The reason that makes a serious relationship unbearable to me are the continuous tasks

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

Guys I went to the bank and asked for a mortgage but they kept insisting about me giving proofs of my assets while expecting a monthly payment.


--Sosuave average replies in 2024--

"Thats because your frame is weak, the analyst was too comfortable to make such requests"

"You have to step up your game bro"

"The problem is not the bank but you, when I was a teenager I went there with no shirt and got a 0% rate mortage easily, I didnt even paid it btw and won in the court when they sued me"

 

[MatureDJ]

Very good thread on an important but overlooked topic, which is often the source of great tension between men and women.

Men want - and, in my view, need - downtime but most women resent that and seem to want to load a guy up with jobs (meaningful or otherwise) as soon as they see a man 'doing nothing'. This is something I resent because listening to music, watching TV, drinking tea, etc. is actually doing something. It's called relaxing - and it's very good for you.

Males and females are different psychologically and physiologically, which means we have different needs and habits. Look at the animal kingdom, it's just the same. The lion rests most of the day while lioness busys herself. He springs into action when he wants or needs to.

A woman shoud respect a man's space and it's a red flag if they don't.

I think this is because the natural jobs for the sexes are: for women, doting all day on a young children, foraging for berries, preparing meals, etc, while for men, throwing a bunch of spears at the enemy within a few minutes, and hoping not to get by the enemy's spears.

 

[MatureDJ]

Yes!

That’s exactly why my marriage greatly improved with two children. If a woman’s energy is not put into child raising and homemaking (and my wife is awesome at both) she will seek to take over a man’s life and thoughts. Hence I refer to “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationships as clown marriage with man as entertainer, court jester, and pet. (Yes, I know, not all of them.)

In the beginning, I almost stopped dating wife to be because of constant plan making.

This is also exactly why if I were a single man today, knowing what I know now, I’d be firmly against “boyfriend and girlfriend” and “LTR,” as I’ve repeatedly said in previous posts. I’d seek a wife or a woman who acts as wife if no government recognition was involved.

I agree. The best thing for a man to do with his new women is to have her devoted to his child, and don't let her get any freedom until she's nearing The Wall.

And I also agree that men have to JesterMax in this dystopian age.

Jestermaxx

Jestermaxx or jestermaxxing is a term used in the incel community, most commonly to denote a man acting in an entertaining, amusing, histrionic or dramatic manner...

incels.wiki

 

[MatureDJ]

I know from the experiences of other men how difficult that was for them, but that's because you're talking 'frame'. I internalised an IDGAF attitude when I was sixteen and almost killed myself, so after aborting that, I prioritised myself and my personal opinion over everybody else's. I made a turnaround when I was 23 after almost getting stabbed to death and mellowed out a bit, but not on my ethics. So I have no problem negotiating and compromising in order to work together, but I had strong boundaries.
I married a Christian virgin girl ten years younger (23 while I was 33) and we were together for over sixteen years.
My divorce came a year after I became severely ill and my wife couldn't handle the emotional pressures I had shielded her from and allowed negative girlfriends talk her into divorcing me and 'starting a new life'. She since seems to have regretted her decision ("I wasn't in my right mind"), but I'm glad I got to see her true nature. I'm happier now than in the last years of my marriage, I have three lovers on rotation and none of them gets to go exclusive with me, but they understand and they don't mind sharing me.


Before I married my wife, she knew I never had a problem juggling 2-3 girlfriends, openly polyamorous and non-exclusive. I never needed to use 'dread game' because my wife knew I was 'good with women'. Still, I sensed a lot of bitterness from her how easily I picked up my life post-divorce while she went through 4-5 'new life partners' in the span of a 18 months. I know she's less happy than she expected to be (she often claims to be in 'survival mode'), but IDGAF as she brought this on herself. Meanwhile I got better and while I still have chronic pain issues, I have no trouble finding women to share my bed and enjoy my company without the urge to re-marry. I'm perfectly fine with living alone with my teenage kids and I'm not going exclusive with anyone, so if they choose to be with me, they know they have to share. My ex-wife has a hard time living alone and gets from one relationship into the other, although her current relationship has been going on for over a year now. She still tries to get me to act like her husband sometimes, but that time is over. I don't have a 'frame', but I always preferred to be alone over being in a bad relationship, so when my wife wanted to divorce, I was only concerned with protecting the kids (6y + 9y at the time) to make sure they wouldn't suffer from the divorce.

Your experiences have been so different than mine that we might as well be on separate planets.

 

[MatureDJ]

How many wives/long-term girlfriends that lived under your roof for at least 3 years have you experienced?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Are you married to her?

No, it doesn't. It commands women to obey their husbands and men to love their wives. Here is the exact quote

You're quoting 5:22. 5:21 says "submit to each other."

I tried to upload a pic of the Zondervan footnotes to those verses, but sosuave says my attachment size is too large.

 

[MatureDJ]

Can relate 100%. My wife has a six sense in which she can tell that I’m trying to relax. If it’s not mindless tasks that she can do herself, it’s what I call the “royal we.“ Like, “we should pull the weeds in the courtyard”, “we should paint these baseboards”, “we need gas in the car…” Countless tasks she can do while I’m away at work. Last doctor visit showed I had elevated blood pressure and she says you need to relax more. As I’m trying to relax and read a book, she suggests a task that “needs“ to be done, lol. Can you STFU so I can relax?

I totally get the “entertaining“ vibe as well. They can’t just be with themselves in silence. Can’t have a relaxing weekend without going out or doing something. I think social media has poured gas on this fire with all the FOMO and envy from seeing what other people are doing. What I recognize with the women in my social circle is that none of them have any hobbies. Nothing to entertain themselves other than eating and drinking. All the husbands get out and enjoy some kind of hobby.

One solution I have found for this is to go outside and ”work” on said suggested tasks. Like cleaning the yard. Clean the yard while watching the game in the garage and sipping a cold beer. Enjoy the peaceful sounds of a 2-stroke engine and take your time. You’re doing the suggested task but to your liking.

Do you have a life insurance policy? I think a lot of women get this way since their men are probably worth more to them deal than alive.

 

[MatureDJ]

You're quoting 5:22. 5:21 says "submit to each other."

I tried to upload a pic of the Zondervan footnotes to those verses, but sosuave says my attachment size is too large.

Paint.net is your friend!

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Religious discussion is expressly forbidden per forum rules:

https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/forum-rules.269375/

“Political and religious discussions are not allowed on this forum. Experience has shown that they create too many problems among members.”

 

[Bible_Belt]

Religious discussion is expressly forbidden per forum rules:

Is there a rule about criticizing moderators who are new and not especially good at the job?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Is there a rule about criticizing moderators who are new and not especially good at the job?

Nope go ahead. But keep it between the navigational beacons.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Nope go ahead. But keep it between the navigational beacons.

Thanks for being a good sport. Criticism rescinded...cause of Jesus and stuff.

 

[LTG71]

Do you have a life insurance policy? I think a lot of women get this way since their men are probably worth more to them deal than alive.

My experience is more that she has ADHD and worries about household tasks that maybe I gloss over or don’t consider since she handles them. Like thinking about ingredients to make meals as soon as she wakes up. I’m trying to have my coffee and wake up, she’ll already thinking of what she’s going to make the kids for dinner.

I do have an insurance policy, lol. But that is because she is a full-time stay at home mom that raised the kids rather than go to work and pay someone else to do it. Policy is there for the entire family.

I think since I work full time, when I get home I want to relax. But running a household is like a second job. This is where I wouldn’t mind a little more “strong and independent” behavior from women rather than expecting their man to do everything since he is the “leader.” A lot of women are inherently lazy and just nag to get those tasks done. Have one female acquaintance that reaches out for advice and fixes her own issues at home. Her “man” is too lazy or incompetent to use a screwdriver. I wouldn’t mind a little bit more of that behavior to be honest. All depends how they were raised.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Your experiences have been so different than mine that we might as well be on separate planets.

Well, America might as well be a different planet.

 

[pipeman84]

I have been living with my girlfriend for the past 5 months. We have good times but I have to agree with OP, they can neither be still or shut the fvck up.

I love my girlfriend but the nagging and or sometimes stupid little (unnecessary) arguments are taking a toll on me in that I'm starting to think about life without her.

Let me take a wild guess, you're not the first guy she's lived with.

Before her, I was a big playboy and ladies man, so while she's nagging at me or acting out, I'm immediately start thinking in my mind, I could easily replace this Woman.

100%. If there isn't something special about a woman (such as being a virgin and actually in love with you) it doesn't make sense to curtail your freedoms and live with her.

 

[MatureDJ]

Thanks for being a good sport. Criticism rescinded...cause of Jesus and stuff.

Yes, I didn't like the way that the Superman moderator had always deducted reaction score points. 007 is a much better mod.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Yes, I didn't like the way that the Superman moderator had always deducted reaction score points. 007 is a much better mod.

what happened to Superman

 

[MatureDJ]

what happened to Superman

Evidently, he is no longer the moderator.

 

[MatureDJ]

I have been living with my girlfriend for the past 5 months. We have good times but I have to agree with OP, they can neither be still or shut the fvck up.

I love my girlfriend but the nagging and or sometimes stupid little (unnecessary) arguments are taking a toll on me in that I'm starting to think about life without her.

It may sound extreme but to give an example, I brought an amazon package up to our apartment and put it on the kitchen counter. She freaks out and says the entire counter is dirty now and that I'm not the one that cleans anything, etc.

I literally saw it as no big deal, just spray down and wipe the counter. Simple as that.

Another thing that's started to get my blood pressure up is that she asks me a question that I have to think about (it's just how I process things) and she'll continue to pressure an answer out of me, saying "Why Aren't You saying anything!!??"

If I was in my 20's, maybe even early 30's, I would have snapped by now but since I'm 40, I'm a lot more laid back and just want peace and relaxation. However, I feel like I'm getting to the point of being pushed to the end of my line and lash out and break up with her.

Before her, I was a big playboy and ladies man, so while she's nagging at me or acting out, I'm immediately start thinking in my mind, I could easily replace this Woman.

Like I said, I do love her and its the ONLY reason why I still try to make things work out and be understanding and supportive etc. if it weren't for that, I would of kicked her to the curb harder than Messi can kick a soccer ball.

It must be nice to be able to easily replace a woman. Like most Normies, I have to hold on for dear life.