The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Nordic_identity]

Well, never thought I'd be here. I have been in a relationship on and off for almost the past 2 years. Even when we broke up I would inadvertently do the no contact rule and she would come back and we would get back together.

This time it seems this is not going to happen. Last time we spoke was on the phone on august 8/9 can't remember specific date. I went 30 days no contact and thanks to stupid YouTube videos I broke it on September 10.

Needless to say she never responded. Hurt like hell. I have been doing No contact ever since. those first 2 weeks were hell but then it was easy. after hitting her up in September and not getting a response my world crumbled.

I did not make things better by sending a "farewell" message. "Well I am not going to chase you anymore, if you want to contact me you have my number. good bye" Gosh looking back at it I sound SOOO ****ing pathethic. is as if all the progress I made over the last 2 years went down the drain and I went to my AFC ways.

Anyways I am making this post because I want to actually commit to it this time forever... it really sucks because I want her back but I know is my ego. today is day 59 or 60 not sure.... it should have been close to day 90 but anyways hopefully I can use this post to forget her....

If it's on again/off again it's not a relationship. I often ask my AFC friends about their on again/off again relationships and how long they consider themselves to have been dating the person. They'll tell me how long they've been going back and forth but then tell me the number of months they actually were in a relationship and not broken up. I tell them, you might as well take the first relationship you had, maybe that was 3 months, put an asterisk next to it and consider that the "true" length of their relationship.

Once you take her back no questions asked you enter her frame and unconsciously approve her behavior. She'll think, well he's taken me back all the other times so...

I know it's rough, and you feel she'll never speak to you again, maybe its true. But that should be of no concern of yours regardless. There's plenty of females out there that you can be with and it'll never be on/off again. All the little features you are so caught up on this one can be mutually found in another but this time around you can establish and hold frame.

 

[dude99]

Well, never thought I'd be here. I have been in a relationship on and off for almost the past 2 years. Even when we broke up I would inadvertently do the no contact rule and she would come back and we would get back together.

This time it seems this is not going to happen. Last time we spoke was on the phone on august 8/9 can't remember specific date. I went 30 days no contact and thanks to stupid YouTube videos I broke it on September 10.

Needless to say she never responded. Hurt like hell. I have been doing No contact ever since. those first 2 weeks were hell but then it was easy. after hitting her up in September and not getting a response my world crumbled.

I did not make things better by sending a "farewell" message. "Well I am not going to chase you anymore, if you want to contact me you have my number. good bye" Gosh looking back at it I sound SOOO ****ing pathethic. is as if all the progress I made over the last 2 years went down the drain and I went to my AFC ways.

Anyways I am making this post because I want to actually commit to it this time forever... it really sucks because I want her back but I know is my ego. today is day 59 or 60 not sure.... it should have been close to day 90 but anyways hopefully I can use this post to forget her....

On again off again will do nothing but teach her you are a pushover and her behaviour will spiral downwards to deplorable. She will seek out other guys because she has it in the back of her head you will always take her back. This is the worst position to be in because the woman will believe she has carte blanche to treat you poorly, abuse you, disrespect you, even cheat on you.

Make it known you will give a girl 1 i repeat one chance per lifetime. If she blows that chance she is out for good. No Time apart, no breaks No second chances nothing.

She ends it. Done. Next. No coming back. You end it. Done. No second chances.

She tries to come back after she pulls" i no longer love you i don't know what i want, i think we should see other people blah blah blah blah." Then pulls the " i made a huge mistake i want you back take me back," The answer is always the same. Sorry. No. It is over. You ended it. Goodbye.

You move forward. Next. She is history.

When a girl has it in her head you will always be her safety net, she will take risks. She will flirt with other guys she will entertain their advances she will cheat, she will treat you badly because she believes you will always be there.

When a girl knows you will throw her to the curb with the rest of the trash and not ever give her another chance, how much bad behaviour do you think she will pull then?

 

[AriMamba]

I think it wasn't the right decision to take her back all the time. She probably lost respect at some point. And the fact that you weren't able to let her go shows that you got attached which also lowered her attraction. You are responsible for your pain because you let it come to this point. Should've dumped her earlier.

On again off again will do nothing but teach her you are a pushover and her behaviour will spiral downwards to deplorable. She will seek out other guys because she has it in the back of her head you will always take her back. This is the worst position to be in because the woman will believe she has carte blanche to treat you poorly, abuse you, disrespect you, even cheat on you.

Make it known you will give a girl 1 i repeat one chance per lifetime. If she blows that chance she is out for good. No Time apart, no breaks No second chances nothing.

She ends it. Done. Next. No coming back. You end it. Done. No second chances.

She tries to come back after she pulls" i no longer love you i don't know what i want, i think we should see other people blah blah blah blah." Then pulls the " i made a huge mistake i want you back take me back," The answer is always the same. Sorry. No. It is over. You ended it. Goodbye.

You move forward. Next. She is history.

When a girl has it in her head you will always be her safety net, she will take risks. She will flirt with other guys she will entertain their advances she will cheat, she will treat you badly because she believes you will always be there.

When a girl knows you will throw her to the curb with the rest of the trash and not ever give her another chance, how much bad behaviour do you think she will pull then?

Hey I am kind of confused. Why do you guys say I am a pushover or that I let her disrespect me? were you guys there? I don't want to sound like I am angry but you guys make it seem like she was running over me or the relationship. Now I can see based on what i wrote you guys automatically assume the worst. I never let her disrespect me without checking her ever. I always put her in her place. She even said how I am different from the other guys she had been. the issue obviously for our breakups were either she got too outta hand and I had to break it up and then she would start acting right. or i would act very needy and clingy and she would distance herself.

Other than that I do agree that taking her back multiple times may have given her a sense of comfortability with me. That was usually things I would consider when I took her back, but since she always came back better and well behaved I said "Fvck it"

Overall thank you for your input I may be a little defensive since this relationship was a whole new experience for me and I honestly want to keep things positive and see what I can learn from it rather than labelling her or attacking her. I am not a victim nor is she, we both did this to ourselves.

 

[Baibars]

Hey I am kind of confused. Why do you guys say I am a pushover or that I let her disrespect me? were you guys there? I don't want to sound like I am angry but you guys make it seem like she was running over me or the relationship. Now I can see based on what i wrote you guys automatically assume the worst. I never let her disrespect me without checking her ever. I always put her in her place. She even said how I am different from the other guys she had been. the issue obviously for our breakups were either she got too outta hand and I had to break it up and then she would start acting right. or i would act very needy and clingy and she would distance herself.

Other than that I do agree that taking her back multiple times may have given her a sense of comfortability with me. That was usually things I would consider when I took her back, but since she always came back better and well behaved I said "Fvck it"

Overall thank you for your input I may be a little defensive since this relationship was a whole new experience for me and I honestly want to keep things positive and see what I can learn from it rather than labelling her or attacking her. I am not a victim nor is she, we both did this to ourselves.

I didn't say you're pushover and that you necessarilly let yourself disrespect all the time but a woman who really respects you doesn't leave you many times and then comes back only to repeat it. There must be a reason for that. She might be a low quality girl or it was something you caused or just a combination of both.
imo a woman who leaves you one time is not ltr or marriage material especially if she leaves for a longer period of time. That's just not reliable behaviour. I wouldn't take her seriously at some point.
And you don't have to be defensive i just talked about your behaviour because that's the part you can change.

On my painful journey there were many guys who never criticized me or talked about my behaviour. Whenever i asked them for advice, they said stuff like '' bro, she is a ho you will find a unicorn she doesn't even deserve you '' that doesn't help. What i needed was clear logical advice. Not some bs that made me feel better about myself.

 

[dude99]

Hey I am kind of confused. Why do you guys say I am a pushover or that I let her disrespect me? were you guys there? I don't want to sound like I am angry but you guys make it seem like she was running over me or the relationship. Now I can see based on what i wrote you guys automatically assume the worst. I never let her disrespect me without checking her ever. I always put her in her place. She even said how I am different from the other guys she had been. the issue obviously for our breakups were either she got too outta hand and I had to break it up and then she would start acting right. or i would act very needy and clingy and she would distance herself.

Other than that I do agree that taking her back multiple times may have given her a sense of comfortability with me. That was usually things I would consider when I took her back, but since she always came back better and well behaved I said "Fvck it"

Overall thank you for your input I may be a little defensive since this relationship was a whole new experience for me and I honestly want to keep things positive and see what I can learn from it rather than labelling her or attacking her. I am not a victim nor is she, we both did this to ourselves.

My comment wasn't meant to be offensive, as we have all been there at least once in our lives where we have given a low quality girl one too many chances. The problem is when you do that they will take it for granted you always will take her back. We have all had that one girl who exploited our forgiveness. Don't beat yourself up. And i didn't mean for my comment to come off as inflammatory.

You may not view yourself as a pushover. You may argue and fight with her and feel you are not being one. But how she views you may infact be entirely different.

When you take them back over and over sorry dude but she will view you as a pushover.

Stand and fight and argue all you want. She still gets her way in the end when you take her back over and over. Yes you stood up to her. Yes you checked her behaviour. But in the end you still took her back on multiple occasions.

 

[mike465]

Girlfriend of 16 months just told me last night that she isn’t feeling it anymore and that she sees us more as friends. I said okay and asked her to leave (she lives in my house) but because of Covid she has nowhere to go until Friday when her friends sort something out for her (she’s not from this country so has no family here). Seemed desperate so I said she could stay in the spare room. Feel terrible but guess it’s back to square one

 

[Baibars]

Girlfriend of 16 months just told me last night that she isn’t feeling it anymore and that she sees us more as friends. I said okay and asked her to leave (she lives in my house) but because of Covid she has nowhere to go until Friday when her friends sort something out for her (she’s not from this country so has no family here). Seemed desperate so I said she could stay in the spare room. Feel terrible but guess it’s back to square one

Throw her out.

 

[Romanemp22]

Girlfriend of 16 months just told me last night that she isn’t feeling it anymore and that she sees us more as friends. I said okay and asked her to leave (she lives in my house) but because of Covid she has nowhere to go until Friday when her friends sort something out for her (she’s not from this country so has no family here). Seemed desperate so I said she could stay in the spare room. Feel terrible but guess it’s back to square one

Be more fair to yourself. I would kick the b1tch out the moment she say she doesn't want nothing more romantically, i dont give a fvck where she's gonna go. I was kicking girls out of a car in the middle of nowhere yet to keep her in my place after we ended,not a chance.

Also, her saying she doesn't feel nothing for you means she's been drilled by other guy for some time now, she was just testing waters time before "the talk" and now is ready for branch swing. Kick her out before Friday.

 

[mike465]

Throw her out.

Be more fair to yourself. I would kick the b1tch out the moment she say she doesn't want nothing more romantically, i dont give a fvck where she's gonna go. I was kicking girls out of a car in the middle of nowhere yet to keep her in my place after we ended,not a chance.

Also, her saying she doesn't feel nothing for you means she's been drilled by other guy for some time now, she was just testing waters time before "the talk" and now is ready for branch swing. Kick her out before Friday.

Appreciate the replies. Highly doubt she’s been meeting someone else due to the lockdown etc btw. That said, girls don’t surprise me anymore

 

[Baibars]

Appreciate the replies. Highly doubt she’s been meeting someone else due to the lockdown etc btw. That said, girls don’t surprise me anymore

Doesn't matter you owe her nothing and you dont need to be the good guy who supports her in bad times. No women especially in the west will starve even under her conditions. She'll be fine.

I would give her some time to move out thats it.

 

[Romanemp22]

Doesn't matter you owe her nothing and you dont need to be the good guy who supports her in bad times. No women especially in the west will starve even under her conditions. She'll be fine.

I would give her some time to move out thats it.

That time would be 10 minutes if you ask me.

 

[dude99]

Girlfriend of 16 months just told me last night that she isn’t feeling it anymore and that she sees us more as friends. I said okay and asked her to leave (she lives in my house) but because of Covid she has nowhere to go until Friday when her friends sort something out for her (she’s not from this country so has no family here). Seemed desperate so I said she could stay in the spare room. Feel terrible but guess it’s back to square one

Hotels charge between 75 to 200 dollars a night. Depending on where you are, tell her she can stay as long as she needs to for $100 bucks a night. Cash upfront for the week. After this you would be amazed as to how quickly she will suddenly have some where to go

 

[mike465]

Yeah she’s gone now anyway, hopefully can recover from this quickly

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Dumped my GF because she was starting to really annoy me. Starting today, I feel like this one is going to be easy boys.

 

[mike465]

Day 5: never underestimate or take for granted your family and friends

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Day 5: She's texted me twice now, once on friday saying "I love you and I will always love you while you already don't anymore." and once yesterday with a picture of us I hadn't seen and "I love you". I just don't respond but idk why I'm doing no contact as she's hurting more than me and I dumped her, it's fun ignoring someone I guess.

 

[Romanemp22]

Day 5: She's texted me twice now, once on friday saying "I love you and I will always love you while you already don't anymore." and once yesterday with a picture of us I hadn't seen and "I love you". I just don't respond but idk why I'm doing no contact as she's hurting more than me and I dumped her, it's fun ignoring someone I guess.

The next thing she will do is ringing on your door bell. Was she good in bed?

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

The next thing she will do is ringing on your door bell. Was she good in bed?

Colombian with a fake ass that knew how to work it like no one else. I'm ****ed aren't I? Literally and figuratively.

 

[Baibars]

Day 5: She's texted me twice now, once on friday saying "I love you and I will always love you while you already don't anymore." and once yesterday with a picture of us I hadn't seen and "I love you". I just don't respond but idk why I'm doing no contact as she's hurting more than me and I dumped her, it's fun ignoring someone I guess.

She just wants your attention/validation and if you made a decision stick to it. If you don't do that and give her what she wants, she'll just lose respect. It's always better to leave a girl who still has respect for you. If she respects you and sees you higher than herself, she is your b*tch doesnt matter if youre together or not.

 

[Romanemp22]

Colombian with a fake ass that knew how to work it like no one else. I'm ****ed aren't I? Literally and figuratively.

Damn, be aware if she have some crazy family members.