This is my last stand against unhappiness- An honest letter

[mfd1830]

This isn't about angles and strategies; or trying something then moving on when it doesn't work out. This is a life-long process that never ends. It's about bettering yourself and creating the life you want.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Loving,you give up on me,or someone else? As for not masturbating,tried that, always end up doing cause I end up bored and need a release. So yeah. As for emotions,well,maybe someone can help with them or say here is the problem and here is what we can do etc. Unlearning bad experiences? Hmm. Sounds hard,cause those serve as painful remidners for me and I have a hard time letting to,alot of this could be causing some sort of identity problem as well.

I mean,my own inexperience is something that has always bothered me. I mean,one day I was like,holy **** I am this age and still haven't had sex or a date or a long term gf or an ons or any action,thus leading to a constant state of depression,also isolation as well,which I am trying to get out of. To me,it always has been girls. Ok. They are a part of the problem,for every guy.

 

[DonJuan11]

I'm repeating my story over and over, because it doesn't seem like people are getting the fact that I've tried a lot of the tricks in the book and none of them have worked.

I've tried the confident angle. I've tried the passive angle. I've tried the pursuit angle. I've tried the aloof "I don't care" angle. I've been the AFC, I've been the aggressive badass who doesn't care about what others think. I've tried thinking positive at any cost angle. I've tried the depressive emo angle (which I'll admit I'm once again at).

I've tried focusing on my hobbies and interests. I've tried focusing on my career and ambitions. I've tried working out, losing weight, gaining muscle. All of which I'm still doing BTW.

I've tried "not looking" and letting "love find me". I've tried taking things into my own hands and approaching left and right.

I've long since stopped masturbating or looking at porn. I'm religious, and I had hoped that doing this would rack up some karma points with God and maybe he'll throw me some scraps. Apparently not. And yes, I've done the whole prayer routine too.

So I ask you, WTF do I do from this point?

That's very good, but if you can't get to her feelings and emotions, you won't last more than 2 dates. I can't tell the teacher I've studied the best in the world and read 1000 books on this subject, you must give me an A.

Again, then what do I make of those threads I see often here that go along the lines of "Live only for yourself/you owe girls NOTHING!!!", which usually are followed by replies going "YOU DA MAN!" "PREACH IT BROTHER!" and so forth?

Live for yourself is correct. You owe girls nothing - I don't know the context of which this was said, but if you want her to be your girlfriend, you owe her security and a good time. I don't know the context of which the last two was said either but you should never put down a girl or tell her off. That only lowers your value in front of her and gives her more ammunition against you.


And for your information, questions like: do in fact cross my mind every time I become interested in a girl. Of course, I never get the opportunity to act upon any of them.

I don't understand the second sentence. Either you are going for Jessica Alba type of girl or you live in your parents basement.

So why can't I make them feel good when every other guy apparently can? What is so profoundly wrong with my psyche that no girl - not even girls who are so royally messed up - find me attractive?

You are being very abstract in your discussion. You have to give us a few specific examples to help you. But again, you are not getting to her feelings and emotions.

I really have two main questions though:

1. What do I do from this point forward? Like I said, I've tried nearly everything. I don't want to give up, but I am at a loss for ideas.

2. No has yet answered my question as to why I am such a statistical outlier. It's a numbers game right? And even totally screwed up guys can get girls right? So no matter how screwed up I am, why can't I?

You are not understanding the issue of a "numbers game". A numbers game means if you apply all the correct principles to the concept and there are no major obstacles, you will eventually succeed. You can't go spit in every girls face and put her down and then say "hey guys, I'm ripped, I'm confident, I join sports, I'm funny, I have money, and you said it's a numbers game, so why can't I get a girl?"

 

[loving]

I give up on both of you. You're using this priveledge of others' help as an excuse not to take action.

You're asking questions that show me you do not even have a grasp on what was already said.

The people here have all the answers you want. But you don't know what the point of asking them is. You are looking at this purely through theoretical situations and that is doing you more harm than good at the moment, despite giving you tons of information that would be useful if you actually decided to take some actions to change yourself or your life habits. I cannot condone this behavior anymore by enabling it. When you guys realize that the world is not bad and negativity is block it will be apparent in your posts and then you will have questions I really feel like answering.

I can't speak for anyone but myself when I say I can talk to you for hours about your problems and their solutions but when you come to me the next day and I ask you what's your progress you paraphrase your old issues to me I get very tired of listening to them. This might not make sense to you because you think you're asking different questions. You are, but the questions you are asking are banal and unnecessary. There is a clear issue underlying every single one of both your posts and I have done my best to talk to you about fixing what I see that needs to be fixed but you just cannot understand.

Rather than trying to understand you ask more questions in a hope that they will make you understand. More questions will only help you understand this logically. Only the answers to your definite questions will help you understand these things logically. Whether you even understand the answers you have logically or not I truly don't know, nor do I care as it doesn't matter. You aren't understanding the one true message behind this.

I was just about to type it but I can't. I can't keep repeating myself for you guys. Sorry.

I think now I agree with a few of the other posters. You need a psycological tool. You need some guy who studied however long in how to be a patronizing magician to get you just pissed off enough at how much money you're wasting for 0 results when a guy called loving came and looked at the same free post as you with the same problem as you and is slowly by oh most definitely surely making great positive change whereas you now spend upwards of $150 an hour as long as you have problems. I don't know why I keep typing.

You need to find your motivation. You also need to find your happiness. The answer is two letters long. There is no negativity. There is not even any meaning beyond that which you put into things. You need to listen and absorb the info we tell you not just spit it back.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Hmm,you're right. I need to start trying to figure out how to put all this behind me. It's just all these other things I can't let go of that I have a hard time with. Esp regarding self improvement,self esteem,and experience. How do I get rid of the negativity block? I mean,this has been the big problem for me. It has affected in everything from thoughts to attitude. I mean,all this time,reading,etc.and nothing. I can't find the time or energy to go out and do this. I hate it. I mean,I am locked into this mode,and can't get out.

 

[loving]

Hmm,you're right. I need to start trying to figure out how to put all this behind me. Then Shhhhhh

You have it.. Now keep it...

Focus on whats good. Negativity feeds negativity and positivity feeds positivity.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Hmm,you're right. I need to start trying to figure out how to put all this behind me. It's just all these other things I can't let go of that I have a hard time with. Esp regarding self improvement,self esteem,and experience. How do I get rid of the negativity block? I mean,this has been the big problem for me. It has affected in everything from thoughts to attitude. I mean,all this time,reading,etc.and nothing. I can't find the time or energy to go out and do this. I hate it. I mean,I am locked into this mode,and can't get out.

You lack discipline, male influence, I am willing to bet you have no father. It's a cold world, so buckle down and stop being lazy or die.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Hmm,you're right. I need to start trying to figure out how to put all this behind me. It's just all these other things I can't let go of that I have a hard time with. Esp regarding self improvement,self esteem,and experience. How do I get rid of the negativity block? I mean,this has been the big problem for me. It has affected in everything from thoughts to attitude. I mean,all this time,reading,etc.and nothing. I can't find the time or energy to go out and do this. I hate it. I mean,I am locked into this mode,and can't get out.

You lack discipline, male influence, I am willing to bet you have no father. It's a cold world, so buckle down and stop being lazy or die.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

No. I have a father.

 

[orly]

feelings and emotions, you won't last more than 2 dates

So how do I get to her feelings and emotions? Because apparently I'm not.

I think you are ahead of the game here. Lasting 2 dates is a moot issue for me at this point, as I've never gone on a single date in my life with any girl, period. The point at which I am failing is not at getting a girl into a relationship, but in just getting a girl to give me a chance at even a simple coffee date or [insert whatever other venue here].

I don't understand the second sentence. Either you are going for Jessica Alba type of girl or you live in your parents basement.

Does my above explanation shed any additional light? And no, I don't only go for supermodels, and no, I don't live with the folks.

I don't know the context of which the last two was said either but you should never put down a girl or tell her off. That only lowers your value in front of her and gives her more ammunition against you.

I never, ever do this. Though sometimes I wonder if maybe I should, because I routinely see guys who do this, do get the girl.

You are not understanding the issue of a "numbers game". A numbers game means if you apply all the correct principles to the concept and there are no major obstacles, you will eventually succeed. You can't go spit in every girls face and put her down and then say "hey guys, I'm ripped, I'm confident, I join sports, I'm funny, I have money, and you said it's a numbers game, so why can't I get a girl?"

So you are implying that my "major obstacle" is that I cannot connect with a girl's feelings and emotions. And because of that, any and everything else I might be doing "right" is completely worthless towards that goal.

Yet here we still get reports of people complaining why so and so AFCs get girls. How would you explain that though?

 

[DonJuan11]

So how do I get to her feelings and emotions? Because apparently I'm not.

I think you are ahead of the game here. Lasting 2 dates is a moot issue for me at this point, as I've never gone on a single date in my life with any girl, period. The point at which I am failing is not at getting a girl into a relationship, but in just getting a girl to give me a chance at even a simple coffee date or [insert whatever other venue here].

Again you are being abstract. Unless you stay at home all day and watch adult entertainment, or don't interact with people, we can't help you if you don't have an example.

So you are implying that my "major obstacle" is that I cannot connect with a girl's feelings and emotions. And because of that, any and everything else I might be doing "right" is completely worthless towards that goal.

Yes.

Yet here we still get reports of people complaining why so and so AFCs get girls. How would you explain that though?

Because the AFC makes her feel important. Because the AFC knows half the city and brings her along everywhere he goes. Because the AFC takes her salsa dancing 4 times a week and she gets entertained. Because the AFC can kiss her so hard that it makes her knees weak.

The AFC's only concern is to make sure the girl has a good time when she's with him. Nothing else in the world should matter.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Well,what if other things,plus girls,matter to you? I am wondering if my own thinking toward this is what's affected me.