Yeah, I came to discover a few pretty simple nuances that held me back a lot. It took me years to realize that my biggest battle was learning more about how other people perceived me when I actually made my efforts to be sociable, rather than developing a social acuity in and of itself.
The 3 big mistakes that held me back dramatically:
1)
Shock: People were so used to me not talking much that whenever I became brave enough to step out of my comfort zone and say something it took so many people by surprise that they often missed half of what I said. People didn't laugh or they looked at me weird as a result, so I always believed everything I said was a disaster that fell on its face. But it wasn't. I was just not getting the full
message across.
2)
Tempo: I was so used to not being the center of attention that, when I spoke, the experience of having all eyes on me felt extremely uncomfortable. Because of this I spoke very quickly just to get it over with as fast as I could. Again, people often missed things I did say and they didn't laugh or they looked at me weird as a result. And again, I was just not getting the full message across.
3)
Clarity: Not only did people miss details when I spoke quickly, I would also skip over details that were crucial to understanding what I was trying to convey in my head to begin with. It was like telling a joke and messing up the punchline, or screwing up the set up for the punchline. It was yet another problem of not getting the full message across.
Once I learned to make a more regular effort to participate in conversation the shock problem wore off. Once I slowed down and allowed eyes to stay on me and took the time to fully articulate my thoughts, I came to realize I wasn't a social retard after all. lol. People laughed. People engaged with me. It was a great boost of confidence, which pushed me to pursue with more motivation.