The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[SuccessIsDestiny]

DAY 40

I'm seeing things clearer although I'm still having thoughts of her. It's odd because her friends are still reaching out to me. Literally left it at that. Focusing on work and getting back to djing. I've got a couple plates lined up this week as well. Looking to forward to hitting 60 days.

@Adz-- Keep up the good work you're doing the right thing with social media and working on yourself. You and your piece of mind are the most important things right now. Look at everyday as an accomplishment. Trust me each day gets a bit easier and you forget about her. Recognizing that you've got a problem with home and education is clarity right there. Work on yourself because she isn't the answer.

 

[Tony197]

40 days No Contact.

I know this is a violation of No Contact, but I was on Pinterest (don't judge - it's great for advertising), and saw that she shared one of my pins. An inspirational quote. I went down the rabbit hole and saw that most everything on her "Quotes" board was about self-esteem, self-affirmation, and "letting go." This despite the fact she's "FB official" with someone else already. One pin linked to a page about "letting him go" and getting over the pain of a breakup...is this the validation I was looking for all along? After 40 days NC, I don't want her back anymore, per se. I'll gladly take back what we had, but that's just not possible. I think all I want to know is that what we had meant something to her...was this it?

Still going NC. The only way out is through. I just don't want to care anymore, y'know? Gettin' there.

 

[Johnnythemac]

Been reading this thread for a while...
My situation like the majority here.
One minute im her "future husband" shes "so in love w me", im helping her with family things. Next she is provoking fights and im an *******?
3 weeks after she dumped me, a friend sent me a screencap of her new fb posting.. in a relationship with a new guy!! I knew something was up. She contacted me to apologize etc. I said simply. Dont contact me to ease her guilt.
I told her she was lying lowlife piece of garbage, that im not second to anyone and he can have her. Day 22 NC. **** HER.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Today is officially my 60 days!! Someone take me for a steak and beers lol. I don't want her anymore and I have a second date with a cool girl this week.

Good for you! I am at day 86 and counting!

 

[Firestar786]

Can I just say to you guys - NO CONTACT is a tool used to move on from your ex and forget her.

This is not a tool to bring her back to you in a more submissive or adoring state.

This is a tool to move your life forward from an evil woman who otherwise would ruin your life.
This is a tool to use the anger/hurt from a failed relationship to propel yourself into something new and better so you can find a better lady/plates in the future.

I personally implemented NO CONTACT because my ex-LTR was a lying, manipulating, two faced, selfish motherf0cking b1tch. There is no future with me and such a woman. This is enough to give me the motivation to never dial her number, SMS her, facebook stalk her or even think about where she is and who shes even being f0cked by.

There are thousands if not millions of better, more quality women out there for men such as ourselves than to accept being with some evil witch, and pining over the evil witch when it didnt work in our favour.

#nuffsaid

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Can I just say to you guys - NO CONTACT is a tool used to move on from your ex and forget her.

This is not a tool to bring her back to you in a more submissive or adoring state.

This is a tool to move your life forward from an evil woman who otherwise would ruin your life.
This is a tool to use the anger/hurt from a failed relationship to propel yourself into something new and better so you can find a better lady/plates in the future.

I personally implemented NO CONTACT because my ex-LTR was a lying, manipulating, two faced, selfish motherf0cking b1tch. There is no future with me and such a woman. This is enough to give me the motivation to never dial her number, SMS her, facebook stalk her or even think about where she is and who shes even being f0cked by.

There are thousands if not millions of better, more quality women out there for men such as ourselves than to accept being with some evil witch, and pining over the evil witch when it didnt work in our favour.

#nuffsaid

Preach brother!! Amen!
True NC is hard. I've mostly just half assed dabbled in it to spark some imaginary new interest from a fading rose. That's not going to work, at least long term. True NC is forever. I'm counting the days still but at some point I will stop. NC is game over. It was over anyway but at least this way you feel like half a man with a shred of dignity

 

[xstang77]

Good for you! I am at day 86 and counting!

Thanks man same to you, feels pretty liberating to be out of her spell and actually open to what a real woman is now.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Thanks man same to you, feels pretty liberating to be out of her spell and actually open to what a real woman is now.

I had a big moment yesterday when I discovered she put "in a relationship" on her FB, but instead of giving in to the temptation to contact her, even if only to get in her face, I deactivated ALL of my social media accounts. The only thing she can do is call or text me now, and I know she won't b/c she's afraid to get caught by her prison-record-having new boyfriend. So I went mother of all NC's. Even Ghostbusters can't draw me out at the moment.

 

[Grozer Compozer]

Update: Day 13 NC, 70 days since breakup

My post above was at 2 months NC, then I caved and contacted her. Since then it's been 13 days.

So I went NC for a solid two months, she contacted me a few times during that period. In the mean time, I started seeing other women. I even sat down and wrote a list of qualities I was looking for in a woman. Unfortunately, that list of qualities basically described my ex. I started to miss her and made contact 13 days ago. What a mistake! It has a domino effect. This is why we NC. As soon as I spoke with her again, I started thinking about her. Alot. Her pics popped up on a mutual friends FB feed and it drove me crazy with longing. Now I have a hard time forgetting about her since breaking NC.

At the same time, I met another amazing woman who is totally into me. Possibly the best secks of my life, we workout together, and she shows high interest. The painful irony of all this is that when I was with my ex I didn't want her, and wanted other women. Now I am with another woman who (at least on paper) is a perfect match, but I miss the ex. What the hell? I judge all other women against the positive qualities of my ex (adventurous, fun, dependable, affectionate, intelligent) and somehow forget the negative qualities (bossy, controlling, feminist). Maybe this is a common problem.

In the mean time, I got the Corey Wayne audiobook. His stuff is good. I wish I had discovered it earlier. Good luck fellow NCers! I fell into a rough spot at 70 days and would just like to suggest that seeing other women does not always help you get over an ex. In fact, sometimes it makes it worse as you compare the new girl with your oneitis.

 

[Floydispink01]

Can I just say to you guys - NO CONTACT is a tool used to move on from your ex and forget her.

This is not a tool to bring her back to you in a more submissive or adoring state.

This is a tool to move your life forward from an evil woman who otherwise would ruin your life.
This is a tool to use the anger/hurt from a failed relationship to propel yourself into something new and better so you can find a better lady/plates in the future.

I personally implemented NO CONTACT because my ex-LTR was a lying, manipulating, two faced, selfish motherf0cking b1tch. There is no future with me and such a woman. This is enough to give me the motivation to never dial her number, SMS her, facebook stalk her or even think about where she is and who shes even being f0cked by.

There are thousands if not millions of better, more quality women out there for men such as ourselves than to accept being with some evil witch, and pining over the evil witch when it didnt work in our favour.

#nuffsaid

Right on bro.

If your in the process of NC and expect a reaction from her then be honest with yourself. If you don't get a call, text or any kind of contact from her - will this upset you? If so, your doing NC for the wrong reason and your stopping yourself from moving on.

She's moved on.

I learnt the hard way with this.

Onwards and upwards fella's.

 

[Tony197]

NC DAY 2. I'm starting over.

So I ****ed up with a young girl that is seriously great. She was virgin. I'm 32, she is 22.

My situation is kinda weird. I got on this board almost 2 years ago to start NC after the worst breakup of my life. Still in NC with that one, and its perfect. Thing is I met that amazing young chick 8 months ago and did everything to push her to leave me (i even dumped her for 24h once..). All this time, i was super confused and dreaming of my ex while that new girl was there in my bed. So she was madly in love with me but was sad our entire relationship cause of course, i tried to change her. I realize now, the goal was to change her to be like my ex. This is so ****ed up. I am 100% sure now that I am finally over my ex. So this relationship was like a rebound relationship but one that I was actually in love with the girl.

3 weeks after the break up we were still in touch and honestly I went beta as **** for no reason and did some drunk texting. Anyways, 2 days ago I sent a small text saying I realize now that I just was just not ready for a relationship when I met her because i was still not over my ex and that we have to do our own stuff for now, and to contact me in the futur if she wants to see me again, but not as a friend. That's it, NC now. I feel seriously great since that text. I just wasnt over my damn ex. I am now. I think about that new girl her all the time now but not in a depressing way. Nothing like my last breakup.

I'm planning of doing NC for like 5 weeks and contact her if I still feel like it by then. But honestly I dont think she is gonna answer, I caused her too much pain since the start. I feel kinda good. Worse case, we wont get back together and I'm finally ready for a relationship. Meanwhile I have a date planned for next week.

Dont hesitate to tell me if my plan is stupid btw.

Note : I have to admit I do wonder about that HighScore Theory of @Desdinova since she was a virgin and even if she was sad a lot because of me, there was incredible high moments. So a huge emotional ride for her. Just found out she is on twitter and is posting interesting posts now like "Being a cold-ass b*** solves everything". I know i shouldnt look at it, but damn that would be interesting to follow for a while.

Don't contact her. It'll just set you back. If you still want to contact her after 5 weeks, then NC didn't work, and the only thing that'll fix it is more NC.

You can't play tennis by yourself. You knocked the ball over to her side. If she doesn't want to return it, f**k her. She's missing out, not you.

 

[Adz--]

Day 10

So, the pain and anger sides of things have gone down compared to before. I still do miss her at times and want her back, but I've realised that if she really wanted to have me back she would have made a serious effort to do so by anymeans and she has a lot of ways still to do that even though she's blocked and deleted off all my things.
Someone told me a while back, that if they're a genuine decent person, they will come back and apologise/ forgive you or to you for whatever, but whatever for now, I don't really want to hang on to that analogy and build false hope on a person who's toxic and mentally unstable.

Reflecting from all of this and her, it's shown me that she deffo has mental and psychological issues that need to be rectified if she wants to get anywhere in her life. I'm not the person to do that and will never be that. It's something that she has to realise her self and do for herself, otherwise she's going to self destruct or explode and I don't want to be around for that crap.
But I also don't want her to f*ck up herself knowing that I can help. But this is a bitter pill I have to swallow and let her do it to herself.

Am I mad and stupid for wanting to be back with a woman that I know is Absolutly bad for me (psychologicaly, mentally, physically, draining, negative and arrogant)?

Adz--


@SuccessIsDestiny Thanks man, I've been trying to sort those issues out and get then out of the way.

 

[Carpathian]

NC DAY 2. I'm starting over.
Dont hesitate to tell me if my plan is stupid btw.

@Allin Your plan is stupid. You are in the wrong mindset here dude. NEVER contact this woman again. Not after five weeks. Not after 5 years. NEVER. Not for any reason, not for birthdays, not for Christmas etc. Act as if she is dead to you and no longer exists. If there is any future in this then because she dumped you SHE must reach out to YOU and earn YOU back.

 

[Carpathian]

Day 10
Am I mad and stupid for wanting to be back with a woman that I know is Absolutly bad for me (psychologicaly, mentally, physically, draining, negative and arrogant)?
@SuccessIsDestiny Thanks man, I've been trying to sort those issues out and get then out of the way.

@Adz-- No, you are not mad. You are human and you loved this girl. It takes time, weeks and months for these feelings of longing to subside. I am still not completely over my ex who was similar to yours where we finished in March and were in a dysfunctional relationship for 18 months. I have a new girl where we have a great time and we fvkk like crazy and things are great but something intangible draws me to the ex still, the memories of our time together. She has started to reach out - after five months - but I am ignoring her.
Don't beat yourself up about it. Hold your head high, see yourself as a catch and she is missing out and keep moving forward.

 

[Adz--]

@Adz-- No, you are not mad. You are human and you loved this girl. It takes time, weeks and months for these feelings of longing to subside. I am still not completely over my ex who was similar to yours where we finished in March and were in a dysfunctional relationship for 18 months. I have a new girl where we have a great time and we fvkk like crazy and things are great but something intangible draws me to the ex still, the memories of our time together. She has started to reach out - after five months - but I am ignoring her.
Don't beat yourself up about it. Hold your head high, see yourself as a catch and she is missing out and keep moving forward.

See this is the thing, I can't get her out of my head. I know that I want to help her cos she's going for a major surgery in a few months, but I know if I do I'm shooting myself in the foot. I left alot of things out in what I wrote about her, but she is psycho. Yet also my weakness like I'm being drawn back to her.
I'm definitely trying to remain with my head held high, at the moment it's a challenge though.

This girl? It's not too hard to replace the Mouth of Sauron/Satan's Maw with something more pleasant, lucky for you.

LOL, yeah she's deffo Satan. At this moment though it seems like she can't be replaced.

Adz--

 

[BeTheChange]

Wants her ring back?? LOL. Sell that remnant and get a high class hooker with the proceeds!

 

[MrOctober]

I had an ex recently get back in my orbit but nothing ever manifested and she gave me the just friends speech again before we ever even got to meet up again.

I'm pissed. She's getting erased.

Should I remove her off social media? Or is that a weak move?

 

[Adz--]

I know the feeling. You have to understand that your values were not aligned. What you appreciated about her that makes her irreplaceable, she could care less about finding in you.

I know where you're coming from. Mine and my ex's values where aligned for a while but they changed, either due to her or me losing my frame.

 

[Adz--]

.


Honestly, I doubt you know for sure what her values were.

TBH that's probably true, she changed a lot through the time I was with her.

I'm resisting the urge to unblock her off things but leave her deleted.

Adz--

 

[resilient]

Day 1

Went into this weekend figuring I probably was going to have to end the 1-mo relationship because of already LTR compatibility issues. Also, to the fact that she said after hooking up last weekend that she's looking for something casual/rebound and not a serious relationship after becoming single for month after being with her ex for six years prior. I wanted to take things slow anyway, but she forced my hand on that one (read below).

In any case, she tells me that she asked her male roommate to drink/get drunk last night and then vaped for 1.5 hours after that with him. Red flag to me that she approached him to do that stuff. I understand people have tough days at work, yet they're playing with fire if they want to drink and smoke with an opposite sex late in the evening on the couch alone in their apartment. That just signals that she can't cope with emotions alone and will lean on a guy when vulnerable. From my experience, vulnerability in a woman leads to kissing/fooling around/sex due to low self-esteem/insecurity issues on her part.

The nail in the coffin came after hooking up with me the weekend prior, she admits that a few days ago she hooked up with some other dude. That action reiterated her frame that I was a casual FWB with other dude(s) in that rotation. Gross. I don't like sharing, so I told her right on that spot that I would stop seeing her. It sucks. I have no plates to balance this oneitis. I told her I wouldn't "ghost" her, but at the same time, I don't want her to mess with my emotions like throwing out bait for something like a vacation FWB hookup after we had "two weeks not talk/text". I think that would jack me up.... I can't do FWB with emotions dialed to a zero.

I'm anxious right now and struggling not to think about this chick even after I was starting to get attached while trying to maintain the DJ frame.

I'm going monk mode for a while, until I'm ready to socialize and be around mutual people with mutual interests again. Thanks to DJs here, @Poon King, @PairPlusRoyalFlush, @Desdinova for helping me keep my self-respect by ending it first.