The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[mike465]

She texted on Friday about something meaningless (on demand tv subscription in my name) as we lived together, didn’t warrant a response so deleted it. Have another girl coming to my place on Saturday. Pretty tough regardless.

 

[dude99]

She texted on Friday about something meaningless (on demand tv subscription in my name) as we lived together, didn’t warrant a response so deleted it. Have another girl coming to my place on Saturday. Pretty tough regardless.

Best response is no response

 

[mike465]

I joined this site in 2013 because of a break up and I thought it would be helpful to look back at my previous posts on this thread from around that time. Obviously massively cringed at it but seeing how I behaved and comparing it to the fact that the girl from 2013 is so far removed from my thoughts, it really helps when in a fresh breakup and in a way I’m glad I acted like a little ***** as it forces you to improve. It still helps to come on this thread but I feel like the last 2 break ups (2018 and 2 weeks ago) I have improved immeasurably from the times before. Accepted the break up on the day and never contacted again. Thanks to all who’ve helped along the way

 

[dude99]

I joined this site in 2013 because of a break up and I thought it would be helpful to look back at my previous posts on this thread from around that time. Obviously massively cringed at it but seeing how I behaved and comparing it to the fact that the girl from 2013 is so far removed from my thoughts, it really helps when in a fresh breakup and in a way I’m glad I acted like a little ***** as it forces you to improve. It still helps to come on this thread but I feel like the last 2 break ups (2018 and 2 weeks ago) I have improved immeasurably from the times before. Accepted the break up on the day and never contacted again. Thanks to all who’ve helped along the way

It is a look back at your personal growth and improvement. Onwards and upwards my friend.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Throw her out.

If OP lives in the US, that simply is not very smart. Once someone establishes residency the only way to get them to leave legally is via eviction. Your advice would open OP up for serious legal and financial issues.

Asking and asking nicely is the best you could do to avoid potential issues.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

On again off again will do nothing but teach her you are a pushover and her behaviour will spiral downwards to deplorable. She will seek out other guys because she has it in the back of her head you will always take her back. This is the worst position to be in because the woman will believe she has carte blanche to treat you poorly, abuse you, disrespect you, even cheat on you.

Make it known you will give a girl 1 i repeat one chance per lifetime. If she blows that chance she is out for good. No Time apart, no breaks No second chances nothing.

She ends it. Done. Next. No coming back. You end it. Done. No second chances.

She tries to come back after she pulls" i no longer love you i don't know what i want, i think we should see other people blah blah blah blah." Then pulls the " i made a huge mistake i want you back take me back," The answer is always the same. Sorry. No. It is over. You ended it. Goodbye.

You move forward. Next. She is history.

When a girl has it in her head you will always be her safety net, she will take risks. She will flirt with other guys she will entertain their advances she will cheat, she will treat you badly because she believes you will always be there.

When a girl knows you will throw her to the curb with the rest of the trash and not ever give her another chance, how much bad behaviour do you think she will pull then?

In theory this sounds good but how would a woman know what's going to happen if she breaks up with you before it happened?

Telling her that isn't going to necessarily make her believe it because in her experience guys probably tell her things all the time and then backtrack.

So I doubt this would play any role on whether or not she stays or goes.

 

[Baibars]

If OP lives in the US, that simply is not very smart. Once someone establishes residency the only way to get them to leave legally is via eviction. Your advice would open OP up for serious legal and financial issues.

Asking and asking nicely is the best you could do to avoid potential issues.

wtf is that . She has rights even if you're not married to her? Then i wouldn't let them stay at my place in the first place.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

wtf is that . She has rights even if you're not married to her? Then i wouldn't let them stay at my place in the first place.

Doesn't matter who it is. Friend, relative, etc. Once they legally establish residence at an address, which can be as little as 2 weeks in some states but usually not longer than 30 days, that is the law. It is why you better think long and hard about who you allow to live with you.

If you think that is bad ask someone in the UK or France about Squatters Rights. I knew people from there that were terrified of going on vacation for more than a certain number of days because if someone broke into their house and started living there while they were gone they would have no rights as the homeowner to kick them out once they got back.

 

[dude99]

In theory this sounds good but how would a woman know what's going to happen if she breaks up with you before it happened?

Telling her that isn't going to necessarily make her believe it because in her experience guys probably tell her things all the time and then backtrack.

So I doubt this would play any role on whether or not she stays or goes.

Whether she believes it or not isn't something you can't control. Standing your ground and walking is what you can control. If you lead, and act like a man, and refuse to reward bad behaviour she will know you are a guy she can admire.

When a woman knows your boundaries and knows you are the type that will not let his boundaries get crossed a chick won't want to cross them. She will be sorry to cross them.

Reward a bad behaviour and take her back and put up with her crap and it will be you that will be sorry.

No second chances. You say this would have no bearing on if she stays or goes? Of course it does. Throwing her a$$ to the curb, she is gone.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Day 5: never underestimate or take for granted your family and friends

"Take for granted "? They took you for granted right?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Whether she believes it or not isn't something you can't control. Standing your ground and walking is what you can control. If you lead, and act like a man, and refuse to reward bad behaviour she will know you are a guy she can admire.

When a woman knows your boundaries and knows you are the type that will not let his boundaries get crossed a chick won't want to cross them. She will be sorry to cross them.

Reward a bad behaviour and take her back and put up with her crap and it will be you that will be sorry.

No second chances. You say this would have no bearing on if she stays or goes? Of course it does. Throwing her a$$ to the curb, she is gone.

This is a very logical argument and makes sense but the problem is that women are emotional and do things "in the moment" sometimes because of it that are not logical. They sometimes will do what feels good at the time and don't think about the consequences necessarily until afterwards.

And yes, that's a good rule to have but I just don't think it ultimately will make a lot of difference whether she knows it or not.

 

[dude99]

This is a very logical argument and makes sense but the problem is that women are emotional and do things "in the moment" sometimes because of it that are not logical. They sometimes will do what feels good at the time and don't think about the consequences necessarily until afterwards.

And yes, that's a good rule to have but I just don't think it ultimately will make a lot of difference whether she knows it or not.

I see what you are saying but you have to change your mentality from catering to her emotions to being a man who leads.

Ever see those guys who you know are bad news and aholes to the bone and you see the chick they are with and you wonder why on earth she picked him? It is because he knows how to lead and she knows not to step out of his boundaries. Whether she is emotional or not. Put that same girl with a beta guy and she will treat him like sh!t and walk all over his boundaries. She is the same reactive girl.
It is a known fact that women are emotional and react in the moment, but you have to stop thinking in terms of "she s emotional. I have to cater to that because she may react unpredictable."

No you don't. You be a man and you lead. She can ride the mental rollercoaster all she wants. She steps beyond your boundaries she is out. Out. No hesitation. No second chances. Out. Next.

Rule number one with womans mentality.

"A woman will always push right up to the boundaries of what you will tolerate."

If woman knows if she steps beyond what you will tolerate, and will get dumped and not get another chance, she won't want to stretch those boundaries. Emotional or not, she won't. She just won't.

Emotional or not they will always push right up to your boundaries because they know what they can get away with. Be beta, and they will always stretch those boundaries.

Be a man and she won't. Be a man and lead and she will respect you. She won't push those boundaries. Let her lead and she will walk all over you.

 

[mike465]

"Take for granted "? They took you for granted right?

Nah I’m saying they’ve been crucial at this time

 

[mike465]

If OP lives in the US, that simply is not very smart. Once someone establishes residency the only way to get them to leave legally is via eviction. Your advice would open OP up for serious legal and financial issues.

Asking and asking nicely is the best you could do to avoid potential issues.

UK

 

[BackInTheGame78]

UK

That might be even worse...isn't Squatters Rights still a thing there?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Nah I’m saying they’ve been crucial at this time

That's good you realize that.

 

[mike465]

That might be even worse...isn't Squatters Rights still a thing there?

Not sure but anyway it’s all done now, this was about 2 and a half weeks ago, still difficult but getting better every day

 

[matt_uk]

Day 1

Just got dumped after she claimed her "insecurities got the better of her, and was worried I'd cheat". Feels strange as her IL has been consistently high throughout the two year relationship.
Disclaimer: she always struggled a bit with being a plate, couldn't get her head around that (very traditional Hindu girl), and I guess that's where the above may stem from... or she just wants to ride the CC/has already cheated. Who knows!

Anyway, I've got a good solid month's worth of work/personal dev/fitness planned so that should cover me off for now. Can't deny it's not sh*t though!

 

[Zontyy]

So things have gotten extremely stable with my baby mama and we entered into a LTR and things are going real well. She can be a bit crazy sometimes but all in all things are great and I see a future with her.

M ex must have stalked my facebook profile because she ended up blocking me and contacted me today to tell me that she wishes me happy life with my future partner and wished me the best. Then goes on to tell me how she hasn't had sex since me and now wants to identify as a male. She doesn't want to transition just to identify as a male and cut he hair short, tells me a few men have tried to get with her but she isn't attracted to men or women and is just dead inside. Then told me she always saw me with a foreign girl like her raising a family and not my current LTR baby mama. Then asked if I was still coming to visit her country which I told her no, apparently she coming back to my area. Told her she couldn't see me because of my relationship and to stay in touch.

Did our breakup **** her up to the point where she wants to be a man, I mean WTH. During our relationship she was very submissive and like to degraded so it confusing to have her tell me she wants to identify as a man.

 

[Barrister]

I hate the fact I have to post here but I suppose I’ve earned it. I wasn’t technically dumped but I have dumper’s remorse and reached out to the ex of a 2.5 year LTR on Monday (broke my 10 day No Contact at that point) and basically made a fool of myself by telling her I missed her and felt like I may have made a mistake. I gave her an ultimatum and told her she needed to tell me within 24 hours if we were going to make the relationship work and give it one last shot (again I had called it off 10 days before) or we just needed to move on. Of course, she didn’t contact me and it stung bad. I’ve now gone through the usual bullsh1t like imagining her out getting pounded by other dudes and feeling hurt she seemingly moved on far easier than me (even though she didn’t want to break up 2 weeks ago).

This is probably the worst I’ve felt following a breakup since the high school sweetheart a long time ago. I posted extensively about all the issues in this relationship here on the site. There were literally about a half dozen reasons the breakup was the right call. I keep reviewing those to remind myself why I made the right call. I definitely mindfu*cked myself by reaching out on Monday. Still, it’s been difficult and the New Year coming has made it more challenging.

Anyway, been in no contact now since Tuesday so this is officially my post to say I am on Day 3 and intend to stay NC now. I also am going to be reaching out to other women to start going on (casual) dates.