The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Spartan_19]

I'm starting day one of the challenge today boys! Im really happy I found this site and this thread. Im getting out of a toxic relationship with a borderline, so my main goal is to regain a sense of self and my mental health and well being. Due to the highs and lows I find women like this very addictive but also very draining. No contact is my saving grace at this point. Good luck to everybody! It's all about small victories. Win one day at a time and before you know it, she won't exist.

 

[Jrbak7]

Day 50

Shooting,

A watched pot never boils. Setting a goal makes it more present in your thoughts. Could it be that you're thinking about not thinking about it. If that makes any sense. What are the benefits of nofap? I thought about it, but I need to release.

Spartan,

Welcome aboard. A lot of good resources out here. If you find any good reads feel free to share! Stay positive. And always focus on gratitude, because if this is the worst that happens to you, you're still far better off than most everyone else in this world.

 

[Spartan_19]

Shooting,

A watched pot never boils. Setting a goal makes it more present in your thoughts. Could it be that you're thinking about not thinking about it. If that makes any sense. What are the benefits of nofap? I thought about it, but I need to release.

Spartan,

Welcome aboard. A lot of good resources out here. If you find any good reads feel free to share! Stay positive. And always focus on gratitude, because if this is the worst that happens to you, you're still far better off than most everyone else in this world.

So true man, always good to keep things in perspective. Im thinking about raising money for a charitable cause. Im also reading the Magic of Thinking Big. I really suggest it for everybody. This is straight money!

 

[Firestar786]

Day 8 and she keeps calling me

About 50 days left lol

 

[Spartan_19]

Day 8 and she keeps calling me

About 50 days left lol

lol always block man... makes life so much easier.

 

[sabata]

What are the benefits of nofap? I thought about it, but I need to release.

It's my 30th day of NoFap, and I gotta tell you, the benefits are real. I'm pretty skeptic guy, and some of the "science" behind it is definitely dubious and wouldn't hold a real peer review, but for me it has done wonders. Of course there are other factors at play too, for example actually getting over the relationship, starting regular exercise, eating healthy and sleeping enough which all will increase your mood, but I've done all this before and I've never felt this confident and social in my life. Simply put, I'm much happier person now.

I still think that there are some questionable agenda pushers within the NoFap community, but for me the effects of not watching porn and jerking off. That's why I would recommend everyone to try it at least for a while (~30 days or so).

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It's my 30th day of NoFap, and I gotta tell you, the benefits are real. I'm pretty skeptic guy, and some of the "science" behind it is definitely dubious and wouldn't hold a real peer review, but for me it has done wonders. Of course there are other factors at play too, for example actually getting over the relationship, starting regular exercise, eating healthy and sleeping enough which all will increase your mood, but I've done all this before and I've never felt this confident and social in my life. Simply put, I'm much happier person now.

I still think that there are some questionable agenda pushers within the NoFap community, but for me the effects of not watching porn and jerking off. That's why I would recommend everyone to try it at least for a while (~30 days or so).

A lot of no-fap is psychological. You are rewarding yourself pleasure by using your hand. But rewarding yourself for either being in a bad relationship or not getting enough sex.

It's a self perpetuating loop.

I was in a situation where my ex wasn't putting out like she should. I would fap and imagine other babes and sex acts not allowed at home. It would kill the urge, and the pain and agony of being denied in that way, but it KILLED my drive to obtain that outside the relation, and it made me carry that relationship a lot longer than I should've. Because as soon as I stopped fapping, I was able to easily realize that my woman was gatekeeping and keeping me from proper sex.

In another situation I was single, didn't have a babe. I would slip into a drought and occasionally fap, and that would become a cycle.

I noticed I was much more mentally stronger, and the drive and impetus to get a real female was much stronger without fapping.

It really bleeds into your motivation and rewards you for being impotent with females.

Fapping is stupid, have a babe do that for you.

 

[Jrbak7]

Day 52

Signing up for the 30 day nofap challenge. Consider me a buyer at this point. I've got plenty of plates spinning, too many in fact. About 5, one that I can get sex from when I want, another that explicitly stated she wants to after vacation, and the others developing.

I've always been a one woman man, but I'm trusting the system at this point. Going to get with as many as I can and see if one doesn't stick. The one coming back from vaca sounds like a freak, so I'm looking forward to that.

Fire star,
Does she know that you don't want her to contact you? Are you answering or returning calls? If you ask her to back off you might be able to make it through. For me, she's contacted me twice in this period and I didn't reply bc I knew she would let it go for a minute. If she were calling every day I would have to let her know to leave me be. Each time I see her number I cringe and inevitably backslide. I second guess my decision to move on. I get overwhelmed by emotion. Ultimately I regain rationality, but I know every day would make me crack. Just my $.02!

 

[DonDraper7]

Hi guys! This is my first post here, but i've been lurking haha. Im on day 9, and here is my story (i will try to keep it short but i want to get all the details right) :

So i met this girl in my 2nd year of college, she made the first move by adding me on facebook. We started texting and going out and before you know it we end up in a relationship. She had very high interest in me and even admited having a crush on me for a couple of months (we never knew each other, i just caught her eye one day lol), we were so nervous around each other plus she is a solid 9 so that made things way harder for me.

Anyway she told me she is usually the typical "ice queen" and when guys told her they were in love with her she would respond with "i like you too", but with me its different and then admitted she was in love with me, i made her feel like the happiest girl in the world (her words) and that she never fall this hard this fast for anyone.

Of course i was in love too, i was happy like never before in my life. As each day passed i was more in love, we were like two kids who were insanly in love, and i started to think this one is going to last loooong, could this be my soulmate? How foolish was i damn it...

Sex was amazing, seeing as she was far more experienced than me (she had 3 LTR relationships that lasted a year each), she was only the second girl i had sex with and i didn't want to know her number cause she told me she is sexually open, meaning she had more than a couple of ****s lol.

Anyway one day we went out and i was pissed as hell over some thing unrelated to her, so i was quite the whole time. It didn't end well and since that day she started distancing herself, so i asked her if anything is wrong and is she still mad over that night? She sad "Nah, all cool" so i droped it.

Things didn't get better and she told me she wants to be single for summer, but wants to be with me till summer begins (and i accepted hoping i could change her mind). The excuse was that we are young (both 21) and sence her 3rd year in high school she wasn't single for the summer, always in relationships, so she wanted to be single and go to sea with her girl friend and feel what its like to be single (she also didn't want to worry about where i am when she is off and didn't want to bother texting me). So when summer arrived we broke up. She even gave me LJBF speech and the "Its not you, its me" thing with add that we can have sex with no strings attached and added how i am different and special, and that the time we spent together was beatufull, so she wanted to remain in ok relations. I was broken, i could feel my heart spliting...it ****ing hurt me so much. I told her i couldn't be just friends with her.

So i went no contact. Couple of days later i see her at a music festival with her girl friend and some guys she was dancing with, i was pissed beyond belief, she saw me and kinda just starred, i went pass her without even saying a hi. After i got drunk i texted her "Saw you having fun, good for you" she responded that those guys were just friends. Anyway then she went on vacation with her girl friend and when she returned i got the urge to contact her asking if she wants to see me before 3rd college year starts. She said "sure" so i tried to set up a date and time. Then she told me she tought about it and she sees no real reason to hang out seeing as i don't want to be friends. I responded "Ok no problem, i won't force you to hang out with me if you don't want to" then she got mad and told me that i don't use that tone with here, and that she said she wanted to hang out cause she didn't wanna blow me off coldly. I just responded that she could just write no and that would be it.

After that i restarted No contact. Thing is guys, college starts here and i will see her every day for 2 more years. I still miss her, i still think about her, about how good the sex was, how special the time we had together was, and she threw it all in the water like it meant nothing to her...it feels like she don't even miss me. I keep thinking about her and some other dude doing it, and it pisses me off..i want to contact her but i won't do it, i have to hang in there...but i never experienced this kind of love and pain before

I realized my mistakes though, and im changing for the better (gym cause i wanna get cut, chasing other girls etc.) and i grew alot colder after this..i will never put any girl on a pedistal anymore i know all of these stuff but...she still hurts my soul...she still ****ing hurts....and sorry for the long post guys, hope someone reads it

 

[Jrbak7]

Donnie boy

Welcome don, you're in good hands!

Sucky story. It sounds like she wants to be free. You sound needy and insecure. That's all fine and well. If you're the monogamous type, then that's you, own it. Or destroy it. Point is, move on. You're so young. Let me be real honest with you, she isn't good at sex. It's not possible, women aren't good at sex until they finally can have good sex with many people. Maybe opinion. But, that opinion is that women in college are not good at sex bc they're scared of doing things they want. If you haven't been to a sex shop with this girl, the sex wasn't all that great. She's more worried about you enjoying what she's selling than just having fun herself. This is how women are programmed. Good sex is between two people that want the other to have fun and are willing to say, hey, do that again it felt incredible. Most people in college find something that works and are too afraid to even talk about new stuff.

You're probably not old enough to relate to this yet, but sex isn't a big deal. Hell yeah it's great and feels good. But I guarantee you that if you appreciate the person you're fooling around with, it's possible to have mind blowing sex, even if you do most of the heavy lifting.

The texts you sent her about seeing her out, they sound bitter. It's like you lost something that you owned, not loved. When you love something, you gotta let that **** go. It truly isn't important.

Here's what you do. Make a list of everything good in your life. Be grateful for those things. Read it every morning along with some mantra that you come up with. "Today I will be the best don I can be. These are my short term goals, and I will do everything I can to accomplish them." <brush teeth> stare in the mirror and do the Mathew mccounaghy thing from wolf of Wall Street. It will either work and amp you up or it will make you laugh at how dumb you look. Either one releases chemicals into the brain that help keep your frame positive. Focus on introspection these next couple weeks. When angry, don't think about what she did or getting even, think "why am I angry?" Then release it. "Self, these are not pure emotions, I forgive you for being angry. But be grateful for the lesson."

If you do all of that you will never put a woman on a pedestal until she also prioritizes you. When I was your age I took the angry route. "Fug her, I'm better, I can do better... I'll show her." It took me years to get over it. With this most recent one, I've looked inward and I can honestly say I still love her, but if we never see, speak, or exchange any communication again, I will live a happy life. That's where you want to be!

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Day 15
I changed my phone number and monday I am starting on Kris Gethin 12 week diet and I hope for the best results work hard and im gonna practice driving more to get a car soon and hopefully a job.

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Hey I just want to send her a letter and thats it to say what I want to say in a non anger way is that cool so I can move on from it?

This is last girl I am ever going to open up to so I just want to get
this off my chest. I am so glad to what you did because you were
my last hope in believing that "love" exist or being with someone
that "special" someone wasn't just a disney fairytale but it is.
Because at the end of the day, women only look for themselves at the
end of the day of what the man can do. I learned that this year after
being in the situation that I have been in. Which obviously you said
on the phone. Thank the lord you did because I can finally
just never get married and probably be like Bill Murray in the one movie.
And I changed my number by the way. I don't want you to contact me
because it would effect and hinder my progress and not be able
to fully be forward and what I am becoming on being
less emotionally attached and I need to fully not give a damn
which is my end goal and it feels great. Some day I will
have a girl going crazy over me calling me Mr. 4 Years and i
never would be her girlfriend haha
Why does someone with high status and power want to truly settle
down with entree when they can have the whole buffett coming at them?
I know you want to chase that guy down that is married the rest
of your life because of the thrill and rush you get and he does not
care and it drives you crazy that he doesn't and you want him so bad
but you just can't deny it because of the attraction up and down
like a roller coaster. I give the best oral ever I already know I am better
I am going to implment that and obviously
treat all women like equals or less and not try to worship them
or listen to their problems or be nice. I wish I didn't like you though
and put you somewhat on a pedistal in my head.
That was the mistake just because you were into similar interest and made dinner
doesn't make you any special really, you were a side chick for 4 years
with a dude and didn't care or respected yourself enough to get out of it
obviously you have some flaws you need to work on about yourself and you
need to feel better about yourself. I did give you that proposition if you
remembered lol that I would help you get where you need to be and give you
advice and help you if you gave me some loving but I guess you don't want that.
Problem is I want fun bad girls hahaha as you could tell obviously.
I was gonna write a rap to you on here but I decided that I did not
feel like it lol I am not mad at you or anything because I am understanding
everything fully now like I need to it was just tough to understand
and it was really stupid to open up I know but I just felt someway
but, yeah we can be stupid at times and realize that is retarded thing
to do. We live and learn what do you expect? I don't plan to ever see
you again or anything but if I do I am probably going to be busy
and moved on with my life to let you know and doing me at the end of the day.
Your right I wont ever be on your level because I am not going to not drive and work walmart my whole life and want to be with someone who i know doesnt care.
Thanks again and good luck in your single life.

 

[MrRebornMan]

Day 7

Things are going pretty well, except for the fact that I keep having dreams about her EVERY TIME I go to sleep. I've also been sick to my stomach and have been having some pretty bad nausea(heartbreak sucks). I've been on a date with someone else since we broke up so things are progressing nicely. Just as a short background, I never begged for her back prior to the no contact thing. If she contacts me, I'll setup a date. It's one of those things that I disagree yet agree with on here when it comes to contacting your ex after she contacts you. If you realized the reasons why she broke up with you then it doesn't hurt seeing if she wants you back(after all, she reached out, not you). The thing you have to realize though is that you have to make her an option if you decide to go back, not a priority. Always remember that she's the one that dumped you, so make her work for you :rockon:.

 

[DonDraper7]

Jrbak7 thank you Ye i agree with your points i was insecure, i tried to hold on but i crashed and burned like hell. Good thing out of all of this is that this situation with her changed me. I realised my mistakes, its like i truly see for the very first time haha.

My mindset became different, i vowed to myself i won't ever let a girl cause this much pain to me. I pursue other girls, i will spin plates. Hell i want to get laid more, i had only 2 girls at my age and im a good looking dude, its just something was holding me back. But now i started to change, i want more, and i will have more. I won't pedistal any girl from now on.

With all of that said, i still miss her, she is like my kryptonite and i can't help it. I had the most amazing time with her, im not mad, i don't hate her for leaving me, i just feel regret that i didn't realise those this sooner and acted that way, cause im sure if i did we would still be together. I kinda regret rejecting friendship with her, it could lead to the FB status...all i know its gonna be hard seeing her for 2 more years

 

[DonDraper7]

*those things sooner (**** my spelling )

Oh and Mauser96 i was reading your advice to other guys here and it's all spot on, you just know it all from experience. Care to give me some?

Sorry for the double message

 

[Reykhel]

Breaking dependencies

Question: How long will it take me to get over my EX?

Answer: The amount of time is in direct preportion to how much you became dependent on her....

Dependent on her company, dependent on her for sex, dependent on her text messages, dependent on her approval of you, dependent on her validation of you and your existence, dependent on the "feeling", dependent on having "someone there"....

...and then one day it fvcking stops. She takes it away and you feel a dull ache inside. A sickening feeling. Everything was right in the world and now everything feels so fvcking wrong....it's like your coming off of Heroin.......in fact it's exactly that. All those text messages that gave you a warm fuzzy feeling......all small doses of oxycotin......you are coming off a drug.....and she was your fvcking dealer....

Now can you see the importance...no, the necessity to go NO CONTACT? in other words....to go COLD TURKEY.....in other words...to BREAK YOUR DEPENDENCE

How do you break from being dependent I hear you ask? Easy...you cultivate the opposite...INDEPENDENCE (self-reliance)

You drop your dealer, go cold turkey and you work on building an independence. You work on building your own happiness....

YOU BUILD A HAPPY SINGLE LIFE

You work on building a happiness that comes from within. You realise that happiness is your responsibility and no other person on the planet is responsable for your needs or wants....ONLY YOU

YOU BUILD A HAPPY SINGLE LIFE so fvcking great that eventually you have to ask yourself the following question:

WHERE THE FVCK WOULD I FIT A WOMAN INTO MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?????

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Good point. Right now my life isnt very exciting because I am starting from scratch but looking to make changes to that. Getting a car, making more friends, get a job id want to do and join a few clubs and hitting the gym.

 

[Jrbak7]

Well. Hung out with her friend in mixed setting. She talked to me about it and told me she felt bad for me and how it ended. She hinted that she's reaching out bc she thinks I'm upset and feels guilty. I'm like, look, I'm over it. Let's just let it go. Tell her not to expect to hear from me again. And I'm sorry you felt like you were in the middle. I don't want this to strain my relationships with anyone else. And she said she is so happy to have me in the group and that I'm such a great person. She said I didn't do anything wrong and that I'm a good guy. And left it at that. It was nice to hear, I sort of felt like I was the problem. Now I see, and others have validated, that my only problem was staying too long. Being attracted to crazy. I'm over that. Life's getting better!

 

[DonDraper7]

Alright Don, you asked for my advice, here it is. You won't like some of it, but it is the truth as I know it : in bold

Wow..Mauser96 i would buy you a beer right now if we lived nearby. Just wow..i needed this, i needed someone to tell me the truth and stoping me from living in a lie where she is "special"..Ye i knew that many sexual partners/sexualy open at our age is a red flag, there were others such as phobia of commitment etc.

Yeah i made a **** load of mistakes here i know that, but i've learned from them. Never again shall i pedistal a woman or put my happines in her hands. I can't belive i fell for the "im different, i don't play games, im special" crap, like you all say here "Judge a woman by her actions, not her words". She took me for granted, and that will never ever happen with another woman. I stoped believing in "the one" after her.

I will admit i missed her, but after re-reading what you wrote i don't anymore (hell i even bookmarked this just in case, to read it if the storm comes). Sure she crosses my mind sometimes, but it passes, and i surely won't contact her again. Let her bang some douches, when she gets hurt i won't be there for her to fall on. Screw that, i'm worth more than to be a falling back stone and a friend.

Focus now is on me. Like i said i started to improve in every way, guess i needed something like this to break me and thus forming a brand new me. New me will not take **** from anyone. My goal is to spin plates, bang as many of them as i can and be happy enjoying my life. I WILL NOT STOP IMPROVING!

Mauser96 you're the man! This helped a lot truely, thank you.

 

[MrRebornMan]

Day 9, I hate her lol. I guess since I'm getting over her, the love that was blinding me is starting to fade. Now I see her for what she's really worth, and she's just a disrespectful woman with low self esteem. I personally know the guys that she currently has lined up and wish I could stop it, but sadly I just have to let it be. I truly hope she gets what's coming to her though.