The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[jimjam]

Gents,

first off, let me say that you all were RIGHT. OK. I should've listened to you all but I didn't. I got mixed up again with my possible NPD but most definitely cluster B ex. No point in going over the hole thing again. Suffice to say that I was told she'd dump me again. And she did. But hell, I'm jimjam, I thought. I can do anything. I'm not afraid of her or what can happen. Throw caution to the wind!

Well, anyway, she was all flirty and attentive in the beginning. She gave fantastic hed. Then, like that, she began to ignore me one day. Here we go, I thought, devaluation. Sure enough, she became distant and cold. I finally had to "corner" her and ask her what's up? Long and short she told me I don't care about her. I don't seem concerned about her stresses, her job, all that. All bvllsh1t. That was on Saturday. I wasn't heartbroken. Sad, perhaps, but I had read extensively about NPD and I was kind of expecting it. Wasn't too big of a jolt. Sad, nonetheless.

Anyway, we both had to attend a July 4 party with our son. I said hello and goodbye to her at the event and not much more. Maybe yes when she asked me if I wanted a drink. So brings me to today. This is my official day 1 of LIMITED contact. I say limited because I do need to keep in touch with her because of our son. Had to call there tonight to speak to him. I spoke to him and him only. And in the future, if I do have to speak to her it will only be relayed to our son.

I'll try to post here every day. Won't be able to on some days. I have a side business that I'm trying to get off the ground so I'm gonna concentrate on that. That, my son, working out and just trying to figure myself out and try to get outta my head.

Thanks, guys. Again, you all were right.

 

[finality]

Get off that fcuking Social Media. Nothing good comes from looking at your exs profiles...all you see there is fake.

Oh, I know.

Day 4 today. Going out for a drink with a new one that I met on Bumble tonight. I've made some good progress the last 4 days. The lows are just as low but she isn't on my mind 100% of the time.. maybe like 80% right now lol. Progress is progress.

 

[finality]

damn.. seen her on tinder

 

[jimjam]

Day 2:

Friday. Some of the old good time feelings creep up today. Still not going to contact or reach out to her. The weekend will be tough for sure. But I'm working on my car tomorrow, probably another on Sunday, so there's that. I> can't help but think in the back of my mind that me radio silencing her will only cause her to call me. I don't want to feel this way. I want to be rid of this woman, for as much as I can, once and for all.

One conclusion I arrived at is I need to meet some floozy and bang the sh!t out of her. That's one way to forget.

Beginning tomorrow I'll writ some insight that I discovered about myself because of this happening. I' glad this is here. Posing all of this make me accountable.

Onward

 

[finality]

Well I swiped right on the ex and it was a match. Sent her the same message I sent when when we first met her on tinder. No response. Know she seen it because her location changed a couple times

Was a terrible mistake swiping on the ex but she was there and I was curious. Now I cant even use Tinder without seeing her and checking her locations changes ect. I want to delete her but then I will look buthurt.

First date with the Russian was terrible. I can't downgrade and my ex was a 9.. its hard to find hotter chicks man.

I ended up dropping 300 on a 23 year old escort. She was smoking hot. I banged her for like 5 minutes and then left even though I paid for an hour.

 

[finality]

just deleted the app..no response

been on here a year and only post on NC thread.. basically 180 posts on how Im going to go NC but never can. I fail at life.

 

[jimjam]

Day 3

Saturday.

Well, I kept busy throughout the day but thoughts of her kept invading my mind. Sucks. I'm like, get the fvck outta here. Her bday is next week and her, our son and her mom went somewhere this weekend. Some event. I thought she would've texted me pictures of our son but she didn't even do that. You see, I read all about NPD and why I may be attracting these types of women into my life. OK. But I just can't wrap my head around the fact of what a sick and disordered individual she must be. I just can't process how someone could go from so caring to so callous a the snap of a finger. Logically, I know its because she's a sick and empty person. But it's like here we go again. Will I ever be able to trust someone with my heart again?

Still WILL NOT reach out to her. WILL NOT text, WIL NOT stalk on social media

Worked on my car today. Hitting the gym tomorrow and preparing for the week ahead.

What has this caused me to realize about myself: I need to just put it behind me. It happened to millions of others, and those millions moved on.

 

[jimjam]

Alright.

Sunday

Day 4.

Not much today. Worked out and worked on a car. She has not contacted me nor I her. Still thinking of her, though. Trying to keep busy

 

[Reboot2017]

basically 180 posts on how Im going to go NC but never can. I fail at life.

Man, it is not as grievous as you think it is. It is a just a phase you are going through. There are others in worst shape. Reading through your posts, it occurs to me that you spend a lot of time trying to distract yourself from your ex rather than trying to fix what is wrong with your life. Not too sure if you have any passion or hobbies outside of women but if you do, focusing all this energy on those will help you pass this low point. I am assuming you are already lifting... As for continuously going back to your ex, there was a great post on the thread here on addiction and why we do it.

The only way to break the cycle is to be tough. Go monk mode if you have to. Most importantly, figure out why do you have this need for your ex and women in general to make you happy. If you do that, everything else would fall in place. Keep NC until it breaks you. And when it does, cry a little an continue NC. You would thank yourself 1 year down the road.

 

[attic]

Well I swiped right on the ex and it was a match. Sent her the same message I sent when when we first met her on tinder. No response. Know she seen it because her location changed a couple times

Was a terrible mistake swiping on the ex but she was there and I was curious. Now I cant even use Tinder without seeing her and checking her locations changes ect. I want to delete her but then I will look buthurt.

First date with the Russian was terrible. I can't downgrade and my ex was a 9.. its hard to find hotter chicks man.

I ended up dropping 300 on a 23 year old escort. She was smoking hot. I banged her for like 5 minutes and then left even though I paid for an hour.

NC works.

Your ex will still be there, after NC you'll be better equipped to handle yourself.

IMO, that was 300 well spent, clear that head. And relatively speaking, that's free *****.

But yea, you gotta be struggling if you dined and left after 5 mins.

 

[jimjam]

Day 5

Monday

Kind of sucked because I had to attend an e vent for my son and she and her parents were also there. My parents were there as well. It sucks because any resolve I may have built up just erodes whoever I see her. It's as though birds start chirping. Not only that, she was being somewhat nice to me, going so far as to sit right next to me on the bench so our legs were touching. I kept moving away and she asks me why I'm moving away from her. I'm thinking WTF? Leave me alone already. First you want me. then you don't, then you do, then you don't, and now you do again? I'm so tired of her. Now, her birthday is this week and her mom, right in front of her asks me if I'm taking her out to dinner for her birthday. I didn't answer.

But enough about her. I've come to realize today that I'm attracting these types of women, and fall for them so heavily, because I'm trying to make up for things that were missing when I was a boy. You know, I look at the way my mom is and after reading all the sh!t I read about borderlines, narcissists and cluster Bs, I can say she's right up there with it. She can't take criticism, flies in rage if you disagree with her, etc, etc.....We all know the symptoms. But this is what it comes to. I find these women and try to prove how good I am to them, like I couldn't do when I was a kid, and end up failing miserably, again, the same way as when I was a boy.

The trick now is to somehow rewire my brain to let all of this sh!t go. I mean, this is a huge undertaking. I'm 45. I been carrying this around for a long time.

 

[Carpathian]

Gents,

first off, let me say that you all were RIGHT. OK. I should've listened to you all but I didn't. I got mixed up again with my possible NPD but most definitely cluster B ex. No point in going over the hole thing again. Suffice to say that I was told she'd dump me again. And she did. But hell, I'm jimjam, I thought. I can do anything. I'm not afraid of her or what can happen. Throw caution to the wind!
.

Dude, forget these terms like NPD, Cluster B and all that sh1t. Whether or not she was one of those, she was not "the one" for you and you broke up. No matter what the reason. Do not make this more complex than it needs to be. Go NC on her and move forward. It is not easy but this is what you MUST do. That is the title of this thread. Move forward and this b1atch will, in time, become history.

 

[jimjam]

You're right, of course. I've often that that searching for a reason will continually lead you back to the problem. Circuitous thinking. I'm trying to NOT think about it. Like you say, it happened, move on. That is exactly where I want to go.

Tough when I see her a couple of times a week because of our son. Trying to go NC as possible. But its not like I can ignore the phone when instead she's standing in front of me being all flirty playing games

Its be a cinch if I didn't have to see her. Believe me, I've had enough. I WANT to move on from her

 

[jimjam]

Day 6

Tuesday

Not a bad day as far as getting over her and closer to myself;lf goes. Easy...cuz I didn't have to see her. Felt great...free and easy. Happy-go-lucky. Which is where I want to be. The trick is maintaining this attitude all the time. Like I said before, things would be easy if not for seeing her every few days when things are going on concerning our son. Fact, if not for our son it'd total NC. Radio silence. I WANT to be rid of her already.

Anyway, worked out today, went to work and did some work on my business. I'm considering writing all of my thoughts down in a tablet. I've done this off and on for years and I have tablets going back to when I was 17. Might be time to start hitting the tablets again. Thanks to @Carpathian for the post....

 

[soulforge]

Just short of 6 months NC

I've experienced feelings of relief and pride that I dumped a chick that was treating me poorly..

There are also days when I feel guilt, for changing my mobile number and completely cutting her out of my life.

I must admit, recently I am starting to miss her.. but I cannot see how I could possibly be back with this woman ever again..

Here are some reasons that are holding me back.

Firstly there are several incidents where she treated me with disrespect, i didn't feel valued by her, and my confidence was taking a hit. She would NOT accept any responsibility and preferred to blame me.

The relationship at first was long distance (kind of) roughly one hours drive to see each other.. but we both worked full time.. i would usually be free on the weekend, but she would be working.. so meeting each other could only happen one or pushing it twice a week. It took 14 months of long distance, for us to eventually move in together.. She transferred her job over, and moved into my house

We lived together, and because of an argument we had, caused by her disrespecting me.. she moved out & transferred her job, back to her own city.

So living together with her again, is out of the question.

I would never move to her city to be with her, as I would have to quit my job, relocate, give up my property.. and quite frankly I do not TRUST her enough to do all of this.

The final act of disrespect from her, was enough for me to NUKE her out of my life.. I just did not feel the relationship was going anywhere..

no living together, no marriage, long distance, add to that disrespect, my career was also suffering.

I just could not see anymore positives with her!

 

[jimjam]

Day 8

Thursday

Skipped yesterday. Had to attend an event that involved our son. Course she was there. I just wnt her out of my life. I hate the fact that I have to see her. I understand that this is a part of my life. She is his mom, after all. What I really want is to get to the place where I just don't care anymore. Where I can see her and it doesn't matter, or doesn't affect me. how do I get there? I'm tied of calling her names whenever I think of her. Hell, I'm tired of thinking of her.

I understand that it has been over in her mind for some time. And that's okay. Hell, if I really thought someone didn't care about me, I'd jettison them too. Dispute their protestations to the contrary. I've done it before. Why is it so difficult to put this one out of my mind?

Worked out today. muscleups.....Hoorah!!

 

[finality]

Day 1. Info later.

 

[jimjam]

Sunday

Day 11

Spent a lot of time this weekend at sporting events concerning my son. Of course, she was there, cheery as can be. I wouldn't even look at her. I only answered her in monosyllabic responses whenever she asked me anything. She texted me once too but I never answered. We have a good working relationship as far as our son is concerned. Always have. I'm torn between limited contact causing a rift between us or maintaining a friendly demeanor and maintaining the good relationship. Truth is, I know the most healthy thing for me is to try to ignore her as much as I can. Sure. What's the best for my son?. He absolutely beams when we get along. I don't know.

I'm giving myself till day 14 to process all the emotions and bvullsh1t that she left me with. After that, the end. Time to move on and forget her once and for all. I can't wait. I so want to be rid of her in my mind. I have her the rest of my life in one for or another. I just don't wan to think about her any longer. Thursday.

What really sucks is she made plans for us to go on a weekend trip in August. It's for our son, we're taking him someplace. Tjeplace is five hours away. He's really looking forward to his dad going. Hopefully by then I'll be at the point where I just don't give a sh1t about her.

 

[jimjam]

Monday

Day 12

Today was a breeze. Was actually removing her from my mind. I was glad to be moving away from her. Looking forward to moving on, meeting new people and simply operating without her. Did not have the desire to call or text and I quickly changed my thoughts whenever she entered my mind. Was thinking how badly she blew it with me and that what I have is unimaginable. any woman will be lucky to have me. Her sh1t is no longer my problem.

Then I had to go over my parents' and my mother lays some trip on me about how we'll find a way to get back together. I told her that I don't want to hear her name mentioned. Not even a fleeting reference. But still, I was thinking to myself wtf? What if? Could it happen? should I try to make it happen?

Well, I worked out and put that thought out of my head. Pushups, pull-ups, muscle ups, chin ups and dips. Hoorah! I look mint. My chest is defined and supple. Yeah. The hell with her. Didn't call, didn't text.

One thing for sure, if you're undecided or confused about something, workout. It will all become clear.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Day 60 of NC. So here we are. The end. I would narrate my journey thus far. Could be a bit long.

First up, this stuff works. Anyone doubting the power of NC, just try reading through my posts (or any of the other senior guys) from the start and you will see the positive change that NC inspires. Before the start, like many here I was broken and my world centered around this selfish individual who took everything from me. I was her emotional slave and she tortured me endlessly. The worst part was, it was not her fault... The blame lay solely on my shoulders. I was beta like hell suffering from a life which I hated and going under this false pretext that I was there to provide for her. Sex was really bad and the height of that was when she rejected me even during ovulation. A day later, she went on a ski trip with an Ex. Cue, nuclear explosion.

Then came the break up and I was adrift. Like many new guys on this board, I did not know what to do. I was lost. I hated her but I wanted her so badly. Massive case of oneitis. It was almost terminal. Took me weeks of NC just to get over looking at my phone in expectation of a message from her.

The turning point came after a month of NC and working hard on myself. This board provided the support and the stories here shored up my resolve. Every time I felt like breaking no contact, I read through the stuff here and reminded myself of all the bad experiences I had with her. There were tons. Despite all that, some days getting off the bed was impossible. So, I get it guys. You are not alone. We all been there.

I accepted my grief and embraced it. I went into a semi monk mode. I did not stop interacting with girls but I did not go out of my way to find them either. Instead, I took a hard look at life and identified the areas that needed fixing. I needed to learn French. I needed to change my job. I needed to find a passion that would inspire me - dance. And I lifted.

Fast forward another couple of weeks. Solid lifting, learning, dancing, meditating and working filled up the hours. My mindset begin to change. Things were not bleak anymore. I enjoyed waking up and being on my own. People drifted in and out my life. I did not stop or control them anymore. Funny thing was, girls begin to fall onto my lap asking to be taken to bed. Never happened before. For the first time in a long time I felt how it was to have sex with someone who really wanted it. And oddly they stuck around afterwards. I tripped over the concept of IDGAF.

And we come to today. Once again, I reiterate I do not have all the answers. My life is far from being fixed. I do check my email once in a while to see if she has written to me recently especially when I have a hard day. I still take rejections hard. I still struggle at work. I am far from having a muscular body. Many times, I give myself a hard time for not doing enough. The problems are still there. The difference is, I do not wallow in them... I take action now. Thus, I never been in a happier frame of mind. I am starting to enjoy myself and am in love with how my life is turning out. It is amazing now but I am excited at how amazing it is going to be a year from now. I realize to my utmost satisfaction that I can be happy without girls. It was liberating.

Parting note, thanks to you guys on the board who supported me directly and indirectly with your stories, advice and courage. I am in your debt and I will repay it as often as I can. For the guys who are just tuning in, stay NC and lift... See you at the finish line. Peace.

Well, I haven't been here for quite some time, and a lot of time has passed since my breakup (first love, 9 months relationship).

I was planning on writing a message probably as long as the one quoted above. But I don't have to, as Reboot somehow has the exact same experiences as me, even the body type seems to be the same.

Long story short, I agree 100% with what he wrote, and I am currently in the exact same position.