The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[joshs1974@live.com]

Have you ever proposed a FWB to a woman that dumped you?

How did it go? What did and didn't work? Regrets?

CJ.

I'm no expert, but it seems like a bad idea for two reasons:

1. Making a proposal like that could make you look desperate to keep her in your life. She will think her pvssy is solid gold, and you can do no better.

2. You are too attached emotionally. Sex with her will just reignite any feelings you have for her, and negate any healing you may have done during that time.

Again, this is just my two cents, but i don't think I would go there.

 

[Cejay]

Thanks Josh.

I thought about it over night and came to the same conclusions.

I'm going to take that advice as well as some of my own (to you). If I see her any time, no matter what, everything in my life is fvck'ing awesome as far as she's concerned.

Day 10 of NC went well.

She collects her stuff tonight and I can't wait to get it out, I need the closure.

CJ.

 

[drake33]

Man, this **** gets crazier and crazier! There was an incidence between my mom and the ex at drop off the other day and it just snowballed. I have been completely no contact and can say that I am truly moving on. I feel better and am definitely on the mend. Have my days but, it's natural. The ex had her new bf with her, and my mother, not so politely told her not to bring him to her house again. Ex texted me complaining, blah blah! I said that you caused this whole scenario by being the way you have been. I'm over the being with her part, she's just become a ****ty person, to everyone. Her parents have noticed, grandmother who loves me has, she is just different. Well...the new bf decides to message my on fb, I tried to quickly put a bullet in it, it's none of your business...he goes in, we have a heated discussion and he says some comments about my child referring to him as dad, which is only because his son is around and calls him that and she just thinks that's his name...such hs bs here! Well the ex has threatened to sick the state after me for child support...because boyfriend doesn't work, has drug and domestic assault charges...she lives in housing, works a crappy job at a fast food joint, and is threatening to try to take her away. Meanwhile, I've maintained employment for 6 years at the same place, have been a personal trainer for 3, along with my other job, stable environment, etc. I spoke to my lawyer and he explained some options. I really just want what's best for my daughter..I told her mom to shut her boyfriend up and she simply says to me "grow up". Okay...she says expect a letter from the state, etc..the same woman who cried at our parenting meeting. Her parents both said she was clearly shaken by seeing me at a school function of our daughters. She's makin threats, and frankly I don't want it to go to court...because for someone who is happy and moved on...when no one is provoking you, you sure seem on the defensive. Question is, should I just go ahead, pay the retainer fee and proceed to seek sole custody? This was just the other day, maybe call her bluff and see if she follows through? $1,800 is a lot of money but my daughters safety is priceless. Help here guys! Guys that have just been dumped you have no idea how easy you have it!

 

[drake33]

Mauser? Could you please chime in?

 

[The North Dragon]

My ex split with me 3 months ago and when she dropped the news I was gone ans we never spoke since then until last week when it was her birthday and she tried to talk to me on a night and ended up arguing but I walked away from it all.

I messaged her the Sunday saying she can't do that on a night out and we ended up talking for ages and ended up back at her place having sex.

She told me she never understood how I walked away from the relationship so easily and why I never chased her and fought for her. These past months have been terrible for her and doesn't know how I got off so easily while she struggled.

She split from me because she lost her job which meant she lost her home and ended up sharing with another couple. On the night she lost her job I went out with some friends instead if being there for her she said.her reason for dumping was that I was neve there for when she needed me. I tried going round a few nights at that couples house to be there for her but it was extremely awkward. After that she decided she had enough.

Anyway fast forward to now we met up all last week and got on great and had sex all week and it was like we had neve split. She said she was still unsure what she wanted because she doesn't want to get hurt again. Then she drove up to her dads and her disapprove of us getting back as well as her friend who also said that she shouldn't get back with me as she will get hurt.

I told her that I tried to be there as best as I but we haven't spoke the past few days and I got annoyed and ended up texting that we needed to talk about stuff and we can't avoid it. She got annoyed too because 1) I never asked how her job interview went that and 2)because I brought this up again. She told me she's put her wall up because she's afriad it will happen again and thinks I will be lone gone before she lowers it.

I'm so confused and mix up with emotions right now one minute she's telling me she wants it to work and go back to the way it used to be but doesn't think it ever can be like that again.

I feel I need to open up more to her but if I do so then I'm playing all my cards on the table and if she knows how I'm feeling then she could walk away and win because she finally gets her closure that I never gave her before we split from last time.

I've been a few girls since the split but not relationship material. I was doing well during our break up but now that she came back and starting talking to me it's totally screwed my head and thinking. I told her that I saw us building a life together and I'm now just saying this either and I know I've messed up a few times with her.

Should I just try to play this slow and build her trust in me again? Please help me out

Anyone help a brother out with the above?

 

[Cejay]

Finished up Day 11 with NC.

I'm writing a bit more about the experience in hopes that my ideas may help someone else, some day.


She came and got her things, I made sure not to be home. When she was done she texted as such and I didn't even respond. Her retrieving her things felt very final, it's the "Yes she's sure and it IS happening" moment. I felt a little off for the rest of the evening.

I am grateful for this site and all the folks that posted on this thread. NC will help me heal but it also let me close it off with dignity and as a man.

I'm not delusional, I really don't see her contacting me to fire it up again. I think a FWB could be possible down the road, but I'm not going there. (Again due to good advice here.)

Some Post Breakup Analysis

Our (her) issue is one where she should have known herself better. (She's religious and I'm not). She decided 8 months in that she wants someone who is. There were other, looming issues coming as the honeymoon phase ended so I can recognize this is for the best and I will do better.

The reason I feel more loss than usual, is because I don't know many people here (just moved) so she was not just my GF, but my friend and this fvcked up my frame.

I re-enabled my online dating account, hid her (she hasn't activated yet and likely won't but who knows) and while I'm not feeling ready for a date per say, I've spent the last 2 nights chatting up women and that does help the ego.

By using meetup I have a full social calendar for the next several weeks so I between the two venues I will have new plates soon, but also male friends, which, should she break NC will give me solid frame.

CJ.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 22 (Bad)

I don't know what I miss anymore. Is it the feeling of being someone's interest, or the feeling of having someone to speak to and show the love that you hold in. Or is it nothing to do with her at all, and more with who she used to be. While I do acknowledge that the old her, is dead, never coming back, I still feel a large emptiness inside. Perhaps I'm just lonely? I don't have much motivation anymore, I'm shorter tempered with others, this experience has changed me as a person.

I've been putting myself out there a lot more, talking to more girls, even arranging a few dates for myself and some women I'm interested in. I remember I felt like this every minute of the first few days, so progress is noticeable. The weirdest thing is I'm not even sure why I'm still upset, she's gone, I know this. We were not as compatible as I thought, and she doesn't have a good future planned. So why is this such a big problem in day to day life for me. Does anyone else have any memories of a stage like this? Any success stories to give me a sliver of hope would be great...

However, if there is one thing I'm sure of. I will make it these 60 days, even if it kills me. Thanks for reading, appreciate all feedback..

 

[Spinach]

What you are living is something each of us has felt in various ways. It has been months since my"one" decided she was no longer interested in a future together. Truth be told each of us will have those quiet times when her memories haunt us. I think this is normal if what you shared had meaning. I guess the decision to be made is what to do as a man knowing full well her memory will always be part of what we are...and I suspect what we will become. I can offer you this...the frequency of the hollowness will diminish as your life evolves. I wish you the best in your journey.

 

[Dgwizdal]

To anyone looking for hope. Read my novel below. I wrote this about 3 years back and it always seems to help guys stuck in heartbreak and trying to stick to no contact. You WILL f*cking make it.

Decided to bounce around on the NC thread and thought this may be a good piece for you guys to read. I posted this about a year ago on the BB forum on my journey to become the man again after taking the red pill to help guys see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is still being circulated to this day. It is quite the read but i have been where you are at and worse. Use this as a catalyst for change and you will be stronger than ever.

Ok bro. Let me break this down for you. The reason she left you is because you have become a beta who stopped viewing himself as the prize and became predictable with no challenge. Relationship got stale and even though you say you were doing the small things which are cute, she wanted you to be the confident, challenging, unpredictable, smartass you once were. She is a decent looking broad so I would assume you are (or were) a pretty legit bro. The response to her text shows how off your inner game has become in the last 7.5 years and how much of a pus you have become. Please keep in mind that this is all said with bro love and the best intentions for you.

And believe me - she is getting her cheeks clapped by some other guy right now. You may not see it now - but this is an ok thing and as long as you take my advice and start being the bro you once were who doesn't give a chit about anything but becoming and being the man again, you will not only have her interested and attracted to you again, but you will be in a position to where you will not need her and be completely self content

I was in your position a year ago after getting dumped by a blonde bombshell more attractive than yours. Im 26 - and although I did not go completely beta as you did, I was still a wreck for 4-5 months. The mornings were the worst. The smartest thing you can do right now if she texts you say "I have been thinking and breaking up was the best thing for us - I've realized that I no longer feel the same as well. The relationship has gone stale and we need no contact for a long time so we can both move forward." This will be counterintuitive to your betaness right now but you will see my wisdom 4-5 months from now. Right now you need to eliminate all of her power over you in order to spark attraction down the line. Attraction becoming the bro you once were for YOURSELF, not her. Because at one point in time, you needed no girl and probably had a lot of them and didn't give a chit about anyone but yourself.

The sooner you start your journey the better.

Starting today, you read a few books on PUA. Don't feel like reading? check out julienfreetour on youtube. All free and better than David Deangelo and what not although they are good too. This guy is gold and will give you the tools you need Not to necessarily to get you laid or improve your game with girls (although intentionally and unintentionally it will), but to reestablish the spark in you and become the f***** man again. For yourself. To realize that you have the world by the balls and need no bich or anyone else but you to become a king of your own world The only person you have to live with for the rest of your life is yourself. You feel like a phaggot right now because you have put all of your self worth on her view of you. Right now her view of you undoubtedly is a pus. However, once you let her know that you don't want her anymore and feel the relationship fell off - you will immediately feel more in control, have more control, and can start your new life for YOU. Trust me the only reason you really feel like sh*t is because you went out like a winey lovesick beta and she doesn't find that attractive. Flip the script, and get your balls back.

From there - start talking to massive amounts of chicks, lift, and fake it til you make it. Tease, make fun, be ****y/funny, witty, a smartass, bust balls, start being the prize again, flirt, be a challenge, and don't give you ex the time of day...yet. If she contacts, be polite, extremely short because you are broken up and that's what exes do. Do not be her b**** doorstep. Work your ass off - 70 hrs a week if possible and party your balls off on the weekend. Do not worry about anyone else but improving your money, your aesthetics, and putting your c*** in as much new strange as possible. And if you get rejected (by time you do about 5 months of this, you wont) on to the next one because you are the prize. Treat girls like dogs and they'll beg for a treat. Treat them like queens and they'll make you your slave. Obviously do not be a ****head but be the funny playful jerk who needs no one and watch em flock.

You're ex will eventually be beating your door down. From there it is up to you - by time you get to where I am, you wont need the bich and with how much you have became the man again in 6 months to a year, you will be able to play her like a fiddle as well as every other you have been banging. (SRS)

Getting dumped was the best thing that ever happened to me even tho I was on the verge of depression shortly after like you are. Woke up one day and said f this. I been wrapped up in this relationship for too long and need to get back to bein who I was and being the man again. Since then, have become the CSO of my company at 26, 6 figure, just bought a 26' express cruiser for lake Michigan this summer, became buff and healthy, banged many chicks including her friends, constantly banging 2-3 different girls, went on vacations with chicks, f**** a broad on the front of a Royal Carribean cruise ship on the way back to port like f**** Titanic and my inner game has improved 10 fold and I honestly feel that I've never been more confident and can have the world by the balls. So many new friends and stronger relationships with the guys and all this was unattainable while focusing on some 5 year relationship on the verge of getting married. Best thing that ever happened to me. And now, my ex can't even touch me emotionally eventho I have her swallowing my Alpha Nut on the reg as well as her friends and any girl who will give me 5 seconds to melt her mind with banter and confidence.

Be the bro you once were for you and you will see your life improve everywhere. Work hard at everything, Put yourself first and all else will fall into place. People flock to that sh*t. Best advice my good friend/father figure/gazillionaire boss ever gave me. And I was down as low as you - Make it happen player. Best decision you will ever make.

Sorry for so long but want to get this point across to all the bros who have turned into p****** and let some chick get the best of them. Never again.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Original post is on page 171....

OP - for the love of Christ. Please reread my post instead of loathing on the past which you cannot change. If you take action to improve yourself immediately, the sooner you will be completely self content and have her and any other chick swinging by your balls when you want them to. Female emotions cannot be logically defined by man. Women are from Venus - Men are from Mars. Do not waste your time thinking about what could have been or what happened. Think about what can be and make that chit happen. Focus on improving yourself and doing it for you only. In wanting to check up on a completely random bro after slaying one of my exes friends on the low in the bathroom of a bar tonight (dead farking serious), it disappoints me that you are not taking the advice that took me 5 months to realize on my own. I wish I had someone showing me the light after my ex dumped me and I smoked 3 packs of cigs a day on 3 hours of sleep feeling like a phaggot thinking about what I did wrong and why this and Figuring out that sick to my stomach.

Your going to talk yourself into circles for months until you wake the fark up. My post is not a troll. Reread - not a troll. You will have whatever you want as long as you be the f*ckin man again and get out of this fictitious reality you have created for yourself because you went beta and let some chick define you. It does not seem like it now, but as soon as you force yourself to progress the sooner you Will be in control of yourself and everyone around you. Reread my post and take that sh*t to the bank. Do not give her the time of day after the I do not feel the same way either text mentioned earlier. Zero response, zero reply, zero emotional response (forever), until you are too much of a boss for petty b*tches - you will get what you want whatever that may be at the time.

Open your eyes and look towards the man you can become. Not the phaggot you turned Into and are right now because of some blonde with big t*ts who got you soft. You can and will own that chit again if you want. Just not yet...

Take my advice - and do not come back here for sympathy or answers until 6 months from now when you are the F*ckin man again and a fellow bro who is passing along advice to other miscers on how to get over a sloot and own life and any bich he wants again.

BRB - banged random sloot tonight in bathroom of Chicago bar. Care more about random Misc than any chick on the planet except my mom. Work in t minus 4 hours drunk as fark and trying to knock some sense into a younger bro in less pain than I was in. Date with chick on Lake Michigan dinner cruise tomorrow with guaranteed more *****. And serving my ex cream-of-sum-yung-gai after i make her pay for dinner at Benny Hana's Thursday. And I still got my money. Phaggots.

 

[Evolvedchode]

Day 13:
Saw her on the street, said hi, passed. Nothing much. Somehow I do flinch when I see her name on whatsapp (We are in some group work chats together) and when she pops up on facebook in that work group. I don't get that, it's like I'm moving on, but she still has an impact on me when I see anything about her online. If I'd see her walk around with another guy I would probably start overthinking it as well.
Time is definitely healing me when I don't see her, but when I see anything from her it seems like not much has changed. I hope that will get better.
Ps: I read "How to become an Alpha Male" by John Alexander and started on "The Blueprint" from Tyler Durden. Confronting and life changing, I started feeling the Alpha Vibe just walking around the city and people are telling me that I've clearly changed in a great way already. No women to show for it yet, but when that comes (not if) this will all be over, and I will NOT allow myself to be Beta in a relationship with a girl ever again.

 

[Cejay]

Wisconsin,

I feel a lot like you do, perhaps not quite as strongly at this point. Its so funny how in the beginning "its like how did they live without me?" when you look at all the attention you're getting.

My ex could not get enough of me, it was insane, for almost the entire time.

Do you have friends? (I do not, I moved across the continent) Anyways, I've started going to meetups with the intention of meeting both sexes and its helping. In my case, if I had some solid male friends to hang out with I'd probably forget about her more quickly aka I think I'm just lonely.

Female attention is good for the ego but women consume our resources, including happiness.

I suggest some serious time with friends maybe? Not couple friends. Guys. Do some manly ****.

What about meditation?

Also, when those feelings come, have you tried to just putting them out of your mind? Here's an example.

Driving home last night I started thinking about her, "what's she doing? was she out? is she with some other dude?" and I told myself "I don't care" every time that thought came into my head and then focused my thoughts on some cool, interesting things I want to do in the near future.

CJ.

I don't know what I miss anymore. Is it the feeling of being someone's interest, or the feeling of having someone to speak to and show the love that you hold in. Or is it nothing to do with her at all, and more with who she used to be. While I do acknowledge that the old her, is dead, never coming back, I still feel a large emptiness inside. Perhaps I'm just lonely? I don't have much motivation anymore, I'm shorter tempered with others, this experience has changed me as a person.

I've been putting myself out there a lot more, talking to more girls, even arranging a few dates for myself and some women I'm interested in. I remember I felt like this every minute of the first few days, so progress is noticeable. The weirdest thing is I'm not even sure why I'm still upset, she's gone, I know this. We were not as compatible as I thought, and she doesn't have a good future planned. So why is this such a big problem in day to day life for me. Does anyone else have any memories of a stage like this? Any success stories to give me a sliver of hope would be great...

However, if there is one thing I'm sure of. I will make it these 60 days, even if it kills me. Thanks for reading, appreciate all feedback..

 

[Cejay]

Day 12 done.

Being busy and social helped. I felt the temptation to flake after work but forced myself to a big happy hour meeting last night. 110 people. I met a TON of them.

Most people were older, save a few but all were single, most divorced. I met a couple cute chicks. A cougar hit on me. More interest on Match and a woman (asian) asked ME out to a coffee date. I think I'm going to go just for the distraction. More ego points.

It helps to be busy. It helps a lot to stay away from booze. I found my thoughts on the way home drifting to her and what she might be doing. I pushed them out. Fvck what (or who) she's doing. It does not matter.

I pushed her out of my mind, she does not deserve to be there. I started thinking about taking up Scuba Diving, some courses and trips I should take.

Thoughts of her are already becoming less frequent. NC is definitely key.

I have another group tonight. Its smaller but made up of younger people and I'm looking forward to it.

We can do this fellas.

CJ.

 

[Evolvedchode]

The two books you are talking about, are they really worth it ? I'm currently reading Rational Male (Rollo Tomassi). I guess that all those books are all the same. Am I wrong ?

The one from John A. was one I heard about on this forum. I liked it, definitely gave me some good theories about past "blunders" and some pointers on my Beta behaviours and all that. The Blueprint is more like a huge documentary, takes about 20 hours and discusses a lot of things about self improvement, but also some more game related stuff like becoming aware of the "RAS" in an area. Worth it? It's worth more than Online gaming for sure.
NC Challenge: My manager called, said my ex was there being unhappy about the situation at work. Was kinda forced to plan a meeting with my ex to work things out, because not showing my cooperation could get me in serious trouble and my is important to me. Gotta talk to my ex friday, don't want to but whatever. Any advice? It'll basically come down to "I can't work with you because you decided to take distance from me and treat me as a non existent person when possible". My work is generally about everyone being energetic and chatty, and I just don't wanna be like that 1 on 1 with her.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Wisconsin,

I feel a lot like you do, perhaps not quite as strongly at this point. Its so funny how in the beginning "its like how did they live without me?" when you look at all the attention you're getting.

My ex could not get enough of me, it was insane, for almost the entire time.

Do you have friends? (I do not, I moved across the continent) Anyways, I've started going to meetups with the intention of meeting both sexes and its helping. In my case, if I had some solid male friends to hang out with I'd probably forget about her more quickly aka I think I'm just lonely.

Female attention is good for the ego but women consume our resources, including happiness.

I suggest some serious time with friends maybe? Not couple friends. Guys. Do some manly ****.

What about meditation?

Also, when those feelings come, have you tried to just putting them out of your mind? Here's an example.

Driving home last night I started thinking about her, "what's she doing? was she out? is she with some other dude?" and I told myself "I don't care" every time that thought came into my head and then focused my thoughts on some cool, interesting things I want to do in the near future.

CJ.

Yeah I have friends but they tend to not want to go out and do things, I've become so much more outgoing since the breakup. I talk to whoever the hell I want about whatever the hell I want. The thing is I'm 17 so I can't just go to a bar and meet other people. I'm pretty sure I'm very over her as a person, I'm just more chasing something to put me back to my old ways, happy on my own.
I've been just playing Xbox (Can't do much with my broken hand), which can get pretty boring in all honesty. I think my negative feelings are just me being lonely. Which I hope to fix with more friends and more activities. Once my hand heals I plan to go to the gym a whole lot more too. I guess it's more of being depressed at this moment, due to the fact I can't do much.
- Jared

 

[Cejay]

Day 13

NC intact.

I was on my way out at night and am pretty sure I saw her driving home, she definitely would not have seen me. (We live near-ish to one-another.) That threw me off. Of course then I noticed every car like hers the rest of the way out, and wondered what she was doing that night. Ugh. I get what some of you are going though now with seeing your Exes.

I worked on forgetting about it/pushing her out of my mind. I almost went home but forced myself to go out and I had a great time meeting new people.
Got asked out asked me out with another showing a lot of interest. I gave one my info and she texted today. I'm not really interested in either of them but the distraction might be a good idea. We'll see.

I accepted a coffee date from Match. Might as well meet someone new. (She's from Match) Meeting her later.

These will be my first dates, I'll post if they helped anything or not.

The Ex popped onto my mind this afternoon so I turned to my list of bad things about her. Consider it an Anti-Pedestal list.
Its comprised of bad traits, bad times together, some of the things that she said (but actions didn't back up), etc. I recommend creating one of these lists. Its helping.

I have this feeling I'm going hear from her. I could be wrong but it's there. Its anxiety and its hope, even though I don't hope. I think the next thing is to work on getting rid of that.

Its been a great weekend. I miss her but my thoughts of her are not as frequent. Staying busy and interacting with a lot of new people is really helping.

CJ

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 25 (Progress)

First thing is, 25 days, woah. I wasn't expecting to make it ten, but after seeing she made no attempt to contact me I see this was definitely the correct choice. I'm pretty sure she had a new guy like three days after we stopped talking so I know she had moved on early, which shows me I really need to. While I still have those bad days, most of them are not too horrible anymore. She's always on my mind, but she's much less important to me. It's like "Remember that time you two did that thing, yeah that was cool." Then I'm onto something else. I don't spend hours thinking about her like I used to, hell I barely spend minutes doing so. The biggest thing I've learned though in all honesty, is that I am much stronger emotionally now than ever, just like all of you who are experiencing the same things. I feel that her chapter in my life truly is closed, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for me in the next few years.

TLDR; even though it seems like it's never going to get better. It will, I thought people just said that as comfort, but it really does get easier day by day. Stay strong and stay no contact!

-Jared

 

[Cejay]

Day 14 done.

Didn't think much more of the Ex after I posted yesterday.

Date last night was fun/good. Might push for another. Have a busy week ahead.

CJ.

 

[drake33]

These situations are never easy. Here are my thoughts, in bold


Man, I have been in your shoes. YOU have your shvt together, she does not. For your daughter's sake, seek custody. If you get it, the other's will quietly go away and clean themselves up....or they will go away as they sink deeper into the abyss. She has ONE way to hurt you and make you miserable right now - take that power from her.

Mauser, boy did I ever screw up yesterday! Wish I would have read this beforehand. She came for pick up, I wanted to make sure her boyfriend wasn't there and that she was respecting our wishes. She and I argued and because I was letting her have our daughter back early, I told her to leave and that she wasn't taking her. She called her grandmother, threatened to involve police, etc. I convince her to come back and we talk. For an hour or so. She breaks down. Says she's miserable, hates her life, she's unhappy but is happy with him. Then changes that, says she loves me. We start kissing, she says she wants to give it another chance, she gets a little frisky and handsy(you can connect those dots). She goes straight home, breaks it off with the other guy and asks me to talk to my gf. I hadn't said a word to my gf. The ex got quiet, I knew somethjbg was off. Her family texts and says she is there pretty distraught, and that they were hoping this would be a great new beginning for us. Well...this morning, as I was getting up, she says she loves this other guy blah blah blah. She said she would drop the child support blah blah blah. I mean, I know I ****ed up, but when she said that to me this morning, while it did sting a bit, it was like meh, her loss. She's clearly in a ****ty place in life and while I care, I really have to bury that. I got what I needed, I know she's truly miserable and clearly confused. It's a matter of time before this new relationship folds but I have to move on. My current gf is awesome with me, with my daughter, college educated, awesome job(can you say suga momma?) and I more so very supportive of me and this situation. I'm willing to let her go(the ex). However, I really don't want to go to court. Mauser, tell me how bad I screwed up! I know, I'm very disappointed in myself. No contact resumes and this time I mean it. I'm done l. What a ****! She basically wants "adult support". I have agreed to pay half of all our daughters expenses like I always have and always will. Never would neglect my responsibilities as a father and as a man. What do I do now? Jeez I just need to cut her off like she's nothing! She's lost her mind without me.

 

[ZTIME]

Mauser, boy did I ever screw up yesterday! Wish I would have read this beforehand. She came for pick up, I wanted to make sure her boyfriend wasn't there and that she was respecting our wishes. She and I argued and because I was letting her have our daughter back early, I told her to leave and that she wasn't taking her. She called her grandmother, threatened to involve police, etc. I convince her to come back and we talk. For an hour or so. She breaks down. Says she's miserable, hates her life, she's unhappy but is happy with him. Then changes that, says she loves me. We start kissing, she says she wants to give it another chance, she gets a little frisky and handsy(you can connect those dots). She goes straight home, breaks it off with the other guy and asks me to talk to my gf. I hadn't said a word to my gf. The ex got quiet, I knew somethjbg was off. Her family texts and says she is there pretty distraught, and that they were hoping this would be a great new beginning for us. Well...this morning, as I was getting up, she says she loves this other guy blah blah blah. She said she would drop the child support blah blah blah. I mean, I know I ****ed up, but when she said that to me this morning, while it did sting a bit, it was like meh, her loss. She's clearly in a ****ty place in life and while I care, I really have to bury that. I got what I needed, I know she's truly miserable and clearly confused. It's a matter of time before this new relationship folds but I have to move on. My current gf is awesome with me, with my daughter, college educated, awesome job(can you say suga momma?) and I more so very supportive of me and this situation. I'm willing to let her go(the ex). However, I really don't want to go to court. Mauser, tell me how bad I screwed up! I know, I'm very disappointed in myself. No contact resumes and this time I mean it. I'm done l. What a ****! She basically wants "adult support". I have agreed to pay half of all our daughters expenses like I always have and always will. Never would neglect my responsibilities as a father and as a man. What do I do now? Jeez I just need to cut her off like she's nothing! She's lost her mind without me.

Hey brother, been following your posts here for a little while. First off I'd like to commend you on your progress. You may not clearly see it now but as time passes you'll understand just how close to the light you truly are. Your task will always have it's own special hurdles to overcome as there is a child involved. Complete NC becomes an impossibility.

Let's pull some of your stuff apart so that you can better see what you've put into your message and maybe ask your self a few questions along the way.

You said you really screwed up, yet I see nothing that only one person did. Maybe you both screwed up and you only have part of the blame.

You said you wanted to make sure her boyfriend wasn't there. Do you think that deep down somewhere your still trying to hold onto your anger and keep control of the situation. If so, why? Wouldn't it make you look stronger if you just didn't care?

You argued because you let her have your daughter back early. Did you argue because you didn't get the response or gratitude you thought you deserved from her? Isn't this still a sign of some sort of emotional dependency?

You tell her to leave out of anger then beg her to come back after she threatens you. Wasn't any of this avoidable? Why train an ex to control you through threats? Do you think this will bode well when court time arrives?

You allow her to get a little handsy, make out and whatever else you do after the argument. Do you feel that this type of action gives you or her all of the control (think hard!)? Were you manipulated?

She says she's miserable and wants to break up. Did you start eating up all of the lies like candy? Did she gain control again and start to make you feel beta all over again? Maybe.

She's going back to the new BF. Isn't this awesome? Can't you finally start to regain control of your life? Or do you prefer to keep reliving the pain this girl puts you through?

Take care of your daughter. Pay half of the expenses as promised and enjoy your life. Only you can make this happen.

There are other things in your post you may want to reconsider: the bond you have with her family may need to grow apart. The not wanting to go to court may need to be reconsidered. Your drop off and pick up points for your daughter may need to be in a public place. You may want to carefully evaluate your current relationship with your new GF and slow things down. (jumping from one dependent relationship to another isn't always the best for healing yourself).

Just a few thoughts. As previously stated, a lot of us here have gone through what you're going through now.

Good Luck.