The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Evolvedchode]

I woke up this morning and something weird happened that I didn't even notice. She was not my first thought, in fact I hadn't even thought about her. I took two exams and finished up high school today (College in the fall). I decided to quick check facebook to see if anyone was around town doing nothing. And instantly I see a status with her and her friend, and I don't know why, but it killed my mood. Now I can't stop thinking about her. Any suggestions about how to deal with this? ((Still not even THINKING about making contact, just want the pain and feelings to subside)).

Thanks Everyone -Jared

Know your pain. Try deleting her from Facebook. If you don't want to, you can change your settings so you don't see any notifications from her and disable chat with her. Don't look at her page of course and just give it time. This feeling will pass as long as you keep your goal in mind: Detachment. It's just a girl, a year from now this will not even matter anymore, probably sooner. So, make sure that you don't get any notifications whatsoever because they cause an emotional response.

 

[Wisconsin144]

You should block her on FB but if not, at least "unfollow" her so her status updates dont show on your feed.

Waking up without thinking of her is a big step, congrats.

She's already been blocked since day one. But she has a lot of mutual friends
So it's hard, I basically unfollowed about fifteen people that hang out with her. And thank you for the help everyone! I feel my progress. 15/60 days done. Can't wait for my emotions for her to leave.

 

[zorg198]

Simple:

Send one of your friend to do that for you.

What's the problem?

 

[Wisconsin144]

I agree, have someone come over and help her, you shouldn't need to see her when you're still healing.

 

[joshs1974@live.com]

Day 21

Staying strong...which is aided by the fact that I have discovered that there is a "good" kind of stress. To those of you who think there is no such thing as good stress: spinning 4 plates at once= the good kind of stress.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 21

Staying strong...which is aided by the fact that I have discovered that there is a "good" kind of stress. To those of you who think there is no such thing as good stress: spinning 4 plates at once= the good kind of stress.

Day 17 here, spinning two right now . Definitely makes things interesting. Agree that it's good stress!

 

[alwaysbeclosing]

Hey guys just found this group through Rational Male. I wish I found this challenge earlier in my life. There is a lot of bull**** that happened in this last breakup that I could write a book about. I've ****ed up with reconnects on my behalf so I gotta own up to that **** and go 60 days no contact.

Day 1:

Commitment to studying 4 hours a day, 1 hour of theory, 1 hour of gaming chicks. starts today.

 

[Evolvedchode]

Day 9:
Had to work with her for 6 hours, didn't flinch. Fact that she ignored me probably makes it easier. Negative thoughts about her are completely gone, all that remains is the occasional "We had fun, Friends with Benefits would've been nice". Then again, distancing myself from her and improving my game should sort out the slight shortage of physical contact. Had some success with daygame (Never had balls to ask girls for their number) which helps me get my mind off her even more.
So far so good.

 

[Cejay]

So glad I found this thread. I need some advice.


My GF of ~7/8 months ended our relationship evening of May 26 after a few days of very little contact (she had a decent reason related to family). I was polite, not mad, and immediately went NC after the call.
The grounds for split are understandable and not related to cheating so no issues there. I know she felt pretty bad.

Friday May 29 I get an "Are you mad at me" text. I had been drinking, and was not drunk but stupidly traded a few texts and we had phone call. It was OK but awkward. At the end of the call she said she'd call in a few days (but hasn't). I figure I'll hear from her any day now.

I realized Saturday morning, that the Friday call was to make HER feel better, not me.

I have be NC ever since. She has not attempted contact. I'm working on moving on.

I'm staying away from booze. I'm filling my time with going to Meetups meeting new people, work, reading books, gym, courses, work travel, etc.

I made a list of all the issues in our relationship and all the bad times to get her off a pedestal. I'm not ready to start spinning plates or date right now.

I deleted FB months ago, so non issue. If I get tempted to log back in and see what she's doing, I will re-activate, delete her and then de-activate again.

I'm planning a lot of work travel and am leaving soon so I really want to get her stuff (bicycles and a few things) out of my house so I don't have to see them. Seeing her stuff reminds me of "us."

I'm tempted to start a FWB relationship, but I'm not sure that's smart for my mental health.
If she wanted to discuss getting back together I'd be open to it but I'm working on moving on so not thinking much about it (or trying not to). Some say spin plates but i have so much travel and am really just not interested in dating right now.


I don't have any friends who can drop the stuff off for me. I am new here and don't know that many people.


Should I break NC and call to set up to drop her stuff off (or allow her to get it, I don't care)?

Should I try harder to ignore it and wait for her to contact me?

What do you recommend? I really just want to move on and I want the stuff out of my sight.

CJ.

 

[Cejay]

Thanks Allin. I texted her and set it up, I wish she could come sooner but it'll be a few days. I did my best to keep it short and succeeded.

I see the point of keeping it short now. I got hit with wondering what she's doing the next few days. (Pointless) and I dealt with those feelings, and kept em to myself.

I can't wait to get her sh1t out. I get the point of NC in "recovery."

CJ.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 19 (Progress)

...

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 19 (Progress)

Been feeling like I'm making much more progress. When something reminds me of her I don't get hit as hard, I'm basically numb towards it now. Hard to believe how long it has actually been, but I've been able to re-establish some old friendships and even start a few new ones. I even have a couple plates spinning as we speak. While I do still feel that loneliness we all despise so much, I do see the positive effect of no contact. I've even had the strength to cut way back on smoking, down to one a day. My advice is to keep yourself going strong, talk to some beautiful girls, and live life in the moment. This is definitely the path to healing, while it is rough and tough. It's the best way to make your life better, and return it to normal.

-Jared

 

[The North Dragon]

My ex split with me 3 months ago and when she dropped the news I was gone ans we never spoke since then until last week when it was her birthday and she tried to talk to me on a night and ended up arguing but I walked away from it all.

I messaged her the Sunday saying she can't do that on a night out and we ended up talking for ages and ended up back at her place having sex.

She told me she never understood how I walked away from the relationship so easily and why I never chased her and fought for her. These past months have been terrible for her and doesn't know how I got off so easily while she struggled.

She split from me because she lost her job which meant she lost her home and ended up sharing with another couple. On the night she lost her job I went out with some friends instead if being there for her she said.her reason for dumping was that I was neve there for when she needed me. I tried going round a few nights at that couples house to be there for her but it was extremely awkward. After that she decided she had enough.

Anyway fast forward to now we met up all last week and got on great and had sex all week and it was like we had neve split. She said she was still unsure what she wanted because she doesn't want to get hurt again. Then she drove up to her dads and her disapprove of us getting back as well as her friend who also said that she shouldn't get back with me as she will get hurt.

I told her that I tried to be there as best as I but we haven't spoke the past few days and I got annoyed and ended up texting that we needed to talk about stuff and we can't avoid it. She got annoyed too because 1) I never asked how her job interview went that and 2)because I brought this up again. She told me she's put her wall up because she's afriad it will happen again and thinks I will be lone gone before she lowers it.

I'm so confused and mix up with emotions right now one minute she's telling me she wants it to work and go back to the way it used to be but doesn't think it ever can be like that again.

I feel I need to open up more to her but if I do so then I'm playing all my cards on the table and if she knows how I'm feeling then she could walk away and win because she finally gets her closure that I never gave her before we split from last time.

I've been a few girls since the split but not relationship material. I was doing well during our break up but now that she came back and starting talking to me it's totally screwed my head and thinking. I told her that I saw us building a life together and I'm now just saying this either and I know I've messed up a few times with her.

Should I just try to play this slow and build her trust in me again? Please help me out

 

[joshs1974@live.com]

Day 23.

I'm having a bit of a relapse today. I had a dream about her last night, and followed that up with catching a glimpse of her and her new man (we work in the same building). I really hope that isn't always going to be something that sets my healing back, because I always run the risk of seeing them or bumping into them. Anyone else had this issue after being in a relationship with someone they worked with? Any tips? I am in no way tempted to talk to her, I just don't want to continue to get set back.

 

[Cejay]

The North Dragon,

Removed my post, I read your post completely wrong...

CJ

 

[Cejay]

Josh,

I don't know your full deal yet, I'm new to the thread and dumpsville.

Is there anything you can do to reduce the chances of seeing her/them?

Change your hours or location and any other parts of your routine? (Like where you eat and take breaks?)

Otherwise I think you're just going to have to white knuckle it. You'll run into them from time to time. You'll have to push her out of your mind.

Try to accept that its over and you will be better off.

Maybe make a list of things you didn't like about her and bad times/issues. Thats helping me a bit.

Get some distractions while you're at it. Get busy. Real busy.

CJ.

 

[The North Dragon]

Ceejay,

But is she asking me to change? I mean in the beginning our relationship was brilliant for at least over a year it's when she wanted me to commit and get our house is where we fell short because I couldn't with all my college stuff going on.

Once that happened she began flat sharing with her friends until we could get somewhere or when the time was right but I feel I changed into someone that I hated, i began taking her for granted for the things she done for me, belittled her and put her down sometimes and I know I'm wrong for doing these things and that's what she says she can't forgive despot being treated worse by ex boyfriends who cheated on her etc

 

[joshs1974@live.com]

Josh,

I don't know your full deal yet, I'm new to the thread and dumpsville.

Is there anything you can do to reduce the chances of seeing her/them?

Change your hours or location and any other parts of your routine? (Like where you eat and take breaks?)

Otherwise I think you're just going to have to white knuckle it. You'll run into them from time to time. You'll have to push her out of your mind.

Try to accept that its over and you will be better off.

Maybe make a list of things you didn't like about her and bad times/issues. Thats helping me a bit.

Get some distractions while you're at it. Get busy. Real busy.

CJ.

Oh, I know it's over. I could never trust her again. As for avoiding them, I do the best I can as it is, but occasional run ins are inevitable. It shouldn't even bother me, and I shouldn't really be mad at him. After all, she's gorgeous and he's just doing what guys do. Doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy punching a hole in his hollow little chest.

Of course, all that would do is further boost her ego, and nobody likes a ***** with an ego. I guess grin and bear it is the answer....

 

[Cejay]

Josh,

I think this might be one of those times where you win by showing no reaction at all.

When she does it to that guy, you might even make a new friend.


My ex-wife cheat with a friend, I wrote it all off by saying good for you buddy, you can have 'er!

I should probably take my own advice on some of this as I recover from my breakup from 9 days ago...

CJ.

 

[Cejay]

Fwb?

Have you ever proposed a FWB to a woman that dumped you?

How did it go? What did and didn't work? Regrets?

CJ.