an answer, and I didn't leave a message because people just check missed calls anyways.

There are probably a bunch of reasons why she didn't pick-up that have nothing to do with me.I haven't got a call back.

I just see it as the balls in her court now. I did my thing. Now, she has to prove to me that she is interested in me. I am not doing a one sided relationship.

If she doesn't get back to me, I'll move on.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Calling and texting is dangerous to a man who doesn't have other plates. It becomes such a big deal, and often it's not big enough of a deal to the woman to consider what signals she's sending to you by not responding.
It's a tricky medium with too many possibilities for the simplest result (no answer), which is why I stay away from it when possible.

 

[The Master Disaster]

Calling and texting is dangerous to a man who doesn't have other plates. It becomes such a big deal, and often it's not big enough of a deal to the woman to consider what signals she's sending to you by not responding.
It's a tricky medium with too many possibilities for the simplest result (no answer), which is why I stay away from it when possible.

I'm a little surprised because I got all those good signals Saturday that she would want to do something like this again. I'm just tired of me having to initiate everything. I'm done chasing.

If she's interested, she'll call back.

 

[MisterMcGee]

I try not to associate texting with real life occurrences. I try.

I had a relatively flirty convo with a girl recently, maybe I'll post that later... stupid 10 posts a day limit.

 

[Igetit!]

I gave her a call at 4 o'clock p.m., and I didn't get an answer, and I didn't leave a message because people just check missed calls anyways.If she doesn't get back to me, I'll move on.

So if she doesn't call you back you're going to move on,huh? Well honestly,I'm more interested in what you're going to do if she does return your call. This isn't the end. Sooner or later,the two of you are going to talk to each other again. Then what? I've got to see this plan of yours for getting out of the friendzone. You pull this off,then the whole forum is going to be looking up to you,including myself. Like you said,I think that her not calling you yet probably doesn't have anything to do with you. For all you know,she probably's just been out all day busy with something.

So what's the deal? You told us what you intend to do if she doesn't call. But what if she does?

 

[The Master Disaster]

So what's the deal? You told us what you intend to do if she doesn't call. But what if she does?

Do a little chit chat and set up a time to meet.

I know it's finals week and everything is falling into place, but if you really liked someone you would give him or her a call back right?

Or is my logic flawed?

 

[Igetit!]

Do a little chit chat and set up a time to meet.

I know it's finals week and everything is falling into place, but if you really liked someone you would give him or her a call back right?

Or is my logic flawed?

WOW! You finally got it! This is what I had been saying the whole time. You finally get it,and it only took 2 months and 5000 replies. Let me put in bold print the part of your response that I'm talking about: but if you really liked someone you would give him or her a call back right?
You're correct about this,and no,you're logic isn't flawed.
Now you already know my view on this. Like I've already said before,I think you're in the friendzone. However,I wouldn't just jump to conclusions just yet as to why she hasn't called you back. There could be a million different reasons why,and yes,one of those reasons could be because she isn't interested in you,but don't let her "not calling you back" be the reason you think she's not interested. Show your true romantic interest to her so she'll know without a shadow of a doubt exactly what it is that you want. Then if she turns you down,or if she doesn't reciprocate,THEN I'd conclude she's not interested. Don't let this absence of a phone call make you move on. Let her turning you down make you more on.

You know,you'd save a lot more time,and save yourself a lot of wondering,anxiety,and not knowing if you'd just straight up asked her out from the get-go instead of taking this 500 mile radius detour you're on.

 

[The Master Disaster]

Oh I 100% agree with you, it would of been so much easier on me. I've learned hell of a lot from this. Girls left and right are showing me interest. A girl I'm working with in French has asked me out 3 times. She first wanted me to go with her to this Mexican restaurant. Today she wanted me to go and grab a beer with her... I'm not even 21 (August); it's also the 2nd time this semester a girl has wanted me to go grab a beer with her. First one, I told her I wasn't 21, and she responded with we'll get a pitcher, but I can't ask any girl out till I know what's going down here. I got some mad one-itis right now.

To do this plan you speak of, I would have to call her or at least text her, so what do I do call the girl tomorrow or the next day?

Kind of makes me sound needy...

What I originally wanted to do today when I thought we'd get together was after we get out of her apartment and before we got in the car. Be like, "I forgot to do something Saturday." Grab her hand and guide her to look at me. Put my hand her cheek and one on her hip and give her a passionate kiss.

That way, I wouldn't have to waste a second date if she wasn't interested. She would just go back in the apartment, but i she was then it would set the entire tone for the date.

 

[Sandow]

call her the next day, she's probably busy from finals.

Also, I may be a little late joining the thread, but it really sounds like she was waiting this whole time for you to make a move. And now, she may be moving on because you haven't made any advances. I hope that's not the case, but you really need to escalate the situation or she's going to lose her attraction(if she hasn't already).

 

[Igetit!]

Girls left and right are showing me interest. A girl I'm working with in French has asked me out 3 times. She first wanted me to go with her to this Mexican restaurant. Today she wanted me to go and grab a beer with her... I'm not even 21 (August); it's also the 2nd time this semester a girl has wanted me to go grab a beer with her. First one, I told her I wasn't 21, and she responded with we'll get a pitcher, but I can't ask any girl out till I know what's going down here. I got some mad one-itis right now.

EXACTLY. Look at this. Girl after girl,opportunity after opportunity is passing you by while you're stuck and hung up on a girl who you don't even know if she likes you or not. This is a shame. No,no,I take that back. Calling this a shame would be a step up from what it is. This is just plain ridiculous.

To do this plan you speak of, I would have to call her or at least text her, so what do I do call the girl tomorrow or the next day?

I was just joking about this supposed "plan" of getting out of the friendzone. Everybody knows there's no way out of it. Now if you are in it with this girl,and YOU truely believe you're there with her,then yeah,I'd just forget about her RIGHT NOW. But my gut feeling is that within the next 2 or 3 days,one way or another,you two are going to talk to each other again.

Be like, "I forgot to do something Saturday." Grab her hand and guide her to look at me. Put my hand her cheek and one on her hip and give her a passionate kiss.

Will you STOP IT with this kind of nonsense? Hand on her cheek? Passionate kiss? Stop this! This is not the movies,it's not Hollywood,fairy tale,live happily-ever-after. It's real life. Here you're talking about passionate kisses,and yesterday you were talking about restaurants with "ambience". SNAP OUT OF IT! You don't even know if she likes you yet.

So you want to know when you should call her,right? How about going no contact for a while. One week at a bare minimum. Let's see if she calls you. And if she does,and asks how come she hasn't heard from you in a while,tell her you've been busy. Flip the table on her. Let's see if she'll try to get you to carve some time out of your busy schedule for her. If she does,then I'll retract my earlier statement of you being in the friendzone.

Give that a try,and let's see what happens.

 

[The Master Disaster]

You're right.

I'm going to move on, and until she reveals to me that she wants to pursue this. I'm not gonna give her another thought.

I'll start actively pursuing again; something I haven't done in like two months.

Jesus, I was thinking about her as I went to go meet with some group members in this class when I got down some stairs there was this HB 8 who smiled and said "Hi!" Fvck, if I wasn't so deep in trance I could of spoke to her a little more and probably got her number. Probably could of got this clerk at this market too who checked me out as she fluffed her hair 50 times... Man, this girl really has messed up a lot of chances. I can't let this go on.

Everyday, I have women approach me or make it absolutely clear what they think of me... I don't even have to approach like most people on this board. Yet this one girl who I don't even know if she is interested for sure, isn't even phased by my looks or personality. I just don't get it... This is probably why I'm so fixated on her.

I can just spew Chicken and knock knock jokes and have most women in tears if I wanted to, but with this girl I have to work for her to laugh. Usually, I succeed; she keeps me on my toes.

Anyways, it'll do me well to focus on my finals and papers.

1 week bare minimum? I'm gonna go for at least 2-3 weeks, maybe even until January when school starts up again. If I haven't found someone by then, I might give her a dial.

This thing has made me realize that I really need to expand the number of plates that I'm spinning, so that way if this crap (god forbid) happens again. I can just move on.

 

[Tenzen]

about time man. i've been saying it the whole time. It messed up how one girl can really mess up so many opportunitys. All it takes is one that can create weeks into months into years of missed potential girls. Plus your not even 21 like me, consider finding a id to get into those bars girls are asking you to go to. Doesn't even have to look like you much. Here in chi town, its just too easy, i was surprised when i number closed 2 29 year olds... man they looked young... I'm glad your improving everyday realizing where you're going wrong.

 

[daygameguy]

Dude as this thread flows, you go further down in the quest with every post.

So here is my suggestion:

No more playing games. Tell her the whole story. She should know all your feelings as much as we guys know.

OR

Learn some game, and forget about her.

 

[SharinganUser]

My advice clearly went unheard....

 

[The Master Disaster]

My advice clearly went unheard....

I listened to your advice and called her, but she didn't answer and hasn't called me back...

So..

 

[Darth]

Reading through thread I see a chronic case of unrequited oneitus

It's always harder to see when you are personally attached to the outcome. I know it's like that for me.