The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[jimjam]

Day 13t
Tuesday

Good day. No desire to talk to or text or even see her. Fact, I could feel a shift in my thinking in regards to her. Whereas before I would be concerned with what she might be doing, who she was with,, etc---now I really don't care so long as she just stays away from me. Was noticing a lot of the women at work, smiling and saying hi. She even texted me something this morning about taking our son someplace. I never responded. I figure she told me what she had to in the text, why acknowledge it? Was feeling pretty damn good about myself all day. Was feeling optimistic

Then I call my son and she answers, all flirty sounding, like nothing happened. "Hi JimJam," she said. You could hear the lightheartedness in her voice. I wanted to tell her that I have no time for her in my life, that I don't allow people who don't care about me into my energy field. I have to rid myself of these thoughts. They aren't doing me any good, aren't helping me to move on and if I did tell her, it'd just be wasting my breath on someone who has no conception of what she did or how she acted. I realize all this, yet the desire to confront her is so strong. I tell you, it totally sucks being broken up with your child's mom when all you want to do is not see or hear her..

Well, tomorrow is the last day before I totally commit myself to getting rid of her in my head. Onward....

 

[QuadDeuces]

Well my latest girl of 3 months kinda dumped me last night.
Or at least she gave me the "I need space" speech.
Which is surprising to me, because she was the one was ALWAYS initiating contact with me, overload me with texts, she would call me 4 times a day to talk about nothing and I had to cut it short. She would try to take up all my free time trying to set up dates. She was the one who kept pushing for the boyfriend/girlfriend title (Which I never confirmed).

I just find it hilarious that she claims she needs space, whilst she was the one suffocating me, non stop contacting me.
I think she just clung onto me like she was a child and I'm a toy.

Apart from my surprise and being caught off guard I kept it relatively cool and we had a 15 min phone convo, I told her she was actually suffocating me and I feel relieved, and that I have no problem with it and I'll move on with my life.

Going ghost now, and will not answer the phone anymore, she wants space she'll get it.

 

[Reboot2017]

Long story short, I agree 100% with what he wrote, and I am currently in the exact same position.

Welcome to the rest of your glorious life...

 

[Young_Don]

It took me 5 months but I can honestly say I'm completely over her.

Don't care that she has a new bf or that she's off travelling the world again, I'm happy and content with where my life is headed.
I'm starting to make decent income, making gains, and being more social and outgoing with random girls.. even if they show that they're not interested.

Feeling pretty good but I still have goals I'm working towards but I know I'll get there eventually.

Biggest lesson I've learnt and I think every guy on this thread needs to live by this, is to NEVER GET YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS FROM A WOMAN!
It doesn't matter how much you think you love each other or how amazing a connection you think you have (this was me), get your emotional needs in other ways. Vent at the gym, hang out with mates for a laugh, pray/meditate to relax.

If your girl isn't enhancing your life and being encouraging and helping to build you up, next that *****. Real men do not need a woman no matter what - Woman was made for man, not man for woman.

 

[DreamAgain]

BPD EX

oh god guys. I stopped writing here several months ago because I tought I finally met a keeper. HB 9.
By far the prettiest girl I ever attracted. My friends were so impressed. Smart, funny, kind, loving. And the sex. OMG the sex. There is no word to express how amazing it was. The passion, the acrobatics. Then she started proposing Threesomes, foursomes. Wow. I thought I hit the jackpot.

Guys, there is no jackpot. There is always a catch.

She just dumped me. She is BPD . A BPD RELATIONSHIP IS SO ADDICTIVE. STAY THE F** AWAY. I knew she had BPD traits. She told me but said she isn't BPD, that she just had traits.
I'm so stupid. I should have seen the red flags. She has only 2 friends. Hate her parents. Demonize every her every ex BF or GF (she is bisexual). And of course now, I'm a demon also.

She is sick. I know that, but would she call and take me back I would run to her and propose to her. It's a drug.
She now says that if I contact her she will call the police (as she did with all her previous relationship). I never had a ex GF hate me. I never had anyone hate me. It's a ****ty feeling, knowing the one you love hates your guts because she is sick and can't see it.

I'm now here. At 34 years old, back to square one. She hurt me, but she won't destroy me.
It's difficult.. Avoid BPD at all cost. For your own sanity..

If anyone had the same experience, I would gladly take your advices

Allin, damn that is tough to hear man...I was in a similar situation and I won't lie, you'll have some rough times ahead.

You'll be tempted to think of only the good times you had, and think if only there is something I can do to bring her back to how things were. This in turn will pedestalize her even further, and you'll be stuck in a vicious cycle.

Here is my advice. Take some time to properly mourn these good times. It may be a couple of days. It may be a week, 2 weeks, or even more. But after this period, go for a walk and think about all the bad qualities that you shouldn't have ignored. Really think hard about these, and how miserable your life would be with her.

Then, go out there and find those good qualities with a person who will treat you how you should be treated. Imagine you meeting this new girl and think how good your life will be without this poison of a woman infecting your life.

Over time, you'll break free my man

 

[Minotman]

Day 17 of NC for me. First post. Info to come.

 

[John Constantine]

Day 4 of NC

It's tough, I'm always thinking about her, saw her at the gym yesterday but I completely ignored her. Didn't break the NC either. I still think about her coming back even if I have a hb8 keeper as a plate. She's perfect LTR material but I just dont feel any emotions towards her.. Well my ex gf is ****ing my head's up, hoping she'll be coming back. She'S a BPD and she'll comeback eventually, I'm much better looking than her and she said multiple times that I was her best **** ever.. We like the same things but she's extremely independant. Well, day 4, still don't know how to handle if she text me back.. One thing's sure, I want her back but I'll not break the 30 days NC challenge. How to handle it when I'm seeing her or her friends at the gym ? I'm ignoring her at this point

 

[DreamAgain]

Dude I knew you would contact her, I did the same myself and felt terrible after I did. You get to thinking, well what if I just apologize...surely it's my all my fault...if only there is something to say to fix the situation...

But then you realize how f*cked these women really are. I learned the hard way for sure, but the only way to get rid of this poison is no contact, and trust me, once you start meeting other women, you'll feel better and forget about this ho.

 

[John Constantine]

Man you have all my respect. My bpd ex completly destroyed me also. She killed my confidence. 4 days nc is great. Keep it up. As for me, I blew it. Sent her a email yesterday about how i was sorry for everything.
This is crazy. I'm crazy. She f***d my brain.

Btw. She wont come back. Once a bpd splits and paint you black, they rarely change mind. You are evil and the demon forever.

NC day 1

Day 5
Having hopes in regrets is what makes me keep going, I pratically broke the NC yesterday but I didnt.. It's just gonna make things works, if she come's back it will be because she know she ****ed up and not because I'm begging her for the 1000 times.. It's beta and the relation will never work if she doesn't realize her mistake..

As for now I'm still thinking about her 24/7 but I'm seeing my other plate every other day, we bang and we cuddle and it's much easier to handle the break up.. I feel bad for taking advantage of this girl because she's perfect LTR material, but I'm ****ed up and I only love girl who dont give a **** about me. It's weird..

I'm always looking at my cellphone to know if she txt me or something but nothing.. 5 days so I hope she's starting to think about me and miss me.. well if she never contact me, it's gonna be fine as I dont have any choices but accepting her decision and moving on.. It's hard and I dont want to but It's not like I have another choice. She's going to travel in september for around 2 months so.. She'll **** a lot of strangers.. It's disgusting and she cheated on me with her ex bf so she's basically a big walking red flag but I love her and it's ****ed up

 

[Dash Riprock]

Well my latest girl of 3 months kinda dumped me last night.
Or at least she gave me the "I need space" speech.
Which is surprising to me, because she was the one was ALWAYS initiating contact with me, overload me with texts, she would call me 4 times a day to talk about nothing and I had to cut it short. She would try to take up all my free time trying to set up dates. She was the one who kept pushing for the boyfriend/girlfriend title (Which I never confirmed).

I just find it hilarious that she claims she needs space, whilst she was the one suffocating me, non stop contacting me.
I think she just clung onto me like she was a child and I'm a toy.

Apart from my surprise and being caught off guard I kept it relatively cool and we had a 15 min phone convo, I told her she was actually suffocating me and I feel relieved, and that I have no problem with it and I'll move on with my life.

Going ghost now, and will not answer the phone anymore, she wants space she'll get it.

Do you think she dumped you because you wouldn't overtly commit? It's a big issue for some girls and 3 months is a long time. Sounds like she gave you every possible sign.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Day 60 of NC. So here we are. The end. I would narrate my journey thus far. Could be a bit long.

First up, this stuff works. Anyone doubting the power of NC, just try reading through my posts (or any of the other senior guys) from the start and you will see the positive change that NC inspires. Before the start, like many here I was broken and my world centered around this selfish individual who took everything from me. I was her emotional slave and she tortured me endlessly. The worst part was, it was not her fault... The blame lay solely on my shoulders. I was beta like hell suffering from a life which I hated and going under this false pretext that I was there to provide for her. Sex was really bad and the height of that was when she rejected me even during ovulation. A day later, she went on a ski trip with an Ex. Cue, nuclear explosion.

Then came the break up and I was adrift. Like many new guys on this board, I did not know what to do. I was lost. I hated her but I wanted her so badly. Massive case of oneitis. It was almost terminal. Took me weeks of NC just to get over looking at my phone in expectation of a message from her.

The turning point came after a month of NC and working hard on myself. This board provided the support and the stories here shored up my resolve. Every time I felt like breaking no contact, I read through the stuff here and reminded myself of all the bad experiences I had with her. There were tons. Despite all that, some days getting off the bed was impossible. So, I get it guys. You are not alone. We all been there.

I accepted my grief and embraced it. I went into a semi monk mode. I did not stop interacting with girls but I did not go out of my way to find them either. Instead, I took a hard look at life and identified the areas that needed fixing. I needed to learn French. I needed to change my job. I needed to find a passion that would inspire me - dance. And I lifted.

Fast forward another couple of weeks. Solid lifting, learning, dancing, meditating and working filled up the hours. My mindset begin to change. Things were not bleak anymore. I enjoyed waking up and being on my own. People drifted in and out my life. I did not stop or control them anymore. Funny thing was, girls begin to fall onto my lap asking to be taken to bed. Never happened before. For the first time in a long time I felt how it was to have sex with someone who really wanted it. And oddly they stuck around afterwards. I tripped over the concept of IDGAF.

And we come to today. Once again, I reiterate I do not have all the answers. My life is far from being fixed. I do check my email once in a while to see if she has written to me recently especially when I have a hard day. I still take rejections hard. I still struggle at work. I am far from having a muscular body. Many times, I give myself a hard time for not doing enough. The problems are still there. The difference is, I do not wallow in them... I take action now. Thus, I never been in a happier frame of mind. I am starting to enjoy myself and am in love with how my life is turning out. It is amazing now but I am excited at how amazing it is going to be a year from now. I realize to my utmost satisfaction that I can be happy without girls. It was liberating.

Parting note, thanks to you guys on the board who supported me directly and indirectly with your stories, advice and courage. I am in your debt and I will repay it as often as I can. For the guys who are just tuning in, stay NC and lift... See you at the finish line. Peace.

I've been here 12 years and this is one of the best posts I've read.

 

[John Constantine]

day 6 but day 1 of NC AGAIN tomorrow
I emailed her asking to go on a date with me
She said no

Well I'm ****ed

 

[finality]

Day 1. Sounds dumb but this will be the hardest thing I've ever done.

 

[RedScorpion]

I'm back people. Had to make this post to affirm myself to the 60 day NC challenge. I'm not going to get into it - oneitis that is pointless. Yet still have to go through all the feelings and all that crud.

Thank god NC does cure it, eventually. Not having any new info about your interest helps immensely, as you're not cycling your brain with anger, questions, doubts. You could see them doing nothing, you could see them sulking, you could see them 'having fun', making a big deal about it. Each bit of 'info' just drives another bit into you of "Why are they not reaching out to me (care about me)?" It really is tough, but you have to bring your thoughts around to you and yourself. And to stop thinking about what she is doing or what she is thinking, considering. Trust me, much easier said than done.

With going NC, through my own experiences and research here - it just does not pay to talk to them, in order for them to be now motivated to talk to you. It seems that there can be mistakes and light grievances held in the relationship beforehand, and it be not entirely out of reconciliation. But once a man (or woman) starts devaluing themselves in order to reestablish a connection, then hope of anything coming back goes dramatically down. If someone tells you off, regardless of method (breakup, disrespect, being obtuse and non responsive to attempts to talk) - what do you do? You don't tolerate it. You might try (once, early on) to see what is happening, mostly for yourself to gain understanding on the situation. After that - it is all up to them to try and reestablish connections. Don't chase them.

Short end of it - don't devalue yourself, as it hurts yourself, and chances of reconciliation. Reaching out to her does absolutely nothing. Usually (99%) you'll just get a ****ty response or none at all. You have to wait until she misses you enough to reach out herself. She can contact a bunch of other guys and girls no problem - why not you, right? If she cares enough, she'll reach out. And they usually do, well enough on. Far too long on to have hope for. ****ty/great thing is, usually you're over her by then. And in my previous cases, bitter and not wanting anything to do with them, thinking 'Wtf, why now?' - and end up rejecting them (too much bs). Gives you something at least as a little gold star for making it. Note - this opportunity will not happen if you beg and pester them.

Been working out frequently, I have to say it's a great way to make you feel like you're making some progress. Seeing your weight limit go up, feeling sore after a good workout. You feel like you're improving and you are. I absolutely know I'll be grabbing more attention with a great bod (humans are shallow in varying degrees). Also been chucking myself into new hobbies, sports stuff. It's something I wanted to do for awhile and now I'm doing it. Just have to work on my social outings a bit - not a huge drinker or have night game, so have to work with that a bit.

It's a ****ty ride. But it has to be done. Unfortunately, it's mandatory. You just decide how strongly you want to finish it. Do it for yourself.

Day 15 NC.

 

[finality]

day 1

 

[Dash Riprock]

Day 21. Gets easier and easier. I have no urge to reach out at all. Yes I do miss her once in a while but the thoughts are becoming more fleeting.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Day 21. Gets easier and easier. I have no urge to reach out at all. Yes I do miss her once in a while but the thoughts are becoming more fleeting.

Did you get a new one yet?

 

[Dash Riprock]

Did you get a new one yet?

New what?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

New what?

New female. I noticed that it made transition and buildup of strength following a situation happen much quicker

 

[Dash Riprock]

New female. I noticed that it made transition and buildup of strength following a situation happen much quicker

Not yet. Have some prospects, got a HB8 number a few days ago, and am making inroads with a few at the gym. Kind of quasi-monk right now, though.