The reason that makes a serious relationship unbearable to me are the continuous tasks

[SW15]

That's why you don't live with them.

I'll get married; if:

(1) we live separately
(2) see each other 4 times a week max
(3) She gets pregnant within 6 months
(3) I'm allowed to have one hotter younger girl to sleep with

Any takers?

A lesbian who wants to keep up appearances for some reason. Years ago I matched a girl on Tinder who confessed that she actually was a lesbian and I considered something like what you said but didnt follow through.

It will be nearly impossible for @BadBoy89 to find that in a marriage. In the USA, there's now no stigma on lesbianism. Most lesbians aren't worried about keeping up appearances.

Living together is something almost all married people do. While open marriages are a thing, they are far less common than closed marriages. Married couples see other daily. If you only want to see a woman 3 days in a 7 day week, consider a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and try to keep it that way. Good luck continuing that beyond 3 years.

Getting pregnant within the first 6 months of marriage is becoming less common. From observation, it seems to me that most first pregnancies of childless married couples happen within 2-4 years of the wedding date.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That's all stuff you can do on your own time and SHOULD be done on your own time by yourself. Why would you schedule a date or want to spend time with someone else if you want to be alone or do nothing?

It's one thing if you live together and see each other all day every day. It's another if you are making a specific time to see her.

I'm not sure what the point of spending time with someone is if you want to do nothing, which is an activity that is usually done alone.

So...no I can't relate because when I want that, I simply don't involve other people. It's a pretty simple fix. Problem solved.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Do you relate?

Yes!

That’s exactly why my marriage greatly improved with two children. If a woman’s energy is not put into child raising and homemaking (and my wife is awesome at both) she will seek to take over a man’s life and thoughts. Hence I refer to “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationships as clown marriage with man as entertainer, court jester, and pet. (Yes, I know, not all of them.)

In the beginning, I almost stopped dating wife to be because of constant plan making.

This is also exactly why if I were a single man today, knowing what I know now, I’d be firmly against “boyfriend and girlfriend” and “LTR,” as I’ve repeatedly said in previous posts. I’d seek a wife or a woman who acts as wife if no government recognition was involved.

 

[The Duke]

My mom & dad always had a good balance in their relationship when it came to tasks my mom wanted done. It helped that she could do so much herself and was a strong female. She had her roles to fill. He had his. Not much neediness on her part. The house was my mom's domain and my dad didn't care one bit. My mom cooked(and she was amazing), cleaned, sewed, raised her kids, ran all the errands, and worked part time on occasion. My sister and I always had chores to do. I don't think I ever saw my dad do any household chores, other than maintain the lawn.

My dad made good money and worked a ton of hours in an executive level job. He also had a serious hobby on the side that I was a part of. That is how he escaped my mom when he felt like it.

My mom certainly didn't ride my dad's azz with continuous tasks or wake him up from his nap when he came home after work to eat just so he could go back to the office.

My mom was raised in a very patriarchal family and it produced a great woman. Those types are pretty rare these days.

If all modern day woman can provide is looks, sex, and companionship then she certainly isn't special enough for marriage. My mom showed me that a woman could be all that to a man plus raise his children, and keep a nice home. She knew her role and was very supportive. She was also taken care of financially.

Today's women lean on men too much and bring too little to the table. They are simply too damn selfish and overvalue themselves. And they all wonder where all the good men went and why men don't want to marry. lolz My own mom is disappointed in modern day women.

And guess what, thats all fine with me. I have adjusted. I stopped worrying about finding a woman that offered something even remotely close to what my mom could.

So when I got divorced I went out and burned thru a ton of girls and had a blast. New ones every 1-3months for a while. When I got tired of that I would get into a committed relationship. When she acted up I kicked her out and went back into the wild and hunted up some new ones.

 

[Barrister]

You seem to forget that I'm a divorced father of two, so I know what you're talking about. I handled all my women like this, regardless the time spent. The problem is that if this attitude is not internalised, then holding your boundaries becomes difficult, but I don't allow people to cross my boundaries. It's not 'an effort' to me, because it's not a 'frame' but who I am.

Not so much that I forgot but I didn't know you were a father or divorced. I am the same. And I can tell you that many times this degradation of the relationship is out of the man's control. No matter how tight his frame is. It comes down to the woman and her (unrealistic) expectations. I am envious of you if you never have had to use dread game. Personally, I found it a chore and would prefer to just walk away at that point.

A lot of posters in this thread seem to sort of be glossing over the fact that many us (at least me and I believe OP) are talking about an LTR that is/has been going on for years. Keeping air-tight frame on a plate you've been seeing for 3 months is one thing. Keeping air tight frame on a wife of 10 years who grows resentful and who you live under the same roof is a completely different story.

 

[Barrister]

My mom & dad always had a good balance in their relationship when it came to tasks my mom wanted done. It helped that she could do so much herself and was a strong female. She had her roles to fill. He had his. Not much neediness on her part. The house was my mom's domain and my dad didn't care one bit. My mom cooked(and she was amazing), cleaned, sewed, raised her kids, ran all the errands, and worked part time on occasion. My sister and I always had chores to do. I don't think I ever saw my dad do any household chores, other than maintain the lawn.

My dad made good money and worked a ton of hours in an executive level job. He also had a serious hobby on the side that I was a part of. That is how he escaped my mom when he felt like it.

My mom certainly didn't ride my dad's azz with continuous tasks or wake him up from his nap when he came home after work to eat just so he could go back to the office.

My mom was raised in a very patriarchal family and it produced a great woman. Those types are pretty rare these days.

If all modern day woman can provide is looks, sex, and companionship then she certainly isn't special enough for marriage. My mom showed me that a woman could be all that to a man plus raise his children, and keep a nice home. She knew her role and was very supportive. She was also taken care of financially.

Today's women lean on men too much and bring too little to the table. They are simply too damn selfish and overvalue themselves. And they all wonder where all the good men went and why men don't want to marry. lolz My own mom is disappointed in modern day women.

And guess what, thats all fine with me. I have adjusted. I stopped worrying about finding a woman that offered something even remotely close to what my mom could.

So when I got divorced I went out and burned thru a ton of girls and had a blast. New ones every 1-3months for a while. When I got tired of that I would get into a committed relationship. When she acted up I kicked her out and went back into the wild and hunted up some new ones.

A woman of a bygone era. Like most good things in our society it is becoming a thing of the past.

 

[CornbreadFed]

What's a way to prevent this?

 

[The Duke]

What's a way to prevent this?

We can prevent it by raising the bar. I truly believe, and the more I see of this world the more it's evident that men have most of the control over society. Women are too emotional/irrational. With that power, then we have the ability to change things. We can start by limiting relationships(of all type) with women. It's going to require not banging random girls. It's going to require getting away from providing women attention on social media.

A man will need to define his requirements from the start. If she can't meet them then no relationship. No sex. No anything.

If we expect the women to stop running wild in the streets and acting like wh0res then men will need to stop chasing after them.

I'm all for public shaming.

There needs to be consequences. The acceptance of Birth control pill and abortion removed big consequences.

Maybe the birth control pill needs to be made illegal? Sounds crazy doesn't it. If it was you get it would lower notch counts on these wh0res.

I've always been amazed that women don't have enough self awareness to realize that with every new cahk they take, a piece of their heart and soul is damaged.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

Either you assign tasks or they do. It's up to you which.

 

[The Duke]

Here is why the answer to simply keep a strong frame and internalize that into who you are will fix all your problems is B.S. it's not applicable to a LTR.

I've been that guy that wasn't afraid to end it due to bad behavior and disrespect . I had no problem drawing the line and ending it. One of them I dumped on the side of the highway, the other I left at a restaurant. Never went back for them. Neither one hated me for it either.

When the disrespect starts and you let them know they are violating a boundary and put sanctions on them it gets their attention. You see them improve. But over time they act up again. Then when you call out their bad behavior the punishment and strong words/actions have less of an impact. They pull away, you pull away, and it's a stalemate. Eventually you have to end the relationship. You haven't solved a thing.

And save me the speech about you should pick better women. I've been around the block a few times I know what's out there.

Maybe my expectations are too high, they've all told me that. I do have standards. My mom showed me what a woman worth keeping long term should do and how she should act.

 

[The Duke]

Either you assign tasks or they do. It's up to you which.

And what do you do when they don't do them? @Money & Muscle had that problem. I have to.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

And what do you do when they don't do them? @Money & Muscle had that problem. I have to.

It's a woman's utmost duty to keep her man happy. If she can't she needs to go. Bible says it best:

Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord.

In the current societal structure, this includes girlfriends too.

 

[SW15]

A woman of a bygone era. Like most good things in our society it is becoming a thing of the past.

True. I've not met many women who seem a lot like @The Duke 's mother. How many Millennial and Gen Z women sew?

If all modern day woman can provide is looks, sex, and companionship then she certainly isn't special enough for marriage.

That's a non-marital longer term girlfriend who you don't live with.

Today's women lean on men too much and bring too little to the table. They are simply too damn selfish and overvalue themselves. And they all wonder where all the good men went and why men don't want to marry. lolz My own mom is disappointed in modern day women.

My maternal grandmother from the GI Generation (born early 1920s) died in the 2010s. She mentioned in the 2000s and 2010s that she was unimpressed with the younger women of that time (1980s born Millennials). She didn't think they were worth marrying for the most part. 2 of her grandsons got divorced from 1980s born Millennial women, though the divorces happened after she died. I have never married.

My Boomer mother was not as traditional as my maternal grandmother. Someone could argue that my Boomer mother was a bit of a precursor to later generation women.

 

[The Duke]

It's a woman's utmost duty to keep her man happy. If she can't she needs to go. Bible says it best:

In the current societal structure, this includes girlfriends too.

How many wives/long-term girlfriends that lived under your roof for at least 3 years have you experienced?

 

[Gamisch]

Sounds like shyte tests to me...

I remember reading an article where dude said to ALWAYS end the relationship after max a year,and 6 months if you're a black dude...

These are the types of men who sent your woman back after a short stint. She won't ever get the chance to become as annoying as described in the OP. When she does she gets replaced, period.

The problem starts when a man feels like he's unable or unwilling to replace her!!!

Its simply impossible to keep frame infinitely. And yes ,women are ruthless. Like a window, a small crack will become a huge hole sooner or later.

Once the nagging starts,its over . If you want to you can play the game tho..now you're in a TOXIC relationship where anything goes..

Let's not forget that this behaviour always is combined with the occasional love bombing. Push push push pull , rinse and repeat...

 

[BackInTheGame78]

How many wives/long-term girlfriends that lived under your roof for at least 3 years have you experienced?

My guess is zero.

 

[Scaramouche]

Sounds like shyte tests to me...

I remember reading an article where dude said to ALWAYS end the relationship after max a year,and 6 months if you're a black dude...

These are the types of men who sent your woman back after a short stint. She won't ever get the chance to become as annoying as described in the OP. When she does she gets replaced, period.

The problem starts when a man feels like he's unable or unwilling to replace her!!!

Its simply impossible to keep frame infinitely. And yes ,women are ruthless. Like a window, a small crack will become a huge hole sooner or later.

Once the nagging starts,its over . If you want to you can play the game tho..now you're in a TOXIC relationship where anything goes..

Let's not forget that this behaviour always is combined with the occasional love bombing. Push push push pull , rinse and repeat...

Hi Gamisch,
You have learned to Slap the Dew-Lap on you have worked as a Painter in the Building Trade,maybe picked up a few transfer skills as well....When word gets out you may well learn.....I whinge about this too,but really it allows me to get a few Giggles....This year out of the blue an attractive Malaysian Chinese Plate who dumped me ten years ago sent me an EMail....Scarra I am desperate,can you help me throw a Bird Net over my Cherry Tree?(She is a Gardener)...So I chucked a few things into my Old Ford Wagon and went into town...A few Tomato Stakes,some Flower pots and a few Long Nails and We got the net on...So we are walking back to her Kitchen and she points to over the Door,the Security light is dangling on a wire,can you fix that?...Sure but not today honey LOL....This Bird is only 4foot ten or so but built like a Centrefold Pin Up and Knocks like a Shvit House Door in A Hurricane!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If EVERY woman is giving OP the same problems, it's not women that are fvcked up - its OP.

The question nobody else is asking that is the most important one...

Why the hell is OP scheduling dates with women when he wants to spend the time alone by himself doing nothing?

The solution is simple. If OP feels like staying at home doing nothing, then do that by himself and stop involving them in it, which he shouldn't be doing to begin with.

He isn't living with them so it's not like he is around them 24/7 that they can be in his business all day. He is choosing to put himself in that position, then complaining when it happens.

The obvious is to not put yourself in that situation to begin with.

 

[LTG71]

It seems like women are hard coded to be restless and turn restless the man that has the misfortune of being in her proximity for too long.

I kid you not, I never had a woman at my house that allowed me to sit my ass on the sofa for more than a hour without demanding actions, time or assigning tasks.

The same moment your ass cheecks hit the pillow surely and quickly comes a "can you help me with..." or "let's go to ....", "are you really just gonna sit there and do nothing"?

Just like kids their brain cannot understand the concept of beind idle to rest and recover, they either sleep or they need non stop entertainment.

But what really makes them unbearable to me are the tasks they feel the need to assign wheter is to get an object in the room they can get themselves, close the curtain, throw away the trash on demand, check for something and so on.

The average man generally says "later" which means your demand has no priority and I dont want to interrupt what I'm doing for it.

Me personally I realized that the "later" only makes them more annoying and restless so given the outcome I simply started to ignore their demands which in fact equally frustrates them.

Just like the need for silence, the need for peace is probably the biggest drive not to engange in a serious relationship at least for my taste.

This even before the non stop social activities they need and feel the need to drag their man on.

They apparently cant get the fact that those 2 hours socializing at the gym after the 5 hours at work fulfil the basic needs for most men.

Do you relate?

Can relate 100%. My wife has a six sense in which she can tell that I’m trying to relax. If it’s not mindless tasks that she can do herself, it’s what I call the “royal we.“ Like, “we should pull the weeds in the courtyard”, “we should paint these baseboards”, “we need gas in the car…” Countless tasks she can do while I’m away at work. Last doctor visit showed I had elevated blood pressure and she says you need to relax more. As I’m trying to relax and read a book, she suggests a task that “needs“ to be done, lol. Can you STFU so I can relax?

I totally get the “entertaining“ vibe as well. They can’t just be with themselves in silence. Can’t have a relaxing weekend without going out or doing something. I think social media has poured gas on this fire with all the FOMO and envy from seeing what other people are doing. What I recognize with the women in my social circle is that none of them have any hobbies. Nothing to entertain themselves other than eating and drinking. All the husbands get out and enjoy some kind of hobby.

One solution I have found for this is to go outside and ”work” on said suggested tasks. Like cleaning the yard. Clean the yard while watching the game in the garage and sipping a cold beer. Enjoy the peaceful sounds of a 2-stroke engine and take your time. You’re doing the suggested task but to your liking.

 

[manfrombelow]

I kid you not, I never had a woman at my house that allowed me to sit my ass on the sofa for more than a hour without demanding actions, time or assigning tasks.

1. This is one classic trait in the female species that I believed was hardwired into their DNA since day 01.

Do you relate?

2. Yes of course. The fact that I cannot rest and be a lazy sloth in my own place somehow makes me stressed and tired all the time during the lifespan of all relationships that I'm in. Even if I outright refuse her assignments, the entailed silence treament and sh!tty attitude from her surely guaranteed the rest of the day is fvcked. Women cannot leave you alone.