The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Poppasmurphy]

Please do not sit and wait by the phone hoping she makes contact, you will become a shell of a human and far from your potential. Get out there , get to the gym , go for a run , have fun. It might not come easy but you have to do it. No hard boozing. Use the pain as fuel and be better. I’m with you guys on this one , broke up 2 weeks ago

 

[Lotus Effect]

90+ days of NC

Had a good laid for the first time after the breakup. The chick wasn’t all that much, but I had some good time.

at xmas night.

Then hooked up with a 2nd chick the other day. Did some kink stuff but no fork. It was cool anyway. Very hot chick, and she is dating another guy which adds some value to the kink stuff.

And then I did the first chick again 2 or 3 other days. also at New Year’s Eve. I’m vacationing at Paris.

In the past 90 days, I forked 2 girls, but it was awful.

This one that I had at Xmas night was the first one that I actually enjoyed.

I guess I’m moving forward.

still thought a lot about the NC one. I need to improve the quality of the chicks to help me on this matter.

Being unable to train due to the motorcycle accident it’s been really hard landing chicks, since I’m prone to get way too skinny. So for now I have to deal with that.

anyway. I decided not to talk about the Nc chick anymore, and I felt really good this holiday season with all that happen.

multiple decent lays. 2 chicks

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hi dudes.

90 Days NC

Been roughly 90 days since NC. Never broke it once. Kept straight at it. Here are some personal lessons learnt. I'll keep it brief.

Pain
The sharp intolerable pain has gone away. Went away after about a month. Instead there is still moments of longing over the past 3 months. Of reminiscing the good times. Of missing. But nothing that keeps me up at night. Not like the initial moments of break up. Based on my past NC experience with another ex, these feelings will eventually dissipate entirely with time.

Contact & Breadcrumbs
Ex never reached out. Can't deny that I had moments of false hope where I thought she might reach out in the past 3 months because of what we had. But she never did. One of the biggest realizations that I have been thinking about a lot is how her lack of action of reaching out is one major sign. Basically the girl has decided that she wants out and does not want in. As much as we may try to speculate their mental state and whether there is hope in this 'fog of war' situation of not communicating, the truth is the answer is staring you right in your eyes which is her inaction. You aren't important enough for her to be back into the picture. Any more speculation is just self torture. I guess I have to come to term with this and accept the reality as it is. Hope is really dangerous in situations like these. Destroy hope and embrace truth.

Dating & Sex As A Fix
Over the past 3 months, I jumped into dating and sex almost immediately after the break up. I have been out with many girls. Ranging from 8s to 10s. Young chicks, models and influencers. I have made out with most of them and slept with some of them. Surprisingly but maybe not surprisingly (since I have experienced NC before and tried this tactic) as much as you convince yourself that new girls and new sex will help you, it doesn't. The sex hasn't been very enjoyable beyond the moment of sex itself. The chicks and dating can also feel repetitive. But this may also be down to the fact that the break up is still fresh and has a hold over me. I may have the expectations that sex and girls are the keys to get over my ex. Putting my ex on some pedestal that I benchmark all my interactions. But the key maybe is to rid myself of these expectations because they lead to disappointment. I think the key also is to realize that girls and sex are not the true antidote to a breakup or even happiness in life. But with that said, just with my past NC experience, at some point maybe when you least expect it you might encounter some chick who truly blows your mind away and takes away all the concerns on your ex. Hopefully at that moment which usually is when you least expect it, you are ready for her.

Self-Improvement & Career
I have been religiously working on my fitness and also aspects of career development. My fitness dedication has brought results. I've been complimented by girls how good I look and of course it has brought a lot of confidence. It has actually brought a lot of happiness in terms of how I have improved myself through dedication. I have also embarked on several interesting career moves. I do feel focusing more on my own growth feels like something much more substantial than just dating and sex alone. So this is really the area to focus on among other things. Something to keep in mind for all of us.

Epic Life
I have definitely done more adventurous things since the break up. Many things I wouldn't ordinarily do and that has brought me a lot of unforgettable life experiences over the past year. Challenging myself and doing things and meeting people that I won't ordinarily have considered is something that I can see can come to shape and define me in substantial ways just like self-improvement and work. So this is also another area to really focus on.


It's a new year and I still feel I have more to go on my own NC journey. Let's see how the next check-in might be like.

Hope my bros are hanging in there.

 

[soulforge]

Hi dudes.

90 Days NC

Been roughly 90 days since NC. Never broke it once. Kept straight at it. Here are some personal lessons learnt. I'll keep it brief.

Pain
The sharp intolerable pain has gone away. Went away after about a month. Instead there is still moments of longing over the past 3 months. Of reminiscing the good times. Of missing. But nothing that keeps me up at night. Not like the initial moments of break up. Based on my past NC experience with another ex, these feelings will eventually dissipate entirely with time.

Contact & Breadcrumbs
Ex never reached out. Can't deny that I had moments of false hope where I thought she might reach out in the past 3 months because of what we had. But she never did. One of the biggest realizations that I have been thinking about a lot is how her lack of action of reaching out is one major sign. Basically the girl has decided that she wants out and does not want in. As much as we may try to speculate their mental state and whether there is hope in this 'fog of war' situation of not communicating, the truth is the answer is staring you right in your eyes which is her inaction. You aren't important enough for her to be back into the picture. Any more speculation is just self torture. I guess I have to come to term with this and accept the reality as it is. Hope is really dangerous in situations like these. Destroy hope and embrace truth.

Dating & Sex As A Fix
Over the past 3 months, I jumped into dating and sex almost immediately after the break up. I have been out with many girls. Ranging from 8s to 10s. Young chicks, models and influencers. I have made out with most of them and slept with some of them. Surprisingly but maybe not surprisingly (since I have experienced NC before and tried this tactic) as much as you convince yourself that new girls and new sex will help you, it doesn't. The sex hasn't been very enjoyable beyond the moment of sex itself. The chicks and dating can also feel repetitive. But this may also be down to the fact that the break up is still fresh and has a hold over me. I may have the expectations that sex and girls are the keys to get over my ex. Putting my ex on some pedestal that I benchmark all my interactions. But the key maybe is to rid myself of these expectations because they lead to disappointment. I think the key also is to realize that girls and sex are not the true antidote to a breakup or even happiness in life. But with that said, just with my past NC experience, at some point maybe when you least expect it you might encounter some chick who truly blows your mind away and takes away all the concerns on your ex. Hopefully at that moment which usually is when you least expect it, you are ready for her.

Self-Improvement & Career
I have been religiously working on my fitness and also aspects of career development. My fitness dedication has brought results. I've been complimented by girls how good I look and of course it has brought a lot of confidence. It has actually brought a lot of happiness in terms of how I have improved myself through dedication. I have also embarked on several interesting career moves. I do feel focusing more on my own growth feels like something much more substantial than just dating and sex alone. So this is really the area to focus on among other things. Something to keep in mind for all of us.

Epic Life
I have definitely done more adventurous things since the break up. Many things I wouldn't ordinarily do and that has brought me a lot of unforgettable life experiences over the past year. Challenging myself and doing things and meeting people that I won't ordinarily have considered is something that I can see can come to shape and define me in substantial ways just like self-improvement and work. So this is also another area to really focus on.


It's a new year and I still feel I have more to go on my own NC journey. Let's see how the next check-in might be like.

Hope my bros are hanging in there.

That's good progress man, keep it up.

It's been 6 months NC and I never heard from her since, however it's understandable why she never reached out, as I am the one who showed her the door.

I do still think about her & miss her, but in actual fact I realise that I dodged a massive bullet.

My ex is the typical Cluster B damaged type with many issues, an tons of red flags.

In the short term it's been a painful break up, however in the long term I saved myself a life of misery.

It does get better.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

That's good progress man, keep it up.

It's been 6 months NC and I never heard from her since, however it's understandable why she never reached out, as I am the one who showed her the door.

I do still think about her & miss her, but in actual fact I realise that I dodged a massive bullet.

My ex is the typical Cluster B damaged type with many issues, an tons of red flags.

In the short term it's been a painful break up, however in the long term I saved myself a life of misery.

It does get better.

Thank you bro. Knowing your story personally I am confident that you really dodged a bullet. I been dealing with some ridiculous EE girls recently you should check out my thread on it. EE girls are so combative that I rather not deal with that crap. Nothing is worth our dignity!

 

[soulforge]

Thank you bro. Knowing your story personally I am confident that you really dodged a bullet. I been dealing with some ridiculous EE girls recently you should check out my thread on it. EE girls are so combative that I rather not deal with that crap. Nothing is worth our dignity!

It's true man, this common misconception about EE girls being super sweet lol. They are mostly quite masculine.

They used to getting bich slapped by there man when they get drunk.

 

[soulforge]

Thank you bro. Knowing your story personally I am confident that you really dodged a bullet. I been dealing with some ridiculous EE girls recently you should check out my thread on it. EE girls are so combative that I rather not deal with that crap. Nothing is worth our dignity!

I don't know if I mentioned but my ex was EE.. Luthuainin.. Super combative & masculine!

I read your thread & yeh dude she was strong arming you into an expensive meal.

She was trying to dominate & control the frame.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

It's true man, this common misconception about EE girls being super sweet lol. They are mostly quite masculine.

Stick to Central European women. Hungary, Czech. Go too much east and you'll find the Russian man-eaters.

 

[Glassguy]

Dating & Sex As A Fix
Over the past 3 months, I jumped into dating and sex almost immediately after the break up. I have been out with many girls. Ranging from 8s to 10s. Young chicks, models and influencers. I have made out with most of them and slept with some of them. Surprisingly but maybe not surprisingly (since I have experienced NC before and tried this tactic) as much as you convince yourself that new girls and new sex will help you, it doesn't. The sex hasn't been very enjoyable beyond the moment of sex itself. The chicks and dating can also feel repetitive. But this may also be down to the fact that the break up is still fresh and has a hold over me. I may have the expectations that sex and girls are the keys to get over my ex. Putting my ex on some pedestal that I benchmark all my interactions. But the key maybe is to rid myself of these expectations because they lead to disappointment. I think the key also is to realize that girls and sex are not the true antidote to a breakup or even happiness in life. But with that said, just with my past NC experience, at some point maybe when you least expect it you might encounter some chick who truly blows your mind away and takes away all the concerns on your ex. Hopefully at that moment which usually is when you least expect it, you are ready for her.

First of all, way to remain strong and not break NC.

The above that you said is true, although sex with new chicks shouldnt be to heal old wounds but to just get back out there and get your mojo back.

100% spot on. It is not a "fix" and after my last LTR ended, I didnt enjoy a second with several new women other that the sex itself.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I am currently in no contact.

Emotional infidelity is tough to deal with.

Yesterday I sent my girlfriend packing a week before our anniversary.

I had a strong suspicion that something happened in the spring when she was on a trip, fueled really just by shady behavior over the course of the relationship (odd reactions from the female colleague she traveled with, message silencing, attention seeking behavior on Instagram, trying to display social dominance in her friend group, to name a few).

Any time I hit a year in anything I reflect a bit. I did a little digging. I noticed a like on her social media post in that city by someone who was in the town she traveled to and who was a long time follower of hers, as deduced by how long back he was liking her posts.

I confronted her, she said it was nothing and that he was a creep, who did reach out while she was there, that she ignored and there was never any history. (Creep with no history so he’s on your instagram for 6 years?) I would think at that point she would show me the DM, show me it was nothing and move on. I would look silly and insecure but that would put the issue to rest. Except she didn’t make that offer.

I asked to see the DM, she had deleted it. I know from prior conversations she had texts from someone she hooked up with before me that wished her a happy birthday, so there was precedent that she kept texts. I said let’s look down your DM history, there are DM’s going back years.

I said you need to go. You have 30 minutes to pack your stuff, and call an Uber. That’s all I said until she left and I did it as calm as a cucumber.

She called me twice yesterday and once this evening. Sent me a text saying ‘I love you and us, and I want to work through this together. Let me know when we can speak.’

 

[Divorced w 3]

5:30am text:

‘The texts you saw that night Mary and I went out. We were just sitting at the hotel bar just chatting with the people around us making conversation. We were both very clear about the fact we were in relationships. I spoke about our trip to boston and how I have the best guy and you made me so happy. When we were leaving to go to our rooms to bed the Brazilian guy asked for Mary’s Instagram and she denied him. That was what that text thread was about. Mary said that other guy was low key cute and I wrote he wasn’t my type and he’s not. I wrote that the Brazilian looked good for 42 and our friend would have been interested in him and she would have been. I was and always have been 100 percent faithful to you in this relationship.

I didn’t delete the dm last week. I checked last week after you dropped me off for it and couldn’t find it. Which is why I said I don’t have it before I even looked for it when we were sitting on the couch. I finally remembered why i didn’t have the message, I never even opened the dm I blocked him from my story (which is why I thought I originally had him gone in the first place) and deleted the thread bc I didn’t want the notification there.I never opened it or acknowledged it. I literally forgot he existed. Never did I think I would need that to show you however many months later. I’m sorry I don’t have it to show you now.

I’m sorry that my actions created suspicion where there didn’t need to be. You’ve asked me to be Open and honest with you and I am. I believe we can work through this if you still want to but I couldn’t just let things end without you at least hearing that. ‘

 

[Mertz09]

"Upgrade and it will fade. Don’t be surprised if she reaches out randomly in the future when you are totally over her."
True that! This has happened to my more than once. I never cared that much at that point to take them back.

 

[soulforge]

"Upgrade and it will fade. Don’t be surprised if she reaches out randomly in the future when you are totally over her."
True that! This has happened to my more than once. I never cared that much at that point to take them back.

Sometimes it's hard to upgrade, when you already got the hottest chick you could possibly get.. call it a fluke lol

However you are right. They do reach out again, especially when the dating game is beating them down.

 

[DreamAgain]

5:30am text:

‘The texts you saw that night Mary and I went out. We were just sitting at the hotel bar just chatting with the people around us making conversation. We were both very clear about the fact we were in relationships. I spoke about our trip to boston and how I have the best guy and you made me so happy. When we were leaving to go to our rooms to bed the Brazilian guy asked for Mary’s Instagram and she denied him. That was what that text thread was about. Mary said that other guy was low key cute and I wrote he wasn’t my type and he’s not. I wrote that the Brazilian looked good for 42 and our friend would have been interested in him and she would have been. I was and always have been 100 percent faithful to you in this relationship.

I didn’t delete the dm last week. I checked last week after you dropped me off for it and couldn’t find it. Which is why I said I don’t have it before I even looked for it when we were sitting on the couch. I finally remembered why i didn’t have the message, I never even opened the dm I blocked him from my story (which is why I thought I originally had him gone in the first place) and deleted the thread bc I didn’t want the notification there.I never opened it or acknowledged it. I literally forgot he existed. Never did I think I would need that to show you however many months later. I’m sorry I don’t have it to show you now.

I’m sorry that my actions created suspicion where there didn’t need to be. You’ve asked me to be Open and honest with you and I am. I believe we can work through this if you still want to but I couldn’t just let things end without you at least hearing that. ‘

Ah, you can see this one has a fair amount of skill in the dark arts. You aren't dealing with a rookie here.

Please, for the love of god, do not fall for this bait. Do not respond, and move on with your life.

 

[Lotus Effect]

113 Days

Deleted and blocked her from instagram, alongside with all her family members.
After that, I decided deleting my instagram altogether, since it has not helped me in any way whatsover for this past almost 4 months.

All I did was posting some eventual cool story to see if she would see it. She did. She saw all of my stories. Nothing more.
Pretty lame move, AFC as F.

So, with a push from my roomate, I cut the evil by it's source.

It is not that I was checking her page, or anything like that, but it was like a ghost, always lurking about.

It was a hard move, since I've know her since forever, and cutting she and her family off my life like that made me sad, knowing that I will never see and hear from them again, and most importantly, vice versa, since I had a desire of her seeing my progress (ultimate AFC desire).

 

[soulforge]

113 Days

Deleted and blocked her from instagram, alongside with all her family members.
After that, I decided deleting my instagram altogether, since it has not helped me in any way whatsover for this past almost 4 months.

All I did was posting some eventual cool story to see if she would see it. She did. She saw all of my stories. Nothing more.
Pretty lame move, AFC as F.

So, with a push from my roomate, I cut the evil by it's source.

It is not that I was checking her page, or anything like that, but it was like a ghost, always lurking about.

It was a hard move, since I've know her since forever, and cutting she and her family off my life like that made me sad, knowing that I will never see and hear from them again, and most importantly, vice versa, since I had a desire of her seeing my progress (ultimate AFC desire).

Cutting them off social media should be the very first thing you do, immediately after a break up.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Cutting them off social media should be the very first thing you do, immediately after a break up.

I know...

i kept her there in order for her to see my ascend .................
(which still hasn't happened, since I've only began walking without crutches this week)

In fact, I didn't want to loose the opportunity for one day she regret and come back crawling

aka, the ultimate AFC.

Anyway, now it's done, and now I have to face the fact that whatever I do, won't affect her (it wasnt affecting anyway)

And since I've know her since we are kids, cutting ties hurt a different kind of hurt, 'cause now I know I've lost contact with that person for the rest of my life.

I know this is extreme loser mindset, so, in the end, it is good that I've finally done it. Now I have space to actually move on.

Im only giving myself a break, because of the motorbike accident, that got me 4 months in bed, in an alien country, with zero friends, poor diet and no exercise.

Now I have friends, I started swiming and Im living with a flatmate... So things are improving.

But it is too much sh?t for a single dude to bear alone

 

[tightgrp]

I know...

i kept her there in order for her to see my ascend .................
(which still hasn't happened, since I've only began walking without crutches this week)

In fact, I didn't want to loose the opportunity for one day she regret and come back crawling

aka, the ultimate AFC.

Anyway, now it's done, and now I have to face the fact that whatever I do, won't affect her (it wasnt affecting anyway)

And since I've know her since we are kids, cutting ties hurt a different kind of hurt, 'cause now I know I've lost contact with that person for the rest of my life.

I know this is extreme loser mindset, so, in the end, it is good that I've finally done it. Now I have space to actually move on.

Im only giving myself a break, because of the motorbike accident, that got me 4 months in bed, in an alien country, with zero friends, poor diet and no exercise.

Now I have friends, I started swiming and Im living with a flatmate... So things are improving.

But it is too much sh?t for a single dude to bear alone

That which does not kill you ... Find a way to make yourself independently resilient. Eliminate weakness. Bear as much as you can alone. It will make you stronger.

 

[Mertz09]

I know...

i kept her there in order for her to see my ascend .................
(which still hasn't happened, since I've only began walking without crutches this week)

In fact, I didn't want to loose the opportunity for one day she regret and come back crawling

aka, the ultimate AFC.

Anyway, now it's done, and now I have to face the fact that whatever I do, won't affect her (it wasnt affecting anyway)

And since I've know her since we are kids, cutting ties hurt a different kind of hurt, 'cause now I know I've lost contact with that person for the rest of my life.

I know this is extreme loser mindset, so, in the end, it is good that I've finally done it. Now I have space to actually move on.

Im only giving myself a break, because of the motorbike accident, that got me 4 months in bed, in an alien country, with zero friends, poor diet and no exercise.

Now I have friends, I started swiming and Im living with a flatmate... So things are improving.

But it is too much sh?t for a single dude to bear alone

Hey Dude. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Take it from an old-timer. This same thing has happened to me several times and they always came back. Only thing is... I was over them and didn't care enough to take them back (Including my ex-wife a few years ago) I HAD MOVED ON. and remember what the Great Yogi Berra said "IT ANINT OVER TILL IT'S OVER".

I was doing No Contact back in the 80's

 

[Lotus Effect]

Thanks mate.

And I gotta tell you, I did beared way too damn much by myself.

I got in Portugal in August, broke with the chick in September, same day I crashed against a tree.

Got surgery on my collar bone, the girl never showed up to see if I was alive. Called someday just to check. Last time we spoke.

After that, I found that the my femur died, got another surgery, which incapacitaded me. I wasnt able to get up from the bed because of the pain, but I had to eventually to use the bathroom or to cook. So I starved for a long while. Lost 12 pounds.

Had to pay for the bike, which was a rental, 3k Euros.
And was cut off payment from my company because Im in medical leave. So no money as well

All of this, with no friends, family or girl.
In a place where I did not know a single person.
At winter.

I have never ever in my entire life felt so sh(tty and so damn lonely.

Tought sh(t.

Only now things are falling into place, now that the doc allowed me swimming and I moved to a new house, with a flatmate, proper fellow.

What doesnt kill you, can almost kill you. I know people that took their lifes for less.

Well, not me! I'm growing stronger