How do you establish boundaries?
Here's a great list from Google AI:
-Self-reflection: Understand your own needs and values to identify areas where you need to set boundaries.
-Identify specific behaviors: Clearly define what behaviors are unacceptable or cross your boundaries.
-Choose the right time: Pick a calm moment to discuss boundaries with the person involved.
-Communicate assertively: Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs directly, without blaming or accusing.
-Be clear and concise: Explain your boundary clearly and simply, avoiding ambiguity.
-Set consequences: Discuss what will happen if the boundary is crossed, and be prepared to follow through.
-Practice self-care: Be mindful of your emotions and prioritize your well-being when enforcing boundaries
Here are a few personal examples I've had with former girlfriends:
1. I used to pick my girlfriend up for our date and we would go eat somewhere. She had a habit of getting on her phone and checking her social media on the 20min drive to the restaurant. I hadn't seen her all week, and I wanted her undividied attention and wanted to have good converstion with her. So the first time she did it, I said in a funny tone "hey, are you on a date with me or that phone?" She got the hint and put her phone down. The second time it happened, I said "I haven't seen you much this week and I'd like to have an undivided conversation with just you, not you and your phone. My apologies for not making that clear the last time. If this happens again, we will just stay home". I got some attitude this time. And guess what, this happened a third time over the course of 2months. The third time I turned my truck around, went home, made myself a sandwich, then enjoyed my hobby the rest of the evening. It never happened again.
2. Another former girlfriend was complaining about our relationship and how she wasn't happy. blah blah blah. I listened to her and told her I would try and do better. This all played out during a 30min conversation in the car on the way to eat. When we got to the restaurant she kept complaining. I told her she had 5 more minutes to say what she had to say and after that the conversation needed to change or I would walk out and leave her there. I interjected at the 5 minute mark, even reminded her she needed to wrap it up or I was leaving. I ended up leaving her. After a few minutes she blew my phone up non-stop for 2hrs and I ignored every attempt. She went outside the restaurant and cried her eyes out. A few hours later an Uber dropped her off at my house. Never had any more problems like that again.
With my current girlfriend whenever she tells me a story of another girl acting out, or we are somewhere and a couple is having an argument and one of them is getting out of hand throwing a tantrum, I always share my thoughts so she knows that schitt isn't acceptable to me. I let her know that if she wants to pull that crap and have a melt down that she can find a new boyfriend.
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