This is my last stand against unhappiness- An honest letter

[loving]

Despite all my efforts guys the last thing Ive been able to do is to conquer my fear of approaching. I'm fat but a good looking guy or at least I have some kind of vibes, I get looks from the girls I'm into all the time. This has done nothing to my confidence though as I've discovered I have a fear of being alone with the girl I want - that I won't be able to perform from the point I say hi to the point we're ****ing.

To me those are both arbitrary points, because I've never reached any of them. I have no problem asking girls for things like homework or something to copy but when it comes to conversation I'm afraid to get my beak wet. I've found that it is a fear of what people will think by proxy - the content (who is judging me) is irrelevant, and so are the number of people around. One of my first fantasies was just me and my first crush in a room alone together and we got to know eachother, yet when I see a girl alone on a secluded street, I'm afraid still.

Here is the kicker that is twisting me up in knots - I've been taught how to deal with things like this. I was constantly bullied in grade 5-10 and it really got to me, then I learned to care less and less now when people say bad stuff to me or laugh/make fun of the stuff I do really I don't care because I learned what an emotional vampire is and that I can just create happiness within me. So when it happens, their opinions don't even phase me - if so not for more than an insignificant moment. Despite this knowledge, and experience based on this knowledge, something is still stopping me from approaching girls with intent of sexuality in mind. I am sick of where I am in life.. I want more friends and most of all I want more girls at all times. Please, from what you have read and know help me with my problem.

I love you all, I hope one of your 10 posts can make my tomorrow a better day.
Bless us all,
loving

 

[loving]

anyone has a thing to say?

 

[Dedication]

Could this be afraid of acceptance instead of approach? I do not think i can help you on this matter yet. I don't have the expierence right now but i did read your post just to listen what you have to say.

 

[DonGorgon]

I SOUNDS LIke YOU HAVE DEEPER ISSUES THAT ARE ACTUALLY CAUSING YOUR SOCIAL INTERACTIONS TO BE DIFFICULT.. I THINK YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP THAT IS WELL BEYOND THE CAPACITY OF THIS ONLINE COMmUNITY... please try and get that help girls in your life can be on the back burner for now.. when you heal your mind and soul then the girls will come easier..

 

[sherineo]

You said you're fat but attractive ... try just being attractive get the clue...

Most fat people have issues with sexuality..(biology!)

Lift some weight...build some muscle...you need testosterone may be...

 

[trd323]

Ok, I know this is opposite of what people are going to say but,

Stop trying to pick up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just make friends with everyone, be honest, be kind.

I think getting the validation from people that want to hang out with you will get you more confidence and get you out of the slump

 

[02hero]

OP, give yourself a break man. You sound like a thoroughly decent bloke who's lost a lot of confidence due to the bullying you went through. Totally understandable in my opinion.
You are still a young man and really don't need to worry about being all suave and sophisticated with girls of your own age. You said yourself that you're a good looking guy (so you have a head start, right there).

I would suggest that you do something about your weight problem mostly for health reasons, as well as superficial. In a funny way I think you would benefit emotionally if you lost some of the weight as you would regain some control over your eating habits and body and your confidence would grow.
Concentrate on school for the moment, and remember girls are only human, just try to have fun.

You beat the bullies, you'll come through this too......

 

[KarmaSutra]

I SOUNDS LIke YOU HAVE DEEPER ISSUES THAT ARE ACTUALLY CAUSING YOUR SOCIAL INTERACTIONS TO BE DIFFICULT.. I THINK YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP THAT IS WELL BEYOND THE CAPACITY OF THIS ONLINE COMmUNITY... please try and get that help girls in your life can be on the back burner for now.. when you heal your mind and soul then the girls will come easier..

Jesus Christ you're an idiot. You don't have any idea on how to help promote growth or someone's self esteem so you pawn it off on a "professional".

Contribute or get the fvck out of the way.

Watch how a man reacts to a brother in distress:

 

[02hero]

OP listen to this guy ^^^^^^^

 

[KarmaSutra]

Brother Loving:

Your problem is you're wanting. You want someone to give you a magick key or a secret handshake to open some mystical door to enlightenment. This will never come to fruition and will leave you holding your hat.

This is the problem with fvcking seduction/dating forums. They tell you everything but lack completely in practicality and direction.

You want help? Make a decision for your life to change. Permanent change. You have to know that what you're feeling now is momentary and fleeting. Anything you do to change how you perceive yourself as a man in a world of little boys will morph your reality and give you a lamp of truth to navigate a dark path.

But you cannot learn it from books or from some random jag-off here. You have to take responsiblity for yourself. Love yourself. Love your faults and your fallacies and then commit to ascension to the Next Level.

There are a few Brothers here who have the insight, experience and confidence to give you support but they're moving on.

I'm one of these brothers. We need to talk privately in order for me to gain some insight into where you're at and where we can get you walking your road. We'll do it together.

When you're ready let me know. I'm proud of you for having the sac to come here and seek answers to your questions but the only person who can decide to make the first step is you.

KarmaSutra

 

[KarmaSutra]

OP, give yourself a break man. You sound like a thoroughly decent bloke who's lost a lot of confidence due to the bullying you went through. Totally understandable in my opinion.
You are still a young man and really don't need to worry about being all suave and sophisticated with girls of your own age. You said yourself that you're a good looking guy (so you have a head start, right there).

I would suggest that you do something about your weight problem mostly for health reasons, as well as superficial. In a funny way I think you would benefit emotionally if you lost some of the weight as you would regain some control over your eating habits and body and your confidence would grow.
Concentrate on school for the moment, and remember girls are only human, just try to have fun.

You beat the bullies, you'll come through this too......

This is how a man who is absolutely secure in himself and has the will to Mentor answers a brother in need!

Fantastic post Brother Hero. You've made it onto my very short list of men to watch and learn from.

 

[Faded Image]

LOVING - First of all repeat after me "Women (repeat) do not (repeat) bring (repeat) happiness (repeat). Now say it again!

Treat the information here like you treated you drivers license test booklet.

It tells you how to drive a car but it won't drive it for you.

Stop basing your happiness on external factors (women and friends) and focus on the task at hand. Ask yourself this questions:

"How good do I (you) want to be?" (Nick Saban)

There's no instant success with women; you have to be willing to go through the process in order achieve that success. I always say “Every dude wants to muscular, but every dude isn’t willing to what it takes to become muscular.”

Work on self improvement and attitude. As I read your post, I got the feeling that you're sort of raising the white flag before the war even starts. Like you're staggering in a heavy weight bout but haven't been punched. It has to start with you; otherwise you're never going to accomplish your desires. As you grow into your self improvement (never stop self improvement), you have to eventually put yourself out there and approach or do what ever it is you want to do and as KarmaSutra stated above I’m here to help as well. You still have your whole life in front of you, start now!

 

[amoka]

http://gamesnet.vo.llnwd.net/o1/gamestar/objects/143447_main.jpg

 

[DonGorgon]

Jesus Christ you're an idiot. You don't have any idea on how to help promote growth or someone's self esteem so you pawn it off on a "professional".

Contribute or get the fvck out of the way.

Watch how a man reacts to a brother in distress:

^^^LOL... hostility ignorance anger but nothing of value said by you at all...LOL

He needs help.. getting woman should be last on his mind now.. but guess what he does not have to believe that at all... He is free to choose his destiny.

 

[Mavrick]

Never give up. Never Ever Give Up!

Say it loud "I NEVER EVER GIVE UP!"

That's pretty much all I feel like I need to say, but I have to tell you...

You aren't the only guy with problems. You're not alone in your quest. I wish to God I had a great answer for you, but I don't. Life isn't fair. It never has been and it never will be. The best way to be happy is to just accept that life just ain't fair.

Why Happiness Is the Number One Factor In Attracting Women
by VIVAlasVEGASBaby​

I disagree with confidence being the #1 factor in attracting women. I believe happiness is #1 and confidence is #2.

How could someone be truly confident when they aren't happy? Without happiness why do women even matter? Why does anything matter? If you think you'll all of a sudden be happy when you have met that perfect one in a million girl who you love, you are crazy.

I guarantee every single true Don Juan has everlasting and infinite happiness. No matter what kind of crap they go through, they can still bust out the biggest smile of anyone. Confidence, charm, charisma, and all of that stuff comes with happiness.

When you achieve happiness, you stop caring and stop fearing talking to women. What happens when you do that? You become confident, and even if you don't have great charisma, you'll achieve it with the practice you put forward.

We all have our problems. What separates the men from the boys is how we deal with our problems. Your happiness should be your #1 priority, because without it, nothing matters, and you truly can't enjoy anything.​

link

You have to be happy before you ever get the woman; otherwise, you'll be miserable with a woman.

I can say this, too. I was picked on as a kid. I was small. My confidence wasn't that great, but I fought with the bullies, and they would respect me for just fighting them in the first place. I didn't have to win the fight. I just had to be willing to fight and defend myself. When I won my first fight, I never lost another one. Then soon I was confident enough to know I could win a fight and just by that alone, guys no longer wanted to fight me.

The best way to get over any fear is to meet it head on. You've got to face it and conquer it. If you don't, you're a wuss. I know you're not a wuss.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Yeah. I feel the same he is describing. What worries me,is not being ahead,and not being where I want to be in life. That includes alot.

 

[loving]

Never give up. Never Ever Give Up!

Say it loud "I NEVER EVER GIVE UP!"

That's pretty much all I feel like I need to say, but I have to tell you...

You aren't the only guy with problems. You're not alone in your quest. I wish to God I had a great answer for you, but I don't. Life isn't fair. It never has been and it never will be. The best way to be happy is to just accept that life just ain't fair.



You have to be happy before you ever get the woman; otherwise, you'll be miserable with a woman.

I can say this, too. I was picked on as a kid. I was small. My confidence wasn't that great, but I fought with the bullies, and they would respect me for just fighting them in the first place. I didn't have to win the fight. I just had to be willing to fight and defend myself. When I won my first fight, I never lost another one. Then soon I was confident enough to know I could win a fight and just by that alone, guys no longer wanted to fight me.

The best way to get over any fear is to meet it head on. You've got to face it and conquer it. If you don't, you're a wuss. I know you're not a wuss.

After reading this I read your sig as "Be a man, you woman." and I have to say, its like the key that's always been in my book of life has been turned. Thank you man

 

[Mavrick]

After reading this I read your sig as "Be a man, you woman." and I have to say, its like the key that's always been in my book of life has been turned. Thank you man

As my best friend always used to say, "She's going to be sucking somebodies d!ck; it might as well be yours".

Read this list

 

[C-quenced]

Despite all my efforts guys the last thing Ive been able to do is to conquer my fear of approaching. I'm fat but a good looking guy or at least I have some kind of vibes, I get looks from the girls I'm into all the time. This has done nothing to my confidence though as I've discovered I have a fear of being alone with the girl I want - that I won't be able to perform from the point I say hi to the point we're ****ing.

To me those are both arbitrary points, because I've never reached any of them. I have no problem asking girls for things like homework or something to copy but when it comes to conversation I'm afraid to get my beak wet. I've found that it is a fear of what people will think by proxy - the content (who is judging me) is irrelevant, and so are the number of people around. One of my first fantasies was just me and my first crush in a room alone together and we got to know eachother, yet when I see a girl alone on a secluded street, I'm afraid still.

Here is the kicker that is twisting me up in knots - I've been taught how to deal with things like this. I was constantly bullied in grade 5-10 and it really got to me, then I learned to care less and less now when people say bad stuff to me or laugh/make fun of the stuff I do really I don't care because I learned what an emotional vampire is and that I can just create happiness within me. So when it happens, their opinions don't even phase me - if so not for more than an insignificant moment. Despite this knowledge, and experience based on this knowledge, something is still stopping me from approaching girls with intent of sexuality in mind. I am sick of where I am in life.. I want more friends and most of all I want more girls at all times. Please, from what you have read and know help me with my problem.

I love you all, I hope one of your 10 posts can make my tomorrow a better day.
Bless us all,
loving

I'm going through the same exact problem as well... it's actually scary as to how your personal issues resembles my own. You have some really cool, humble, intelligent guys on this forum that are more than willing to help but we (you and I) have to make the effort in order to improve. Someone stated earlier that it would be best to seek professional help and I absolutely agree as I personally think that the problem is a deeply rooted one.

Someone also mentioned the fear of acceptance and not rejection and I think they are right on target with that comment. For some reason I feel that I don't deserve being accepted, loved or anything along those lines, however sometimes I do have a need for it.

I really don't know what more to say man but take comfort in knowing that you are not the only one going through this. Keep in touch if you wish. Take care.

 

[orly]

People say you have to be happy first to attract a woman.

People say you have to love yourself before you can attract a woman.

People say you have to be confident to attract a woman.

At the same time, I think I've read (on this very forum, or if not, then another pickup-oriented forum) that waiting for the above conditions to be met, in itself, hinders one from meeting the very same conditions.

It's a perplexing paradox IMHO.

By admitting you haven't met the above conditions, you are in effect deprecating yourself, which puts you even further from meeting the above conditions. AKA a negative feedback loop.

Furthermore, I think that most people are just happier being in a relationship, so that ultimately at some base level we all do attain happiness with a lover. There are exceptions of course, like people who are simply asexual, or have become jaded, etc.

You can argue all about being needy, insecure, or whatever, but we as humans are social creatures, and desire for the opposite sex is just another aspect of this that we're wired for.