The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[aim22]

Something I found browsing through comments in an article:

One word on closure – an experience earned the hard way.
A break-up is a painful event for the dumper just like for the dumpee, but in a very different way.
Many times, a dumpee genuinely accepts the break-up and really only wishes one last sincere, heartfelt communication from the dumper: an honest explanation of what happened, or a sincere personal validation of his/her value, to help him/her through the trauma; that’s a dumpee means by “closure”. The reason he/she will never get it is that the dumper seeks a totally different kind of “closure”: a rationalization and justification of his/her decision that will be as gracious flattering to him/her as possible – that will, simply put, make him/her FEEL BETTER. Which, in a way, is exactly the same as what the dumpee is seeking…
DON’T seek closure from a dumper. If the break-up is indeed final in the dumper’s mind, then even though you share a past, and even if you still speak together, you NO LONGER SHARE THE SAME LANGUAGE. It’s every man for himself now. If you make your feelings dependent on what the dumper says about the break-up, you will end up validating his/her ex-post justifications and giving closure to him/her, but will have an even harder time reaching closure yourself.

 

[beatjunkie]

so back on day 1 again.

was feeling a bit down in the office because of family issues (mom+dad fighting). she called, i answered, she picked up on my sadness. told her what happened. i met her in staircase, we talked...she said plz call me. i did an hour later. we scheduled lunch for today...she called back and canceled and scheduled for tomorrow.

what do I do? i kind of want her back, but i know that i shouldn't cave in. should i cancel tomorrow's lunch or go and keep it positive?

 

[Firestar786]

so back on day 1 again.

was feeling a bit down in the office because of family issues (mom+dad fighting). she called, i answered, she picked up on my sadness. told her what happened. i met her in staircase, we talked...she said plz call me. i did an hour later. we scheduled lunch for today...she called back and canceled and scheduled for tomorrow.

what do I do? i kind of want her back, but i know that i shouldn't cave in. should i cancel tomorrow's lunch or go and keep it positive?

She cancelled? What's the excuse lol

 

[beatjunkie]

She cancelled? What's the excuse lol

she actually had another lunch date with a female co-worker...i asked if she wanted to catch up over lunch. she said yes...but then called and said the co-worker is under stress and wants to talk to her about something. she proposed the rescheduling. i agreed.

 

[Lozboss]

she actually had another lunch date with a female co-worker...i asked if she wanted to catch up over lunch. she said yes...but then called and said the co-worker is under stress and wants to talk to her about something. she proposed the rescheduling. i agreed.

So her female co worker is more important to her.

Go No Contact with her and end it for good. Just move on (as hard as that is).

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Day 9
Okay I need help.
I keep wanting to login facebook and look at her and fap. There is NO REASON why I should do this, I keep trying to fight the urge but it keeps coming to me. i realized when I get her number, and I looked her up, I was getting really obsessed I could tell and was worshipping her internally and I do not know why even though I was playing it cool in the beginning. Obviously, when it progressed I started being nice to her, listening to her and letting her talk about her dude she was a side chick forever and kept talking about him. I am planning to just download my facebook data and delete permanently. How do I fix this issue I am having and stop fapping altogether and not want to think about her or look back? She was a side chick, she seems insecure, she is 33 years old and kept wanting to run back to that guy pretty much and was just using me because she could not get him really.

 

[Firestar786]

So her female co worker is more important to her.

Go No Contact with her and end it for good. Just move on (as hard as that is).

I agree.

This women held no high regard for you to begin with or it's starting to show now.

honestly you deserve better....

You can meet her but the way I see if going is she's just going to talk **** and brush you off anyway - the meet would be for her own validation rather than fixing the relationship.

I would go NC and if she wants you I'm sure she'll contact you to meet up etc.

If she doesn't contact you we'll you lost someone that didn't care anyway.

 

[Firestar786]

Day 9
Okay I need help.
I keep wanting to login facebook and look at her and fap. There is NO REASON why I should do this, I keep trying to fight the urge but it keeps coming to me. i realized when I get her number, and I looked her up, I was getting really obsessed I could tell and was worshipping her internally and I do not know why even though I was playing it cool in the beginning. Obviously, when it progressed I started being nice to her, listening to her and letting her talk about her dude she was a side chick forever and kept talking about him. I am planning to just download my facebook data and delete permanently. How do I fix this issue I am having and stop fapping altogether and not want to think about her or look back? She was a side chick, she seems insecure, she is 33 years old and kept wanting to run back to that guy pretty much and was just using me because she could not get him really.

Dude c'mon have more respect for yourself

Go google no fap as there's many many benefits.

Secondly delete your Facebook and move the fvck on.

If you act like a desperate loser she'll treat you like one

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

How do I stop thinking/desiring about her though?

 

[dustmuffin]

How do I stop thinking/desiring about her though?

It takes time. Stay busy, visit friends, work out, start a hobby. Anything to keep your mind off of her. You could even go out and try to score some strange.

 

[Firestar786]

How do I stop thinking/desiring about her though?

It's natural to feel that way and I'm going through the sameproblem lol

That feeling does honestly subside after a while

 

[sabata]

Day 8

It's been about a week, and I'm feeling pretty damn good. As I have already started my self-improvement journey long time ago, it has really helped me get over her. Now I just have to avoid getting obsessed over some of these plates I'm spinning. I have at least three dates coming up in the near future.

This is the stuff that I've been doing for MYSELF:

• NoFap for 28 days
• Practiced couples dancing for 15 hours last week
• Gym 3 times a week
• Made two year plan for myself
• Eat healthy... plenty of protein, vegetables, fruit
• Actively started paying attention to my posture, tempo and tone of speech, etc.

All this has given me a big confidence boost, and the next logical step would be to start practicing my game a bit more (cold approaches, confidence, night game, etc.)

 

[Lozboss]

It's been about a week, and I'm feeling pretty damn good. As I have already started my self-improvement journey long time ago, it has really helped me get over her. Now I just have to avoid getting obsessed over some of these plates I'm spinning. I have at least three dates coming up in the near future.

This is the stuff that I've been doing for MYSELF:

• NoFap for 28 days
• Practiced couples dancing for 15 hours last week
• Gym 3 times a week
• Made two year plan for myself
• Eat healthy... plenty of protein, vegetables, fruit
• Actively started paying attention to my posture, tempo and tone of speech, etc.

All this has given me a big confidence boost, and the next logical step would be to start practicing my game a bit more (cold approaches, confidence, night game, etc.)

Good man, Remember step by step.

Don't try to change everything at once or you will fail at everything. Focus on getting in shape and the diet first and let yourself heal mentally.

 

[Jrbak7]

Day 49

She texted me today. I have been doing really well, but that wrecked me again.

She sent me a pic of her dog, looking cute as ever. Miss that pup! And then she said she saw a pic of me and that it made her sad. She asked if we could speak on the phone at some point and hopes I'm doing good.

For those following my story, I think replying is a bad idea. I'm going to continue to ignore her. She's in a happy relationship now, with a bunch of photos of her and the new boo. This according to our shared friends. Great for her, if she's happy why is texting me. Sorry girl, I'm not biting. I have more self respect than that.

I thought about replying just asking her to leave me be and let me move on. But I decided that if I give her any reply then she will see it as an opening. So, ignore away.

I'm no longer hopeful for reconciliation. I'm now dedicated fully to me.

Hope everybody else is hanging in there. It gets easier! A lot easier. Especially if you figured out what you did wrong and now understand the true nature of the girl you dated. For me, I realize now that she is manipulative, insecure, and ultimately incapable of real love. No thanks!

 

[Lozboss]

She texted me today. I have been doing really well, but that wrecked me again.

She sent me a pic of her dog, looking cute as ever. Miss that pup! And then she said she saw a pic of me and that it made her sad. She asked if we could speak on the phone at some point and hopes I'm doing good.

For those following my story, I think replying is a bad idea. I'm going to continue to ignore her. She's in a happy relationship now, with a bunch of photos of her and the new boo. This according to our shared friends. Great for her, if she's happy why is texting me. Sorry girl, I'm not biting. I have more self respect than that.

I thought about replying just asking her to leave me be and let me move on. But I decided that if I give her any reply then she will see it as an opening. So, ignore away.

I'm no longer hopeful for reconciliation. I'm now dedicated fully to me.

Great strength bro. That must have been tough.

Proud of you brother- you can do far better.

 

[bfalcao]

Day 8!

Day 8, and yesterday I finally removed her from the last communication point, Skype.

She sent me an email saying that she was very angry with me because of that, and why couldn't we talk as before! lol ...

I ignored her, and then she said "well, by your absence on the answer, it's the last time you'll hear from me!".

Then she called me, and I didn't answer.

... just going perfect this "no contact" stuff

... I'll bet 8 more day before she freaks out again to contact me ...

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Day 12

Im just looking back at this girl she told me she would wait for me. Unlike other girl who dropped me after I was in an accident. This girl flipped the script on me and lied and said when she dumped me "i dont wanna say id show up when you blow up but..." i mean it infurates me that women think this way. What happend to caring about a guy and supporting him to get there. Why would she lie then change her mind? We were only together 3 months so basically she will only be with me when I have my career set and life? By then she will be old fish. I just cannot get married. Im just gonna be like my dad and have a gf when I am old.

 

[Reykhel]

How do I stop thinking/desiring about her though?

She's in the past. So you think and focus on the PRESENT with one healthy eye on the FUTURE...

Do you have goals? You need to write out a list of 8 - 10 goals. These could be health, fitness, personal development, social, financial, "hobbie" or "passion"...

Write out what your longterm objective is for each goal. Put a date on it. This is your eye on the future.

You know when they say an apple a day? Well contribute something to each goal EVERY FVCKING DAY. This is your apple a day. This is your focus on the present.

Get a new hobbie or passion. For example, learn a language. You'll need to concentrate on this goal and contribute to it daily. Immerse yourself in your goals. Where to start with a language? Google FSI languages and you have language audio course that are in the public domain.

If you have anger towards your ex.....Buddhist say when you have ill-will (anger) towards someone...it's like you're holding a hot coal in your hand ready to throw it at the other person...you hurt yourself. So any ill-will needs to go. How? You cultivate the opposite. Buddhist say when ill-will comes train your mind to focus on something that you love....or are passionate about. It takes practice.

Get busy with your list of goals. Look at it often. Having specific goals written down does two things: 1 gives you focus and urgency 2 makes you focus on the present and future ......it also should make you stop doing useless activities that do not contribute to your goals...

a simple question: is this contributing to my goals?

NLP yourself.....stupid thought enters your head....say loudly "IDEA BAD!! IDEA GONE" and get up and move and take action on your goals!!

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

I am being obsessed about wanting to fap even though I am trying to keep busy made a day without it I don't understand why.

 

[Spartan_19]

She's in the past. So you think and focus on the PRESENT with one healthy eye on the FUTURE...

Do you have goals? You need to write out a list of 8 - 10 goals. These could be health, fitness, personal development, social, financial, "hobbie" or "passion"...

Write out what your longterm objective is for each goal. Put a date on it. This is your eye on the future.

You know when they say an apple a day? Well contribute something to each goal EVERY FVCKING DAY. This is your apple a day. This is your focus on the present.

Get a new hobbie or passion. For example, learn a language. You'll need to concentrate on this goal and contribute to it daily. Immerse yourself in your goals. Where to start with a language? Google FSI languages and you have language audio course that are in the public domain.

If you have anger towards your ex.....Buddhist say when you have ill-will (anger) towards someone...it's like you're holding a hot coal in your hand ready to throw it at the other person...you hurt yourself. So any ill-will needs to go. How? You cultivate the opposite. Buddhist say when ill-will comes train your mind to focus on something that you love....or are passionate about. It takes practice.

Get busy with your list of goals. Look at it often. Having specific goals written down does two things: 1 gives you focus and urgency 2 makes you focus on the present and future ......it also should make you stop doing useless activities that do not contribute to your goals...

a simple question: is this contributing to my goals?

NLP yourself.....stupid thought enters your head....say loudly "IDEA BAD!! IDEA GONE" and get up and move and take action on your goals!!

This is some of the best **** I have read!