This is embarrassing but F^ck it. Thats what we are here for.

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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Update us OP. We can all learn a thing or 2 from this. I haven't ever really heard of a situation like yours where a person is as open about embracing their intuition like you and that's what I like about this thread.
 

salinechow

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Update on Train girl

24 Days of radio silence.

Now I have thought about this quite a bit over the last few weeks. I even came really close to texting her a few times. I have thought of every possible angle too.

I have thought to profess my falling for her. I wrote her a very long letter actually. Ill post it.

I have thought to just send a song I know she would love.

I have thought to text her some funny line about her disappearing act, (even though she was the last one to text me twice).

I have thought about texting her "Done thinking about it yet..."

I have even thought about calling her.

But...

I have also thought about my journey over the last 6 months and what the destination is I am try to reach. Is it success with women? Would success with this woman even be a success? Is what I want from her or what I end up receiving from her worth the chase or even the success?

No, it is not.

Why?

My values are changing for what I think is the better. For the better part of the last 15 years of relationships I have been the one to make it work. Loving, trying, chasing. Had a lot of success doing it too. Yet, with all of the battles that I was victorious in, I always lost the war. I lost a TON of resources as well. Emotional, financial, and most precious of all…time. I was NEVER before willing to walk away from anyone.

So…. I have just left it.

A very wise friend I have met here at SS reminded me of a concept that has stuck with me. “When a girl is interested in you she will move mountains.” Her pride, her circumstance, her hang ups, her rules, her BFs, orbiters, are all, smaller than mountains. If a girl wants you she will come after you.

Yes, I think I could go after her. Yes, I think I could even get her out again. Yes I think I could sleep with her. With varying levels of probability of course. I just don’t think she is worth the games and time. Actually, I digress maybe she is. All I know though, is I didn’t like the way that last text made me feel. I did my diligence with this girl and she kept up with the BS.

Analogy: I showed her the car, took her for a test drive, I even lowered the price and through in a few bonuses. She doesn’t want to buy it. Or maybe she is not in the market for a car at all. I gave her a courteousy hold on the item and it expired. Gonna sell it to someone else.

Ill be perfectly straight with you guys. I probably will try again when she returns from her globe-trotting. She gets back in mid June. If you read the letter I wrote her, that letter was written for the long game play. I still haven’t sent it though, and I am not sure if I want to. I am actually not sure if I even want this chick anymore. The first maybe 10 days after it fizzled I hit a few dark spots of longing for her, but now, I really haven’t thought about her that much. I learned a lot from SS. I knew the dark spots would pass. I knew not to text her or call her. I knew when I NEEDED to soft next. Most of all I knew who I was to myself and what I really wanted. Yea. I wanted the girl. Frankly, as far a sex, I even had the chance. Yet, what I really wanted was equal pursuit. I am just not comfortable being a pursuer for too long without reciprocation. Part of realizing your value I guess.

PLATES!

Like I said, I really was into this chick and the romance of it all. Oneitis was taking its grip pretty strongly. And for a little while I didn’t want anything to do with plates or prospects. But….I KNEW I needed to keep on sarging. Even though I didn’t want to much. I knew it would help me overall and it would help me manage this girl better if she did come around again. Plus, I am always preaching it around here because I know it helps and I know it works. I know doing the work is part of landing girls and didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I knew abundance would help me through any rough patches of oneitis. So, I did exactly that. I sarged hard. Picked up my cold approaches and crushed Tinder. I even cut a few dead weight plates and prospects to make room for more. And, of course, it worked.

I found a few girls to have some fun and banter with. And…I also found another girl I really like a lot. So, I really haven’t thought to much about TG over the last 2 weeks much. That’s why I haven’t posted about her. Also, I was waiting to see if she resurfaced.

Mosquitos only lay eggs in stagnant pools.
Got to keep moving boys. Sometimes are harder than others, but you cant let it get you stuck.

Conclusion:

I really do believe that this girl was into me. I remember things she did do and say that help me to believe it. Yet, she wanted it on her terms only which at the end of the day was just not good enough for me or the “relationship” that was or could have developed.

Also, she is traveling for the better part of the spring, and then moving in September. I also think she was hurt and guarded. None of it matters though in the end. Even if her interest was higher in me than we think… Maybe she just wasn’t interested in the outcome of that interest.

Meaning, like I said above, you cant sell a car to someone who isn’t in the market for one. NO matter how nice, no matter how much they want the new car, no matter how good the terms or how good the salesmen, you cannot sell a car to someone who can’t buy it.

Moral of my story and what I learned with TG:

Follow your guts. Take chances. Its ok to pursue sometimes. Its ok to be romantic sometimes. Enjoy it for yourself though. Realize its usually fleeting though so enjoy the moments and dont look for outcomes.

SPIN PLATES AND ALWAYS BE WILLING TO WALK AWAY!

She made me wait over a full day to text me back after asking me to hang out. If a girl pulls back an inch, you pull back a mile.

It always feels like there will never be another one. There is ALWAYS
another one.


Who knows maybe she does come around again. Maybe this thread re-lights. It might be fun. Maybe one day me and TG end up being something. Fun to think about. Ill tell you this though. I ‘aint waiting for it.

I had a great time with a great girl and shared almost no negatives. That’s a great place to leave it I think. For both of us in fact.
 

salinechow

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A huge


THANK YOU

To everyone who offered advice, viewpoints, encouragments and stradegy.

It is never lost on me that you have taken time, valuable time, from valuable men, to offer to me and my situation and most of all my growth.

You all care about my success and my hearts protection.

I bow deeply in humble appreciative respect.

I will always try to give back well.
 

stevo

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This isnt what you'd like to hear but tough love.

salinechow said:
Analogy: I showed her the car, took her for a test drive, I even lowered the price and through in a few bonuses. She doesn’t want to buy it. Or maybe she is not in the market for a car at all. I gave her a courteousy hold on the item and it expired. Gonna sell it to someone else.
And that is why it didnt work.

Your analogy is one of a desperate sales man.
You lowered the price? threw in bonuses why would she want to buy it?
Doing this would make her think you have a problem
Doing this would make the buyer think there's a problem with the car

You think Ferrari makers or any other credible dealership have time to do all this? You test drive after they're assured you can purchase the car, after test drive it's paper signing. Always to the point no beating around the bush.

You dont dance like a clown to make the decision easy for her to pick you, if anything it makes the decision easy for her to not pick you.

salinechow said:
Ill be perfectly straight with you guys. I probably will try again when she returns from her globe-trotting. She gets back in mid June. If you read the letter I wrote her, that letter was written for the long game play. I still haven’t sent it though,
You beta not.

salinechow said:
I am just not comfortable being a pursuer for too long without reciprocation.
You shouldnt be. You dont make double moves at the start of a chess game, you make a move and the other person makes a move.

salinechow said:
Like I said, I really was into this chick and the romance of it all.
Romance is earned not freely given, it was too early for her to have earned any romance.

salinechow said:
I really do believe that this girl was into me. I remember things she did do and say that help me to believe it. Yet, she wanted it on her terms only which at the end of the day was just not good enough for me or the “relationship” that was or could have developed.
She could have been, you successfully made sure she wasnt anymore though.

She acted as predicted. You made her the prize and she showed you what it's like when she controls the frame.

salinechow said:
Meaning, like I said above, you cant sell a car to someone who isn’t in the market for one. NO matter how nice, no matter how much they want the new car, no matter how good the terms or how good the salesmen, you cannot sell a car to someone who can’t buy it.
Uhm, Yes you can. People buy what they dont need everyday, especially girls.

salinechow said:
I had a great time with a great girl and shared almost no negatives. That’s a great place to leave it I think. For both of us in fact.
No negatives, really?


My friend, you gave yourself away too easily, you bent the rules expecting the same results from following the rules.

Best of luck my friend.
 

salinechow

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Update again on Train Girl Part 1

So...After starting to see other woman and sort of landing on one in particular...I decided to reach out to TG.

I broke a lot of rules actually. Yet, rules are meant to be broken sometimes. You learn why rules are in place the best sometimes when you break the mould of them.

I sent a weak beacon text. Which I always advise against. But, with having a budding relationship with another girl that was a strong prospect gave me extra confidence of indifference.

Here is how it went down.

4-7-15 I wished her well for her travel.

She texted me back immediately. Thanked me.

4 hrs later she texted again that I have always had impeccable timing of texting her at the perfect times(thinking about me). Sort of flirty. So I took a shot.

I told her if she was ever board on a train and needed some reading material I would send her the love letter I wrote her. Then nothing.

3 Days later. She texted me. "Hey "yardstick" ( a term of endearment we referred to me as) I am flying to San Fran today and could use a little reading material."

I send her the letter right away. She disappears again.

May 2nd she flys back home from Cali and texts me when she lands.

"I thought about you alot on my trip and this whole flight home.(letter to you to follow) Can we just get together already jeesh."

I wait a full day and a half...just like she did once... and text her the same thing she did the last time after we saw each other.

"Im thinking about it"

The last time if you remember was after she was at my house and I sex choked. She asked me out again. I responded. She says back the next day " I was thinking about it" And thats when I dropped her cold.

So, now, to my "Im thinking about it" text she responds in 20 min. "So what are your pros and cons?"

I torture her a little bit and she kinda begs. Frame changer. Then I disappear.

About ten days later. My current girlfriend (of about 2 months now) goes to Mexico with 2 other girls. :down: So I text TG. A demand to see her.

And here we go again. Books, flakes, books again, flakes again. Both times she reschedules.

Finally, she shows. Like we never missed a beat for 3 months she hops in the car and without any nervousness we get along great. Within 20 mins. She brings up the letter and wants to clear the air.

NEVER saw this coming....

She starts to get choked up. Says its the most amazing thing she has ever received. Says she read it to all her important people in her life. Says she reread it over and over. Says she never stopped thinking of me. She cries a bit twice.

She says she was so mad at me until she got the letter because she thinks I just dropped her. She says one reason she thought it was because we didnt sleep together. Says she couldn't really figure it all though but she wanted to try with me. Asked me why I never responded to het texts after the "im thinking about it" text she sent me. Says she was trying to let me know she was thinking about me and wanted to keep seeing me. Try. Develop. Says she thought about all the things she wanted to do with me and was pissed she couldn't.Wanted to hang with me over other people for things because I "get her" and am more fun then her friends and others.

So I told her. I was done playing games with her. I made it abundantly clear (too much) what I wanted with her and after her flaking and texts I was done. Thats it. Just done.

She freaks out. I never flaked on you!! I was just managing my life and pulled in a million different directions but I wanted to see you!! She says the text was meant to be flirty. She regrets it though. She says I should have just called you. She says she has this problem with a lot of people in her life but everybody wants to text and FB message and she hates it.

She says thats one of the reasons she loved the letter so much. And, me so much. Because I never texted with her to much. I always left her alone and it made her want time with me. I never tried to label us and she appreciated that because she was always struggling in her own mind what we were and what to do.

Anyway, I wont go through the whole back and forth but I ll tell you this. I challnged her every step of the way. I didnt let her get away with sh!t and she backed off on some of her BS excuses. Most where actually heartfelt and legitimate. Still though... They are excuses. The phone didnt ring. The letter never came. (She says she wrote it and when she copied and pasted it to email she lost it.) I believe her because of the details she stated about it. But... yet again. It never came. And for the sake of man humor. Niether did I. Neither did she for that matter. She actually did hint at one point when we where talking about why we didnt have sex that she rubbed a few out to me. Whatever. Words.

We had an amazing day and night together. Hooked up just a little bit. I had to cut it short though because I had to pick up the GF from the airport in an hour. Ill be straight with you dudes. I wouldnt have slept with her anyway. I like my girlfriend. My girlfriend actually does what she says she is going to do. The best a woman can anyway.

So. Me and TG definitely cleared the air. By her claim she was absolutely falling in love with me. There was no other guy or guys at all. She thought I dropped her and not the other way around. She still wants to spend time with me. She said the whole summer she is home gives us 4 months to figure this out. She also invited me to another VIP festival. Says she didnt want to go with anyone else and was waiting to see me to ask. I declined. I actually told her out loud. "Im sorry Ill be strapped to a chair naked and being struck with various objects" She thought I was joking. So she asked again. I repeated. She said ok then. "wild". And just left it at that. That was my hint to her( that she really didnt need becasue she knows still i am a "player") that I was seeing other people. One thing about TG is she never cared about other women.

Conclusion-

This girl is not a gamer. Was not seeing anyone else this whole time. Has a lot of heart for me and definitely "wants" me in various ways. Remember, how I once thought her friends were giving her advice on how to game me...Well she reveled to me that her friends would see me at the gym and take pictures of me and send them to her! They all want us to be together. She does too but she is pissed at me still. HA! Women! Nuts!

She is a gigantic flake. Not the gaming kind of flake though. Not one that pursues options flake. Just a general ditsy doesnt know what she wants or how to manage what she does flake. Its a personality thing and a pot smoking thing. She actually pretty immature.

What am I going to do? Nothing.

I have a girlfriend. I am not a two timer. I wouldn't do that to either girl.

However. I will once in a while give this plate a spin. Its a real long play. I am certainly not going to pursue and she knows that. Its up to her to act on what she says. I made that very clear. I dont think she will. I dont think she has the guts. And...she is moving in September. I am indifferent really but it is fun to think about. If my current GF blows up... I can always reach out. Its kinda exactly were I would have wanted this.
 

salinechow

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Part 2

SS relevance, lessons, and moral to the story.

1. Always be willing to walk away.

2. Get right back on the horse and spin plates. There is always another one. Better to have 2 than none.

3. Texting kills relationships. Even for girls. This is HUGE. We always think that OUR texting is the problem. Its texting in general. Even if you are an excellent texter, a womens text can ruin sh!t too. And... they also hate it and stress about it. Be a man and pick up the phone. Makes them do it. Makes you stand out. Leaves less to chance of misinterpretation. According to TG if we would have kept talking we would have been something more.

(HOWEVER! In this situation that would not have been a good outcome for me. It would have been to much in her frame at that time. Now, I think, I have way more control over this thing. She also knows that. She will be more careful.)

4. Take risks. People are all different. Different girls, different weapons to use.When you think its a good idea, take a shot. Send letters. Send flowers. This girl could not stop telling me that I am the most wonderful guy she has ever interacted with. Sexy, manly, sweet, safe, adoring. Said I am amazing. Cried about it. (BUT, if you do!!! Do not have investment when you do. Do it because you want to. Do it because your guts say you should. For you. Not to win or get sex. Do it because you are being true to yourself and that if it doesnt work out you can still smile at outcomes no matter what they are.)

5. NEVER trust what a woman says but only trust her actions.

( Look, Ill be straight. I do believe TG. I believe her excuses. I believe her about her falling in love with me. I believe her that she wants something more with me. I believe that she sexually desires me too. I believe her that she thinks about me. Loves me maybe.

BUT and this is the GOLDEN nugget. It doesnt matter. Its nice, but it doesn't matter. I am amazing. Why wouldn't she feel those things for me? Its still an all around failed interaction for now. Romantic, sure, but a fail overall. I still havent lead this girl into a fully realized sexual relationship. I still haven't lead her into a real LTR either. There are a million reasons why. Timeing, travel, family, moving, GF, BF.. whatever...She doesn't act on what she says she feels and I dont lead her all the way.)

For something to fully materialize you have to act, co react, lead, and let them come to you to you too. If any of those things are missing it is not what you think it is. Romantic relationships are funny like that. People can have actual real feelings for each other. They can get together and share hearts and minds and bodies. But boys, you always need to to stay with your feet firmly planted in reality.

You are either getting what you desire or you are not. Words are nice. Romance is nice. Some girls are really nice. Yet, take stock in only one thing. What is she DOING. Not saying.

I guess we will see where this goes in the future. Glad I got the frame back though. For what it is, it played out nicely. Lets see what she DOES from here.

If I had to guess, short term, probably nothing. She needs to be led. I cant do that right now.

Maybe Ill send her some flowers or a letter in a couple of months. :flowers: :eek: :moon:

Nah.
 

salinechow

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Been fvucking her for a month now. Great girl, great time. Details,recap, lessons learned and DJ application points to come. Been really busy.
 

marmel75

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Why do guys say they've hooked up when they haven't? Hooking up means you have fvcked. Plain and simple. Anything less than that means you haven't hooked up.
 

Wisconsin144

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If you're feeling like its oneitis and you're too attached, just invite her out on a more casual date. Don't throw your entire life at a girl or you're bound to get hurt. You're better than that! Good luck man!
 

salinechow

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Read first. Then post. Lest you look like a fool.

Moreover though, I resurrect this post for those that were involved and offered advice, and those of course, who can learn what to do, and what not to do, from a real life sharing of experience.

Keyboard jockeys need not share frivolous inputs.
 
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