The real problem isn't OLD or Cold Approach, its you.

[MatureDJ]

We've seen some threads lately complaining about Online Dating or Cold Approach. Infact, we get tons of threads about Cold Approach and Online Dating and its been that way forever.

But lets be real, the problem isn't online dating. It's YOU. For others, online dating is working tremendously. Got dudes bragging about the 700 matches they have, showing each other (literally my friends). I personally don't do online dating because thankfully I have not had to yet, but it's always in the back of my mind if things get to be a bit of a drought, i'll easily jump on it. Infact, I used to be pretty good with it back in the day.

Just because online dating isn't working for YOU, doesn't mean its broken or its not worth it. The problem is, online dating is all about PORTRAYING WHO YOU ARE. If you can show your INDIVIDUAL VALUE , PERSONALITY and SOCIAL VALUE .. Then you can do REALLY WELL with Online Dating. The other part about that is just having good quality pictures. If you're a guy who just has nothing but pictures of himself in weird selfies, or even just general photos of you just standing in various settings, it's not going to do much. It may if you're quite attractive and have great quality photos, but women also want to see if you have friends, what kind of friends, what kind of settings, maybe something that relates to your passion, whether traveling, boating, watches, .. Everything is analyzed very quickly. Your sense of style, you're hairdo, your face, the expressions of your friends in pictures, the expressions or expressionless face you have in pictures, whether you SMILE or not.

Now what about Cold Approach? Look, the thing is this. It's not JUST Cold APPROACH. Its APPROACH in general. Believe it or not, the #1 way people thing to do meet women is, through MUTUALS/SCHOOL/WORK/ Social EVENTS (parties, events, gatherings, weddings, potlucks, family events). So it's not necessarily COLD approach. It's all APPROACH.. and it works Great if you're actually the extroverted type and have enough things on your schedule you can go to to MEET PEOPLE.

I think the problem with alot of guys, and maybe especially older guys, is that you want things to come easy. You found yourself in a place in life where you don't really have much going on, and you kind of let go of what intrinsically makes you unique/personality.. and yet you expect things to be easy for you.. to find women. The fact is, it should be easy regardless if you actually put yourself out there. If you don't, you cant expect **** to fall into your lap from the sky.

Some of you simply don't know what's wrong with yourselves.. because you have a hard time seeing yourself and your life as a whole. That's why its important to have outside perspectives to help you. Infact, that's why people hire coaches.

Thank you for your wonderful explanation of Just Be Chad Theory, professor.

 

[MatureDJ]

Even in a major metropolitan area and a singles dense area during non-pandemic times, you're going to need to linger in a grocery store longer than you normally would to get in enough approaches to set up dates.

Single Guys Are Really Going for It Right Now

If the world is ending, why not?

slate.com

The first encounter I had was at the pharmacy. I go pick up my prescription. It’s not ready yet, so I’m standing at the counter area, and I see a guy sort of looking over toward me, and—I’m not even kidding—with no sort of introduction, he was like, “Do you come here a lot? Do you want to go out sometime?” And I just, honestly, burst out laughing. And then my name is called, so I’m like, “I gotta go pick up my prescription,” and sort of dodge that one pretty quickly.

So then I’m going to the grocery store, which is next door, and I am in the hummus section. A guy comes over to me, and, unlike pharmacy guy, he’s actually talking to me. And then he kind of bluntly is like, “Can I get your number, or can I give you mine?” And again I’m just like, What is happening? So I start laughing again. And then I sadly told him that I’d be only going home with my hummus that day.

 

[christie]

Single Guys Are Really Going for It Right Now

If the world is ending, why not?

slate.com

another girl laughing meanly; no etiquette or kindness there

 

[MatureDJ]

another girl laughing meanly; no etiquette or kindness there

These seem to be a strong majority of women these days.

 

[MatureDJ]

There might be some gym game possibilities.

A declining option:

Women-Only Gyms Are Gaining Popularity for Women, and We're Not Talking About Curves

I say "women-only gym," you say...Curves? Some other place only your mom would work out? Sex-segregated fitness facilities were once seen as solely "for out of shape women of a certain age," Reuters notes. But younger women and fitness buffs are…

www.bustle.com

 

[Georgepithyou]

A declining option:

Women-Only Gyms Are Gaining Popularity for Women, and We're Not Talking About Curves

I say "women-only gym," you say...Curves? Some other place only your mom would work out? Sex-segregated fitness facilities were once seen as solely "for out of shape women of a certain age," Reuters notes. But younger women and fitness buffs are…

www.bustle.com

Well this is easy to get around, just identify as a Woman. If they try to stop you, you can sue them.

 

[redskinsfan92]

We've seen some threads lately complaining about Online Dating or Cold Approach. Infact, we get tons of threads about Cold Approach and Online Dating and its been that way forever.

But lets be real, the problem isn't online dating. It's YOU. For others, online dating is working tremendously. Got dudes bragging about the 700 matches they have, showing each other (literally my friends). I personally don't do online dating because thankfully I have not had to yet, but it's always in the back of my mind if things get to be a bit of a drought, i'll easily jump on it. Infact, I used to be pretty good with it back in the day.

Just because online dating isn't working for YOU, doesn't mean its broken or its not worth it. The problem is, online dating is all about PORTRAYING WHO YOU ARE. If you can show your INDIVIDUAL VALUE , PERSONALITY and SOCIAL VALUE .. Then you can do REALLY WELL with Online Dating. The other part about that is just having good quality pictures. If you're a guy who just has nothing but pictures of himself in weird selfies, or even just general photos of you just standing in various settings, it's not going to do much. It may if you're quite attractive and have great quality photos, but women also want to see if you have friends, what kind of friends, what kind of settings, maybe something that relates to your passion, whether traveling, boating, watches, .. Everything is analyzed very quickly. Your sense of style, you're hairdo, your face, the expressions of your friends in pictures, the expressions or expressionless face you have in pictures, whether you SMILE or not.

Now what about Cold Approach? Look, the thing is this. It's not JUST Cold APPROACH. Its APPROACH in general. Believe it or not, the #1 way people thing to do meet women is, through MUTUALS/SCHOOL/WORK/ Social EVENTS (parties, events, gatherings, weddings, potlucks, family events). So it's not necessarily COLD approach. It's all APPROACH.. and it works Great if you're actually the extroverted type and have enough things on your schedule you can go to to MEET PEOPLE.

I think the problem with alot of guys, and maybe especially older guys, is that you want things to come easy. You found yourself in a place in life where you don't really have much going on, and you kind of let go of what intrinsically makes you unique/personality.. and yet you expect things to be easy for you.. to find women. The fact is, it should be easy regardless if you actually put yourself out there. If you don't, you cant expect **** to fall into your lap from the sky.

Some of you simply don't know what's wrong with yourselves.. because you have a hard time seeing yourself and your life as a whole. That's why its important to have outside perspectives to help you. Infact, that's why people hire coaches.

Lol, OLD is broken and is an utter waste of time for those for whom it does not work. Those who experience success on it should utilize it. Others should focus on other avenues of finding dates.

You openly admit you don't use it, but act like you know what you are talking about. Basically you created this thread to pump up your ego.

 

[Focal core]

Put yourself out where exactly? (covid)

I think in covid era its time to put my D out hangin in the air as no one out there to see it.

 

[jimwho]

I think in covid era its time to put my D out hangin in the air as no one out there to see it.

I think it's a bit cold out for that right now, a bird might mistake it for a worm.

 

[Focal core]

I think it's a bit cold out for that right now, a bird might mistake it for a worm.

Bad bird bad bird!

 

[SW15]

A declining option:

Women-Only Gyms Are Gaining Popularity for Women, and We're Not Talking About Curves

I say "women-only gym," you say...Curves? Some other place only your mom would work out? Sex-segregated fitness facilities were once seen as solely "for out of shape women of a certain age," Reuters notes. But younger women and fitness buffs are…

www.bustle.com

That article came out in 2014. It is unknown if women's only gyms are gaining popularity. We've had some threads on gym game lately. Fitness classes are the better option than general gyn game, but both are challenging.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

i still maintain most men would do way better online by having decent, current pictures and writing a good bio. I think most men are just lazy about putting in the effort to attract women and then whine when nobody wants them.

 

[SW15]

i still maintain most men would do way better online by having decent, current pictures and writing a good bio. I think most men are just lazy about putting in the effort to attract women and then whine when nobody wants them.

There is no substitute for the in-person experience. I maintain most men ending going on a lot of bad dates and shouldering the cost for a lot of bad dates due to the format of first interacting with someone behind an electronic screen. 5-10 minutes at most of having first interactions in person can save a man from a lot of bad 60-90 minute dates where he pays $30 for the drinks and gets flaked on for a second interaction without sex on the first.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

Yeah i cant speak to the first person thing, i cant remember the last chick i picked up in real life. That has never been part of my game but i envy men that can walk up to a stranger and make conversation and get her number.

 

[SW15]

Yeah i cant speak to the first person thing, i cant remember the last chick i picked up in real life. That has never been part of my game but i envy men that can walk up to a stranger and make conversation and get her number.

How is that even possible? You're 54. You were 15-25 well before the internet. When you were 15-25, people met people through approaching people unknown to them without the aid of electronic screens.

At 37, I have had the option of websites or swipe apps for the entirety of my history in the sexual marketplace. There are a lot of early Millennials, say roughly 1982-1990 who are poor at in-person approaching because they've had electronic screens as a crutch.

I can and I have walked up to a person unknown to me, make conversation, and get her number. I've done this sober at non-bar venues.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

How is that even possible? You're 54. You were 15-25 well before the internet. When you were 15-25, people met people through approaching people unknown to them without the aid of electronic screens.

I didnt say i never picked up a chick real life, i said i cant remember the last time i did. I been pretty much OLD since 2003.
Now that i think about it tho, i did smash one in a bar bathroom back in 2010.
I dont go out anymore so it is what it is so im fine doing OLD exclusively. I dont have the energy or stamina to chase very hard anymore.

 

[SW15]

I didnt say i never picked up a chick real life, i said i cant remember the last time i did. I been pretty much OLD since 2003.
Now that i think about it tho, i did smash one in a bar bathroom back in 2010.
I dont go out anymore so it is what it is so im fine doing OLD exclusively. I dont have the energy or stamina to chase very hard anymore.

Smashing a chick in a bar bathroom in 2010 at age 44 is better than many. I don't think many 44 year olds are doing that.

Even before the pandemic, one doesn't need to go to bars or stay up late to meet women. Doing approaches at non-bar venues is a way to generate some prospects. It's annoying and often tedious but its still better than websites or apps.

People think websites, apps, and sliding into DMs on social are convenient just because it can be done sitting at home. There's a trade off with it. You might be able to sit at home and swipe/message, but in exchange for that convenience, you get flakier and worse behaviors and usually worse outcomes.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The OP is absolutely correct when it comes to OLD. So many of you limit yourselves because you take too narrow a view.

I wish I could show you guys a picture of me and my fiancé. She is stunningly beautiful, looks 25 years younger than she is, and has a character that shines through even in pictures. I landed her through OLD.

I, on the other hand, am different. Some people need to be seen in 3 dimensions to be appreciated. I come across absolutely atrociously in pictures. There’s something about the reduction of a dimension that makes some people look bad.

To combat this, a man simply has to take more pictures until a few good ones appear. It might be a ratio of 50 bad ones to 1 good one.

Let’s say you finally come up with 2 or three pictures that are flattering to you. Post those along with a well thought-out profile that is specifically designed to eliminate women you don’t want, and attract the ones you want. You will come across as discriminating and in a position to choose, which is exactly how you should be anyway.

“But Uncle Atom, if I charm her with my initial writing and phone calls, when we finally meet she is bound to be disappointed with my looks.”

She might be, young grasshopper, but that’s where your personality comes in to play to correct this temporary dip in attraction level.

Here’s what will happen if she is disappointed in your real looks as compared to your ideal pictures: You will charm her with your personality, confidence, boldness, and body language. What will happen in her brain is that she will start to see you as that guy in the idealized pictures. She knows that you CAN look good, so she will view you in that idealized way.

What so many men fail to realize is that women’s perceptions are highly malleable. You can compensate for a shortfall in one area by excelling in another, and her brain will average out those qualities. If you’ve got a great personality, she will definitely make that mental adjustment to idealize your looks according to your pictures.

I recommend that you all cease to completely write off OLD, and instead create a quality, well thought-out profile (show that you have values, character and substance), find or create those 2 pictures out of 100, post them on an OLD site and then WAIT. Don’t approach women at all. Let them come to you. That’s what I did. I wrote a great profile (it took several days), found a couple of flattering pictures out of my many horrible ones, posted it all and went about my business.

Over the course of a few months, some extremely attractive women with great profiles contacted me. One of them stood out way above the others, and she eventually became my fiancé. And let me tell you guys... I am extraordinarily picky.

Zero sh!t tests, zero drama. Just support and affection and a desire to serve me.

Now you guys must be picturing your Uncle Atom as pretty ugly at this point. I would rate myself a 7 or 7.5, while my pictures bring me down to a 4 or 5 lol. The camera hates me. I do have an exceptionally young look which aids me tremendously.

So don’t use looks as an excuse. As I mentioned, even if you disappoint her when you meet her, you must understand that women will average out your qualities and soften the spikes and dips on her inner SMV chart.

Again, I’m addressing guys who are looking for a relationship. If you’re looking to smash and dash, then of course looks is paramount. If you’re looking for an attractive woman of character, try my formula. What have you got to lose? Your profile is floating out there like bait. Wait for the nibbles. They will come. What you will end up with is a small number of quality women to choose from. Don’t go for quantity. Go for quality. Filter out, exclude as many unqualified women as you can with your profile. The quality women who respond to your profile will regard looks as only part of the picture, and will definitely imagine you to look better than you actually do once her inner SMV adjustments kick in.

My fiancé keeps calling me “My Beautiful _Name_”. Insert my real name there. I’m ok looking objectively speaking, but to her I’m quite the prize looks-wise because I was able to average her view of me to a higher level based upon my many other qualities.

The takeaway: Women’s perceptions of looks are malleable and can be positively influenced by displaying a high level of character. The temporary dip in her attraction level when she first meets you (if you’re not that great-looking) can be neutralized if you know what you’re doing.

The most powerful influence on a woman is a man’s perception of himself. Women will believe about you that which you believe about yourself.

 

[Barrister]

The OP is absolutely correct when it comes to OLD. So many of you limit yourselves because you take too narrow a view.

I wish I could show you guys a picture of me and my fiancé. She is stunningly beautiful, looks 25 years younger than she is, and has a character that shines through even in pictures. I landed her through OLD.

I, on the other hand, am different. Some people need to be seen in 3 dimensions to be appreciated. I come across absolutely atrociously in pictures. There’s something about the reduction of a dimension that makes some people look bad.

To combat this, a man simply has to take more pictures until a few good ones appear. It might be a ratio of 50 bad ones to 1 good one.

Let’s say you finally come up with 2 or three pictures that are flattering to you. Post those along with a well thought-out profile that is specifically designed to eliminate women you don’t want, and attract the ones you want. You will come across as discriminating and in a position to choose, which is exactly how you should be anyway.

“But Uncle Atom, if I charm her with my initial writing and phone calls, when we finally meet she is bound to be disappointed with my looks.”

She might be, young grasshopper, but that’s where your personality comes in to play to correct this temporary dip in attraction level.

Here’s what will happen if she is disappointed in your real looks as compared to your ideal pictures: You will charm her with your personality, confidence, boldness, and body language. What will happen in her brain is that she will start to see you as that guy in the idealized pictures. She knows that you CAN look good, so she will view you in that idealized way.

What so many men fail to realize is that women’s perceptions are highly malleable. You can compensate for a shortfall in one area by excelling in another, and her brain will average out those qualities. If you’ve got a great personality, she will definitely make that mental adjustment to idealize your looks according to your pictures.

I recommend that you all cease to completely write off OLD, and instead create a quality, well thought-out profile (show that you have values, character and substance), find or create those 2 pictures out of 100, post them on an OLD site and then WAIT. Don’t approach women at all. Let them come to you. That’s what I did. I wrote a great profile (it took several days), found a couple of flattering pictures out of my many horrible ones, posted it all and went about my business.

Over the course of a few months, some extremely attractive women with great profiles contacted me. One of them stood out way above the others, and she eventually became my fiancé. And let me tell you guys... I am extraordinarily picky.

Zero sh!t tests, zero drama. Just support and affection and a desire to serve me.

Now you guys must be picturing your Uncle Atom as pretty ugly at this point. I would rate myself a 7 or 7.5, while my pictures bring me down to a 4 or 5 lol. The camera hates me. I do have an exceptionally young look which aids me tremendously.

So don’t use looks as an excuse. As I mentioned, even if you disappoint her when you meet her, you must understand that women will average out your qualities and soften the spikes and dips on her inner SMV chart.

Again, I’m addressing guys who are looking for a relationship. If you’re looking to smash and dash, then of course looks is paramount. If you’re looking for an attractive woman of character, try my formula. What have you got to lose? Your profile is floating out there like bait. Wait for the nibbles. They will come. What you will end up with is a small number of quality women to choose from. Don’t go for quantity. Go for quality. Filter out, exclude as many unqualified women as you can with your profile. The quality women who respond to your profile will regard looks as only part of the picture, and will definitely imagine you to look better than you actually do once her inner SMV adjustments kick in.

My fiancé keeps calling me “My Beautiful _Name_”. Insert my real name there. I’m ok looking objectively speaking, but to her I’m quite the prize looks-wise because I was able to average her view of me to a higher level based upon my many other qualities.

The takeaway: Women’s perceptions of looks are malleable and can be positively influenced by displaying a high level of character. The temporary dip in her attraction level when she first meets you (if you’re not that great-looking) can be neutralized if you know what you’re doing.

The most powerful influence on a woman is a man’s perception of himself. Women will believe about you that which you believe about yourself.

Good post. I’ve had some success with OLD and I live in a somewhat remote area - couple of small cities nearby. Pictures are absolutely the main thing to get your foot in the door with most women. The bio itself should be short and concise while also conveying a general sense of who you are with your job and interests. Generally though, I think less is more with the bio section. You want to give them a little bit of idea of who you are but also maintain mystery.

 

[Atom Smasher]

For me, my bio was fairly long. But that works for me, and your mileage may vary.

Within my profile I dropped plenty of clues of mystery and intrigue. My whole thing is paring down to a small pool of prequalified candidates. Displaying substance is very attractive. A man who takes the time to write a thought-provoking and “deep-ish” profile will stand head and shoulders above the competition.