Be selfish, but your needs and wants first before anyone else. Not being emotionally committed to a 'result' (i.e. caring) is important, but if you put yourself first, the not caring part just comes though serendipity.
I'm not saying you have to be an @ss about it, but you have to put value on your time. Never do ANYTHING without getting reciprocity. Go ahead and be giving... but that giving has to be done ONLY with chicks that give back.
Twisting yourself into a knot to make people happy is the fastest rout to weak behavior. And trust me when I say this, with 30 plus years of dating experience behind me, chicks are completely turned off by men that cater to them.
Not only does being selfish and demanding reciprocity make you more attractive, it also drives off chicks that really don't like you. Women that you really do not have a chance with will call you a pr1ck and selfish a-hole, she won't like you but she didn't like you anyway, so fvck her.... You're not going to turn that around anyway, but at least she will respect you.
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Can you give an example?