Trying to "mold" her

[jhonny9546]

I'll tell you a short story about how I changed her behavior, towards me, by not validating her.
I was inspired by a friend who did this with his girlfriend.
In short, my girlfriend makes me food, but I always eat it cold, and she never puts it in warm.
One day, at lunch, instead of thanking her, I simply didn't validate her. I said, "Why don't you heat it up for me? Do you want me to eat it cold?" She became upset and responded rudely, while I remained silent.

She continued to make me cold meals, but after about a week, she started to heat them for me. Then I validated her efforts. Now, most of the meals are warm!

Since I'm a nice guy, this thing doesn't come natural to me, and hurt me, but this is what I've done to make her change her behaviour. What do you think, could I've done it better?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Since I'm a nice guy, this thing doesn't come natural to me, and hurt me, but this is what I've done to make her change her behaviour. What do you think, could I've done it better?

Yes, but it's a beginning. At least you understand that your attention and validation are your currency, which becomes more valuable when a woman has to put effort in acquiring. That's why you don't need to worry about women getting free attention and validation from orbiters - their freely given attention doesn't carry the same value as your attention and validation that she has to earn.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Don’t try to change her everyone here will tell you the same thing that it’s a waste of energy and it will never work. You are going to have to figure this out for yourself. It may take six months. It may take longer than that, but there is a real scientific principle, called Neuroplasticity that you should look into, especially as women age or any human. It’s very hard for a leopard to change its stripes that saying has been around since the beginning of time for a reason. I just dealt with two years of it myself this board more than eight out of 10 times is right. Trust it trust the process I can’t stress that enough.

 

[BaronOfHair]

In short, my girlfriend makes me food, but I always eat it cold, and she never puts it in warm.

Are you allowing whatever grub your eating to get chilly, THEN expecting her to heat it up for you? If so, that brings us back around to a prior observation https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/anger.283121/#post-3137037 Toddlers in adult bodies indeed

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Find someone who already is what you want and stop wasting time and energy trying to change someone. It won't work.

 

[Ricky]

I disagree that people dont change. The problem is that people often change for the worse

it takes effort to make ones self better. Alot aren’t willing to put in the effort

 

[The Duke]

I'll tell you a short story about how I changed her behavior, towards me, by not validating her.
I was inspired by a friend who did this with his girlfriend.
In short, my girlfriend makes me food, but I always eat it cold, and she never puts it in warm.
One day, at lunch, instead of thanking her, I simply didn't validate her. I said, "Why don't you heat it up for me? Do you want me to eat it cold?" She became upset and responded rudely, while I remained silent.

She continued to make me cold meals, but after about a week, she started to heat them for me. Then I validated her efforts. Now, most of the meals are warm!

Since I'm a nice guy, this thing doesn't come natural to me, and hurt me, but this is what I've done to make her change her behaviour. What do you think, could I've done it better?

So let me get this straight.....you sat there eating cold meal after cold me and never told her you prefer a hot meal until now?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

So let me get this straight.....you sat there eating cold meal after cold me and never told her you prefer a hot meal until now?

He doesn't know you should establish boundaries and standards at the start of the relationship.