The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[finality]

I've been in the NC thread for over a year now. 2 different relationships put me in there. some things ive learned.

- she misses you

It doesn't matter if she is not contacting you or even ignoring your calls. All of the chit she posts on FB or instagram about loving life is just a mirage. I'd go as far to say that the more happy stuff she posts on social media the worse she feels. Its just a mask like the makeup they wear to hide their true self.

- your situation is not different

We always think that our breakup was some special case where the normal rules of getting her back/moving on does not apply. 99% of the cookie cutter advice is right. There is no special formula of getting her back.

- the best thing you can do is do nothing

Nothing you do/say is going to change her mind. The only possible outcome of contracting her after breakup is you will do/say something that will kill attraction even worse. Then you will do/say something else to try to make up for the last time you contacted them and it will just spiral out of control, throwing good money at bad money.

- do not try to manipulate them/make them jealous

Women are smarter than us in this regard. They will see straight though your actions and see them as a pathetic attempt to win them back.

- there is always another guy

There is simply no exceptions here. Do not get jealous, call her names, overreact ect. 99% of relationships do not last and neither will this one.

- do not look for things you don't want to find

If you stalk her.. looking for proof of something you WILL find it and in the end you will not be happy you found it.

- patience is key

Nothing is truly ever over because everything is always changing. Do not rush things. They always come back but this is where a lot of men screw up.. they put pressure on timelines, milestones ect and she just ends up going back to the guy that is just playing it cool.

 

[finality]

You have some deep serious issues, some of which I can relate you.

You need to focus on building a solid social circle for one thing - that is major issue with regards to your reliance on your gfs. It won't be easy. In fact it will take months / years. I suggest trying to catch up with old friends and finding a regular social hobby. I started doing salsa last year and it's really helped in making friends.

Are you in a position where you can take some time out and go travelling. If you can I'd definitely recommend it. And don't take your phone either.

Financially I'm in good shape but I can't take any more time off work until January. I agree with your points. A solid social circle would be a saving grace for me but it doesn't give me the same satisfaction as women.

 

[finality]

I'm back on day 2. She contacted me to get her stuff.. I just left it in my car but she "forgot" to drop off my stuff.

 

[attic]

I'm back on day 2. She contacted me to get her stuff.. I just left it in my car but she "forgot" to drop off my stuff.

I hate this chick bro.

 

[attic]

60 Days Here

When I looked up this ladder from Day 0 it looked like it stretched up and well beyond my line of sight. I'm a lot stronger and better off now than when I started. Very confident and assertive with the women I approach. I want to have 2-3 plates going forward.

I had an extreme form of oneitis with the girl that prompted this. Honestly i'm thankful I woke up from that slumber. Doesn't excuse her behavior and it doesn't change the suffering BPD individuals live under at all times, but i'm grateful for the experience. I don't think anything else could have broke me down so hard as to force me to re-evaluate my frame from the ground up. Patience for yourself is key here, it's going to hurt to detach from the comfort of pre-conceptions about yourself and the relationship and yourself going forward.

Live for yourself, you are the prize. A woman is a compliment to your life, not the goal.

None of this stuff was visible or available to me until I went NC with "the one" "the love of my life" "soulmate".


It wasn't so much a choice as it was a state of mind for when I started moving beyond this episode in my life. You can't choose to be over your ex. You have to live a certain way, it's a state of mind.

 

[soulforge]

How do you guys deal with regret and guilt?

I don't know why, but sometimes i feel regret for dumping her.. and I don't even understand why i feel this way.. there where several occasions she treated me with disrespect..

The final serious act of disrespect, was the last straw for me.. and I decided I could not continue with her any longer with her..

I basically had no choice but to dump.. her bytchy attitude, was not acceptable to me...

Also I chnaged my number, and cut her out of my life completely.. I do sometimes feel a little bad for blocking her completely..

All that aside, we also had some very happy amazing times together.. and these times keep coming back to me..

As time passes by, you tend you forget about the chitty parts of that person, and start thinking only of the good times..

It was a 18 month relationship, we lived together 4 months of it...

5 months NC i hope these feelings pass soon...

I have a couple of plates at the moment, but just don't feel any kind of connection with them, other than sex.

 

[finality]

back on day 1.

she texted me last night and then called at 230 i didnt pick up but i called her today seing why she called so late and she didnt pick up

when will i ever learn.
this girl got ready in my house while i was at work and got creampied by another guy and then came back and slept beside me the next night and I still act like a doormat.

I broke up with her like 3 times for no reason.. she treated me amazing but then I let her back in and became the worst biggest AFC.

still havent gone 30 days with my previous ex who also cheated on me.

cuck life

its hard because i tell myself i will never find someone hotter.. the hot ones are such sluts tho

 

[finality]

Got a date for Tuesday night with new chick. She's not as hot as my ex and blonde.. I only date brunettes but whatever. She asked me out after I work after I ghosted her daytime lunch idea and is driving across town to see me so she is investing.Not sure I will even try to fuk her.. just need to work on my game reestablish my frame after my ex left me in shambles.

 

[finality]

Day 2 of NC. Yeah I miss her, there was a point where she was deeply in love with me and I tool her for granted and stopped doing the things I did when I first met her. That is what is most disappointing for me. Knowing that she did some many awesome things for me and I didn't treat her well.

I have a date on Tuesday and another one with another girl on Friday. A couple other prospects that I'm chatting with on some of the dating apps. If my ex came back today my frame is so out of place that I would screw things up anyways. I need to accept the loss.. and it hurts.. but the only way to get her back is to forget her and move on and if it is meant to be we will cross paths once again. She still has some of my things that she will need to give back at some point.

 

[finality]

Day 1 again. She sent a text and I replied. I still view her as somewhat as a conquest. I have a date with a new girl after work tonight and judging how we've been texting it will probably be an easy lay.

 

[Carpathian]

As time passes by, you tend you forget about the chitty parts of that person, and start thinking only of the good times..

She will be thinking the same.
The most important thing you can do is *to do nothing* when she contacts you. Easy to say and so hard to do.

 

[Carpathian]

Day 2 of NC. Yeah I miss her, there was a point where she was deeply in love with me and I tool her for granted and stopped doing the things I did when I first met her. That is what is most disappointing for me. Knowing that she did some many awesome things for me and I didn't treat her well.

I have a date on Tuesday and another one with another girl on Friday. A couple other prospects that I'm chatting with on some of the dating apps. If my ex came back today my frame is so out of place that I would screw things up anyways. I need to accept the loss.. and it hurts.. but the only way to get her back is to forget her and move on and if it is meant to be we will cross paths once again. She still has some of my things that she will need to give back at some point.

Forget the things she has of yours if she still has them - after this time they cannot be that important. A few CD's, a DVD and a shirt or so? Gee man, forget them.
Keep moving forward like you are doing.

 

[soulforge]

She will be thinking the same.
The most important thing you can do is *to do nothing* when she contacts you. Easy to say and so hard to do.

She can't contact me bro.. i changed my mobile number

 

[ApolloSunGod]

Forget the things she has of yours if she still has them - after this time they cannot be that important. A few CD's, a DVD and a shirt or so? Gee man, forget them.
Keep moving forward like you are doing.

Yes just junk you don't need that stuff, just an excuse to keep contact, time to roll your nuts up like a Man &forget about that stuff & take your losses...

 

[finality]

Yes just junk you don't need that stuff, just an excuse to keep contact, time to roll your nuts up like a Man &forget about that stuff & take your losses...

Consider it done.

 

[finality]

Day 2, should already been past day 30 if I just went nc after the breakup. Still have the "she's the one" feeling. Part of me thinks we will still live happily ever after.. Disney mentality.

First date with a hot Russian on Friday.

Went on a first date last night with different chick but she wasn't as hot as my ex. I can't downgrade.

 

[soulforge]

Don't know why but I feel bad for blocking her completely, and changing my number..

I did it, so I can get over her.. still struggling a little with it after 5 months NC

Going back there just does not feel like an option..


Man hope i am doing the right thing

 

[MrAddiction]

Don't know why but I feel bad for blocking her completely, and changing my number..

I did it, so I can get over her.. still struggling a little with it after 5 months NC

Going back there just does not feel like an option..


Man hope i am doing the right thing

That it feels hard - does not mean it is wrong. The opposite is true. Most of the time the necessary decissions are those that feel hard. Society told us the wrong way about it.

 

[finality]

Day 3. Creeped her instagram last night... just brings me anxiety to look at.

First dates on Friday and Saturday with 2 different women.

 

[MrAddiction]

Day 3. Creeped her instagram last night... just brings me anxiety to look at.

First dates on Friday and Saturday with 2 different women.

Get off that fcuking Social Media. Nothing good comes from looking at your exs profiles...all you see there is fake.