Well, I fvcked up...

[izza]

I just texted her, this was the dialogue:

Me: What are you doing Saturday at noon?

Her: Dunno y? If it involves the newspaper im busy lol

Me: Haha, I was going to go downtown and so some christmas shopping,
and I thought it would be fun if you came with.
Her: That sounds good. Whos drivin?

Me: I'll pick you up at noon.

Her: Can we make it one. I think im partyin (near by city) on friday night.

Me: That's fine.

Her: K call or text before u come.

Me: K.

That was easy...

P.S. It feels good to have at least the wheels in motion.

I'm not really worried about Saturday because I know she and I always have a good time. Now, that I got that monkey of my back wondering if she likes me or doesn't like me.

Honestly, I'm really surprised she responded to the texts so quickly. This whole convo happened over 5 minutes.

God, it feels good.

Sweet!! Keep in mind that the real victory is you doing what you want, calling when you want to, not her response. The response just makes it sweeter

But congratulations! Good for you for following your happiness. That's what will really get you places in life.

As for how to dress, keep in mind that your behavior and chemistry is the most important thing. If you have a great chemistry, you can dress terribly and she will still like you. If you have a bad chemistry, it doesn't matter how you dress, it won't get you where you want to go.

Focus on what matters.

And if you have any doubts, dress down or less well than you normally would. That way, you'll know it was YOU who attracted her, not your clothes.

Izza

 

[loveorhate]

Oh quick question,

How should I dress? I am usually a well dressed and so is she.

Button Down? Polo? T-Shirt?

What extreme would be better too nicely dressed or too casual?

I was thinking about this blue button down with a black pullover. It looks really nice, and women really notice when I wear it, but it might be a little over dressed.

---------------------
A Short Poem by me
---------------------
My girlfriend once went on a date with a guy

A guy who she agreed to see on his first try

This man thought he'd impress her

"Hey" he said, "I think I'll dress well tonight!"

Upon seeing this well dressed guy, my girlfriend replied:

"You're well dressed tonight. All for me? Oh, how nice

very gentlemen like"

But sadly, he didn't get any that night.

 

[Tenzen]

hehe good poem. Stop caring what she thinks, and stop thinking so much, just do! Think of it this way, a man goes fishing and a fish took the mans bait. The man doesn't dress any different for this, nor does he think all day if hes going to reel that fish into the boat. Just do, pull her in kiss her when the times right, whatever happens you can always throw that fish back into the sea. Now we got metaphors in this thread lol.

 

[SuSHI]

good work IZZA

Stop kicking yourself about this. This isn't a "really easy opportunity that you missed." When you have good, honest, and open communication, dating is super easy. But basically, because you still seem to be trying to hide your sexual feelings, this is going to be a very difficult situation for you.

There's no use in saying that it is actually really easy. For your communication style, it isn't. Until you feel comfortable calling her sexy just as a comment, and telling her what it is about her personality that makes her sexy, you're going to be doing a rain dance trying to get women in your life. You're going to be dancing in circles rather than just turning on the faucet.

When you're ready to just have an honest chat with her about how you feel, you'll find that dating is extremely easy. But communication, as always, is really really hard, and honesty even more so.

No need to kick yourself. You are trying to do something that is hard, but once you master communication, is easy. In the meantime, it's normal to be upset with yourself. But forgiving yourself is the first step to success. Without that, you may want to pursue something else.

Izza

Nice advice, well put. I cut and pasted it into my private stash, thanks man.

 

[The Master Disaster]

---------------------
A Short Poem by me
---------------------
My girlfriend once went on a date with a guy

A guy who she agreed to see on his first try

This man thought he'd impress her

"Hey" he said, "I think I'll dress well tonight!"

Upon seeing this well dressed guy, my girlfriend replied:

"You're well dressed tonight. All for me? Oh, how nice

very gentlemen like"

But sadly, he didn't get any that night.

That sh!t is funny as hell.

I gotcha guys.

 

[Igetit!]

oh and Igetit! (what's that mean anyway, some sort of Indian? just
teasing, but seriously, what's it mean?).

Can't believe I actually have to explain this to somebody: My username "Igetit!" isn't Indian or has any cultural significance. It's just the words "I","get",and "it" put together. I-get-it. You get it?
Loveorhate,I never as you say,"went soft" on Master Disaster. I was and still am one of his hardest critics. The reason I don't pound him ALL the time is because everybody needs some encouragement every now and then. Even though you might mean well,if you only criticize,and never give any hope to them to believe they can suceed,evenually they'll tune you out. It's like everytime they see you coming,inwardly,they'll get defensive towards you.
Not only that,but even if your advice is right,they may reject it simply because it came from you.

Looked like he won the arguement. Like he convinced you or something to that effect.

I wasn't even aware we were arguing. This is a Discussion forum. Won the arguement? I'm wasn't trying to "win" anything. This isn't a competion. I,and the other members were trying to encourage him,plus we were giving him our takes on the situation. I wasn't trying to beat him at anything. He likes this girl. We just want him to be successful in dating her,that's all.

Anyway,good luck on the date tomorrow Disaster.

 

[loveorhate]

... everybody needs some encouragement every now and then. Even though you might mean well,if you only criticize,and never give any hope to them to believe they can suceed,evenually they'll tune you out. It's like everytime they see you coming,inwardly,they'll get defensive towards you.
Not only that,but even if your advice is right,they may reject it simply because it came from you.

I HIGHLY agree.

though remember fellow Playboy

Never defend, unless you have to

you'll only seem reactive

and as they say,

will appear inactive

better to use silence

which will bring out the mightiest

in even those who are the tiniest

security feels no need to fight

Afterall, it's peace, is it's might.

those sometimes we loose our cool

and, as you may guess, act a fool

But all is okay

if we learn from our mistakes

we'll propel ourselves to great heights

that only our imaginations

can see to its creation

good luck on your date Master Disaster

and prove me wrong.

or else

sing the sad song

of the unstrong

 

[MisterMcGee]

that was kinda lame lmao

 

[The Master Disaster]

Wow, we had an absolute blast.

We went downtown and bypassed the flea market.

Man, that was fun as hell not gonna lie. We really hit it off seriously well. I didn't go for the kiss, but we KINO'd each other constantly. She spent her 2 dollar bill that she loved. I took the opportunity to rub her back, and say that it was okay.

We ate lunch right away. She actually picked up the check which was like 8 bucks, and I agreed to pay for cheesecake later on.

Instead we went to the cupcake emporium, which had some f***ing awesome cupcakes. We ate them, and we shared them. I thought it was a big sign that she wanted to eat the same food. Then we shared some water afterwards.

We walked along the river. Watched street performers. There was actually an art fair that we went through that was fun. We smiled and laughed basically the entire time. I got some good negs in there.

I ran into some women I know from college who were eye f***ing me when they saw me with her. She picked up on that other girls and store clerks were checking me out.

There was one store clerk who would only look at me when she talked, and commented on everything we said.

I think there was some jealousy in the air.

I was going to walk her to her door, but there was no where to park, and she said, "You can just drop me off." I didn't really care. We were both really tired. We spent 5 hours walking around downtown.

She said to call her later on this week, so we can meet up again. I'll probably give her a call Tuesday or Wednesday. Good times.

P.S. She was going to this passion party tonight which was an all girl party where they bring someone in to pick out and play with dildos and ... other things.

We talked a lot about sex.

 

[Tenzen]

omg.... that was a blast? omg..... failed... dude if ur looking for a girl to be ur friend u just got one.

 

[Igetit!]

Well,seems like the date went well. And you were going to keep waiting for this "perfect" time or way to ask her out. Now Master Disaster,you should know me well enough by now to know that I'm going to have something a little negative to say about this. Brace yourself,here goes: Although the date seemed to go well,there still seems to be a romantic element missing to it. For some reason,this still feels like two people just hanging out. The last thing I want is for you to keep having these "get togethers" with her for the next 2 months only to find out later on that the whole time she was already dating some other guy. Are you sure,and I mean 100% positive that she knows that you like her in a romantic/sexual way,and not just friends. Are you sure she knows that?

Darn it,just when the forum was starting to get some interesting thread on it,I have to go at work at 6pm. Oh well,glad to see you enjoyed yourself today man. But I'm still going to pound on you about whether she knows your true intentions with her or not.

Later.

 

[CFERD]

Sounds like you both had a fun day. There was nothing that made it clear to her that it was a DATE in her mind. Friends can be touchy and talk about sex with eachother....example, my good female friend touches me all the time, and she talks about sex like one of the guys. Jealousy? Not if this girl isn't sure there is any thing to get jealous about. You were probably confusing it with the caddiness/ judgemental of other women behavior that most girls exhibit...More than likely she knows you want to get into her pants, that's usually a given as most girls are keen on that. Just because she knows doesn't prevent you from being her fun to hang around with guy(gal pal). The bold move was suggested so you can escape the FZ. Maybe your comfortable being friends with her for some time before you try to take it to a romantic/sexual state. Never a good idea... I'm not saying a kiss has to happen on every first date. In your case you've already been to her house, had lunch with her, and have spent time with her working on your project. The point being, letting too much time pass without going in for the kiss, well it can all too easily be the kiss of death. Umm, eating the same cupcakes, were you feeding them to her in a sensual manner? All the so called signs can really be misleading. The only sign you want to see is her lips touching yours, it's the only reliable sign at this stage of the game. It sounds like you provided her with a fun day, good feelings and she told you to call her. So I'd say you did well in that regard. But you pvssed out again. No place to park? there's always enough time for a quick peck before she gets out of the car. I hope you can get up the courage the next time you see her. You must be dying to kiss this girl by now. I know I would be. I'd want to know if she has no clue what she's doing, if she's ok, if she's a sloppy kisser, or a fantastic kisser that convices me she has a gifted tongue....haha. Who knows, maybe the next time you'll seal the deal, I only stress that because there are bound to be other guys pursuing her that won't hesitate to go after what they want, and then she'll only see you as the sweet guy. Don't let that happen.

 

[The Master Disaster]

Well, I guess I didn't "Seal the deal," but I definitely associated my presence with fun, which is good. I know she had fun, and so I think she won't hesitate accepting a 2nd get together.

I completely agree if I don't make a move soon. I'm going to be getting into the FZ.

I'll give her a call this week for some week-date. We talked about shopping more for my sister's present (really lame), but I think we just said that to have a reason to get together again soon.

What I'm thinking about doing is soon as she's in the car doing something completely else, something really fun and unique. I don't want to go shopping again.

I've thought about something competitive because we could do "loser kisses winner." I was thinking of going to the pool hall, or going bowling. Maybe even doing some games of laser tag. I want to do something that gets her blood pumping.

If you have any ideas on what we should during the week, I'd appreciate it.

But mainly what I want to do this week date for would be to propose a date on Saturday night. Because there is a big meteor shower going on December 13th, which would be incredibly romantic. I don't think she would think of me as a friend after that.

I'll give her a call probably Wednesday to set up something on Thursday. Then use the Thursday date to set up the thing on Saturday.

 

[MisterMcGee]

"loser kisses winner"

You don't need an excuse to kiss her. Stop thinking that you do.

 

[izza]

Congratulations on the fun date. No need to force yourself to go for the kiss. There is no rush. When you have the right dynamic, you would have kissed her a long time ago. What really counts is that you had fun. If you can have fun with girls, and show them a good time - everything else will fall in place. These guys who are saying "oh no, you failed you didn't go for the kiss" have obviously had a lot of bad experiences. But the truth is, if you focus on having an EFFING BLAST, women will want to be around you. They will even crush on you from the friend zone.

Being awesome is far more powerful than a lot of the crap people have posted. As long as you're awesome, you can afford to wait quite a while before the girl will give up.

I do, however, recommend being EXTREMELY verbally honest about whether or not you think she's sexy, what your agenda is with her, what your timetable is, and that you're a liberated guy (see the video in my signature). Most guys on here don't have the communication skills to let a girl know where they stand... AND THAT'S ALL GIRLS REALLY NEED FROM US to feel at ease.

Wow, it saves so much trouble and hurt and protecting of self. But if you let a girl where she stands, she will be willing to wait much longer.

Izza

 

[MisterMcGee]

"They will even crush on you from the friend zone."
this needs a topic of it's own, seriously. or at least talk about it more thoroughly

 

[loveorhate]

that was kinda lame lmao

Thanks for the praise old man. always good to know I'm getting more and more people to ride my sacks.

As for the disaster, you fuking suck.

"at least I know we're having fun", (or whatever the fuk it was that you said.)

I'll tell you why with this observation I made last night:

At the park, at about say 2 am or something like that, I saw a guy and girl. They couldn't have been older than twenty or something like that. Anyway, I paid close attention to the girls behavior. And by it, I could tell she was attracted to the guy. Why? Becuase she did most of the talking. She asked most of the questions. And her body language was excited. She also kept doing the most childish things like going down the slide like a five year old and swinging on the swing.

And the guy? what did he do? Nothing. He answered her questions, continue the conversation that SHE started. When she said, "come down the slide with me" this kid just stayed where he was. He couldn't care less.

I remember reading an article by david deangelo once. He advised his readers to act like boyfriends. once I guy knows he's got his girl, that his girl is crazy over him, he feels like the chase is over so the interest that he once had isn't there anymore. This only serves to make his girlfriend want him even more. This is how this kid was acting. like he had already had her, and she couldn't help but try to keep his attention.

later, once she finally calmed her ass down, they sat together. That's when he went in for the kiss, and oh man, was she waiting for it.

From what you're telling us, this girl is having fun with you. From my experience, and from watching others, girls have fun with friends but act can act very girly and childlike when they like someone.

Can you honesty say she's attracted to you?

a can't speak for all girls when it comes to how they act when they are attracted to a guy, but I can say that that all act in certain way when they are attracted to a guy.

how is she behaving with you?

is it different from how she's acting with others?

other guys?

does she act with you the way she acts with her girlfriends? (If so, you could be a friend.)

If you had kissed her that night, you would have found out.

The problem with waiting is that she could meet another guy who she does find attractive and who acts on this.

once she's attracted to another guy, and if he sticks around and is someone who she likes as a person aswell, she'll begin to form feelings for him. Once this happens, she'll quite looking at other guys. Why should she, she's already getting the security that she craves.

act fast.

if it doesn't work out, then cut your losses and move on. They're are just too many women on this planet of ours to get hung over one. I think there are more women than men, actually.

and try changing your mindset from "I love her. She's the one. We're destined to be together ... forever ... till the metoers hit ... till my ass looks like dripping milkshake"

to a non-needy one: "I don't need her. She's attractive and a great person, but a girlfriend may not even be in my best interest right now. I'll may or may not want to hang out with her next time. Depends on my schedule."

she put you on HER schedule. try putting her on your schedule.

turn the tables, maybe you can get some attraction from her if you doubt she's attracted.

okay, school girl, I'll talk to you next time.

 

[The Master Disaster]

She was really animated and acted a lot like a kid at some points.

We were in this shop, and they had Sinatra playing. She started to do this dance that was really stupid, and it really cracked me up. At point when I wasn't looking her, she thrust her arms apart to move me (it wasn't a tap there was some muscle in it) out the way as she continue to dance. Obviously, to get me to watch her.

She hummed music throughout the day. She would say things like, "I wish I knew the words." I said. "Yea, Me too." She smiled and said "Shut up!"

Everything you described loveorhate she did except I was a little more interested in the conversations. We made each other laugh all day.

Towards the end of the date, we were both exhausted. I mean it was 5 hours of constant interaction.

I probably had some chances at sliding a kiss in, but you could go through any situation with a girl and think up 50 or so.

I am happy with how it turned out. We had a bucknasty time. I'll take her somewhere this week and make my move.

----------
Instead of doing some week date, what if I call on her Wednesday maybe even Thursday; then I let her know I went ahead and got the presents for my sister or whatever. Then I tell her that I want to show her something, something incredible, something she'll never forget on Saturday night. Dress warm and be ready by 9 p.m.

That's all I'll tell her. By removing that week date, I can knock her off her pedestal (if she thinks she is on one) and have her start questioning why I haven't called her yet.

It also removes the chance that I don't make a move on that week date, and it's impossible to not make a move while watching a meteor shower.

What do you guys think?

 

[izza]

It sounds like you know what you need to know, and have a plan that you're comfortable with. Have fun.

Also, this "knock her off her pedestal" mentality is based on insecurity. If she's that egotistical, then why are you dating her. If she's not, then don't worry about it.

But a girl who pushes you out of the way to do a goofy xmas dance in a mall does not sound like she puts herself on a pedestal. Really, really does not sound like it.

Mr. McGee - thanks for the feedback. For more info on these ideas, please search for Juggler via youtube. Check those out, as well as the post in my signature. That will give you more background information.

Thanks for the feedback.

 

[CFERD]

Thanks for the praise old man. always good to know I'm getting more and more people to ride my sacks.

As for the disaster, you fuking suck.
No you don't suck, you just lack courage and experience.


The problem with waiting is that she could meet another guy who she does find attractive and who acts on this.

once she's attracted to another guy, and if he sticks around and is someone who she likes as a person aswell, she'll begin to form feelings for him. Once this happens, she'll quite looking at other guys. Why should she, she's already getting the security that she craves./QUOTE]

^^^The reason we've been telling Master to kiss her now. Not only because of the competion factor, more importantly, we don't want to see him stuck in the FZ because he waited too long

But the most important reason; the longer he puts it off the more he builds it up in his head, suddenly it becomes extremely challenging, complicated and anxiety producing for him to perform the simplest task of kissing her.

Given all the circumsances, he needs to make a move now before it's too late.
Maybe my advice is crap, but I think based on everything he's told us, it seems to be the best fit for his situation. Unless of course Master wants to be her friend, and doesn't really want to kiss her...IDK